I think you should look even further back from the lie. He gave his buddy your xbox and knew you'd be mad about it from the beginning, but did it anyway. Then he lied to you, because he knew you'd be mad. So he has absolutely no concern for your feelings at all. Sounds like you're in a one way relationship. You may care, but he obviously doesn't.
Fitness Minutes: (280)
21 8/10/13 7:56 P
I agree with the other postings on here. I think you need to sit down with him and talk about the situation. It is not right for him to lie to you at all. However if he is afraid of you getting mad when he's telling you the truth then you two need to sit down and have a conversation about this, you need to tell him how badly it hurts you when he lies and that you would rather he just tell you the truth. I would also assure him that you will not get mad when he tells you something and you will listen to him. (He should also be doing the same for you).
My fiance and I have had our issues too. He has always been honest with me but I know at times he has been hesitant about it because I have gotten mad when he's told me the truth, we finally sat down and talked about it and I agreed that when he tells me something I need to listen to him and be open. We both agreed to do this and it has worked out really well. Good luck to you....I've learned open communication is the best thing in a relationship.
You are the only one who can decide if you're willing to overlook his lies. For me personally, "little" lies have ended relationships. I don't tolerate lying. I'm willing to work through a lot if I know the truth from the beginning, but once someone lies to me and I find out, I almost can't forgive them. I'm not sure why I feel that way. I'm sure it's some sort of character flaw of my own, but I've had to many people lie to me. I guess I feel like if a person can lie about something as small as a gaming system (even though they are very expensive) so easily then what else is he lying to you about? I would spend all my time obsessing over whether I was being lied to and worry and then never believe what I was told again.
He sounds like he can't be trusted. It is dangerous to be with a liar. Lying can be a symptom of bigger problems, narcissistic behaviors, personality disorders, drug and alcohol issues. Also people who love you, don't lie to you and give your things to their friends. This guy sounds very, very creepy. You have to choose a good life or a bad life and you only get one life. So why choose a bad life at such a young age. Choose a good and happy life.....you deserve it!
Actually he's doing you a favor by revealing a troubling flaw in his character. Your eyes need to be wide open, girlfriend. You have to decide what kind of life you want. If trust means a great deal to you (and it really should), then realize you are probably looking at a future of doubt, suspicion and heartache. No matter what you think, you will not change him; he has shown you who he is.
One thing though, if you want to build your life on distrust then please don't bring any children into the world. Children deserve a stable, loving home -- something you will not have based on your own words. Without trust what you have is chaos and no one thrives in chaos. Please, listen to all these nice ladies who have escaped that misery and find yourself a man who puts you first and foremost in his life and treasure him for the real man he is. I pray you make the wise decision that gives you peace in your heart.
I was in a relationship like this for two years. You cannot trust someone who can lie to you like it's just second nature. If he lies about the small things that don't matter, I promise you, he will not hesitate to lie to you about the things that do. If I had been in such a relationship again after the one I was in, I would have left at the first sign that he was very comfortable with lying to me or other people. I do not lie to people, especially not my partner. I am honest and truthful because I have love and respect for people and for myself and I want to be someone that other people can fully trust. I expect no less from the people that claim to love me.
I'm only telling you this because I can see that situation as if it had happened in my own relationship with my ex because it would have happened the exact same way in my case.
Fitness Minutes: (27,633)
2,361 7/11/13 9:57 A
If he's lying about an xbox, then he will lie about other things. You can try talking to him-just ask him what it would take for him to be honest with you. What would make him feel more comfortable being honest first? If he can give you an answer and it sounds doable, then go for it.
If not, then leave. If he lies to you now and has no idea how to stop, then he will lie again. Dishonesty is not a foundation for marriage.
I guess that I always wonder what a "big" or "little" lie is. The fact is, dishonesty makes trust difficult. I agree, don't turn it into an argument, but the fact of the matter is, if he asked you if his buddy could borrow something that was yours, I bet you wouldn't have really cared.
I tell my 13 year old every time, I don't get mad if you ask to use my stuff, but when you lie, you're getting in trouble. And EVERY time, it is true. When she is honest with us, she gets in way less trouble. And I always get less angry when someone is honest with me.
