There are many old sayings... "making love doesn't begin or end in the bedroom" is one that comes to mind here. Being a woman, I can tell you that the most memorable love making a woman (at least most) has are memories... the sweet gestures (for no reason), compliments (that are meaningful), eye contact (and kindness) when communicating, the hug, flirtation or kiss for no reason, being pampered or helped out, keeping the communication going (even when there are problems, etc... things that show her that you are honest, trustworthy, loving, loyal, respectful, committed to her and appreciative (to name a few). --All those "little things" are what puts most women in the mood, because for her the love making is already going on & then the sex is even better.
Communication is a must. Regardless if it has to do with problems, random thoughts, serious matters, playful matters, securities, insecurities...just include your spouse with all. She will most likely enjoy the openness and return in kind.
Another great old saying is "never go to bed angry". Communication is the biggest key to solving problems. There are several forms of communication and the woman uses & senses pretty much all of them.
I know that sleeping on the tummy increases sex drive to the point you'll never get satisfied even with daily sex. So just make sure you're not sleeping on your stomach. Otherwise, wanting sex even twice a week seems reasonable!
Fitness Minutes: (1,377)
82 7/30/13 7:58 P
Hi It sounds like you really love her, which is great. If you can, hire a cleaning lady, take her out for dinner, and get sitters for the kids. Ask what she wants. Ask what she likes. Ask how you can help support her with her dreams, ambitions, housework, kids, etc. etc. Because you are really interested in your wife it will be easy for you to do this. One other consideration is marriage counselling? I would use that as a last resort, but that's just my opinion. Ask your wife. She is the one who should be able to tell you what will get her into a romantic mood. Good luck. You have a long family life ahead of you. I wish you all the best. Remember..... men are from mars, and women are from venus (lol) Kindest regards, Kae from Ontario.
Fitness Minutes: (14,275)
2,143 7/23/13 6:01 P
I am totally that wife in my marriage right now. I'm just so exhausted from every day life. My hubby gets 'handsy' as well when cuddling or just in bed for the night and it doesn't bother me all too much. If it does, I just tell him and her respects that.
I find that if I am helped more around the house and have some of MY needs met with the family, then I will have more energy to give more special attention more often... Just talk to her, but agreed, that NOT during upset moments. Good luck!
Fitness Minutes: (7,338)
191 6/28/13 8:52 A
Honestly I had the same problem with my partner. He would just want it all the time to the point where it seemed like a burden/obligation. I said something to him and he backed off. I'm much more in the mood now to flirt and be cutesy with him now that it isn't a constant harassment. Now we will just say I'm often much more in the mood than I used to be.
hahah I have the opposite problem, I seem to be having the "male drive" LOL and my hubby is the one who I have to get going .. but once that fire starts, watch out LOL
Sighs.. why can't it be the other way... LOL
But attention is good and there is no lack of sex but sometimes initiating sex is not that fun since I am a believer of a man start things LOL.
But I am with Amanda, with too much things going on in the house hold and not enough to clean, do laundry, making sure the house is where its supposed to be at.. no wonder why a lot of people are tired and stressed...
Take care of unwanted needs and things will take off...
I love it when my hubby takes us to the place we first met and he recreates our first date... and sometimes he will surprise me when I am not expecting something like taking us to a newer secluded spot to where we can "play" a bit.
It's important to us that we do that.. but with overtime on both parts just cuddling sometimes feels good without having the action
This might sound strange, but really the environment of the home has a huge influence on some women's sex drive. If I get home and look around and the house is a mess and he has dirty laundry on the couch, dirty dishes in the sink, and the place looks like a toy store exploded, well I'm not really all that interested in being intimate.
They say with women the sex drive is between the ears, and I totally agree. :)
You might experiment with maybe cooking dinner for her, or even just doing some basic chore that she normally does. It's showing our spouses how much we appreciate and love them (and this applies to men too) that makes them feel loved and desired, and that mental emotion can easily turn physical. Just a thought.
It is completely normal to have a different libido than your spouse. That may also change from time to time, where she is the one who wants it more than you. Stress, hormones, and living life can all have an affect.
First of all, never push it. If she says no, or is giving clear signs that she's not into it, then back off. Don't beg, plead, or accuse her of being cold or unloving. Nothing will make her feel further away from you, which is the opposite of what you're trying to achieve. Or, even worse, she could give in because she feels pressured, and she'll grow to resent sex, and resent you.
Talk to her. Let her know that your down for intimacy anytime she feels like it, and all she has to do is initiate. Also discuss why she's not in the mood that often. Is she stressed, too much going on in her life? Is there something that you could take off her hands so she feels more relaxed? Maybe she has self esteem issues, and needs to feel better about herself. Or maybe, she's just not as into sex as you are. Be open and honest, but not demanding.
Sex is important in a marriage, and people like to shove it under the rug. Talking it out early in the marriage will make your life a lot better down the road.
Fitness Minutes: (1,044)
75 6/10/13 4:03 P
I am that wife right now. Hear a few things from the other perspective: 1) Pushing the envelope while trying to initiate when she really doesn't want to makes the problem worse 2)Accusatory statements or exchanges make the problem worse. 3) Any kind of conflict in the relationship make the problem worse. 4) Your wife is not doing that on purpose. If she had it her way, it would be better.
Take a good look at your marriage and try to identify conflicts or obstacles that are making it more difficult for her to relate and be with you.
Fitness Minutes: (2,144)
1 6/3/13 10:49 A
I agree with everyone else hear in that you need to talk to your wife. Sex is a big issue in my marriage as well, just kind of the opposite way around. My advise is when you talk, make, "I feel like..." statements, instaed of "You never..." statements, and never have these talks when you're angry or upset, even if you just have to take a walk to clear your head first and think about what it is you want to say. This is how my husband and I try to handle this, and we've been together for over 14 years. I'm not saying we're perfect, far from it, but we do try hard to work things out.
Fitness Minutes: (765)
58 5/31/13 1:34 P
Hey, maybe she wants variety or something new (not person wise). You could like... "shake things up" by using like... a new type of lube or condom or something. Maybe try blindfold tape or something like that. Just a suggestion ;) Talk with her about that kind of thing
I'm not sure of your ages, but I highly recommend telling her that you just want it a little more. Maybe she can up you to twice a week!!!
Fitness Minutes: (3,897)
436 5/26/13 2:04 P
My husband is the same way, lol. He can't just hold me. It never really bothers me, unless I am already asleep. I would just talk to her about it. I know that when I am worried o stressed out about things I can't get in the mood no matter what. If you are new parents this may be part of the reason her drive is down. I know after I had my first child I had this crazy idea that I am a mom now and mom's don't do that, LOL. I know that is crazy but that is how I felt. Is she in school, I know my sister went through that when she was in school and working full time. The female body is a crazy thing, all the stars have to align, or at least it feels that way. Again just talk to her and maybe you two can come up with a compromise that is good for the both of you, it may bother her as well that her drive is not the same as yours.
Fitness Minutes: (29,517)
4 5/25/13 11:02 P
Does anyone have any tips/ideas how to reduce male sex drive? Been married almost a year and wife isn't in the mood but maybe once a week or every other week, while I'm pretty much in the mood all the time. When sleeping with with her I tend to get "handsy" when cuddling and am worried if I dont find some way to stop this I may end up annoying her to the point she wants to leave me.
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.