My Journey to success
The Power of Positive Thinking!
When things get bad and you feel like nothing is going your way have you ever noticed that if you continue thinking about bad things your mood gets worse. I know for me it sure does.
I was asked the other day how do you do it? I said do what? She says, your always so happy and positive about your daughter and her situation. So its got me thinking....how do I handle it?
Looking back to the day our daughter was diagnosed with cancer I was a mess, couldn't stop crying or asking the same questions we ask ourselves when something bad happens...why? why us? whats going to happen? what if she dies? how can we get through this?
That first few days our focus became the surgery...then we would go from there...so when she made it through the operation...next step was seeing if she could come off the ventilator...took 3 days but we finally were able to come off...then it was getting her to be able to eat...well that didn't go so well, the surgery damaged her vocal cord and also right facial paralysis so she couldn't latch....so we were introduced to an NG tube....I am not going to lie this was hell on me and my family and it was not easy to get through. But we had to. Each day I had to tell myself we can do this, she needs us to be strong. So as each day went on I was able to focus on each moment at a time.
Many times we rush through life not taking a moment to reflect on our day, week, month or even our year. Time is precious and quite often we run through our day and never think of a positive thing that happened.
Here's how I know positive thinking works....
Day 1 we were told our 2 month old baby was going to have major brain surgery and she could die - She didn't and they were able to remove the whole tumor.
Day 2 they said she may not ever come off ventilator - took 3 days but she did
Day 5 couldn't get her to eat - they inserted an ng tube and then she became stronger
Day 7 we were told our daughter had an ependymoma brain tumor grade 111 which is high grade cancer - but we had the greatest team of doctors on our side
Day 21 She started Chemo - she always smiled everyday even when she was so sick
Day 30 we finally got released from hospital - was a sunny day!!
The months went on and we got through them....day by day and minute by minute..I took time to cry, laugh and smile.
Today she is almost 11 and I look at all the challenges she has had to face and think its so not fair but she says its ok mommy its who I am. So how do I do it? Positive Thinking!!! We will get through today, we will figure things out, we will succeed!!!
I know many situations aren't about cancer but this doesn't only apply with cancer, I am sure you ask yourself the same questions why? Why did I let myself get this weight? whats going to happen if I don't lose the weight? what if I die because of my high blood presser? how can I get through this?
You guessed it the answer is right in front of us all...take the time to think about to day and find your positive...I know what mine is today...sharing this blog :)
Over the years I have had some success only to fall back into the same situations. So this is the time I hold myself accountable by writing for everyone to see. So here goes!
How I got to this point! Sorry it’s long…
Back in 1994 I married the love of my life and we had three beautiful children. During my first pregnancy I gained 70 pounds. I had a beautiful little girl who kept me very busy and I only lost 40 of those 70 pounds that I had gained. I then found out we were expecting our second child. Which I am sad to say we lost at 12 weeks. I found myself very depressed and angry with myself. I know it was not my fault that we lost our baby but I did take it out on myself. Three months later I had again gained 20 pounds. But then found out we were expecting again. So I began to be very careful and in fact lost that 20 pounds and my pregnancy was awesome. I gained in total about 40 pounds and we welcomed our beautiful son into the world. Soon having two little ones I found myself sleep deprived and running all the time. I lost the 40 I gained and about 20 more pounds. We were so happy and all was beginning to become a routine when surprise we were expecting again. This was a huge surprise for me since we had decided that we were done having children. But I would never change a thing. My last pregnancy went well however I found myself gaining 60 or so pounds but a beautiful little girl was the result.
Our last child was born in August of 2001 and life was great! I remember one eventful day sitting in my living room feeding our new addition when I turned on the television only to find out that 2 planes had flown into the world trade center. Even though we live in Canada it was a very traumatic day for the whole world. This event was a huge life changing event in my journey. Not only because of the horrible event in New York. That dayt I noticed something different with our little girl. I asked my friend if she could see what I saw, then asked my husband and my mom, but they all said no you must be seeing things. Well as the weeks went on I began to see it more and more as each day went by.
Our daughter would feed and throw so much up and would never cry. Her head seemed large and the blood vessels in her brain seemed to bulge. We had a visit with our doctor and he said all seemed fine and some babies throw up. My gut was telling me there was more to the story but I was assured she was fine. So life continued on and then it was October 25, 2001.
Our day started as any other day, I took our oldest daughter to school and my son, myself and our baby went to the restaurant to see daddy and have breakfast. After a feeding and another episode of vomit and the look on my daughters face I said something is not right. We left and I went home to call the doctor to see if I could get her in that day. So 2 pm it was. We traveled an hour which felt like 40 hours to our doctor’s office. We sat in the room waiting for our turn and then after which felt like another 30 hours he came in. Asked what was going on and so I explained my concerns and he said, "Well let’s take a look at her." A few Seconds later he measured her head and jumped up and ran out of the room....He ran to his office and we heard him call someone....So of course I was even more concerned.
When he came back into the room he told us her head circumference had grown 5 cm since her 2 month check up which was only 2 weeks earlier. So we were to go to the ER and see a specialist which was waiting for us. I felt my heart break and didn't know what to expect. So we headed to the ER and waited and waited and waited, 7 hours later we saw the specialist. He again measured her head and then left called someone and about 30 minutes later came back and told us our baby girl has hydrocephalus and will need a shunt put in her brain so we needed to travel to children's hospital and they would take care of her and then he was gone....
