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1st Melt Down...



 
 
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STLCARDSFANS05
Posts: 916
7/31/12 8:40 A

blessed2beme....do not envy you. that mom isn't going away and neither are her opinions and intrusive behavior once y'all get mearried. might want to start job hunting a few states away.



BLESSED2BME4
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Posts: 3
6/21/12 8:57 A

Here is my melt down problem...this is my second marriage. This is his first, his mom wants it a certain way. We are coming to agreements after a few minor rounds. I am just thankful his family is happy however we moved our wedding up from July 2013 to November 3 2012. His mom doesnt want us living together until we are married however, its ok for him to spend every night here. ??? So confused. Here is where you all can help. I want my mom to give me her opinion when I ask. Instead she gives me a "Its your wedding honey" I have talked to her about this. She says its because my gma over stepped her bounds when her and my dad were getting married. My mom should know me enough to know if I know what I want I am gonna do it not ask her opinion. I just wish she would give more advice. Any ideas on how to get my mom to feel comfortable giving me her opinion. She is my best friend right next to the groom. I want her to feel a part of this too...Thanks!




1DERLUST
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Posts: 14
5/24/12 4:30 P

Thanks for all your thoughts...it's interesting what people infer and assume.

I still find this all for the birds but I am excited everyone is excited for me. We are keeping it small (my idea of small is just smaller then everyone elses') I should have mentioned that his family is from out of the country so there is logistics, he was finishing his masters (Yay! Finally done) and we are buying a house (we close next week) on top of the rest. But we are a month or so out and I just can't wait for it all to be done.

My dress is being made, the invitations are out, the shower is in 2 weeks. We have the locations and a minister and in the end it will be great.

Thanks again, it's nice to know I'm not the only one out there who hadn't been planning this crap since they were kids!




KYRSTINRO
Posts: 945
4/26/12 8:49 A

So, back in 2006 I got married ...the way my parents an my ex's (note the word: EX) parents want to. Complete with fluffy dress , church and reception. We have been an item since 2002 and everyone seemed to be bothered by the lack of wedding vows. So we did it. Fast forward to Dec 2009...he left me for a colleague of his. YAY...NOT. Another year gone and in Feb 2011 my divorce finalize (although we have been separated for a year already).

Meantime I put my body and heart back together and since Jan 2011 i've been dating this incredible guy who was/is/will be my best friend. Last year in Aug we got engaged and no one knew. :) This May we are getting married. Guess what? The way WE WANT! Just the civil union, no church, no reception...just a party with our best friends.

Told my parents to keep out of it b/c it's MY WEDDING! I love him and not the idea of a big fuss, thank you very much. Just want to have fun and enjoy our special day TOGETHER , not with too many relatives...

So I totally understand you. Unfortunately, you can only tell your mom that it's your wedding and you want it to be..like you and your fiance, not like her






REBECCAS23
SparkPoints: (10,924)
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Posts: 145
4/25/12 10:48 P

What a difficult thing. It's tough when they're your family and it's difficult to say no or assert your own wishes and desires. You can do it though. The ladies here are giving you good advice, and I believe that you will still enjoy the day that you get to marry your best friend, whether or not its a huge wedding, or a tiny affair.



SMASH637
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Posts: 384
4/25/12 10:12 P

I hear ya, 1DERLUST! I think the sucky parts of wedding planning are things that all brides go through, but no one seems to talk about. Don't get me wrong, I had a beautiful, super-fun wedding and have wonderful memories - and photos - from that day, but the planning phase nearly killed me. It ran the gamut from in-law drama (I don't think anyone ever avoids that) to finding out that my favorite venue charged $200 per plate to trying on my dress during my PMS week and panicking because it fit too tightly. AAARRGH! But, when all was said and done, what mattered was that we got to stand before our friends and family and commit to one another, so that's something you should definitely be looking forward to. Good luck and best wishes!

-Smash emoticon



SCTK519
Posts: 2,085
4/25/12 12:28 P

I'd give your fiance some tasks, not only because it's his wedding too, but because he's the one who really wants the wedding. The stress shouldn't all be on you. My fiance and I planned and did everything ourselves, much to other people's annoyance or chargin, but we got the wedding we wanted. A Lot of our guests commented it was one of the best weddings they had ever been to and I truly believe it's because it really reflected us. We made every decision for ourselves, not for anyone else. We thought of our guest in terms of food, drinks, that kind of thing, but in terms of guest list (size & content), location, ceremony, it was all us. If there was any decision like centerpieces for example where we could name weddings we've been to but couldn't remember what the centerpiece was, the importance moved to the bottom of the list if not removed all together.



KELLYDRESCHER
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Posts: 228
4/25/12 12:22 P

As I was reading this, I thought of one of my relatives. I'm not sure how she felt about her wedding day, but I know she and her now husband went ahead and got married at the courthouse when they picked up their marriage license! Then, a week later, they had the wedding at church. It's now the great secret that everyone knows... except her mother!

