I recently learned something about myself that I had never realized before. I was at a Birthday Party on last Monday and I saw one of the other guests looking at me with a strange look on her face. I caught her gaze and she kept right on looking at me. I realized at that minute why she was looking at me like that. It was the amount I was eating. I thought about how much I had eaten without even realizing it; I had really, seriously, super pigged out.
I had a feeding frenzy. I felt like a pig afterwards. Bloated and bad.
I eat better by myself. When I eat with other people I tend to eat more. I never realized before that I feel like I am competing for food. So I overeat. There was plenty of food at the party for everyone and alot left over. This is not the first time I have done this. It happens all the time. I just didn't realize 'til the Birthday Party that I had this problem or just how serious the problem was.
My husband is a big eater. He is not overweight. He just eats alot. When I fix meals if I don't get the amount that I want the first round; when I come back sometimes it is all gone. Sometimes he asks if I want anymore before he eats it. I see now that my "food competition" is practiced at home as well as when I am eating with a group.
I was raised in a family of 4 and we didn't have enough to eat alot of times. I remember eating til I was sick when I was a little girl. I did that all the time. When we had food that was different than what we normally had to eat (we would eat the same thing for days sometimes) I called it "good " food; then I really pigged out. This is a hard realization to come to. I have had this problem all my life and now that I know what it is I can deal with it.
I am not going to starve to death. If you saw me you would know it is true. LOL. I can have all the "good" foods I want and need. I raise alot of them myself.
So it is time to get past this.
I debated with myself wether or not to make this post. Admitting our faults and problems can be hard and painful, but healing also. I feel like I have just bared my soul to the world. I decided to post the blog because if I have this problem, someone else out there probably does too. Does anybody else out there feel like they are competing for food when they eat with other people? Has anybody out there experienced this problem and gotten past it? Looking forward to hearing from my Spark friends.