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My boyfriend keeps eating my food...



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CLRWILLIAMS25
SparkPoints: (29,488)
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Posts: 1,009
6/4/12 2:29 P

I find your wording or "my food" and "his food" kind of weird. I understand if it was leftovers or a $1000 truffle or something, but part of being in a relationship is sharing and meshing your lives together, especially after 2 years of co-habitating. That being said, he sounds like a lazy jerk. You should be able to share the responsibilities of your household with your boyfriend- cooking, cleaning, purchasing food etc. in some sort of fair way (you cooks, he cleans, you cook and clean together etc).
I'm not sure why you are still together if he gets you to the point of crying when you bring up his being disrespectful and lazy (I'm sure food is not your only area of concern or you would have mentioned that). I hope you two sit down and have a serious talk about what you want/ need out of your relationship. Good luck



JUSTDOIT011
Posts: 1,377
6/4/12 1:42 P

Just coming off from what you've typed about him originally, he sounds like a little boy. He is not able to be a man and buy himself his own food, feed himself, clean up around the kitchen, or even volunteer to replace the food he has eaten that wasn't his. If you want to keep living with and dating a little boy, then by all means...but I personally would never put up with this. I date men, not boys.



SONICB
Posts: 4,120
6/4/12 1:19 P

How old is this guy? Sounds like he's mentally still a teenager. He needs to grow up and start respecting you. I have no idea how you've put up with this guy for two years.



SPOORK
Posts: 1,193
6/4/12 12:39 P

Is this really someone you want to be with? I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't respect my boundaries and so lazy that they cannot clean up after themselves and prepare their own meals. Is this a healthy relationship? No.

I'd take a good look at your relationship and evaluate it.



AJBOTV
SparkPoints: (10,362)
Fitness Minutes: (7,165)
Posts: 183
6/4/12 12:38 P

Ditto everyone else who's saying you should leave him. There are too many supportive guys out there who would be encouraging in your road to better health than the guy you're seeing. Seriously, you're crying because he won't listen to you about FOOD? It's about more than food at this point. He has no respect for you and that's why he thinks it's ok to eat your food and not listen to you when you've asked, begged, pleaded and cried.





RIET69
SparkPoints: (42,752)
Fitness Minutes: (11,285)
Posts: 2,776
6/4/12 10:44 A

Ask him to move out. I would not put up with it, neither should you.



ANARIE
Posts: 12,141
6/4/12 9:36 A

If you've asked him to stop once and he still does it, he's a jerk. If you've asked him twice and he still does it, he's a loser. If you've asked him three or more times to stop, and you're to the point of tears about it, and he still won't stop, he's abusive. This has gone too far. If he won't respect you on this, does he respect anything you do?

Print out this thread and show it to him. He needs to see that objective people who don't even know the two of you think that his behavior is not just annoying but deeply wrong. If it reaches him and he's willing to change, then go back over the situation and set some new ground rules. If he still argues and wants to continue helping himself to everything, then you need to get out of there before he starts abusing you in other ways. This is psychological abuse, and that usually doesn't stop.



DMJAKES
Posts: 1,546
6/4/12 8:54 A

There is so much about your original post that struck me as "off", I'm not sure where to start.

The whole "mine" and "yours" mindset is setting you both up for trouble. How about you BOTH go to the store, BOTH of you cook, and then BOTH of you store your food on a different shelf in the fridge? If you agree to clean the kitchen, how about he does the vacuuming or cleans the bathroom? Sounds like you need to have a sit down discussion about division of chores and respect for each other's wishes.

I would have a problem with someone who ignores my requests and does something I've asked him not to. Perhaps the issue is a little deeper than just food?



BUBBLEJ1
SparkPoints: (21,955)
Fitness Minutes: (20,943)
Posts: 2,800
6/3/12 8:38 P

I write:

Jess's food. Hands off, get your own &*%ing food.

It works for me.

If that doesn't then I think it is time for a serious conversation about lack of respect and how a women deserves to be treated.



EENERSLLIM
SparkPoints: (23,707)
Fitness Minutes: (21,508)
Posts: 308
6/3/12 7:51 P

My husband does the same thing. What I do now is prepare for him also. He needs to lose some weight! That's your man, you should feed him too! :) Not saying it's your job, but maybe the food you are making is really good! And by all means, make him contribute to the grocery expenses!



