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Beating an Eating Disorder One Day @ a time :)



 
 
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PATTYCAKE17
Posts: 1,913
4/30/12 12:49 P

When we get hung up on the numbers, we just get hung up, period! emoticon



BEATINGED
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4/30/12 11:45 A

Struggling with extremes.... theres days im so far under calories that its dangerous (according to my doctor and Eating Disorder therapist) and other days like yesterday that i was over on calories like about 200 over on calories for the day. Being over by 2 calories or 200 calories is soooo triggering to me that it just starts the crazy downward spiral into my eating disorder... today i cant even bring myself to come close to a bite of food it makes me physically sick just to think about it.... grrrr why do i do this ... i know darn well restricting patterns make me gain wt... then the number on the scale triggers me and then i restrict more... its this crazy mind game that eating disorders play i cant seem to beat it.So just for today im going to try to get some good nutrition this afternoon because i know how important it is and i dont want to end up sick again. Going back to setting small daily goals to get myself back on track...today is all that really matters because i have no control over what happens tomarrow at this point.



JIBBIE49
Posts: 54,341
4/25/12 6:10 P

hugs.



BEATINGED
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4/25/12 12:12 P

Getting back on track now.... alot of time has past since i was last here.. i just couldnt focus on me during this time since my sons accident... he has been dx with post concussive syndrom and traumatic brain injury... it is a challenge everyday just to face the day ahead of me. I have decided threw counseling that i need to still focus on me as much as i can inbetween caring for my family. I have come close to totally giving up and going down the path to self injurious behavior and letting my Eating Disorder distroy my life but im fighting back im gonna make it... i have to!
I havnt stepped on th scale during this time because i knew it would just add to my anxiety s avoidence has been my way of coping... i will be doing it soon and will update.



-ICETEA-
Posts: 15
2/12/12 3:48 P

Hi all,
I'm new here, hope somebody would just read my lines and (hopefully) would have some ideas or words of comfort for me. I just wanted to let my feelings go here. I said I'm new here but the truth is I keep registering and unregistering here because of my all or nothing way of thinking or disappointment with myself, my inability to stay health, to embrace healthy eating and healthy eating habits. I now truly understand that I have an eating disorder, something like bulimia (but there's no vomiting) or maybe it's rather compulsive overeating. I don't know.
Today I got up and thought I'd finally reset my goals and would try to count calories, to stay within my calorie range, I'm downloading some great workout DVDs to workout to on working days and I'm really looking towards it. But the fact is that I screwed it all, I got angry with my 2-year old daughter, then I binged, and now I am drunk and miserable. I am 30 years old, gonna be 30 and a half in the end of April and I think I've been living with this eating disorder for 15 years or more now. I'm so tired and sick of trying to maintain healthy living habits, counting calories and everything. Because I did count them twice, the first time was last Feb I think, I did great, worked out at home, counted calories, enjoyed all my favourite foods though (moderately), lost weight, looked fantastic, and then I had to go through tons of stressful experiences (one of them was criminal proceedings with me as an aggrieved party, as I had suffered from an attempt to rape but fortunately the crime was not committed because I offered some money - nevertheless it was very emotional and painful and as you know these legal procedures last very long, it is not over yet, another court hearing is going to take place in a fortnight... another issue was my parents' problems, also related to courts, their opinion is different from mine in that respect, cause they try to deal with the dispute between them and their neighbours themselves, I recommend reconciliation or at least employ a counsel to save nerves at least, they started accusing me for not realising the whole situation, for not being supportive... and this kind of relationship just goes on and on since my teenage years.) I also had marriage problems, my spouse had been unfaithful to me when our kid was born, we had a huge crisis in our relationship, I even did cheat upon him with my ex because of despair, we actually were considering divorce. Besides, he has some issues with alcohol, tried to cure himself with medical drugs but then dropped that because of side-effects, I tried to persuade him to try AA or psychotherapy (Minessota or Twelve Steps Program), he doesn't want to go there saying that he's not THAT sick.
The second time I re-started my journey to new me was last November, after my 30th birhday, when I hired a personal trainer and ordered a personal workout program with a nutrition plan for the term of 3 months. There was no need to weigh food and count calories, everything was done for me. I was doing great, working out, using protein shakes, weighttraining, and I liked me as I was. But then again, I screwed everything :( I even remember episodes of bingeing while watching the Biggest Loser. Ironic. And very very sad...
So it's really really hard for me to stay on track, I've just thought I'd turn here for support or maybe some piece of advice from people with similar experiences. I am tired from focusing on food all the time. I keep resetting my goals. I just thought now I'll be using just quick track instead of Nutrition and Fitness Trackers. And I'll also create my SparkPage to tell more about myself. Now I have finally decided to ask for some psychological help in my country, I've found some contacts of free consultations via email, because we have to be very tight on money now unfortunately. Hope they would just direct me whom to contact further.
Thanks for reading all this. I hope my English is understandable enough, cause I live in a non-English speaking country, I mean it is not one of our official languages.

