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Unsupportive Husband



 
 
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FAERY_PRINCESS
Posts: 297
7/25/12 1:03 P

Update - After this post, I decided that since it was bugging me enough to post about it, I would talk to DH. He admitted that his comments have been rude and apologized. At dinner when I had chia seed pudding with stevia for dessert, not a comment. He even encouraged my son, who was curious about it, to take a bite. BYW - the kiddo liked it. He added chia seeds as a final dip for some hummus and whole grain crackers to make it more crunchy. For a late night snack, DH tried the black bean and quinoa tortilla chips and he liked them too. Hs comment, "wow! These are pretty good. Really filling - I can only eat a handful." Just goes to show that sometimes talking things out helps.



FAERY_PRINCESS
Posts: 297
7/24/12 4:29 P

Sometimes others don't realize how much their actions or words hurt others. My DH mocks my food choices when I try something new like brown rice, quinoa, high-fiber crackers, etc. He'll say things like "That's disgusting!" or "Why would you want to eat that when there's stuff that actually tastes good?" I just have to keep telling myself I want to overcome my health issues and I need to keep up the good work.



DAWNDMOORE40
Posts: 2,625
6/3/12 12:29 P

I am so glad that my husband is very supportive of me being healthy! He has so much pain in his joints and his back and feet that he doesn't work out with me, but he will measure out my portions anytime he cooks! He never puts me down for what I eat or how much I exercise! It is such a blessing to have such a great husband! I pray this for all of you! If you have an unsupported husband, then I pray they will learn to open their ears and their eyes to your feelings and to be more respectful of your feelings! This is called a marriage and it needs to be open on both sides! emoticon



QUIBELL1512
Posts: 49
6/3/12 2:07 A

i do sympathise with you with the food bill and regularly have to cook 3 different meals for dinner as my eldest is such a fussy but quite a healthy eater no sauce ,spice ect and reluctant to try anything new. my husband likes his pizza burgers ect so it tends to be me and the little one eating the same. I have become quite inventive now cooking 2/3 variations of the same meal that we all will eat its a real pain at times but it has helped with the price of meals.



MRSKATEDUVALL
SparkPoints: (58,424)
Fitness Minutes: (24,595)
Posts: 1,456
6/2/12 3:42 P

My issue is my husband and three kids isn't direct sabotage, it's refusal to eat healthy, or at least a variety of healthy foods. We argue about the menu every week. I ask for their input " what can I cook for dinner that you will like or eat? My answer is hot dogs, corn dogs, frozen pizza..I cook a healthy dinner anyway. I tried not buying them junk food, but they rioted. I cook for me, They don't eat it, I'm left with leftovers and a way over budget grocery bill. Sometimes I feel like I can't win. We have had family discussion about this Many times. My youngest only wants to eat rice, pasta ( no sauce), french fries. My middle only wants meat. no spices. My oldest will eat if forced to but really prefers to eat out or with friends. And my husband hates spicy, only likes steamed broccoli, hates rice, couscous, tomato and any sauce. He loves bacon, cream sauce, cheese, sausage. I just keep going, one step at a time. I really don't mind the junk food in the house, that's not a trigger for me. what I do mind is my every growing grocery bill. I did a CSA veggie box this summer, and my husband promised that he would eat from it, after I did a hard sell about it saving us money. Now he thinks that the only veggies i'll buy are from the box, and complains if I spend money elsewhere. all the venting aside, I know that I have to do this for me, that I am the only one who can make the changes and while I can pray for better health for my brood, they are of an age where they will make their own choices. I just try to be a good example and not make food a huge battlefield.



QUIBELL1512
Posts: 49
5/10/12 3:31 A

previously my husband did the same but i think it was his way of showing me that he loved me the way i was and didnt have to change for him he didnt care how much weight i had put on. emoticon now he knows im serious about changing my eating he has stopped bringing treats home

Edited by: QUIBELL1512 at: 5/10/2012 (03:34)


SUMSUMS
SparkPoints: (12,114)
Fitness Minutes: (8,795)
Posts: 1,384
4/7/12 8:08 A

He way want you to stay big. Really. He may worry that if you get into to much better shape, you will find someone else. OR he may like you bigger. SOme men like their women bigger. Sit down and talk to him at a time when you are not mad



