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DAJODU Posts: 46
10/26/12 2:57 P

I guess I'm kind of in that same boat... my SO is great and we get along on a lot of wavelenghts. She's by no means overweight, 95lbs soaking wet despite a horrible diet of junk food... and between that and her inactive lifestyle is where we clash.

I want to prepare and eat my healthy meals
She wants to go to taco bell

I want to go for a bike ride
She wants to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie

I want to go for a run
She wants to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie

I want to get in my exercise routine, Go to the YMCA, Go for a hike, go skating or for a long walk
She wants nothing to do with any of it.

I wouldn't mind so much if I didn't feel like she was holding me back from the lifestyle I want to live. I'm ready to toss in the towel. Spending time together is fun but I just wish she'd accept that I want to do other activities once in a while besides be a zombie and watch TV.

TRINITYROYAL Posts: 2,399
10/25/12 9:07 A

My husband and I also face this problem. I'm very active and fidgety, and have trouble sitting still. Husband is very still, and due to old injuries and medical junk can't work out with me for the most part.

I get around it by doing intense workouts by myself, early in the morning when it doesn't interfere with family time. If Husband feels up to working out, we do something milder and slower paced later in the day that won't aggravate his injuries. Since I've already had an intense workout, the slower-paced one is "extra", and I don't feel deprived.

I agree with BrewmasterBill and others who've said that you can't really change someone else's habits and behaviour, only support them if and when they decide to start making changes themselves.



DOUGDC SparkPoints: (32,311)
Fitness Minutes: (27,550)
Posts: 1,479
10/24/12 11:21 A

What works, works. Skyline Drive must be beautiful just now. Great place to visit and do some comfortable walking. Good going.

NHOYLE1 Posts: 351
10/23/12 9:06 A

Just a success report on this from the weekend. We took a drive on skyline drive, and did a couple of mile, mile and three quarter hikes. While on hilly terrain like that she would have suffered in the past, by breaking it into two different hikes she was able to handle it well.

DOUGDC SparkPoints: (32,311)
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10/15/12 3:30 P

That's good, JADOMB, that you can enjoy hiking, biking and so on without getting competitive. That's the secret to enjoying such activities with someone who may have less strength or endurance.
emoticon

JADOMB SparkPoints: (106,130)
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10/15/12 1:35 P

This is why my wife and I have to do most our fitness plans apart. I would truly love to workout with her, but I would have to slow down and dumb down all I do so she would not get burned out and frustrated. Heck, a few months back when my future son in law was down here I asked him if he wanted to do my workout with me and he said yes. He is 21 and in AFROTC which has it's regular fitness program and he is in good shape. But even he had to drop plates and eventually stop due to light headedness and nausea after only going through 16 of my 22 exercises. LOL ( and I'm 58 and just got back into working out last Feb.) So if i can run a young man into the ground, just think of a 5' little lady. ;-)

So I like to save our joint exercises to things like Kinex(where she actually has the upper hand due to all her zumbas and such), bike riding, trail walking, etc. Then it's just a fun thing that has NO competition involved, just fellowship.

CRACKERJACK2825 SparkPoints: (15,218)
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10/15/12 11:24 A

From the point of view of a woman, I know what she's going through. My husband is a gym rat, could be in there for two hours solid and barely break a sweat, even though he can outlift me by two hundred pounds.I am nowhere near as strong as he is. I can seated bench press 60. He can seated bench press 280. With ease. He has always been in good shape due to playing sports in school and as an adult. I, however, die twice during an hour long workout. We have actually got into disagreements because he wants to be in the gym for two hours a day, six days a week. He has gone as far as to tell me that I am not trying hard enough and he knows better than I do what my body is capable of.

Different people have different energy levels. With her, it could me medical, and she might want to have a checkup. If you only see each other on weekends, why not tone down your activities on weekends. During the week, go about your normal activity, but scale back a little when you are together.

DOUGDC SparkPoints: (32,311)
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Posts: 1,479
10/12/12 11:33 A

I hear all the views here and share the situation. My solution is simply to let my wife lead when physical exertion is involved. She enjoys hiking, for instance. But when she needs a break, that's when we break. If the next mile seems too much, this is where we stop. I have to be careful not to push from behind or she'll want to send me ahead.

To get in some serious exercise I have to go alone or with other serious friends. That works as well. We each have activities we enjoy where the other need not be present. I jump on any opportunity to be outdoors with my wife. I like being with her. I like being outside. I make it work.

NHOYLE1 Posts: 351
10/10/12 11:30 A

The energy levels thing is a tightrope I am still learning to walk. I am not so good on the competition thing either. Not so much when it comes to fitness based competition, because we don't really bother competing in those arena's. The competitive thing comes up more in board games (where I am devastatingly more experience). We have gotten to the point where anything but cooperative games are not likely to be played.