Aiste



SANDRALUVSLON
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2/10/12 9:47 A

That's great. You're doing things for you. I'm happy for you. Keep strong you can do it.
Sandy



PEPPERROSE1
Posts: 82
2/8/12 10:57 A

Wow...you are so strong...keep it up



BEATINGED
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2/8/12 10:32 A

Feeling a bit stressed out... ive decided i need to still go to my bpd support group today even though things are still a bit crazy at home... i need to still take that time to get me to a healthy stable point so i can feel like i can deal with everything else. I had put my homework off for the class until last night and my thinking was so off it was a real struggle to do any of it.... its about the differences and definitions of trust and forgiveness and how ive applied both to my life and what things or people do i struggle to forgive in my life... ughhhhh its so triggering to think about those events....

did good this morning i followed threw on my meal plan and ate a packet of oatmeal and a few blueberries yeahhhh i did it!



SANDRALUVSLON
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2/8/12 10:04 A

I'm glad he's doing well. It's hard when something happens to our children. It sounds like he'll be fine. Young people recover alot quicker then we do. Let us know when he comes home and how he's adjusting. He'll probably need to take it easy for awhile.
For you try to drink pure fruit juice and milk so you'll get some nutrients. You need to be strong for him when he comes home.
Thinking of you.
Sandy



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2/7/12 4:25 P

Thanks for the support Sandy Hes doing a bit better has concusion and strained neck and lower back some bruising from the seat belt but hes going to recover fine im praying... currently the problems are more with the concusion with dizziness and blacking out they have done two CT scans which so hes ok and it will just take time to get back to normal so im hopeful.



SANDRALUVSLON
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2/7/12 10:01 A

I'm sorry to hear about your son. Take care of yourself so you can take care of him. Thank goodness you made it to your meeting. Keep us posted.
Sandy



BEATINGED
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2/6/12 11:34 P

Ive been gone a few days from SP had some family problems... my 18 yr old son was in a car accident so between a couple trips to the hospital i just havnt had alot of time to log on the computer. My food intake went out the window with all the added stress of everything at home too. I did make it to my Eating Disorder therapist appt today at noon so that was a good thing i was really feeling all the stress and not coping to good



SANDRALUVSLON
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2/2/12 10:00 A

I wasn't feeling very well Tuesday and I hardly ate. I may have made it to 1200 but that's because I drank apple juice and smoothies. I'm really glad you're socializing and realizing you aren't being treated the way you should be. Remember control isn't love. Sometimes we make that mistake especially if we're suffering from low self esteem. Never give up.
Sandyyy



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2/2/12 8:43 A

Im starting to feel alittle better now still got the head congestion but things are improving and no fever so thats good.
I did end up going to by BPD support group class yesterday im so happy i did... alot of good instruction on positive affirmations and how to deal with situations. Everyone in the group is so nice its such a relief to get out of the house and be soical for once :)
I didnt do so good on food yeserday but i dont think anyone does when they sick.... i finally caved in and had a sprite so that got me to my calories range but dont think thats a good thing since it was just sugar calories grrrrrr



BEATINGED
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1/31/12 10:30 P

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH im so sick tonight.... head pounding, fever, sore throat,achie all over, sneezing..... geesh i sound like a nyquil commerical ickkkk. I did take some advil to try to help but fever just down alittle my eyes still burning.

