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Help! Would like advice on 10 yr old son with adhd



 
 
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KCOGSWELL726
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5/31/12 9:40 A

Tara, my son is now going to be 17 in September but up to about 14 it was awful. His smart mouth was crazy, he would love to start arguments with me. I had trouble with him brushing his teeth and taking a shower. I remember forcing him into the bathroom to shower one night, after 5 minutes or so of the water running I opened the door to catch him sitting on the counter listening to his IPOD while the water ran in the shower so we would think he was in there. He actually had trouble with making bowel movements in his pants until he was about 12, not sure why but all of a sudden it stopped. He went through a stage when he was actually starting to get bad anger outbursts and we thought he might be bi-polar. Eventually we ended up changing his adhd meds to Adderal XR and haven't had any problems since. Chris is an A-B student when taking his medication, he has recently decided he wanted to try to deal with things without his medication for a few months. Behaviorally he is fine, but there has been a dramatic drop in his grades.

Anyway, my suggestion would be to have the medication evaluated, maybe he needs a different dosage or something totally different. A lot of the ADHD meds work well for a while then need to be changed as the child ages or their weight changes. My two younger daughters also have ADHD, ans well as my brother, so I have plenty of experience. Good luck, keep me posted. Kim



PINKPLUMPNSASSY
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5/29/12 11:20 A

Hello-

I am also new here. Or signed up a long time ago and just really started with this. Your son sounds almost exactly like mine. Mine is almost 9, has a laundry list of "disorders" from ADHD, developmental delays, dysgraphia, traits of aspergers/autism but not enough to diagnose him, and they have diagnosed him with oppositional defiance disorder. I have a fabulous group of providers I work with including doctors, teachers and my family. We're researched what works with these "types" of kids and what doesn't. You have to realize that your kid is special. He sounds like he's happy with dancing around brushing his teeth (my son does the same thing). What I've learned is to pick my battles. Get a really neat timer if the teeth thing is very important to you. Sit in there with him while he does it and sing the ABC song. He's going to need more or your time. And sometimes, you can and have to admit, that it sucks. But, he's your baby. He's amazing. He loves to dance and have fun and play and he loves you. You're his mommy. You're his advocate. You're it. If you don't help him who else will? Yes, other people's lives look easier with their calm, composed children that take care of themselves and listen and have friends that they interact appropriately with. But... that's not my son. My son loves to snuggle and rhyme and dance and sing. And he's exasperating and sometimes I want to pull my hair out. But, when he says, "Mommy I wuv you so much", it's worth the fact that I have to move mountains to get through a day sometimes.

I've found that punishment doesn't make them want to do anything. Rewards do. If you brush your teeth properly and go through the timer twice a day, you get a sticker for your chart or a happy face and if you get so many happy faces you get... an ice cream/toy.. whatever motivates your kid. If Mommy doesn't have to yell at you to get ready in the morning... if when you get mad you tell Mommy you're mad without bad words. When my son does get mad he tends to scream and hit things. He gets time out (yes, I yell at him to get his attention), then he has to tell me what he did wrong and why he did it and how not to do it again. Kids like this are impulsive. That's the core of the disorder, neurons snapping improperly and too fast for the brain to react.

Another thing I can tell you... negativity doesn't help. Plan out your child's future in the negative and it's bound to go there. I read positive books to my son and tell him the world is his and he can do anything. I honestly believe this. You should too. You guys will figure out how to get this under control. It does get easier. Get your son in an ADHD group, join an ADHD support group for yourself. He'll make some friends and so will you. Find a local children's hospital that specializes in these disorders. They will help you. There are so many things and so many resources. Your son is worth it. So are you.



JADOMB
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5/24/12 11:24 P

As one that has been very active in my children's schools and friends, and am now doing substitute teaching in PreK-12, I run into many children with special needs. I simpathize with them and their parents since I know they are struggling with so much more than the rest of us do. And believe me, even families without children of special needs, raising good kids successfully is soooooo much harder than many folks let it on to be. I think if more people truly knew how difficult and draining it is to raise children, they would think twice about having them. That being said, I would not trade a single gray hair for a life with NO children. Yes, they are taxing, but the love is overwhelming and plenty of reward for all the hard work.

