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LMILTON67
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10/26/12 12:34 P

No insurance......hopefully that will change soon.



SOCAL_LEE
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10/25/12 6:09 P

P.S. Sleeping a lot is often a sign of depression. Has she been to see a doctor?



SOCAL_LEE
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10/25/12 6:02 P

Maybe you could try pointing out to her that moving out doesn't make her an adult; acting like a responsible member of the household makes her an adult. Are there specific things you want her to do around the house? She pays rent, which is good; does she contribute to the household by cleaning, cooking, doing yardwork?

On the other hand, all I understood from your original post is that you're frustrated that she sleeps in. Part of her being an adult is that you need to treat her like an adult. What if she weren't related to you? Would you still be upset that she sleeps and plays on the computer? Or would you be satisfied that your lodger pays rent on time and lets the dogs out occasionally? That is, you can help her feel like an adult by NOT treating her like a child who needs to be told, "get off the sofa, get some exercise, clean your room", etc.

In short, it sounds like the two of you would benefit by having a talk in which you redefine your relationship. Either she gets to be the kid who lets Mom take care of her, and you get to be the mom who nags and reminds her to do stuff, or she gets to be the adult who has to make decisions and take responsibility, and you get to be the mom who has to step back and let her do those things (and I get how hard that is, really!).



LMILTON67
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10/24/12 1:30 P

Oh she knows....we've talked about it several times. But now I feel guilty for feeling frustrated with her. She just found out last night that neither of her friends can move in with her so she will still be living with us for a while more. She was so upset, she was looking so forward to being out on her own and being independent. Now she feels like she will never be an "adult", which of course makes the mom in me feel horrible!.



LUANN_IN_PA
Posts: 15,545
10/23/12 5:23 P

"I just guess I'll have to bite my tongue and hold on to the frustration until she moves out."

Why?
Your house, your rules.

Talking to her is much better - for YOU and for her - than biting your tongue.
Besides, I doubt she's psychic, so unless you speak up, she won't know what you expect from her!



LMILTON67
SparkPoints: (4,862)
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10/23/12 4:37 P

Aaarrrggghhh!!!! Now that I've gotten that out of my skin, my real question for advice or whatever anyone can give me is what do I do about the frustrations my 23 year old daughter who lives with us causes?

She has been living with us for almost 4 years now, after pissing her father off so bad, he quit any kind of support for her and basically has had little contact with her since. I know she's an adult, I know she can make her own decisions, but when she does stupid things like go back to bed and sleep until 10, 11 or noon after taking the dogs out at 7, it really irritates the crap out of me.

To be fair, up until this past weekend she had two jobs, one of which was working graveyards. When she had to work both jobs in one day especially, I understood, but jeez louise! She's 23 and all she wants to do when she's home is sleep or dink around on her computer. And by dink around I mean stupid web sites like fmylife.com, dyac.com and other sites. I know she doesn't spend a lot of time trying to find a full time job. She does pay rent, and she is planning on trying to move out by December 1st with 2 of her friends. But this morning was the icing on the cake. She went to bed before I did last night, took the dogs out at 7 when I got up for work and went back to bed. And when I do get her to stay up at normal times, she sits there and sleeps on the couch. No one her age should be sleeping so much.

Grrrrr!!!!!!! I just guess I'll have to bite my tongue and hold on to the frustration until she moves out.



 
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