As for my day well i was crazy busy with running kids, babysitting grandson, going to parent teacher conference for my daughter, had to deal with my sons trust attorney today..... but i still managed to get in 30 minutes of cardio even though i felt like crap i knew i still needed to do it. Ohhhhhh how i wanted a SPRITE ughhhh i hate pop cravings ... i gave up pop months ago but when im sick i crave it. Im drinking icewater instead trying to get lots of fluids in. Actually i even bought a sprtie today but then felt so guilty that i never even opened it and ended up giving it to my daughter. I only made it to appx 1000 calories today just not going to get the 1200 in today i feel so bad.
Tomarrow if im better is wednesday so i have my class/ support group i go to ....it really helps with coping skills and fighting off negative thoughts and emotions. My husband HATES me going to it so today hes being a jerk says i dont know why you even go to that stuff its destroying our marriage.... LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL ahhhhh well he did great job of destroying our marriage years ago and ya he should feel worried by this class / support group because im getting stronger emotionally and know now that i dont deserve the emotional and verbal abuse. He just dont like it when hes not in control of me.... hes losing control and he dont like it. He can be a jerk all he wants cause most important thing is for me to get healthy :)



SANDRALUVSLON
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1/31/12 8:55 P

It is your body so even if they do recommend anti depressants you can say know. But you are right it doesn't hurt to talk to someone about what may have triggered the depression/ed etc. You need to take care of you and do what is best for you. Good luck and glad you are starting to take care of yourself.
Sandy



BEATINGED
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1/30/12 9:24 P

Today was ED Therapy day...... Ooooooo i knew i was going to be in trouble .... the ultimate sin stepped on scale somewhere other than her office.... ohh well i took the lecture! I totally get it why she wants me to stop obessiving over the scale.... if i gain i freek.... if i see im losin then im soooo tempted to do eating disorder behaviors.... if im in her office its a controled enviroment and we talk it threw... so ya i wont keep doing it but just slipped up.

She says shes very happy im still going to go to this appointment on Friday with the psyc doc... ive been fighting it for so long because i just dont see my other problems effecting my eating disorder that much (PTSD,BPD, and childhood sexual abuse).....but it dont hurt to talk to the doc i guess. I think... well i know... my biggest fear is hes going to recommend some sort of anti depressant meds or something.... thats their job i know the drill. Problem is ive heard so many of those cause wt gain.... ahhhh duh people wt gain can be very triggering for someone thats battled an eating disorder for 30 yrs! Ughhhhh so im not going to agree to that!
Thanks everyone for all the support :)))))))))



SANDRALUVSLON
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1/29/12 5:59 A

That's terrific beatinged. I'm so happy for you. Don't worry about what you husband says you did well at mcdonalds. You should have told him it wasn't very healthy anyway and tasted like cardboard:) Mcdonalds burgers aren't one of my favourites. I think you're doing great especially when it sounds like you're not getting any support at home. When you're down post on here I look to see if you've been on whenever I sign on. A day at a time remember that.
Sandy



BEATINGED
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1/28/12 11:33 P

Just wanted to share a bit of exciting news.... im sooooo Happy! Since January3rd ive really tried to focus on what goals my eating disorder therapist set for me... im not meeting them 100% but

i have gone from 600-800 calories per day to around 1000 to 1200 which is right on target for that goal.... i dont meet it everyday but im at about 75% of the time....

I have my 8-9 glasses water per day

I do cardio 3 times week

I eat breakfast about 5 days a week

WELLLLLL i just cheated i stepped on the scale which in my therapists book is a NO NO but i found out i lost 8.5lbs in month of January!!!!!! SOOOO EXCITED!



BEATINGED
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1/28/12 9:27 P

So far having a stable weekend... stress at home has been lower than usual yeahhh finally! Even though i know it wont last long its still nice to get a couple moments peace from it all.

Ive been doing horrible with my cardio work out. I was so motivated and then the depression set in pretty heavy for about a week and half and i just lost it. But now im thinking im ok enough to get back on track its so hard to know ive slipped up.

Ended up having to take one of the kids out to eat tonight for dinner. Eating out is something i really hate... the husband always complains about how little i eat. Well i do my best so i dont get sick.... if anyone dont like it then thats to bad im not going to eat a full meal and get sick for 10 hrs or more! This time it was McDonalds ickkkkk of all places grrrrr..... i had a hamburger... no cheese plain ... ate half of that..... had 8 french fries..... and 1/4th of a small kids size sprite. The husband was starting in on me saying "is that all you are going to eat?????" I was full and there was no way i was going to get sick eating more! So i just said over and over .... i am full!

Hope everyone else is having a good weekend!



