HI! I had the same problem when my sister got married... when she asked me to be her Maid- of- Honor, she told me I couldn't cut my hair and I had to "look like I did in high school"... I was so tempted to turn around and gain the 30 lbs instead of lose it, but I didn't want to harm myself and have to lose more weight later. So instead I chopped off my hair (over 17 in., into a pixie cut) just to spite her. Now it's my turn to get married and I'm not losing the weight for her, my fiance, or anyone but myself. I know my fiance loves me and the way I look, otherwise he wouldn't be with me, so I need to do this for me. And everyone needs to remember that, you should be doing this for you, and that should be motivation enough. Your man (or woman) is with you because they love you the way you are, so it's up to you to motivate yourself and find the positive reenforcements. FInd someone who has the same goals as you and plan to go workout with them. So that way you have someone who understands and is positively supporting you. If your fiance is being a jerk, maybe he thinks he's motivating you, so talk to him and tell him what bothers you and give suggestions on what he can say that will motivate you.
While I understand your frustrations, I have to say that you can't expect him to police you like the coaches on The Biggest Loser and trust me, you don't want him to tell you every time you pick an unhealthy snack. You're better off policing yourself.
In regards to him cooking unhealthy meals, just watch your portion sizes. Eat half of what you normally would and what you're eating won't be nearly as detrimental as you may think.
Fitness Minutes: (1,400)
3/27/12 8:59 A
My fiance loves me exactly the way I look (but I don't love the way I look). I have asked him to help support me in eating better and working out but he is no good at it. He always wants to eat chicken pie or spaghetti or hamburgers or pizza. He's the one who cooks so I eat what he makes. I hate cooking! So I buy healthier food but he won't eat it. He doesn't mind if I gain more weight (I mind)...I'm already close to 300lbs. I need to lose at least 100 lbs but right now, I just want to lose 20 pounds. I am getting married in June and I won't be as thin as I want but I do want to be a little thinner. I keep asking him to help support my efforts and he says he does but he doesn't say anything when I go eat a snack cake (which he buys) and he doesn't say anything when I don't go to the gym. There is a long history of my father always telling me to lose weight and eat better and exercise which has strained our relationship so I think he doesn't want to do that to me which I appreciate but I feel like I need someone to say, good job...or have some celery instead of leftover pasta. I just need some support!!
Fitness Minutes: (12,764)
2/26/12 11:34 A
Most men are not supportive because they have a fear of you looking better and losing you.Which I think is really stupid if you ask me.You have to do it for you and only you.The saying is if you don't love yourself..no one else can either.Always love your self for whom you are.Don't let anyone get you down.When they see that you are going to lose weight for your self,no matter what they think they will stop harassing you about it.As far as any one attempting you...be STRONG!We are here for you!
Edited by: KENTUCKYGIRL01 at: 2/26/2012 (11:35)
Fitness Minutes: (798)
2/23/12 11:05 A
I agree with LaceyLou. If he keeps up the comments, find a calm way to bring it up that you would like his support in your efforts, but in a positive way. I agree that people can be a hindrance, but I also think that going at it alone is difficult too. We all need some support - whether it's from people here on this website or friends, family, and co-workers. Maybe your fiance just needs to know that it is not a fast process, but that you are committed to it and that negative comments don't help. Maybe he could work out with you, rather than just saying "You need to work out more".
Don't let them get you down. Keep it up.
Fitness Minutes: (3,288)
2/16/12 5:56 P
I think it's totally natural to be afraid that your work may not pay off, especially if your family or friends, or even your fiance, is less than supportive. From what you say, you two have supported each other through hard times before, so if I were in your situation, I would definitely talk to him about it. I had a similar conversation with my fiance because his support would waver - he would tell me how proud he was of me, then buy me a candy bar for dessert - and it was never intentional sabotaging, luckily. But I would never know that he was just trying to buy me something I liked and he would never know how serious I am about weight loss if it weren't for that conversation. I believe that if your fiance truly cares about your feelings and your goals, you can talk to him without fear that he'll belittle you for feeling the way you feel.
Congratulations on the weight loss so far, by the way. I hear the beginning is the hardest part. Good luck on your journey!
2/4/12 3:03 P
I have never heard that quote before but I really like it. I could not agree more. Thank you so much for your thoughts. At this point, I feel like my fiance is trying to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I understand he is trying to be supportive but constantly he is trying to get me to eat one thing or another. Wanting to eat out instead of cooking because we had a busy day. My personal favorite is bringing things to me that he knows I can not resist. He is super thin, and can not gain weight because of some health issues. He is always saying how he loves me no matter what size I am but I am beginning to think he wants me to stay bigger. At times it makes me want to pull my hair out. Well, good luck to you. Thank you for the good read.
Fitness Minutes: (408)
2/4/12 1:29 A
When it comes to weight loss, you can't win at losing- Jennifer Hudson.
When I first heard Jennifer say this I was like WHAT??? However, she went on to explain that people are just not supportive and if you are going to do this thing you have to do it for yourself. Well, that could not be a more accurate statement. So far people have said the following to me:" I hope you're not trying to lose as much weight as JH, she looks like a bobble head"," Aint nothing wrong with being a little thick", "You wanna lose how much weight?, well nobody wants a bone but a dog", Girl you can't lose that much weight", "Here, don't you want a bite of this?"
Really because I am so dedicated to the cause, none of those things have really phased me, losing so far 7 pounds in a few weeks has been great, losing 6 inches from my thighs has been amazing, knowing that by the time my daughter birthday rolls around I could have easily lost 20 pounds or more as kept me motivated. However there are days like today, when my fiance says things like, "You should work out more than they recommend cause you are probably heavier than the other people", "You lost some weight in your breasts, but you've got a long way to go", or "You should hurry up and lose some weight so that I can buy you nice shoes" I'm usually tough as nails, however this one really got me to want to eat pancakes at midnight, however while the household is asleep, I'm going to drink my last cups of water and write this venting post.
Don't get me wrong, I know he loves me, we have been together for many years, and he has stood by my side during some very trying times. He proposed in Venice last year, and we spent two weeks touring Europe as an engagement gift, the entire time he told me how much he loved me and how beautiful I was and never made me feel otherwise, however it seems like my decision to be healthier, and to look my personal best has opened a door that I never knew existed. it started with comments like "You don't want to be a fat bride", and "I hope you don't want so-and-so in the wedding cause she's fat and that will throw the pictures off". So, I'm like REALLY! Part of me, a big part of me wants to sit him down and let him know just how insensitive he is being and while I can endure the stupid things that others say, its just too much to get it from him too. Meanwhile another part of me doesn't want to come across as weak and vulnerable. Finally there is a tiny part of me fighting to maintain and use these things as motivation, however I fear that is the part that will lose in the end.....
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