Fitness Minutes: (3,115)
153 6/27/12 6:33 A
This actually sounds like my boyfriends little girl. She is 5 too.
She gets very stroppy if things don't go her way (whether that is because she can't do something, or we say no to something). She has a very short fuse and quite often just blows up over silly little things. Bedtimes are different every night. Sometimes she wants to go, then she refuses, then she won't get changed, etc. We don't give into her demands though, because what does that teach her? If you throw a tantrum u get what you want.
She has been a little better recently. If she is getting angry then she has 5 minutes cool down time on the stairs. She gets to vent more by writing/drawing/playing and we let her play outside as much as possible to get rid of her energy (which helps with bedtimes).
I know this is an older post, but I can resist the chance to share information. I am a parent educator for a non profit organization. I know that before I began working for the program, they used 1-2-3 Magic that others mentioned. While I have no personal experience with that curriculum, I am sure that it is something of value. I also believe in options. I don't believe that any one answer works for every single child. I will tell you that your child, from the information you gave, sounds very similar to my youngest. She's six now, but has been displaying similar behavior for over 2 years. I used a combination of the following with her:
Love and Logic www.loveandlogic.com/search.aspx?persona=P arents (just click search on this page and leave the keyword field blank to see all the info) this program is great because it helps the parent understand what they can and cannot control and helps reduce the stress in parenting. They also have a podcast you can subscribe to (for free) and listen to their information there.
L&L and CD also are great because they share a lot of the same principles. So they blend nicely, but give you different perspectives.
I know this is kind of long, but I hope you find something in this that holds value for you. Anyone that reads this that has questions, feel free to PM me. I don't have all the answers, but I'll try to offer whatever insight I can.
Your child does sound like they are developmentally appropriate for their age. I just offer this information to show you some new perspectives in how you can approach your parenting style. Just because a child is "normal" does not mean we can sit back and quit working.
I have an 11, 6 and 5 yr old. My oldest daughter complains constantly that she can't do stuff because her feet her, her back hurts, her legs hurt, she's tired doesn't feel like it.. etc. lol. My 6yr old son... holy. ok.. kid has a temper like no other when he doesn't get his way and he is strong. He makes a scene whenever we go out if we say no. He thinks he's entitled to things the few times he actually does what he's supposed to. Which is why I don't believe in the reward system any more. He messes his pants because he's too busy to go in the house and at 6yrs old .. it's not pleasant. He doesn't listen, fights almost everything I ask him and misbehaves. My 5yr old daughter is super sweet with a case of diva-itis. She is perfect and sweet until you ask her to pick up her things or tell her no to something or that there's no time to do what we had planned because they took so long getting things done... then she has a major divatude. She slams her door 5 times to make a point and self-hates or hates on us. "You don't love me" or "you guys are the meanest parents ever!" etc. Basically my kids don't listen, trash my house, misbehave and think they deserve the moon. When I go grocery shopping they eat -everything- within a day or two. They're seriously out of control and it's driving me insane. I'm with you on kids not being what we expect them to be, but as long as we are doing our best to try and correct it and take some time for ourselves I think we're ok.
We should definitely go out for a drink sometime, Jen!! I think my FAVE is when I get stuck between being pissed he's not doing crap w/o being told/asked, and getting yelled @ for being a nag because I'm telling/asking him to do crap!!!
We're both under work stress, but I keep thinking that if they shut down his facility & he has to transfer out of state, I'm really NOT going to mind!
Fitness Minutes: (0)
2 5/31/12 4:25 P
I know the feeling. Well, it used be my husband, until we split and now that I am with someone else it's the same thing. But I guess since he isn't their father I feel like I shouldn't get after him to help. If I ask he will. I just want him to make the effort and help me out a little bit. We need to kick these guys in the @$$. I am like wtf...you can't tell that I need help?? you have to wait for me to ask? lol. I just want to let you know that you aren't alone. Im not sure how to help though :( good luck :)
I just hate how every evening it's the same crap: bedtime routine is PJ's on, book + monkey (Danimals drinkable yogurt), teeth brushed, bed. My husband will literally be sitting @ the computer 3.FEET.AWAY when I send my son in to do teeth. I will run down to change the washer & come back to find out my kid is STILL in the bathroom, standing on the stool filling/dumping his cup with water & doing everything BUT brushing. THREE FEET!!!! WTF???
CEECEE18 thought i was the only one struggling with getting the hubs to help keep the routine when I'm not home. It feels like 2 steps forward and 3 steps back most days. My issues is keeping the place clean.
I think your kid is just being a kid. My son is six now and over the last 1-1 1/2 years has shown many of the same behaviors. He would have a melt down over the silliest (in my mind) little things but at other times act so mature we thought we were past it. I think that the stress of being in increasingly demanding situations, such as school, team sports, etc. just wears them out and at some point they just can't be "big" anymore and lose it. I can't blame him - don't we all have days that on the inside we feel like having a tantrum?
My son is 6 & we roller coaster thru the same things...
The hugest thing with my son has been setting a rigid routine. I thought my husband would FREAK when the K'garten teacher gaves us a ''how to discipline your kid'' sheet, but it helped. Basically we aren't supposed to let him 'get away with' the behavior. We repeat the request until we get the response we want. My kid's a negotiator/delayer so instead of letting him lead us away, we say 'what's the answer?' & keep asking until he say's 'Yes Mommy'.
It's tough for a few days, but amazingly it worked.. well, until my husband gets lazy & decides Facebooking is more important than keeping the kid on task until I get home. *sigh*
It just didn't seem like you gave a ton of info here?