SANDRALUVSLON
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1/26/12 3:11 P

You are on the right track. Baby steps. Focusing on the positive and not the negative is definately a great accomplishment. A day at a time and you will get there. Little changes will end up adding up to large ones. You will learn to smile again and meeting new people that care will help with that. Stay with it and I am thinking about you and do look forward to reading your posts and knowing that you are doing well.
Verbal abuse is worse then physical because emotional scars take alot longer to heal then bruises.
Take care of you.
Sandy



BEATINGED
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1/26/12 1:27 P

Since i have been totally stressed out to the max in last couple days ive decided to journal on the positive changes ive made since 2009 when i become very sick and started therapy for my eating disorder....... need to focus on positive changes and things ive over come in my life recently....

1. the biggest positive change... started therapy in 2011 this was the best thing i could have done for myself... my problems with eating (restricting, purging) i have learned are a result of my PTSD , childhood abuse and from the current situation with my failing marriage... which has resulted in self injurous behavors anxiety depression too.

2. started online journal to deal with emotional coping skills.

3. Stopped drinking pop....switched to ice water or 1% milk in mid 2009

4. Intake food journal working towards meeting 1200 day calorie goal... learning that 600-800 calories per day is not good if i want my lab tests to improve

5. started having breakfast but still a struggle... meeting this goal about 25% the time

6. Joined borderline personality disorder support group.... helping to meet people since ive been so isholated for about 10 yrs. Just started about 4 months ago it really does help

7. drinking 8-9 glasses water per day... just started about 6 months ago

8. increasing fresh fruits and veggies just started about month ago

9. no longer drinking my only calories for the day

10. started doing cardio fitness 3 times a week even if its only 20 minutes at a time... started this only about 4 months ago so i need to realize its going to take time to make a difference.

11. Called to get set up with an attorny to ask questions about divorce and eventually file to be at peace in my life..... im currently waiting for them to call me back its legal aid because i dont have an income

12. Started coming to terms with my past and the sudden death of the only friend i was ever close to...this is a daily struggle as i just stopped living the day he died.

13. Ive lost wt making small changes in the way i look at food but i still have a long way to go... i went from a size 20 in 2008 to a size 12 today... im looking to be in a size 8 by time im finished with this new me .... but i need to learn the way to be happy with that size when i get there.

14. Gave up alcohol as a way to drown my emotions in 2009

15. Learned that i am worth something... just im not sure what that is at this point... im trying to figure out who me is because ive lived my whole life living to be what everyone else wanted me to be or how they TOLD me to be...

16. Learned that i can only control my own thoughts, feelings and emotions.... not anyone elses.

17. Learning how to challenge my thoughts and negative thinking so i dont hit bottom so often

18. Learned its ok to say no... espeically when what im being told to do is not healthy for me

19. Learned its ok to share how i feel with some people that honestly care about me

20. Learned the meaning of domestic abuse.... your spouse dont have to be physically hitting you for it to be abuse.

These are the things ive accomplished since 2009 some more current and others ive been doing for a while.... i need to press forward to continue making new changes in my life.
Finding love, peace and joy isnt easy thing to do when youve never known what it is but im motivated to find out.



SANDRALUVSLON
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1/25/12 5:00 P

I thought so. You had all the signs of emotional abuse. Do not stay in a relationship that is not helping you. I've been there. I am with someone now who loves me for me even though I'm not perfect. He holds me when I'm sad and he loves me unconditionally. You do need to take care of you. You need to do what will help to make you better. If you don't take care of yourself who will. Very glad to see the postiveness in your message. You can and will succeed.
Sandy



BEATINGED
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1/25/12 10:14 A

Learning to live my life healthy with positive thoughts for the future :) I did so much thinking yesterday about this and really what i want my journey to look like when i reach the end and look back on it. I made some changes in the way i view the whole thing.....

1. I am me... I have an eating disorder....I am NOT my eating disorder

I do not have to let this end my life. Taking it a day at a time i can overcome it. Dont have to
let my past rule my chance at a future. No matter what number is on the scale even if its 150
im worth more than a number and dont have to be a certain number to be happy. I have been
98lbs in the past and im 174lbs right now.... i need to be happy and content within myself
at ANY number!

2. There is more to living healthy than just food and physical activity

There is a part to everyone life that is emotional health.... if you are eating right and physically
active but you are suffering emotionally on the inside you are going to be just as unhealthy!
Finding that inner peace that you can feel ok with yourself is just as important.

