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JILLITA55 SparkPoints: (74,274)
Fitness Minutes: (63,088)
Posts: 4,055
3/16/12 11:10 A

depressed

BIGBOOTY227 SparkPoints: (427)
Fitness Minutes: (585)
Posts: 12
12/30/11 9:04 P

I totally get where your coming from. I am 42 and i hate looking at my body in the mirror or being seen with minimal amounts of clothing what I can tell you is it doesn't get any easier even with the weight lose if your not totally satisfied with yourself inside.I lost 100 lbs myself about 10 years ago and I became obsessed with the idea of being small or skinny (what ever choice of word you like) the scale was my worst enemy if I gained an ounce I would eat nothing just water I walked and jogged so much I was known all around town being outside walking and jogging was all i wanted all day it was my escape (from what, now looking back, I was trying to escape me) yes I was happy with the fact I could finally shop at any clothing store I wanted and for the first time I was able to wear a two piece bathing suit on my vacation to Florida with my two boys The ironic thing is I always saw that heavy set woman in the mirror even with the 100lb weight lose I still saw that same image in the mirror and no matter how much weight I lost I couldn't get away from it I even lost weight to get to the ideal weight that the doctor charts in my doctors office said I should be for my height and weight(believe me those charts aren't for everyone) the compliments of my weight lost success became words of concern people were asking me if I was sick or ok so one day I decided to take a real long look at myself in THAT MIRROR and I mean really look at myself because I still was not looking at MYSELF when I looked into that mirror as I was losing weight, I was looking at my body but not ME and you know that person looking back at me in that mirror was someone I didn't know i had lost so much weight I did in deed look sick cheeks sucked in, skinny skinny neck and I looked OLD
I had lost all this weight and I still felt the same about my body and the image I saw
Well needless to say from that day on I started gaining back the weight because now I was dealing with another issue of self acceptance I have gained 50lbs back over the last 5yrs and I am even harder on myself with what I see in the mirror with the weight gain I give myself a pep talk everyday telling myself I am losing weight for me this time for my health, for my comfort,for the way I want my clothes to fit not for that perfect body but for me. no matter if I lose all of the 50lbs or not I am going to appreciate this body the way it is because it's the only one I'll get and once the good Lord calls me home all the precious time I wasted not looking at this great creation of his will have been such a waste So I'm really trying to learn to appreciate me for me and this body because that does not come with the weight being gone it only means I'll still be me in that mirror seeing that same body I hated so much.......

SLOTH76 SparkPoints: (80)
Fitness Minutes: (45)
Posts: 1
12/30/11 6:42 P

First post -- and sorry to not make it a cheerier one (... I'm usually quite a lot happier ...)

I feel just plain bad. I'm in my mid-thirties, doing well professionally, great friends, wonderful pets, and a body that needs to lose somewhere in the vicinity of 100 lbs. I don't look at myself in the mirror, I dislike catching a glimpse of myself in the shower (... this complicates shaving my legs ... ;), I'm stressed and practicing only the most minimal of self-care -- and for the first time in a while, I feel hopeless, like I'll never be in good shape or lose weight, or develop a healthy relationship with my body.

Tomorrow will be better, but in the meantime, I could really use some kind words. (Hey, I've had a great deal of fresh water for the first time in a very long time just now ... baby steps, right?! :)

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