SALSGIVERL
SparkPoints: (2,275)
Fitness Minutes: (710)
Posts: 141
4/6/12 10:31 P

I don't know if my husband is supportive or not. He told me that he can't judge me for being overweight because he himself is overweight. But that doens't help me out either. He doesn't seem to care about his weight and I think it's going to take something significant to wake him up. He eats when he gets bored and sits in front of the computer all day if he's not at school or work. I recently decided to try a vegan diet after doing extensive research about the benefits. He said he would never give up meat. I never expected him to but he doesn't handle change very well! I make my family one thing and make myself something else. It doesn't bother me. It does irritate me that he will just sit and eat an entire bag of chips in one sitting and doesn't care about his health. Both of his parents died of cancer but it doesn't seem to phase him. I don't understand why he doesn't take his health more seriously. He is void of reality and consequences. He has two adorable kids but doesn't seem to want to be around to do anything about it....



TENNISKATRINA
SparkPoints: (22)
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Posts: 2
4/3/12 11:46 P

I live at home too, to save money so I can move out on my own. It has been very hard because my family happens to be tall and thin, where I am short and not so thin. It's so frustrating when I come home from an 80 minute work out at the gym and there are loafs of bread, donuts or cookies, and a pantry stocked with all kinds of salty crackers and chips. I have asked my mom not to buy these items (or the fatty cheese in our fridge, and some of the fatty dinners she makes) but she says "if you don't want to eat it, then don't" or sometimes she hides things, which is fine, because I am too busy most of the time to find them. But I am very, very stressed out over this and want to move out soon just so I can be in control of what comes into the house food-wise.



ASBLOWRY
Posts: 133
4/3/12 10:01 A

My husband isn't supportive either. He thinks all you have to do to lose weight is move more and eat less. He thinks it's crazy that I am trying to eat healthy and thinks it's even crazier that I try to exercise 6 days a week. I've just stopped talking to him about losing weight and do my own thing when it comes to food. I make a healthy dinner every night and if he doesn't like it than he doesn't have to eat it. I exercise in the morning and before he get home from work in the afternoon. I come here for support instead of him. I was hoping at first that he would get encouraged to lose weight also once he saw me losing but that hasn't happened. I think he actually got more negative. Unfortunately, it has put a real strain on our marriage but I had to lose the weight for myself and my kids. My blood pressure was sky high, I had high cholesterol, and was pre-diabetic, all of which run in my family.

I wish men had to go thru what women have to to lose weight. If he put his mind to it, he'd probably lose 50 lbs in a month. It's taken my 3 months just to lose 20.

Amy



DOWNEASTSUNRISE
SparkPoints: (20,662)
Fitness Minutes: (13,797)
Posts: 81
3/27/12 12:34 P

He may not even realize he is doing it.. talk to him. If he continues every time you find something that is sweet put it in his sock draw.



MIZZOUMAC
Posts: 39
3/22/12 11:44 P

Some men sabotage because they feel threatened, some because they are controlling, and many because it is just something new and they don't know what to think about it. People always grumble and resist change. Men can be like children in the way they respond to new things. New baby? Some men feel neglected. Promotion at work? Some feel threatened about their status as the 'provider'. Going back to school? Friends have told me their husbands say they are supportive, but then interrupt and interfere with their study time every step of the way. I think sometimes the sabotage is just a way to keep things from changing. If you want to see if this might be a problem, when you do something extra nice for him (give him a little neck massage, sex,etc) tell him it is because you have so much more energy because of your healthy changes and his support just makes him so much more attractive to you. If he does something negative (guilting you into eating a cake he baked) tell him how sweet he is and how he will be rewarded later *wink wink* but then later apologize and tell him you really wanted to but think the junk food just made you feel yucky and bloated. If this is the case, he will probably catch on quickly and may suddenly see he has no reason to feel threatened and has EVERY reason to be supportive.



DIRTYBUNNY
SparkPoints: (27,433)
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Posts: 632
3/7/12 12:33 A

Why thank you, Soulthin and TBStanford. I'm blushing!



TBSTANFORD
Posts: 326
3/6/12 4:30 P

Very well said!!!



SOULTHIN
SparkPoints: (7,321)
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Posts: 192
2/20/12 8:29 P

Very well said!!