3. I have hard changes i have to meet to achieve my goals.... i have to start thinking about me
and what i need in life to be happy in the end.

No reason to stay in a marriage that has been emotionally over for the last 10 yrs. I have to
think about what i need to stay safe emotionally. I dont want my future to be .... just doing my time
I deserve to have healthy relationships... without verbal and emotional abuse

4. Focus on the positives and surround myself with positive supportive people rather than dysfunctional negative people.

These are the things im going to be working on because i feel these will make the journey all worth it in the end... Im excited about the future and feel at peace with myself today and thats what matters....even if others in my life dont have the same goals in mind for their future its ok!



BEATINGED
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1/24/12 11:03 A

Thanks for the support guardedangel i havnt been able to work with a nutritionist as im without insurance ive been reaching out to services that have a sliding fee to get any support i can...my family isnt supportive due to fact that im in a tough marriage... any support is better than zero :) Im looking to SP to help in the area of nutrition info seems like theres alot here which seems alittle overwhelming but im coping with that ok.

Thanks Sandra It is really all about babysteps... sometimes a day at a time or one hour at a time....have to look at each positive step even if its only one for the whole day rather than the negatives or not meeting every goal for the day. You are so right it didnt happen over night.. took me 30 yrs to get to this point.. im not going to change it in one meal.



SANDRALUVSLON
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1/23/12 2:39 P

I do understand. I have a friend with anorexia. It is a disease and it isn't something that can be cured just like that. Look at it like this if you went from drinking just coffee and water or 100 calories a day to 700 to 900 calories a day that's progress. You didn't develop this overnight so you're not going to cure it over night. Some people don't understand but if they'd read articles they might realize it isn't a just eat thing. Don't be hard on yourself you're doing what you need to get better it'll just take time. You are not a failure it's them that fail to understand. I am glad you had that peanut butter sandwich. It doesn't matter how long it took you to eat it you ate it. emoticon



GUARDEDANGEL
Posts: 3
1/22/12 8:53 P

Hello! I am so happy that you are in counseling with a therapist who specializes with ED and are active in a support group for the same. Have you worked at all with a nutritionist?

Edited by: GUARDEDANGEL at: 1/24/2012 (07:44)


BEATINGED
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1/22/12 7:58 P

Thanks Sandra it helps so much that people show understanding. It is so hard when people like family members say things like.... just eat its not that hard..... it makes me feel like a failure when i do try and can only make small progress. Understanding is the most supportive thing in the world! I did end up having a half peanut butter sandwhich last night took me 2 hours to get it all eaten but i did it! :)
Today has been a low stress day ive been trying to avoid the negative thinking and cooked a good dinner for my family. Stayed active today and did some cardio to help keep the stress level under check.... i just need more good days like this beating the depression end of this still working hard on calories



SANDRALUVSLON
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1/22/12 5:48 A

I hope you had that peanut butter sandwich. You've been dealing with this a long time so it will take time to get back to where you should be. I would imagine that you feel full after eating very little. Peanut butter a higher calorie bread like country harvest may help. Like you said one day at a time. I have the opposite problem I like to eat too much but I'm making healthier choices now. Have a great day.



BEATINGED
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1/21/12 11:28 P

Yup calories ranges on SP are ment for a daily value.... i agree it should be this much i just struggle with getting to those amounts but im working hard on that goal with my Eating Disorder therapist.... im gonna make it some day!
Today my mood was a bit better... was able to handle stress alittle better than i have been. calories are still not good only at about 800 for the day today which is not good. Maybe ill have half peanut butter sandwhich before the night is over and see how that goes.
I did do good on getting cardio back in my day.... 20 minutes yesterday and 40 minutes today it helps alot with stress :)
I would encourage anyone with issues around food and intake if its to the point of a doctor questioning it by all means get hooked up with a qualified eating disorder therapist.... DONT wait like i did... ive been struggling with this since i was 13 and now im 43 way to many years to deal with it on my own! I see it now!



NAYOBU
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1/19/12 11:56 P

Your calorie range is set for a daily basis not weekly. so you should be eating 1200-1500 a day!!



