How to respond to the things people say...

Posts: 1,546
7/18/12 1:57 P

I've come to the point where I never bring up my own personal diet/healthy lifestyle or exercise program unless someone else asks a specific question about it. You never know how someone is going to react when you say something about your goal weight, avoiding dessert, or what have you. Many people don't like to be confronted with changes that they KNOW they should be working on--it's almost a sense of condemnation, I think.

Posts: 2,639
7/18/12 9:27 A

if it's good, thank people for the kidness.

if it's bad, don't even pay attention to people... you are doing it for you, so why what "they" said should matter?

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Posts: 451
7/16/12 12:40 P

Thank you everyone for all the input. I think maybe my friends were meaning well but it just came out wrong. I hope so anyway.

I agree that it's a good idea not to talk about numbers with anyone except my spouse and my doctor. When I talk to people I want to convey that it's a journey to a healthier me and a healthier lifestyle, not just losing weight.

I really appreciate all of you taking time to respond to my post. :) Hope you all have a wonderfully awesome week!!!

Posts: 2,667
7/16/12 7:39 A

Except that you're an inch taller than I; your story could be mine.

I only talk numbers with my doctor; not my co-workers or acquaintances. If asked, I may say how much I've lost; but not my goal.

My doctor, when we last talked, said he wondered if 125 was going to be realistic, but that we would evaluate it along the way.

As I'm fairly muscular, and, now that I've been exercising more, that is becoming more a part of the equation (with weight loss being very slow), he says toning and maintaining may be the goal for a while, as my body adjusts.

Another 11 pounds would take me to the weight I was five years ago (the last recorded weight I could find, before deciding that putting on 50 pounds on such a small height was definitely not a good thing).

I wish you well.

Great that you (and I) have supportive spouses. That makes a whole world of difference - despite the opinions of others. Try not to take their comments to heart - you just don't know where they are emotionally or mentally, and they may just see your accomplishments as a mirror that shows them what they wish they could do, but are not.

Posts: 369
7/16/12 12:38 A

I'm neve that specific when I talk to most people. If someone said to me, "You are getting too skinny! You need to stop losing weight!" I would respond with something along the lines of, "You know, I'm just trying to sustain a healthy lifestyle and eat foods that are good for me and exercise to get my body to the healthiest state it can be." If I decline dessert and someone tells me I look good and can stop dieting, I just respond with something like, "Thanks for the compliment! I've learned a lot about eating healthy and really want to maintain a healthy lifestyle with the habits I've learned through losing weight. I already had some sweets earlier and don't need to overdo it!"

Sometimes people are being spiteful. But sometimes they are just trying to encourage us as well.

Posts: 2,520
7/15/12 8:14 P

Well, there are quite a few people who like to look in the mirror and see a reflection of themselves. The standard they sat for themselves is usually the one they are comfortable with you obtaining. You have to stay within the boundaries of the group if you really want to get their stamp of approval. That is why I am the leader of my pack, I am free to weigh whatever I decide to weigh. Those who are far me can go along for the ride those who don't approve, well they will just have to deal with me being me 24/7/365.

Life is to short to be controlled by those who don't really love me. Love me, support my vision and cheer me on. I enjoy the skin I am in and I love me, that is the gift I wish I could give everyone.
Love yourself, be yourself and never reject yourself even if others do.

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7/15/12 5:20 P

Congratulations on your loss so far, your doing great. Sometimes it gets to the point where you really don't need to explain your program, goals or much else with people that are going to just be negative about it. You know what you need to do and how much is safe and healthy for you to lose, I wouldn't worry about what others think or say. You might just have to stop talking about it at all to keep them quiet! Their own insecurities about their weight may be playing a huge part in their statements....that is their issue and you shouldn't feel the need to take on their problems or explain yourself. Keep up the good work!

Posts: 90
7/15/12 4:54 P

It's your body, and only you and your doctor can decide what is a healthy weight for you to be at. It's hard to say where your friends are coming from with out knowing more about the situation. They could be jealous or they could just be concerned, they want to make sure you don't over do it. If they are doing it out of concern you have to decide whether or not to share how you feel.

You have approximately 25lbs to go yet, that can be a lot of weight to people that aren't used to weight loss. You've already lost a significant amount of weight. Which congratulations by the way!! Keep it up, and just make sure you remain healthy.

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7/15/12 4:36 P

First of all, congratulations! Look how far you have come! What an amazing change!

Look, you know you are right. You know that from just looking at before and after (well middle) photos). Anyone who in any way discourages you from going for the gold either a) is just running their mouth, they haven't really thought about it or b) doesn't understand your motivation. If you think it is a) you simply tell them that it isn't their business. Say "I am proud of what I am doing and I expect friends to be encouraging, if you can't do that, lets not talk about this". If it is b) well there is your chance to tell someone you care about exactly the things you said here. That you are working towards a reasonable and healthy fitness goal that will help you live a long life. Your words here were moving: tell your friends about it.

Ultimately, you have a strong supporter in your husband and you know that this is right for you. If nothing else, prove the naysayers wrong.

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7/15/12 3:29 P

Good afternoon folks,

I am at the point where I feel like I have to be careful about with whom I speak to about my weight loss and my goal weight in particular. I've had a few people say that I shouldn't lose any more weight, and others who said I'd be too skinny.

I am 5' 3" and right now I weigh 151.4 lbs. When I started my journey I was pushing 220. I've been overweight most of my life, or at least since middle school/high school. My goal weight is 125 lbs. That's within my healthy range for my BMI estimate.

I guess I get a little frustrated and don't know how to respond to people sometimes. I've set a goal and I'm determined not only to reach my goal weight, but to maintain it. I don't want to sell myself short, so to speak. I feel like the people that have said these things to me, if they were as overweight as I was (and/or overweight most of their lives), they would back off and not give me such a hard time.

I just don't understand why my friends would discourage me from my goal, or hint that having a goal weight is unwise/unhealthy in the long run. I don't want to be overweight. I don't want to be fat anymore. It is not wrong for me to have a goal weight. It is not wrong for me to want to lose more weight. And just because I have set a goal weight does not mean I will gain it all back.

It's about making adaptable lifestyle changes for good. It's about breaking my addiction to food, or using it as an emotional crutch. It's about being able to do stuff I enjoy without getting completely worn out. It's about being able to do things I didn't think I could do before. It's about going horseback riding and not feeling bad anymore for the horse because of how much I weigh. It's about taking better care of this body God gave me so that as I age I will be healthy and not falling apart. It's about my heart getting stronger and not having to work so darn hard. It's about dusting myself off and getting back up again (and keeping on going) when I fail or mess up. It's about having the courage and determination to finish (and continue) what I set out to do.

But despite all these things, I thank God for my husband - he has been so supportive and encouraging to me every step of the way. And I thank God for my Sparkfriends and for Sparkpeople.

I'm posting this just to get some encouragement and some insight on how to deal with people when they are negative. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this post!!! :)