First, come here: let me put my cyber arm around you! Big hugs from all of us!!
Photos are so powerful. That is exactly what lead to my embracing all the greatness that Spark has to offer...I was a lurker for a while before, but on July 29, 2011, my orthodontist plopped down a horrendous photo of my up-too-close, round-and-puffy pumpkin-head during my consultation. I was so aghast and busy trying to cover it up w/ my arms, handbag, etc. that I heard maybe 1/3 of what he was saying!
To add to the irony: he's a techie sort and every 6 weeks at appt time, I get to see that photo again as he displays ALL the day's patients on a video board! Bleechhh! Yuck! Get that thing away!
Point is, boy do I understand your pain. So many of us do! I started Sparking w/ the very next meal and I am (now) SO GLAD. From that horrible moment to now...I'm still fine-tuning but let me tell you you CAN do it. While I still feel humiliated thinking about that moment, I can honestly say that if it weren't for that, I probably would still be an 18-20 (or more) instead of a size 8. I have eaten more veggies in the last eleven mos than I did in the last eleven years, and they have been KEY to my success (ha! If I had only known this before, I would have done it years ago).
I have lost about 50 +lbs and feel blessed beyond measure.
YOU WILL BE, TOO if you just take this experience and turn it into your advantage by letting that be your ah-ha moment. Let it propel you to the YOU you know you can be & were meant to be.
I'm actually excited for you! Soak in all the articles...the message boards (the support is second to none, from people that are going through exactly what you are). Do the tracking and for goodness sakes, read the success stories and Woo-Hoo posts so it will fire you up!
Post your own Woo-Hoo's and encourage others as well.
For real: if you put forth the effort, you will succeed. No more diets! I know I will never diet again! Like Nancy said, abandon the notion of perfection. It's not needed nor required. In fact, it's detrimental. Lifestyle, baby.
You can DO IT!!!