Oh my god - yes! You've worded it perfectly. I was just engaged a few weeks ago, our date is the first week in March, and I feel so pressured to have to make all these decisions right away. I'm in school full-time and I run a business. Why isn't my fiance taking any interest in arranging the wedding? I asked him the other day if he knows what needs to be decided still, and he has no idea, and shrugged it off that we have plenty of time. Meanwhile family and friends are asking for details, which I have little to none to give. It's a wedding for both of us, I wish he was taking a more active role. You're not alone in feeling overwhelmed!
10/30/09 3:40 P
I haven't been under too much pressure for the number of people. And no one person is making me feel like I haven't done enough. I guess I'm doing it to myself :( My wedding is just under a year away and I can't seem to get myself motivated sometimes.
ugh, i feel the same way! I was really hoping to have no more than 125 at the wedding, but with my and my FH's families the list is already above 200. Our venue can only hold 220 though (and that's a tight fit), so we'll have to draw the line somewhere.
However, it doesn't get to be all our decision any more--my parents generously offered to pay for the food (the biggest expense) so I kind of have to let them invite who they want, since they'll be the ones feeding them!
I am already married, but can say a couple of things. Wedding is about you and your husband-to-be. It is not other people, not the venue, dress, cake, decorations etc. All these things are just additions to celebrate your joy of being together.
So, whoever comments about whatever of these things, do not pay attention. The can worry about everything on their wedding (or if they didn't, well even fewer reasons to nag you). People often feel they have a right to get into your personal life on such occasions as weddings, having a newborn etc. Don't let them feel so. One slip and you will have many days ruined by their "help", since "you asked" (even though they actually got themselves "in").
Organize something for yourself and your guy and if someone does not like what you are doing they can either accept it or not participate at all.
Good for you!! You have to stick to your guns and do what is best for you. We are in the process of doing the exact same thing ourselves.
Good luck in finding shoes.
10/22/09 3:27 P
I am not engaged yet, so I hope I won't be under to much pressure. I can get mean when I am stressed.
As for uninvited guests, I will turn into a bridezilla if I have, too.
I have even considered having an uninvolved third party at the door turning uninvited people away. If that makes me a bridezilla, I don't care. They may think me rude. I think it is rude to bring uninvited people to *my* party.
On your invites, did you write? Mr and Mrs James Johnson. Then on the inside envelope write, James and Shelley Johnson. Along with any children that are invited?
Or for the single people, Miss Sandra White on the outer envelope. And then Miss Sandra White and Guest on the inner envelope? If single people are allowed to bring dates.
When you write something like The Johnson Family on the outside of the envelope. Sometimes the people *wrongly* think everyone they know with the last name Johnson is invited.
Thanks so much for your responses. Good to hear I'm not the only one. We wound up just putting the smack (slightly) down and cutting off adding people to the list, as well as removing a few extra people who we don't really know. It's a relief.
Well, I can say I am in the exact same boat. I got engaged in February and since then I have been under a huge amount of stress. When we first got engaged we wanted only 50 people at the wedding. Then our parents got involved and the list is now up to 150 people. I don't know some of the people and don't want most of them at my wedding.
My mom gave us a nice sum of money as a gift to pay for the wedding. With 150 people that money doesn't go very far. I was freaking out about how my fiance and I were going to come up with the extra money to pay for everything. I have school loans and a house I can't sell. Money is tight. My fiance didn't want to rock the boat and said we would figure it out.
My parents don't seem to understand that for every additional guest it costs more than just the food. There are tables, chairs, rental items you never knew existed.
I feel like everything is on my shoulders to figure this all out and if it doesn't work it is my fault. It sucks. I also love my fiance and cannot wait to be his wife. But first I need to figure out a way to survive the wedding.
Long story short, I feel your pain. I also have out of town guests that I have to worry about. All we can do is breathe and run. Running has helped a lot. I just hope i can come up with a plan that works.
Fitness Minutes: (36,218)
402 10/21/09 10:25 A
OMG! I know what you mean! When I got engaged I was bombarded with all these questions -- it was crazy! Did my fiancÚ get asked questions about our wedding? Nope! Because the world thinks that weddings are all about the bride.
It's so nice to hear from someone else who's as frustrated as myself about the wedding. I love my fiancÚ and am I'm looking forward to being his wife. I'm just wondering if I'm going to survive the wedding!
As far as the out of town guests, I'm in the same boat. I don't know who's coming in from out of town - and there's potentially a lot of them. Yes, it would be nice to book a group of rooms but frankly I've got a life! lol! So in the alternative I'm including in my invitations 'Suggested Nearby Lodging' and in my Save-the-Date emails that are only going to my out-of-towners, I am letting them know where The Bride and Groom are staying. These are adults, they can book their own rooms and figure out where they want to stay.
As far as uninvited guests go, I don't know why people insist on inviting party crashers to your affair. Have you told them that they can have extra people if they're going to pay for a larger hall and the extra expenses? That usually stops people in their tracks. Good luck with that though - that's definitely a tricky situation!
So with all this pressure what can you do? Breathe...and run. Not run away, but make the time to get out some of that stress and some bonus endorphins through some hard, sweaty exercise!
Try to keep you eye on the goal - being married to the man you love
Do any of you feel like the whole weight of your wedding is on your shoulders, and you're not doing a good enough job?
I got engaged a month ago to my wonderful fiancee, and though I'm over the moon, I've been busting my butt since then to get everything planned by January. We're getting married in April, but I start grad school in January and with school and working full-time, know I won't have much time to focus on a wedding.
Though, in the month I've been engaged, I've booked a venue, arranged a bridal party, sent an announcement, found my dress, found a caterer, found a photographer, and begun work on invites, there are certain people who are making me feel like I haven't done enough.
My Dad is on me all the time about what hotel the out-of-town guests are going to be staying at. Like I know! Like I have any idea which out-of-town guests are even coming!
Also, our venue's capacity is 90 people, and thanks to the same family members we are inviting way too many people. It's not a question of adding chairs, which I can't get through his head. At 90, no one else can fit in the room. I refuse to invite people to my wedding who will then have to sit in the hall.
I feel like I'm under a ton of pressure. I feel like it's mostly all on me, and if things go wrong they'll reflect on me as the bride. If people aren't happy, if it's too crowded, if we run out of cake... No one blames the groom, no one blames the family.
It's all on the bride.
I am over the moon to be marrying my fiancee. It's the whole "having a wedding" thing I'm afraid of.
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