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Stupid late night pity party



 
 
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SH9719
SparkPoints: (40,155)
Fitness Minutes: (39,783)
Posts: 1,304
9/2/12 10:22 A

Sometimes relationships in the middle of a busy life can be a tiping point. We all worry about how much actual time we have to spend on family, work and other. But, just as important is the mental time each activity puts on us. Each poses pressure and takes mental effort and energy to deal with. Based on the way you describe your scedule the lack of a relationship at this point in time may be a blessing in disguise. Take a careful assessment of yourself and decide if in the middle of what sounds like a very aggressive schedule would you really have the actual and mental time to deal with it. Society has made us think that there is something about Saturday night and being along. Somehow it is worse to be alone on Saturday than Monday. I went to dinner with my son last night. Maybe you need to schedule some time with supportive friends to help you with you socializationi need in the short term while you deal with your all of your other personal activities. Me time is just as important as us time. Do you really need a relationship that you would have trouble devoting time to because of the other stuff you have to deal with right now? Your future relationships will be better if you get short term pressures off your back like school and spark goals. Good luck!!!!!



JUST_A_FEW_LBS
Posts: 36
9/2/12 3:00 A

Nothing to add that Arch.. hasn't said. A good reply.
Just wanted you to know people are listening.
I've never heard the term pity party before. And Arch. has turned it round from something negative to something positive.


Edited by: JUST_A_FEW_LBS at: 9/2/2012 (03:01)


ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (131,449)
Fitness Minutes: (198,645)
Posts: 19,582
8/30/12 12:09 P

GARDENGIRL271,

I'm a firm believer in the power of the occasional pity party. Here's what I do. You may want to try this yourself. What I do is schedule my pity parties. I pick a time during the day, say 5:00pm-6:00pm. For that entire hour, I can feel as miserable as I want. However, at 6:01pm. that's it. Pity party over. I move on with life. I've found this really helpful. It keeps me from wallowing in self pity for too long.

Don't beat yourself up because you haven't found the right guy yet. If I had a dime for every blind date I went out that didn't amount to anything, I'd be FILTHY RICH ! believe me, you're not alone. Many women (guys too) have had problems with relationships. Look at Liz Taylor, 8+ husbands. Larry King has/had 8+ wives. It happens.

Here's the thing, at least one of those failed relationships wasn't an entire failure because it did produce your wonderful daughter. that's something positive.

Don't give up on dating just because you can't find the right guy, right now. It's okay to go out on dates, BUT don't go on them with expectations of starting a relationship. Just enjoy being with the person for a while. if it's right, it will all work out eventually. Too many guys can sense when a woman is looking for commitment. it really does scare many people off.

You are NOT an incomplete person because you're not dating or in a relationship. There really are lots of perfectly happy single people out there. The grass is always greener on the other guy's lawn. we think that married people must be happy. not always. if marriage was such a happy institution, why does America have a 50% divorce rate ?

Don't worry.... what you're feeling is perfectly normal. Just don't feel badly because you're single. it's okay to be single ! and happy too !




SLIMMERKIWI
SparkPoints: (112,443)
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Posts: 20,438
8/30/12 7:08 A

You can rant/vent as much as you like - sometimes that is all it takes to feel better about ourselves.

I can understand you longing for an adult relationship, but please, don't TRY like you are shopping. You may see other people married or in long-term relationships, but that doesn't mean that it is working. There are many which won't last, and many relationships which do, are fraught with angst, hurt, etc. Sometimes it is better to sit back and smell the roses. You are 30 - you may not realize it, but you are still young. I would be inclined to focus more on platonic relationships because THAT is where the longer lasting ones will grow from, not the ones where you have a shopping list ticking the boxes.

As an aside .... are you happy in your own company? Do you LIKE yourself ... Do you LOVE yourself? Hopefully you have answered "yes" to all three questions - if not, then there may be some baggage which needs working on before you embark in a long-term relationship!
Take care and BIG hugs,
Kris



GARDENGIRL271
Posts: 18
8/30/12 12:44 A

I really hate to even put this to words. I'm really trying to get this whole weight loss thing under control and honestly I feel pretty good about it...I've done this before I can do it again. What keeps me up at night...ugh...am i destined to be alone for the rest of my life?? Every relationship I have had (I'm 30) has ended in disaster. I know that none of them were right for me and I can accept that but I have this terrible, though probably irrational fear, that I will never find another person in this world that I can envision spending the rest of my life with.

I have an eight year old daughter, I work full time and am a graduate student so there is very little time to socialize. My daughter means the world to me and I won't ever put a man before her. That being said I still long for the companionship that comes with a solid relationship.

I see other people married or with long term boyfriends and I wonder what is it that they have that I don't. It frustrates me and I wonder is there something about me that keeps me from a healthy connection?

This is a rant...I know. Maybe it is just that at this time in my life I don't have much more to give of myself and that is what I project. I don't know. I have always felt that things happen in their own time and there is no use pushing it because it won't be right if you do...but that is my more optimistic, balance of the universe kind of thinking.



 
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