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Are my kids going to live with me forever?



 
 
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1TRULYBLESSED
SparkPoints: (55,735)
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Posts: 3,604
6/28/11 6:08 P

My 19-y.o. (20 in September) flunked most of his classes his first year of college, and now is at home with no job and no prospects. However, he is at least TRYING to find a job ('tho, of course, I think he could try harder!), helps out around the house (regular chores and then extra ones to earn some $$), and just registered for summer classes at a local community college. Also, it's only fair to note that he has Asperger's and hearing loss in both ears; I know it's going to take him a little longer to become independent, as his maturity level and social skills are a few years behind.

So, I know what you're feeling, because I've been feeling the same thing -- is this boy going to live with me forever? We just enlisted the help of a state agency to get him interpersonal skills training and job placement assistance, so hopefully not!

Hang in there, Mom, and make those "kids" accountable for helping out around the house and looking for jobs! Good luck!



HAWKTHREE
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6/28/11 12:17 P

I've got a grandchild age 7 whose goal is to "have a baby at 15 just like my cousin Kimberly."

I'm trying to brainwash this out of her head, but she lives with the cousin and the new baby.



JOANIEBUG46
Posts: 4,212
6/28/11 11:41 A

My 23-yr-old daughter is back home but she's working full time and is starting grad school in August. For the most part it's delightful having her there, but my youngest (19) is home for the summer and feels her sister should be gone (lol). Even at this age they're competitive for attention and I can't figure where that's coming from -- they both have gotten plenty. Then son (21) will be home for a few weeks before going back to last year of college, so we'll have a full house for just a bit. I'm loving it, but I think when everyone gets back to school, it may not be such a bad thing :)



LINDYEATON
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Posts: 4
6/28/11 1:11 A

I am afraid mine are and I am about to scream. I am reading a book called "Setting Boundaries for your Adult Children by Allison L? and I will report back to you. It is a long story as to how our family got here and it will take a lot for us to get it back together. I am so tired tonight or I would write more. Suffice it to say, our family needs your prayers and I need them to keep my sanity right now. It could be a whole lot worse, I know but I am currently overwhelmed. Thanks for your time.



MKWMKW
Posts: 72
6/27/11 7:06 P

Yikes - been there, still doing that! My 26 year old son just split with his girlfriend and moved back home. He does his laundry and is rarely at home to eat, but his room is a disaster. Everytime I mention that it would be nice for him to pick up enough junk that I could see the carpet, he smiles and says he will. Hasn't done it yet.

My daughters are in their own places, but the oldest one has three children who are here so much that they each have their own rooms here and have to pack clothes when they go "home". I agree that it's not wise to enable grown children by letting them live in your house, but I would feel so bad if I didn't let my daughter leave the kids here as much as she does. My home is calmer and there is more stability here.



AVROIEN
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6/27/11 3:52 P

With this economy, unless you make it less worthwhile for them, they just might stay. I agree with the others, even if you may want them to stay they should be
1) paying rent. This teaches them some financial responsibility.
2) doing chores around the house. You should not have to be a mother, nursemaid, maid, etc to any of them (including the teenager)
3) actively saving for the future (an apartment, a house, etc)

Good Luck



LUANN_IN_PA
Posts: 16,009
6/27/11 8:15 A

"Are my kids going to live with me forever?"

If you enable them to do so, yes!



MARITIMER3
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Posts: 6,108
6/26/11 5:36 P

Oh you poor thing! I would give them a deadline... 3 or 6 months, whichever is reasonable in their situation (not the youngest of course)... to find a job, save up first and last months' rent and move. During that time, since they can't pay rent if they don't have jobs, they should be responsible for basically all their own care. They should prepare their breakfast and lunch, clean up after, and if you want start dinner for you. They should do their own laundry, including ironing, and keep their rooms to your standard. Common areas should be clean and tidy. If you need yard work done, or car maintenance, they should do it.

I always figured that one of my main responsibilities as a parent was to prepare my children to live independently... but I must admit I missed them when they moved out!

Gail emoticon



DIANNEMT
Posts: 7,033
6/26/11 3:17 P

Adults living with you should be paying rent. And there should be clear guidelines regarding chores. You should NOT be doing for them--they are adults. Layout a roommate agreement. Charge them rent--you can always bank it and give it to them as they move out so they will have security deposit, etc. You are NOT doing them any favors by letting them just laze around. And--make it "hard" enough, they may move out! (Likely will want to come back cause living with you will be easier but....)



4EVERALWAYS
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Posts: 22
6/26/11 12:29 P

Not if you move out like I did. lol



MMETZGER5
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6/26/11 12:08 P

I laughed when I saw this topic! I have two step sons that live with my husband and I. The oldest is 21 and the other is 18. Neither one seems to have any ambition or goals. They seem quite content to live at home.



ROCKSPARK2012
Posts: 14
6/26/11 9:50 A

I still have a teen at home, but the other two are in their 20s with no significant relationships or jobs on the horizon......uhm....just wondering if anyone else finds themselves in a similar position in life. Getting fit and taking care of one's self is one thing. Full-time provider for a household of adults is quite another. LOL



 
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