DETERMINED_90
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1/19/12 6:25 P

i chose to ask this question here simply because i feel that i do have an eating disorder.... actually my doctor brought it to my attention when i had shown her my food log a while back.... apparently 3-400 calories a day aren't enough to live on, but i was wondering if the calorie goals on here are for a week or a day? mine is set at 1200-1500... i've only just started reaching my goal within the last couple of days. so is my calorie goal on a daily or weekly basis? help please :)



SANDRALUVSLON
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1/19/12 3:21 P

I'm glad you are doing something for you. It sounds like you really need that support group. If you don't feel like eating what about apple, orange or vegetable juice. A protein shake something like that so you get the nutrients you need. It isn't healthy to eat so little not to mention counterproductive because it will slow your metabolism.
Good luck. Take care of you.
Sandy emoticon



BEATINGED
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1/18/12 10:53 P

The day didnt start good... just couldnt motivate myself to eat breakfast.... i knew i needed to but i would get physically sick to even think about it. Lunch time came and same thing happened.

I did eat dinner half of a chicken pattie....about 3 bites of eggplant.... and 1/3 cup pasta salad with light italain dressing. My calories for the day are going to be horrible i havnt even tracked them yet.

I didnt do cardio either this is so messed up i failed at everything i was suposed to do right. I just needed a day to totally mess up... cant explain the feeling except for ive been trying so hard to get my calories up and yesterday i finally hit 1100 and now today im so sick of eating i couldnt do it!

:(



BEATINGED
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1/17/12 9:04 P

Thanks for the reply to my last journal.... ive been trying to eat throughtout the day today even if its just alittle at a time... it all adds up in the end.... im up to 925 for the day so far but its only 8pm where i live so im going to try to get another 200 calories in for the day today :)

Today was a busy day so didnt get my cardio in... i will forsure get my stretching and strength training in before bedtime.

Dinner wasnt so great.... ended up making pancakes and eggs for the kids because we got home late from a basketball game... i tried to make them a bit more healthy using lowfat milk and for mine used banana ontop inside of so much syrup. Im really trying to cut back in sugars and if i need something sweet use fruit inside so its a more natural healthy option for me.

Im excited i have my support group tomarrow that my eating disorder therapist had me start going to awhile back. Its just so nice to get out of the house and be with a great group of people that really understand what things im struggling with :) My husband puts me down for going says you dont need that they just gonna fill your head with crap. He dont like me talking to people other than family so i knew he wouldnt like it .... but im doing this for me not him so its ok if he dont like it.



SANDRALUVSLON
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1/16/12 3:28 P

Nine hundred calories isn't much at all. How about peanut butter and cheese for protein. You need a balance of protein fat and carbs. I realize it's hard but one step at a time to a healthier you. Maybe add butter or marg to veggies. Graze throughout the day. Eating a little every couple of hours maybe the best thing for you.
Good luck emoticon
Sandy

Edited by: SANDRALUVSLON at: 1/16/2012 (15:29)


BEATINGED
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1/16/12 1:06 A

Today was an extreme challenge... i didnt even meet the 900 calories mark! It wasnt that i didnt eat because i did but i think two important things played a part in my low calorie intake today...

1. the types of foods i ate was lower in calories
2. I totall missed breakfast so that didnt help the rest of the day.

I know how important breakfast is so i need to just make it not an option to skip it. Got my cardio in today feeling good about that!

So how do people deal with a low calorie day? Try to get the rest of the calories in at the end of the day or just leave it alone and be low on calories for that day?



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SparkPoints: (7,307)
Fitness Minutes: (2,666)
Posts: 124
1/14/12 8:01 P

Ive only been on SP a short time compared to some but im lovin it! I really need to stay on track with my food intake due to its effecting my health. I was to be strong enough to face the personal challenges i have in this life and i must eat and exersice in a healthy way to do it.

Each day is a new chance and i must take the time to build myself back up from the bottom! Would really like to get to know some of the people here and get support and give it too because i know i cant travel this journey alone.

I have been diagnosed with an eating disorder ever since i was a young kid. Currently they are calling it bulemia but i dont binge. I have problems with restricting my food intake to dangerous levels based on the stressors in my life at the time. Now that im in recovery with an eating disorder therapist i find it very difficult to eat enough to meet my daily goal of 1200 to 1500 calories... my stomach just wants to reject the thought of eating all together..... its a tough road!

My current wt is 174 which has come on alittle at a time with my body being in starvation mode most of the time so anything i do eat i just gain wt. My goal wt at this time (picked by my therapist) is 125. My goal wt is scary thought for me because i really dont know if im going to be happy with 125 but im taking one step at a time. emoticon



 
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