My husband has never been a card, flowers, candies guy. I know that and I don't press it. I've been married to him for 20 years and together 22 years.
He does more for me than just that. He tells me every day that he loves me (you never know if you will never see them again). When I was a vegetarian, he brushed up on vegetarian meals. He supports anything I do. We compromise on movies and tv shows.
Amy, have you told your hubby what you are telling us on this thread? Not whiny or angry, just sit down and talk. My hubby likes to tell me, 'Sweetie, sorry, my crystal ball is in for repair."
I usually get roses, and before they get really bad. I hang them upside down to dry them. Then they can be put back into the vase w/o water. Bringing your SO a hot cup of coffee at work goes a long ways too.
I never understood the whole flowers thing either. They die after a couple of days. If you gonna give me something, make it a gift card to Kohls or something! LOL! @Trinity, thank you very much. I admit that I am co-dependant and that is a huge problem that I guess I will have to deal with. I am working on it. Thanks, Amy
My husband doesn't do any of the checklist-type romance stuff, but then again, I don't really want him to. I think cut flowers are a waste of money, chick-flicks tend to put me to sleep, I don't wear jewellery, hate Valentine's day...you get the idea.
But still, Husband finds ways every day to show me how much he loves me. Just today, I played a youtube playlist for him of songs I like that were missing from my music collection. I came home to find every last song from the list saved to our home network, in the order I played them. He notices things -- things that make me happy, things that make me unhappy, things that frustrate me, make me giggle and dance around, things that make me cry, and he then works hard to bring me more of the good things and less of the bad ones. It works for us. I try to do the same for him, but I think he's better at it than I am.
@Amy, a thought... I think that men find needy girls to be draining. If your husband is coming home to a sad girl whose emotional well is dry and needs filling all the time, then that puts a lot of pressure on him. Instead of thinking "How do I make her happy?" he's thinking, "Now what?" I think it's a lot of pressure for men to deal with (Men, please weigh in here. I'm not at all sure of my ground.)
I think you need to find your own internal happiness engine (I know...it sounds ridiculous, or kinky, but hear me out). Figure out what makes you happy, what you want out of life, etc. and then seek it out. Don't rely on your husband or anyone else for it. This is a gift that you have to give to yourself. Once you've found your inner happiness, either your husband will be eager to spend more time with his happy wife, or he won't, but you'll be happier anyway. Looks like a win-win to me.
the last time I checked, telling your SO that they were beautiful and sexy and all that sweet romantic stuff, doesn't cost anything. So just a reminder every day the little things you say means everything in the world to me. "Baby it's the little things that make me love you so." A good Oak Ridge Boys song!
Fitness Minutes: (12,713)
4,111 10/26/12 1:32 P
Today is the missuses birthday. She just sent me a message. She wants nothing, please do not buy anything, she wants no flowers, they die too quickly.
I assure you this is not a trap either. She doesn't do the typical woman "say one thing, means another".
I can't speak for all men but I get a little jealous when I see girls looking at some guy with a six pack which I will probably never have due to my genetics and love of beer.
Often times men don't understand the emotional needs of women, men just don't think like that in general. Men often think in terms of protector/provider but don't always realize that providing is more than financial/"roof over the head and food on the table" but also providing emotional security and support.
Much of what I do, I have always done because I knew it made her happy and learned most of it by watching how my grandfather treated my grandmother. I've read both of the books below and it helped me to see why they made her happy and why they're so important to her. They might be worth reading, also talking to him about it will probably go along way. They are from a somewhat Christian perspective, which I am not, but the information is still the same and just as interesting. The second one helped my wife understand me a little better also.
I'm glad you guys let me post on this forum. I really wished my hubby would do those things for me. I love him so much and I'm not gonna stray or hurt him, but mama needs some romance in her life. I get hit on every day at work, but he won't even tell me I'm beautiful. I have to ask him, and then he says, "honey, you know you're beautiful, why do you ask?" The guy just don't understand what a woman needs. In this world, where every time you turn on the t.v, you see these sexy women in sexy lingerie and their boobies hanging out, and I know that I'm not bad looking, but the natural side of me gets a little jealous, it's good to know that he sees me as more sexy and more beautiful than her, does that make any sense at all? Men don't get jealous of other men, so they need to understand that women are always competing against each other. I guess it's in our nature, I don't know.
LOL Thanks TURTLESDOVE, I do my best. 100% agree with DOUDC. She should always know that she's yours and that you will be there for her no matter what comes. Never assume that she knows you care, always make sure that you show her. I tell and show mine everyday, today is flower day :-)
"A good man knows his strength is most valuable when used to serve those he loves." - Paraphrased from another site that I frequent
Fitness Minutes: (27,550)
1,479 10/25/12 12:04 A
This "romance stuff" isn't stupid and she's always a queen. Never forget if you want the relationship to endure the stresses of employment and kids.
I like to make sure she's happy. I buy my wife flowers every Thursday, leave post-it notes around a couple times a month, get her a pair of my socks when her feet are cold, help her in and out of my truck and serve her first at dinner. I also help cook, help with dishes and we do some of the shopping together. Every once in a while, I look for other little things to do for her to let her know I love her (eg. A while ago, she mention a teen romance novel that she loved when she was 11 or 12, so I found a copy for $5 online). She says I have her spoiled and I'm okay with that..but it goes both ways :-)
I think that's the RULES during dating. You know, get her hooked by buying her a bunch of nice stuff, sorta like a sugar daddy, and then, when she falls in love with you and you know you got her in your hip pocket, you can stop buying her stuff and treating her like a queen. At least that's the way it's been for me.
Fitness Minutes: (12,713)
4,111 10/20/12 1:14 P
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