JADOMB SparkPoints: (106,130)
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10/9/12 1:34 P

It is understandable that a female partner does not like to compete with her male partner. Fact is, most women are weaker physically than men. Some here may take offense to this comment, but facts are facts. So NO one likes ALWAYS losing. If you partner is better in chess than you are and constantly beats you, eventually you will avoid playing against them, it's just human.

So even IF the female partner has a higher energy level than the male partner, competitiveness may not be appealing to them. Partners or even friends walk a fine line during their partnership or friendship in keeping each other happy and interested. So things like competition or even energy levels and mutual activities have to be carefully addressed so as not to weaken their bonds. One needs to understand themselves and others more, and accept their differences as they celebrate their similarities.

NHOYLE1 Posts: 351
10/9/12 12:47 P

NVRDWN, my girlfriend doesn't like competing with me either, even if I feel like I am not competing with her. I think it is more her innate competitiveness that if she knows i am not it will drive her even more crazy.

NVRDWN88 SparkPoints: (6,343)
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Posts: 341
10/8/12 12:06 P

I feel your frustration....I like to work out to hit new PRs and my gf wants to walk the dog But if she goes to the y with a friend she pushes ...its almost like she doesn't wanna do exertive things with me ....she says I'm too competitive but i explain that's within me competing with me ....not her ......im willing to slow down and go her pace but she just won't do it

NHOYLE1 Posts: 351
10/8/12 10:04 A

They have always been less than mine(though that has really been true for just about every SO I have had). They are lower than they used to be apparently though, according to her family and friends.

We pushed it this weekend beach camping some, and she really hit her wall on saturday night and sunday a couple times like a ton of bricks. It was good though, because on Saturday we could cuddle in our tent without issue, and on Sunday I could let her rest on the sofa while I cleaned up some of the camping equipment (we faced a rainy day tear down sunday morning so everything was a wet sandy mess).

JENNIFER_67 SparkPoints: (34,166)
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Posts: 2,732
10/4/12 8:24 P

Have your energy levels always been this different? Or has her energy level dropped off recently? If there has been a significant change in her energy level, there could be a medical issue. If she has always been this way, then I just think you need to accept it.

KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
10/4/12 7:27 P

have her get her thyroid checked

JADOMB SparkPoints: (106,130)
Fitness Minutes: (33,748)
Posts: 1,678
10/4/12 7:15 P

If you have someone that at least shares in your lifestyle, that's a major plus. Many folks have totally opposites as SO. Don't get too wound up that you guys are at exact levels of energy or anything else. We are all individuals and are different in both mental and physical ways.

BREWMASTERBILL SparkPoints: (31,080)
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Posts: 4,110
10/3/12 12:21 P

I would say at this point, dramatically different energy levels. I have a completely sedentary partner who smokes 1+ packs a day. I deal with it like anything else. I have activities that I enjoy doing with her and activities I enjoy doing with other people (or alone). I don't expect her to change her behavior, I adapt to it. If it becomes unbearable, I'll exit the relationship. I think it's unfair and unrealistic to expect someone to adjust their wiring significantly because you want them to. It has to come from within.

Refer to the billions of "How do I get my husband/wife to lose weight with me" threads that exist on SparkPeople. The answer is always the same. You don't. You either accept it for what it is, or get frustrated at your unsuccessful attempts at badgering them for change.

The only thing you can do is lead by (silent) example. Just do what you do. It will either be inspiring or not inspiring.

NHOYLE1 Posts: 351
10/3/12 9:28 A

Guys (and our couple of honorary "guys), have you run into this. My SO and I have significantly differing energy levels. For just about any activity, I just generally have a lot more endurance than my SO. Hiking, Biking, Sports, even shopping or walking around museums, she tires out to the point she just wants to go home and lay on the couch and start at the TV, while I tend to have a ton of energy still and want to engage her in those activities. We end up turning down invitations to do things with friends because she hits her wall and there is no pushing past it too.

We also run into a mental issue though. One of my favorite things is when I have worked out or exercised to the point where I feel like I am pushing past my limits. For example, when we go hiking after I went for a run that morning or when I play tennis after already having done my strength training. I love that feeling where I am at the end of my endurance, and that is where my endorphins really start flowing.

My SO does not see it that way. The way she explained it to me is this- Once it starts to feel "hard" to her it starts to feel like work, and is no longer fun.

It would probably help if we had more separate recreational time, but we live about 40 minutes apart so mainly see each other on weekends. Because of that I try to make the most of that time.

Kind of venting and ranting here, but I promise there is a question coming. Do any of you have this kind of energy level difference with your SO, and how do you handle it?

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