When you talk about it, maybe let him know that you wouldn't have gotten angry if he had been honest.
Fitness Minutes: (7,937)
191 7/6/13 8:35 A
I don't really want to break up with him, but this is part of a long road of problems that we have worked through. But this one just seemed to cut alot deeper than I even feel like it should of. I do feel like anything we worked through now has been a lie. And I can't see to talk to him about it without getting majorly upset. I don't want him to be overly upset either but instead of actually addressing the problem he resorts to telling me how bad he doesn't want to loose me.
Then I think about it and I'm thinking is that a lie to? Why do you want to stay with me so badly if you can constantly hurt me. It never fails, every three months some kid of blowup happens because the universe just put something he did into my lap that he didn't think was worth bringing up. I do love him and we have been together for a really long time. But if I were to end it it wouldn't be because of this, it would be like the straw that broke the camel's back thing. Should I just get over it again? I really don't know how to stop it other than to stop us.
Thank you for all your advice. I really appreciate it.
Even if this is a small lie.. it is something that means lots to you. If he is going to lie about this (especially when he knows you know) he will lie to you about other things. Trust has been broken!! It is up to you to decide what you are willing to put up with in a relationship. Best wishes for a happy future!
Fitness Minutes: (3,904)
436 7/5/13 1:25 P
I have a short temper too, but my husband doesn't lie to me. he should have asked you if his friend to borrow it not just let his friend borrow it and then tell you later. I do agree u should talk to him.
Fitness Minutes: (7,937)
191 7/5/13 8:41 A
Thank you. We still haven't really talked about it in fear of me snapping. Yesterday he told me that he was scared to tell me anything because I'm unpredictable. I really don't feel like I am, but I have a short temper. So it is a possibility that I am. But I appreciate your advice, I will talk to him tonight about it.
Fitness Minutes: (43,422)
4,439 7/4/13 2:36 P
It's NOT okay for him to lie about that to you. Yeah, I can get he was afraid you'd be mad- but did he think you were never going to find out?
My personal opinion, talk to him about this- not necessarily the incident, but the ease of the lying to you. Let him know how it makes you feel.
Absolutely DO NOT let it turn into an argument, though. You MUST be level-headed when having conversations like this. If he lied because he was afraid you were going to be mad, then he obviously doesn't like dealing with you when you're heated up- and if you get heated up during an important conversation like this, then he's probably going to try and find the quickest way out of it, whether or not it's a sincere resolution or not. If he tries to escalate things, YOU must keep calm for the sake of getting your point across- no one's arguments hold any weight when they're being shared from an angry, argumentative point of view.
If you break up over it, as terrible as it may be, it's probably for the better.
If he tries to work it out with you, that's awesome, and hopefully it will lead to bigger and better things in the long run.
Fitness Minutes: (7,937)
191 7/4/13 9:00 A
I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but he let his friend borrow my xbox. Then lied about leaving at his mother's house. This lie has lasted for three months. I asked about it constantly and he lied to without hesitation. Then I found out the truth through the friends slip up, when I asked the friend he replies with "he told me it was ok to borrow". So I called my boyfriend, asked him if he was sure it was at his mom's. He said yes, (one lie). Then I said swear on your life (slight hesitation, but still said yes.(Two lies). Then when I replied that it was awful funny that your friend has an xbox with rainbow heart stickers. Little feminine for him don't you think? "Oh I left it in his bag and he must have taken it" (three lies). Then I told him I knew the truth and asked him why he would lie. He actually said because I knew you would be mad.
So it wasn't that big of a lie, but he lied to my face for three months and swore on his life in the midst of a lie. Can I actually trust someone like that? If you can lie like that to me for months and swear on your life while lying. Why should I be able to trust anything that comes out of your mouth? I don't know if we should break up or what we should do. I know it seems silly but I feel truly heartbroken about the fact that he could lie to me with that much ease and that well. I really don't know if this is the end of us or not, but I just don't trust him. How do I know he hasn't lied about things in the past.
On a different note I feel like he thinks it's ok to treat me this way. Because it's like it's just Nikki. No matter how anyone treats me i'm supposed to be ok with it because it's Nikki she will get over it. Like I'm not important enough to consider my feelings. Bad night and not enough sleep.
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.