Like what type of issues at bed time? Other than that he sounded pretty normal. I saw traits of both of my sons in what you were describing - and his personality didn't sound like it was causing a lot of issues other than bedtime?
i really hate to suggest this but is there any chance something could have happened that he might relate to bed time in a negative way?? my son went through this and i found out years later, the very worst. are there any other odd behaviors or signs??
Fitness Minutes: (525)
24 5/11/12 3:31 P
I am just wondering how you know he is not ADHD? Have you had him tested? I am dealing with EVERYTHING you are saying right now with my almost three year old and it worries me to no end. If by the time my child is 5 and still showing these behavioural signs, I will be seeking a professional opinion.
By any cance are you in Canada? If so PM for some great free resources where you can have your child professionally evaluated paid for by the gov.
It sounds like he may be highly gifted. Many highly gifted children are intensely independent and their motor skills need time to catch up with their intellectual development, which then causes their frustruation. It's called asynchronous development. Gifted children also tend to be more attuned to the nuances in their environments, and as such, can appear to be overly sensitive to changes. It could also be that he's upset about something he doesn't know how to verbalize.
I agree with the other posters about the 1-2-3 Magic book. We use the principles in our house and they seem to be working for us. Good luck mama!
Fitness Minutes: (10,673)
167 5/3/12 11:18 P
Yes, I meant the one for parents. I agree with you. An older friend (my parent's age) once told me this concept succinctly. Two main types of parenting based on the cone concept. Many parents use the wide end of the cone and try shaping the children into the narrow as they age, but the smarter parents do it the other way, starting with the smaller more restricted end of the cone and giving more and more freedoms as they get older (because they then learn to regulate themselves as opposed to being forced or manipulated which happens quite often in the first).
Fitness Minutes: (37,891)
1,693 5/3/12 6:33 P
I have the 1-2-3 magic for teachers, is the one you are talking about for parents? Another nice easy to read book is "Recipes from Parenting" by Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel. "Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson. "Children Learn What They Live" by Dorothy Law Nolte.
I looked all over for my book that showed age relevant issues but can't seem to find it. I did find mostly my teenage books and I think when I get the time I will list and blog about them. It's been awhile since I read about the little ones but in actuality, they are much easier to work with than teens. If you look for a book that gives you info on age appropriate behaviors and such, you'll find them quite few and quite simple for the little ones. Once they get a bit older, it gets way more complex and different issues hit you at lightening speed. But if you have built up a strong foundation, it is much easier to add on and build up than if you do like too many "parents" and expect the teachers to raise their kids. Just think about it, those teachers have 20-40 students and they don't have a vested interest in any individual child. The parent does have a vested interest and can put much more time, effort and love into their own child.
As I said before, not all these books will work for each child, that's where the parent needs to be very involved and very attentive of their child. But having a tool box full of twenty tools is always a plus even if only five tools are needed at that time. Eventually, you'll find that you use all twenty at some point in time and then start looking for more specialized tools to add to your collection. Just be patient, caring and loving. AND KEEP THE FAITH
Fitness Minutes: (10,673)
167 5/1/12 6:55 A
Could be several reasons, could just be your son's personality. If its a personality thing then you need to help him to understand that his behaviour needs to change and give him real strategies that he can understand and adopt to cope. For instance, if he is getting angry, he needs to step outside the situation and calm down for a while. Give him something to count or speak calmly to him until he is able to respond in a calm manner himself absolutely don't let him walk all over you. Another great help is 1-2-3 Magic. It's on Amazon for cheap if you want to learn it. It's a 2 fold process that encourages starting the behaviour you want in the children and helps them to shape their own behaviour when there is behaviour you want them to stop.
However, these won't work until you establish that he doesn't have something else going on, high functioning Asperger's or autism spring to mind. If that's the case you need to get some help from your ped. Also food allergies trigger certain behaviours, in 'normal' and 'extra needs' children. Gluten, msg, dairy, some nuts, sulphites, sugar, eggs etc don't have to be obvious to be causing issues. It may just be behaviour that it is noticed by.
I hope that helps =)
Fitness Minutes: (37,891)
1,693 4/30/12 11:49 P
This week I am subbing for pre-schoolers. They come in all shapes, sizes and emotional maturity. From what you are saying, he doesn't sound any different than many of the kids I come in contact with. BUT, you will have to be the judge of how far out of line the little fellow is allowed to go. There are many books out to help parents through these child raising years, use them. Not all the info you find will work on your child, but it might help you find what will. The biggest thing I found out while raising my kids was that just about the time I figure out what a 4 year old is expected to act like, BOOM, they became a 5 year old and a whole new set of issues came up. So I made sure I was reading ahead so as to head the little guys off at the pass.
One thing for sure though is, be patient, understanding, protective and loving. They look toward their parents for this and it shakes their little worlds when something is amiss. So read and learn as much as you can from all the sources available, then try to fit them into your situation. Keep the Faith.
Fitness Minutes: (739)
50 4/30/12 12:11 P
So i have tried talking to others about their 5 year olds and alot say that this behavior is normal and some say that their children is the complete opposite, so i thought i would come on here and get advice. So anyways My son is very indepdent which is nice but he gets mad when he cant do a certain thing and he also wont sit down for more then a few minutes hes not ( adhd) and he wants to be very active all the time which is nice and hes very short tempered, hes quick to get mad and he cries at the drop of a hat ( hes always been very sensitive ) but he wont listen and all of a sudden he is having issues with bedtime. Im AT my whits end .. please give me some advice if you have any
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