So while I know your family is going to go through even more difficult stuff than my family had to, yes, there is a future and it's going to be only as good as you make it. You need to be optimistic and work with your theropist to work things out. I have many friends that have had to do what you are going through and have done very well and raised great kids. Both the parents and the kids may have to work harder than others, but I think that has also made stronger bonds in many of them. So get educated with what you will be needing to do and do the best you can to make it work. Keep the faith.



TJANDJESS
Posts: 651
5/21/12 11:01 P

If you are in therapy and he's not there's something wrong with that. Ask your therapist for family therapy. There are things you can do and that he can do to change his behavior. Also, the medications have to be right so keep in touch with his doctor/psychiatrist if they don't seem to be working. If you have done everything you can think of to do to deal with him don't beat yourself up. Your child's mental illness is not your fault



TARA4US
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5/21/12 10:51 P

Hi, I am new here. I have a 10.5 yr old son diagnosed adhd (along with some aspergers/autistic traits). He does very well accademically and is generally above average for most subjects. I always thought as my child got older things would get relatively easier however, it appears to be the opposite. I will also say my son is extremely headstrong and displays signs of oppositional defiance disorder.
Previously he was in a public school and there were issues arising. We are now at a private school and for past 6 months all has been well. His medication does work but it has its effect during school hours and we cop the brunt of his behaviours at home.
He does not have any friends that he mixes with out of school but does play in a group at school. I dont think he has any close friends and from what I can gather I think most of the group probably likes him to some degree and tolerates him but wouldnt rate him as a good close griend to knock around with out of school.
My son is on meds (takes a long acting tablet to last during school hours) so for that first hour or 2 in the morning, life can be HELL! From the moment he wakes he is extremely loud, non stock talking and non stop moving. There is always some little drama going on with him to increase the already chaotic atmosphere he creates.
My twin daughters are only a year younger than my son (non adhd) and needless to say, they find their brother extremely annoying.
I am a stay at home mum and pretty much have no life for myself (no family nearby and very few friends who are working and have alot older children) so little contact. The mothers I have got friendly with over the years through school seems to have all dwindled away and I put it down to them not wanting their kids around my son as any contact abruptly ceased.
I worry about my son constantly and over the past 6 months I have spiralled into depression and each day I wonder if all I am doing is all for nothing. I try so hard for my son to learn the right way to say things, treat people, behave etc.............
An example would be my sons teeth are slowly turning a yellow colour but as hard as both me and hubby try, my son will not stand still long enough to actually brush his teeth. As he is brushing he is dancing or being silly by spitting or he wonders through the house and drops toothpaste all over the floor. Just him brushing his teeth morning and night in itself is a nightmare (not every single time but most times). I worry myself sick over his teeth and some mornings are so hectic I leave him to brush his teeth himsf and I know he literally sticks the toothbrush in his mouth and does a 10 second brush and he's done. When I try to explain I dont think you have brushed properly and I would like him to go back and brush again, he arks up with a big show about it (I did brush, I promise and no Im not brushing again). I worry myself sick about his teeth but lately I've had the attitude it dosn't matter what I do and how much I worry and fight him on this, it will never change and whilst I hate to say this, it's got to the stage where I no longer care. If his teeth turn yellow, so be it.
I hate myself for feeling this way but its happening in all areas. I see 2 different therapists for my son and I constantly read and research on how to improve things for my son and us as a family dynamic but lately I feel like just giving up on it all and am wondering if all I am doing is in vain. I have been doing the same thing for 10 years now and his behaviour (if anything) seems to be worse.
I am wondering whether there is any hope for the future. My siblings talk about their childrens first boyfriend, driving lessons etc that come with being a teenager and young adult but I dont think of any of those things. My thoughts about my son turn to physical fights he will become involved in, enemies he will create, drinking, drugs, reckless driving habits etc..............or even worse getting mixed with the wrong crowd and criminal activiites.
My husband struggles big time with our son (we think hubby has adhd but never diagnosed). If he yells at my son, my son will yell straight back at him. On 2 occassions during an extreme temper tantrum/rage my son has used abusive foul language and my husband warned our son if he said it again, he would get soap in the mouth. Son did it again and got some soap in his mouth and guess what...............he said the same swear words again and again.
Most mornings before taking the kids to school I am in tears and my son just makes horrible comments about me crying.
I hoping to get some advice from anyone or any hope for the future as I see my future with my son as very bleak and there is little enjoyment in our household these days. Did anyone suffer like this with their adhd child who then gew up to be a fine citizen in society and able to lead a normal happy life?
Thanks for reading
Tara





 
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