SCTK519
Posts: 2,085
6/3/12 6:16 P

While I would agree with your boyfriend that food has a certain self-life, I think that by the time it's "fair-game", it needs to be thrown away. It also sounds like he's being a jerk about it when you talk to him. I'd be just as upset if my bf were eating the food I had prepared for myself, even more so with leftovers. I think his continuing to eat your food shows a lack of respect for you. Would it be possible for you to keep your lunches in your work fridge? Take them in at the beginning of the week? If he hasn't stopped eating your food because you've asked, I don't know what else can be done. I'd be curious as to why you aren't grocery shopping together even if you're buying groceries separately. You've been living together for 2 years; at what point is it our food and a joint expense potentially? Splitting rent is one thing, but food after 2 years seems silly; you're a couple, not roommates.

I think there's a big make it or break it issue here though. He doesn't cook or clean and expects you to do it all. You've been living together for 2 years now; are you looking to stay with him and do all the cooking & cleaning while he does other chores or potentially nothing at all?? It sounds like the stress of fighting with him is what's really causing the emotional eating. Is he willing to take turns cooking & cleaning with you since you both hate doing it? If he's not, that says a lot about how things are going to be now and in the future.

Edited by: SCTK519 at: 6/3/2012 (23:04)


CORTNEY-LEE
SparkPoints: (48,324)
Fitness Minutes: (39,734)
Posts: 2,909
6/3/12 5:11 P

That shows a total lack of respect.
You should not have to deal with that. You are worth more than that.
However, you could always make things he doesn't like or give him a nice dose of exlax in your next casserole!

Edited by: CORTNEY-LEE at: 6/3/2012 (17:12)


CHEETARA79
SparkPoints: (67,630)
Fitness Minutes: (44,857)
Posts: 3,435
6/3/12 4:04 P

He sounds like such a jerk! Why can't he leave your food alone? I mean, I could give you a bunch of advice but I think if you're crying and begging, things have gone too far. Why are you with this guy? He should be loving and supportive of you!



UNIDENT
Posts: 33,498
6/3/12 3:50 P

Um ... why are you with someone who treats you that way?

Seriously. If you've asked nicely, and even begged and pleaded, and he still does this thing that sincerely p's you off and harms your attempts to be healthy ... this is not a supportive and encouraging person in your life.

I'd leave him.

Not the answer you were looking for, I'm sure, but I would never stick with someone so monstrously inconsiderate of me.



MAGGIEMURPHY4
SparkPoints: (13,865)
Fitness Minutes: (10,813)
Posts: 936
6/3/12 3:50 P

my son does the same thing. So now I buy double of my snacks and hide one for me. I find that they don't go looking to far in the frig if they can find something up front. Another option is freezing your food and pulling it out the day before. Other than throwing him out you might have to be willing to do the food shopping for both of you and meal preps. You are already going to the store and cooking so you mine as well do it for both of you. Perhaps you could trade off anther chore...like vacuuming or laundry. At home if I do the cooking your responsible to clean up. Simple as that or you do the cooking and I will clean up. Can't argue with that.



CURVYDIVA1920
Posts: 35
6/3/12 3:37 P

I've been living with my boyfriend for over two years now, and lately our biggest fight has been his eating my food. We both HATE (with passion) cooking and cleaning the kitchen after (as a matter of fact, he won't clean it at all), so when I deliberately take time to pre-cook my meals and store them for the week, I expect for them to still be there when I'm ready for them. What happens is that I come back a week later for something particular and find it gone!

Almost weekly, I have a fight with him over eating my food, pointing out the reason he's eating it is because he's too lazy to go to the grocery store or cook something for himself. If I bring any leftovers from a restaurant meal home for myself, he'll still eat it! I've asked, cried and begged for him to stop doing this because it's a huge trigger for my emotional eating, but he refuses to stop. He says that if I haven't eaten it within a 'certain time period' it's free game. I'm starting to become anxious and overeat for fear the food won't be there when I want it. It's hard to have self control with portions with that fear.

I'm not sure what to do at this point--I've pleaded and threatened to no avail. Any suggestions on how I can keep my food safe?



 
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