Our life had instantly gone from normal to upside down. I was a long night of travel and no sleep and a very sick baby. The next morning we drove from my aunt and uncles to children’s and once again waited in the ER. Doctors came in and said we need tests to find out why she has hydrocephalus. After many test’s we new our little girl had a brain tumour.
This is where I stopped putting myself first and began to just focus on my family and how we were going to get through this. Our baby’s tumour was an Anaplastic Grade III Ependymoma. CANCER!!!!
So after 6 doses of high dose Chemotherapy and a Stem Cell transplant over 10 and a half months we left the hospital and back home. How do we live normally now? What if it grows back? What if she dies? How do I get over the pain and fears?
At this point I was 198 lbs and stuck there. Life was always a new challenge but time went on and on. Then September 2003 once again our daughter’s tumour was growing again and we were faced with some very difficult decisions. She had another brain surgery where 2 new tumours were removed; we then took our little girl to Loma Linda California for 2 months of proton radiation therapy January 2004.
Life after was crazy for quite awhile since we had some complications and she lost all use of her muscles. Months and months of physio therapy and appointments after appointments, I was finally able to start thinking of me. That takes me to 2006 when I found Sparkpeople….
I was 189 lbs and I successfully lost 29 lbs that year and was able to keep it off for 2 years. I hit my plateau at 160 lbs and became very frustrated but I felt great and I was happy with how I looked. Then in 2008 our walls caved in not because of our daughter but because of the market crash…We had gotten our finances in check and things were great then my husbands work was hit hard by the crash…he works in the lumber industry and 2 shifts were laid off. He was lucky that he wasn’t laid off but we were put on a work shared program which took about $1200 dollars out of our budget. We struggled not to loose our home, car etc…but once again our finances were in bad shape and I slowly gained 15 lbs. When things started too normal out I once again got back on track and started to lose some of that 15 lbs I gained.
In 2010, I found myself not communicating with my husband and all we did was fight and fight. Our marriage was on the line and I felt like my world was falling apart and didn’t know what to do. I am very lucky that I listened to my heart and worked towards putting our marriage back together. So this year I focused hard on our relationship. Today we have a great relationship and work hard to keep it that way.
In 2011, our oldest daughter went through a scary medical situation. She had her appendix removed in April which they found cancerous polyps in. So she had a colonoscopy in June where more were removed. It was a fluke that they found this but it may have saved her life. There is a chance she could still end up with colon cancer but after our journey with our youngest we have a great team of doctors keeping an eye on them closely. Once again it was a very stressful year.
So here I am today 189 lbs….on March 4, 2012 I wrote this in my journal
Getting Back on Track
Well today marks another day where I am starting over. Well I guess I shouldn't say starting over. I have been lazy and I know I have not been very good with my portion sizes. So in other words I should say getting back on track. When I log into sparkpeople it holds me accountable. So here goes....
Goal: Lose 8 lbs by April 1, 2012
I read that it’s important to make smart goals so how will I achieve this goal:
1. Drink 8 glasses of water a day
2. Workouts - Zumba/Yoga/Walk-Run
3. Watch my portion sizes
4. Log in to Sparkpeople and input my food/exercise
March 10, 2012
It’s been a good week for the most part. It’s been busy. I am not happy that I didn't get much exercise in but I am very happy I have lost 6 pounds. It seems though when I start doing the right things, drinking water, watching my portions and getting a good sleep I start losing right away, but I seem to get to 170lbs and then I hit that plateau. This time I am hoping things are different and I push past that and get back to 160.
Reflecting on the last few years I guess I need to look at what I did to gain back all my weight. So guess I best better write them down so I don't do them again.
- stop workouts
- lack of sleep
- writing how I am feeling down
- buying healthy options
This last year I find myself in a much better frame of mind. I have gone through a rough time, almost wanting to leave my husband. We wouldn't talk to each other and it was easier to run away then face we had to work on us. Finally I said something and took the kids away for a week so I could think and reflect on what to do. It was then when our life started to repair itself. However we still had some hard challenges to face. Things are still tough but we are making the best of everyday and I am so thankful for what we have and the time we have together.
I realize we have a pretty stressful life but I am ready to take that step forward and put myself first. In order for our home to be healthy I need to healthy to. So I want to add me time to my goals.
Goal 2 - Healthier home life
1. Me time - take an hour or two to read a book, have a bath; go for a walk, etc...
2. Family Time - Eat dinner at the table together and talk
3. Plan my meals for week
4. Special time with Husband - Date night March 18, go to Kamloops have dinner and movie night
March 16, 2012 - Blog
This week I began Zumba and I love it! It’s been a great week and I have been very successful in logging my food and getting my time in for exercise. Eating healthy and staying within my calories. Makes me feel proud of myself and the best part is that I don't feel like I am missing anything.
Tomorrow I am sure I will have met my first goal. I wanted to loose 8 pounds by April first. I made this goal on March 4th and I am 1 pound away from that 8 pounds. I am so happy with how I feel and can't wait for the next milestone.
So now for my next milestone....175 lbs by April 15, 2012. I will continue with my plans
1. Drink 8 glasses of water a day
2. Workout - Zumba/Yoga/Walk-Run
3. Watch my portion sizes
4. Log in to Sparkpeople and input my food/exercise
5. Me time - go to Kelowna to visit great friend
6. Family Time - Eat dinner at the table together and talk
7. Plan my meals for week
8. Special time with Husband - Movie night at home, Friday March 23
I am so excited for what’s to come! Happy Sparking!!!
Edited by: RICKYDAF at: 3/18/2012 (01:23)
Other Community Journals Topics: