First of all, I checked out your blog and I think you are beautiful. As a mom (even though my little girl is only 4), I think if you're living with her she should have the final say on what you wear inside the house unless, of course, you're paying rent or something. As a woman, though, I think her comments sound very hurtful, and I think every person, male or female, should have a judgment free zone. Personally, I wore short shorts and skirts growing up (usually with separate or built in scooter shorts underneath) and I, therefore, would have no problem with my daughter wearing those when she gets older. She wears stuff like that now. There just shouldn't be any cheek or underwear showing If she's comfortable with it, regardless of her size, then I must be comfortable with it... I wore my fair share of that stuff myself! You might want to have a talk with your mom about the way she says things. Her comments sound hurtful and counterproductive.
My mom will make comments to me sometimes. She also told me that I look like I haven't lost any weight. Come on!
Fitness Minutes: (27,841)
1,629 8/24/12 2:50 P
I don't think anyone can outgrow being hurt by hurtful comments, especially when coming from loved ones. We just learn more in how to hold our tongues and be a bigger person than the one doing it. That doesn't mean one can't let that person know they did it, it just means to do it in a loving way. Keep the faith.
Fitness Minutes: (3,912)
32 8/24/12 2:33 P
I can relate. I live near my father and he saw me out walking a couple weeks ago. He said I probably wouldn't have to exercise so much if I just knew when to push myself away from the table!!! I'm almost 40 yrs old and you'd think I would be used to his stupidity but I walked away in "awe" AGAIN!
My mother has a habit of making stupid comments to me and I use to let them go. Finally, I had had it! I explained that while I was her daughter, I was also 50+ and quite capable of making my own decisions. I told her I loved her but it was past the time of letting go. We have been getting on well since then. Good luck!
I have always lived my life as though I only get one shot. No I am not trying to tell someone to stop living to please others if that is not their nature. You have to do what is right for your lifestyle. On a personal standpoint when I weighed almost 200 pounds I wore shorts and I even wore a bikini. I still wear shorts and a bikini. Once you love the skin you are in it doesn't matter what others say so strut your stuff like you mean it, enjoy this short journey known as life... a hundred years from now who will care...I say enjoy now. ( note I am assuming you are over 18 and not depending on your mother for financial support)
Enjoy now, note beautiful people come in all sizes celebrate difference.
Fitness Minutes: (27,841)
1,629 8/13/12 5:40 P
Sometimes it's a tough call between a caring bit of constructive criticism and a hurtful comment. I think parents have the toughest time of all with it too. We never like to hurt our children's feelings, but it happens all the time.
I do think you should talk with your mother since I am assuming she lives in the house with you and explain more to her about your feelings and plans to do all this privately. If she doesn't live with you, then just do it when she isn't there. Heck, run around naked if you want. Sometimes I do. LOL TMI but what the heck, a man's house is his castle right. ;-) I just make sure I don't answer the door that way. LOL
Fitness Minutes: (1,998)
466 8/10/12 9:35 A
You're doing awesome with your weight loss! Keep that in mind when someone says something negative.
As for your mom's attitude about clothing. Sometimes I think that I as a mom, also make my daughter feel a bit self conscious about what she is wearing (more in the fact that her favorite pair of shorts has a big hole in the rear and I don't feel comfortable that me and her step-dad can see her underthings). Mom's don't always have tact, I know, I'm guilty of it. I've had similar experiences with family members too. My response is, especially at home, I wear pretty much what I want. Although I do keep in mind that I may have to make a quick change if someone knocks on the door! You should be able to be comfortable at home and as long as you were covered and not showing anything personal, you should just wear what you want.
Sit down with your mom and tell her how it made you feel when she said that she didn't want to see your "waves". Let her know that it hurt you and remind her of the progress you have made so far.
Because it's feeling unusually summery today, I decided to wear a floaty dress that came up mid-thigh. I was going to wear shorts with it but I couldn't find it and thought "I'm going to be at home all day anyway, it isn't a big deal". Evidently, I was wrong because my mother (although I know she loves me) asked me whether I wanted to wear something longer. When I said there was no point because I would be at home all day anyway, she said how normally bigger people shouldn't wear shorter stuff because of the "waves" in their legs. First of all, I get where she's coming from because you do find people who don't know how to dress (both overweight and non-overweight). Secondly, it's not like I was going outside! I wasn't flaunting myself at people! Plus it was mid-thigh not top length! I just want to be able to wear what I want at home and not be judged or get comments because I'm paranoid about wearing some of these clothes outside. This really knocked my confidence and self-esteem even lower when my mum asked me why they had to watch the "waves" and "of course thin girls can wear clothes like that".
In the end I got really upset and put on a pair of jeans underneath and said to her "now you don't have to see my obscene waves, happy?!". Even though I'm trying to not be so sensitive it really hurt to hear comments like that from my mum though I get what she was trying to say. I'm trying to rein in the emotion because she'll completely stop talking to me for a while if I get too emotional.
I just want to try wearing what I want to wear in the future. I know I'm not where I want to be weight/looks wise but does that mean I can't wear any of it for fear that my waves will cause offence to others (in my own home)? This is making me really upset so any constructive thoughts will be helpful.
P.S. I weigh 81.8kg (180.3lbs) down from 100kg (220lbs) if it helps to visualise.
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.