If you want to have a small service with the JP, go ahead! Have your attendants keep mum about it, and it will be the best inside joke there is. This way you'll have the wedding day you want in the end.

Just remember that there is a man to whom you mean the world. Talk to him about this. Maybe he's feeling overwhelmed by the process (and your mother's expectations) too, but his coping mechanism is to run away. I know he loves you very much, and I'm sure you can find something that will keep both of you grounded.



JESSALYN1186
Posts: 78
4/25/12 8:17 A

I know this post is old. But I am so glad there are other brides who didn't dream of this day and are trying to be more practical. Our families pressured us even though they meant well, and we caved. But we are cutting corners and I am still not overly into the planning part. But I hope now that your wedding is approaching, you are excited and can look back without thinking of all the beginning decision stress you went through.

We just set our date for 2013 and even though when I left the deposit there I was freaking out, now that it's settled, I feel a little better.

Good luck, you'll be a beautiful bride.



JR0124
Posts: 351
3/12/12 1:43 P

It is totally fine and normal to want a small wedding. If you don't want a huge pretty princess day you don't have to but you don't have to elope either. A lot of people do a smaller wedding with your own touches. I found a lot of inspiration on offbeat bride. It was quite a bit of do it yourself and smaller artistic things that you may be more into than tulle and lace.



CRACKERJACK2825
SparkPoints: (15,218)
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Posts: 262
3/8/12 7:51 A

You're not into the planning, and your fiance don't care. ELOPE! Let go of the "only daughter" stigma and do what YOU want. If you're not excited about it NOW, you won't be excited about the dress, the cake, the invitations, or anything else. I married my husband eleven years ago, at the court house, and there were 3 people there besides us and the judge that married us. At the end of the day, we were still married, and I didn't have to go through the hoopla of a big ceremony. We've talked about renewing our vows, but so far we've not done anything but talk.

In the end, it's YOUR marriage and YOUR wedding. Do what makes you and your future husband happy and tell everyone else to go play in the street.



HJEWELL29
Posts: 3
3/7/12 2:00 P

I understand. When I used to think about getting wed a quickie out in Vegas sounded just my style, but when I got engaged suddenly I wanted an event to share with my family and friends. I am my mothers only daughter so I know she is going to drive me crazy, but I am committed to keeping a clear head and not get overly stressed. I would talk to your mom and FI about your feelings. If you are overly stressed maybe you should split up duties and responsibilties. You deserve to be happy and be excited :)



CHRISEDER
Posts: 743
3/6/12 8:45 A

I share a lot of what you are going through.
I too NEVER dreamed about my wedding or really had any inclination to even bother with it. I have been with my FI for 5 years (lived together for 3) and was totally happy to keep on going the way we were-I honestly NEVER thought he would ask and I was happy with that. Well-he asked....I said yes and I said I wanted to elope and go off on some kind of adventure for a few weeks and come back as Mr and Mrs......turns out he WANTS a wedding...uuugh,
he has never asked me for anything before and always happily goes along with all the stuff I want to do weather he wants to or not so I agreed to do this for him.
this has now morphed into me and a girlfriend doing and organizing everything-he tags along and occasionally looks a few things up here and there but not much effort on his part at all. I agree- this process is stressful and totally overwhelming especially when outside influences pop up and start listing there demands.
I wish you luck as you go through this process,
A good resource that I found for information and general wedding help/chat is theknot.com
they have oodles of info and have helpe me a lot in the planning process as well as just general information that I had no idea about.

In the mean time sending you hugs and support.

just think-at the end of all of this-you are marrying the love of your life and thats all that matters.



1DERLUST
SparkPoints: (67)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 14
3/3/12 7:25 P

So far being the bride to be sucks...Let's start with I am not a fan of weddings, I don't enjoy going to them or being in them...I'm not a center of attention kind of girl and let's face it that's all a wedding is. The only reason I am having a wedding is because I am the only daughter and really just want to get it out of the way. My family is still of the ideal that if you are not wed you are just "playing house". I feel totally inadequate at this point because I am not excited and I haven't been planning and dreaming of my wedding since birth but evidently my mom has and I am just not living up to her expectations. To be fair I keep hearing how I can have any kind of wedding I want but then turns around and tells me "it's like all of our wedding" no, it's not, it's mine! You had one 45 years ago!
Add to this my oldest dearest friend just told me that she is getting divorced after 10 years...so what good does a wedding do? you spend a bunch of money have a party but no party, piece of paper or "spiritual entwining" is going to keep you together either you are going to be together or not.
I have a life time of not feeling like I was the daughter that my mom wished I was; she was the home coming queen, I was the artsy misfit kid. Also this whole thing highlights the fact that I have 1 friend that I am close to and want at my wedding and that makes me sad enough on a Saturday night when I have no one to hang out but this is like putting a neon sign on it. My fiance is not overly into the planning so I am overwhelmed a bit with no one to keep me balanced. 7/7/12 is coming and I just want to have a fun day!




 
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