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HOW DO YOU GET THREW IT



 
 
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JADOMB
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4/22/12 9:02 P

I'm glad it worked out for you. Communication is key. God Bless



ESHARA43
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4/22/12 6:34 P

Hi there.. John I wanted to say thank you for your help..

I talked to my hubby and my kids today.. I was surprised when they told me that they will help me when I ask them.. My hubby did some dishes for me today and I did the laundry up. My kids cleaned the toys and games off my floors without any trouble or fighting.

So once again I wanted to say THANK YOU.



ESHARA43
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4/22/12 12:14 A

Aww awesome hun,, Thank you to your wife. I wish you guys lived in Nova Scotia Canada lol. My hubby and I sat down and talked yesterday like I said we would and he is going to help me tomorrow because he knows I cant stand on my legs to long because they go numb now, We will be doingf alot of cleaning because our spring cleanup is in 3 weeks,. So we have alot of stuff and junk to get rid of..
You are in the military are you. My big brother is in the Marines and is stationed in Brandon Manitoba Canada. He wants to get out of it now because of the cut backs but I hope he stays in it for another year. I miss him and his family and he will come home someday,



JADOMB
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4/21/12 10:19 P

I am so sorry for you and your situation and will pray things get better. My wife says she'll come over and clean your house until you are doing better. LOL While I do totally appreciate my family, it has not always been smooth sailing here either. But at least we communicated and got through tough times.

Short story: When I was single, I was a clean freak and even my canned foods were lined up oldest date first and with labels facing out. (by the way, when I was real young, I was clean, but not that OCD) Then I got married and my wife was not so OCD and while we still had a clean house, it was not "up to and touching" as we say in the military. So I adapted and did fine. Then the kids came along and then we both had to back off a bit so as not to drive us crazy picking up their things. Again, our house was usually clean, but very hard to find things since no one seemed to put things back to where they got them. We learned to live with this organized chaos so we wouldn't go crazy or drive our kids crazy. Now they are out of the house and you should see their apartments, super clean and organized. And we are now slowly regaining our structured life. Moral to the story, Do with what you can, when you can, until you can make it better. God bless



ESHARA43
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4/21/12 9:00 P

LOL no hun..I just wanted to let everyone know how I feel about my family and the way they treat me around my house. I don't like being treated as a slave in my own home. My family gets me to do everything for them but when I ask for help they run and hide. I just wish I had a family like yours. One that will help me when I need it without putting up a stink about it.

Tonight I asked my hubby to help me do dishes and he told me that he wants to watch tv and that i should do the dishes myself. My kids wont even help me now because their games are more important to them. here I am sick and not feeling good and I have to do all the house . That is the way it is in my house. When I get my house clean I hope that they will help keep it clean.

In a few months I have to go for a total knee replacement and I know that they wont keep my house clean because i will not be here for 4 days.



JADOMB
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4/21/12 3:30 P

I hope you didn't take this as a fight or unwanted. This is a great topic to bring up here since we all run into it at varying degrees throughout life. I truly am sorry you are having this battle and I am really trying to help you with what little info I have to work with. I am glad you brought this up and while I have pointed out that these problems aren't always one sided, I get the feeling you will honestly try to resolve them. You just may have to take baby steps in doing it. I am just concerned that your cry for help may be more deeply rooted than just a clean house.

So please do keep us informed and I pray that things work out for you and your family. God bless



ESHARA43
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4/21/12 1:22 P

Thanks hun for your opinion. I will sit down with my family tonight and let them know how I feel about this. I don't like a dirty house or dirty dishes either but I guess I can give a little. Sorry I brought up this subject. I wont say anything ever again. I dont want to start a fight in here.

There are men here and women and we all have different opinions on things so I will drop it now.



JADOMB
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4/21/12 1:15 P

By the way, my name is John. Again, without knowing all the specifics with pictures etc. it's hard to see if you are overly sensitive or your family is overly slobbish. ;-) But I still say you guys need to really sit down and discuss this stuff before it drives you crazy. Communication is the best way to remedy these kind of issues. I'm not saying you guys will remedy everything, but it's a start. My wife and I still have a difference of opinion on dirty dishes. I will elaborate.

She hates dirty dishes in the sink and if she has her way, they would be cleaned as they are being used. This was really a battle when our kids were young and still living with us. Now it is just her and me so it's not quite the issue, but it still bugs her. We have a double sink and she still doesn't like to see even clean dishes on the clean side. She would prefer that after they are washed, they are put in the dishwasher and it being turned on to dry mode, if I wash them by hand. OR just rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher until we have a load to wash. Now this all sounds "fair" right. But here lies the problem. Since it is just my wife and I, we use very few dishes throughout the day and many times use paper plates. So if I was to wash every dish as they got dirty, I would be washing a couple items every couple hours since I eat mini meals throughout the day. If I use hot water(which I profess is needed to sterilize dirty dishes), I have to waste many gallons of water until our hot water gets to the sink. That is why I like to only wash them at night after we are done dirtying dishes. But as I said, even then she doesn't like me to put them in the dry side to dry and would prefer me to just put it in the dishwasher and turn on the drier. Again, to me, that's a waste of energy since leaving them over night and putting them away in the morning uses no energy and no one has to look at them. Anyway, that is still an ongoing problem that I have with my wife, but we get through it. LOL Of course there are more things we disagree with, but none of it is worth getting upset about.

In the end, I still say you guys just need to sit down and discuss these things. DISCUSS, NOT NAG OR FIGHT. Once it goes that route, all fails. Everyone needs to open their minds up to all that is going on. Everyone needs to come to the table with the intent of making things better, not just getting their way. You need to accept that some of your wants won't be recognized or fulfilled, but if you make any progress, enjoy it. There is always another time to work out a better deal. I'll pray for you guys.





MASHAMOO
Posts: 1,667
4/21/12 10:08 A

Can you let the house get dirty? Hire some help? clean only certain areas/things?
People's idea of "clean" does vary: Some need the space between the blinds polished while others are satisfied if there's no dishes in the sink.
I agree with the poster who said that it sounds as if there are other issues besides cleaning house. I hope things work out for you.



ESHARA43
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4/21/12 8:17 A

Hi,, Yes your right..I have been married for 26 years, my hubby and I met back in 1985-86 and have been together ever since. To me, I believe in letting your feelings out and when I can't it gets to me. I have issues that you won't believe. One of those issues is my so called hubby doesn't see me for me, He just wanted a slave and not a wife.

Jacob I wanted everyones opinion not just a females. Jacab I can say you work all day right and does your wife ask for help when you come home from work?

I just want a family that can help keep a house clean. I had the house all cleaned up and then the next thing I know it was dirty again. I try so hard as a house wife to keep everything nice and clean but can't because my family doesn't know how to pick up after themselves. So yes Jacob I have a problem with that. It takes a family to dirty a house and it takes a family to clean a house.

I am going to leave this subject along for now and see what happens.
I know that in my heart I just want fairness like you said Jacob but I am not getting that fairness. I am getting WHY SHOULD I HELP YOU FOR or YOU SHOULD DO IT BECAUSE IT'S YOUR JOB.
I am getting so tired of being the one who cleans this house up and not get a thank you or the respect I deserve. All I get is a headache by fighting with my family to pick up after themselves.

Edited by: ESHARA43 at: 4/21/2012 (08:26)


JADOMB
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4/19/12 7:07 P

HHHMMMMmmmmm, sounds like you got issues. As a male, I will tell you what I am seeing and hearing from you. You want "fairness" and you think your family is lazy(including your husband). You also don't think your husband cares. Sounds like you got a bigger problem than just getting your house clean. Sounds like there are communication problems and some hostility issues. And I'm not all so sure it's just going one way. Sorry if this sounds brash.

Now I don't know what all has went on with you and family for the last 23+ years(I'm just guessing this is how long you have been married since that's the age of your son, but that could be a wrong assumption). But somewhere along the line there are some ill feelings and it is building up. I am guessing that plenty of small arguments pop up on a daily basis over many small things that don't go the way you want them. Since I am just taking pot shots here from the limited info from your OP, you can correct me if you REALLY think I'm off mark.

Anyway, if he is working and you are not, then you have volunteered to be the home maker and he has volunteered to keep money coming into the household. Whether you wrote this up on paper or not, that is usually the unwritten guarantee in a traditional marriage. If either one of you is thinking the other one needs to do more on their part, then you guys need to communicate this and really think long and hard about what you are asking. This does NOT mean I side with anyone in the house that does NOT pick up after themselves and/or makes keeping the house up impossible or not worth it. It just means that if he is putting in 8 hours a day to bring money home and comes home to a house that you have had 8 hours to keep up and you failed, then who is breaching their contract here?

So there is what I am seeing from a man's prospective. IF all you were wanting was for all the female members and even male members here to help you pile onto someone else that is not here to defend their position, then I am not the one you want to talk to. I'm a tough love kinda guy and I let folks know where the hog eats the cabbage. ;-) I still love ya though and if you have more info and some of your own ideas of how YOU can make it better, please lets us know, I love to hear solutions.. God bless, Keep the Faith.



LUANN_IN_PA
Posts: 15,872
4/19/12 1:04 P

"I just do it because it takes less time than trying to get them off their butts"

Ahhhh, so you have trained them well.
They now KNOW that you will do it if they sit around long enough!



ESHARA43
SparkPoints: (20,558)
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4/19/12 10:02 A

Thanks ladies,, I knew that I wasn't alone in something like this.. Tonight will be the test of all test. Getting my so called hubby to help do dishes and getting my kids to help as well. My oldest son who is 23 years old does more for me then my hubby does.

I just wish that my hubby can see that I have asthma and that I get out of wind easily. For the past 2 weeks I have been taking mini asthma attacks and he doesn't care as long as I clean the house for him and it drives me crazy know that he feel that way. He thinks everything should revolve around him and that because he is a man that he should have to do a woman's job. I would love to go to work and have him stay home to take care of the family and clean house. But we all know how that will go don't we.



KKMOMMY72
Posts: 274
4/19/12 9:40 A

Im fighting this too ugh just drives me nuts when i ask for help and they just sit there. I just do it because it takes less time than trying to get them off their butts



LUANN_IN_PA
Posts: 15,872
4/19/12 8:25 A

Take away privileges until the work is done.



ESHARA43
SparkPoints: (20,558)
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Posts: 510
4/19/12 7:49 A

Hi

Eshara43 here posting a question that I need help with..


How do you get threw the laziness of your family when you want them do help you clean a house up?

I have been trying to keep my house clean so I can have a place to workout in and all my family wants to do is laze around and watch television or play games all day and night. I can't stand cleaning when I don't have the help.. I am so tired of fighting with them to help me. I had my house all clean a few days ago and now it looks like I never even touched it.



 
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