DIRTYBUNNY
SparkPoints: (27,433)
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Posts: 632
2/20/12 1:04 A

I'm in the same boat. My husband's Mom was five foot high and about five foot wide and this is his image of what a real woman should look like. I may be the only woman in America who has a husband who loves chubby thighs, LOL. This would be my advice if your significant other is sabotaging you (and I believe that's been covered here): shut up about dieting and JUST DO IT. Yes, it would be nice to have support from the person who matters most to you but just because you're ready for it doesn't mean he's ready to wrap his head around it. Come HERE for your support. There are GOBS of us on SparkPeople who have been through every step and foible there is in our weight loss journey. It doesn't matter that he's afraid that you'll be attractive to other men, it doesn't matter that he's afraid you'll start appraising his physical fitness, it doesn't matter that he's afraid you'll want him to diet, too. DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU IN THE LONG RUN. Act, don't react--make your plan and stick with it so he knows you say what you mean and you mean what you say. Too often, in our desire to be "nice" we are perceived to be wishy-washy. This leads the men in our lives to conclude, "She doesn't mean it. She doesn't know what she's talking about." Believe me, if a MAN wants something, he's like a guided missile about it. And that's what they judge by, by their own experience. Lie about taking steps to lose weight if you have to. I asked for a substitution of some more vegies in lieu of the potato with my meal at a restaurant. My husband started to get antagonistic about it. I told him I have NEVER had REAL potatoes in a restaurant, I can tell they're from a box. Whereas I always love the steamed vegies, so why not eliminate the yucky potatoes and have more of something I actually enjoy? This shut him up and I came in under my planned calorie count for the day. For myself, I want to be healthier, have better stamina and energy, and reduce my chances of diabetes and heart disease as I grow older. If I get limber enough with steady exercise to wrap my ankles around my own neck I won't complain either! The point here is--we have to love ourselves enough to take care of ourselves. Be your own mother to yourself--you wouldn't accept anything less than the best for your child would you? I mean, not without a fight, right? Love yourself enough to demand the best for yourself. Fight the good fight.



DOWNEASTSUNRISE
SparkPoints: (20,662)
Fitness Minutes: (13,797)
Posts: 81
2/19/12 9:17 P

I would say they need to step up and you need to set boundries. I would FLIP if my husband was home and did nothing around the house. Between him and your daughter everything should be accomplished and you should have a healthy dinner cooked for you. That is what you would do if you were home. Changes need to be made!!! Good luck!



SOULTHIN
SparkPoints: (7,321)
Fitness Minutes: (6,290)
Posts: 192
2/19/12 4:33 P

Most important that the scale numbers, we should reflect, how is our Blood Pressure, how high is the Cholesterol, how are we with Diabetes?.

If every thing is ok, then we should little by little educate ourselves about how lucky we are, and what should we do to keep those numbers on the normal range. If we are overweight or obese, well, just have a realistic, honest look at the situation and start making healthy, good decisions a day at a time .

What others think about our shape, or weight is really non important, whoever is in your life, should be in it for who you are as a person.

It would be great that those in our life support us in the way we need to be supported, in the things we need support with. After all, loves means to empower the other person to be him/herself on his/her own terms.

Not everyone is able to recognize this. So we, have to do what we have to do for our own shake, for our own health and well being.

Yes, it would be great to have a support system next to you, but so what if you don't, keep on marching, Whatever you don't do for yourself none else will.

Love,

SoulThin



HAWKNJ23
Posts: 16
2/17/12 4:26 P

my husband is too supportive that he becomes unsupportive. he is a marine and thinks that everything should be a piece of cake when it comes to weight loss. I try to tell him that it is not easy when a person isn't required to run three miles a day by the government. he also does not understand the differences between men and women when it comes to weight loss. for us it is not as easy as cutting out soda and losing 10 pounds. we go through a hormonal rollercoaster on a monthly basis. So far I have lost 20 pounds on medifast. I have started to transition off but am still losing some weight every week because i have stepped up the cardio. I am 5 pounds lighter than my original 50 pound weight loss in high school and have lost more inches. but just because i had a tentative goal of 8 pounds less, he thinks i am quitting by not wanting to lose that weight. I am happy where i am now and think that if i lose any more i will be scary skinny. i like my curves. but to him it says i want to stay at this weight so i can stop being healthy and start eating pie all day everyday. he loves the way i look and he tells me that daily but there is always the undercurrent of i am not aiming high enough. he brings junk in the house all the time. i don't eat it but when i want a tiny glass of wine he makes me feel like i can't handle it because i am 'on a diet' i have no desire to sabotage my weight loss but he thinks one tiny slip up and the twenty pounds will show up overnight. sometimes i feel like i have a babysitter instead of a husband. most times when i am excited about my progress or running an extra mile he always makes me feel like i could have lost more weight that week or ran an extra two miles. he is getting out of the marine corps to truck drive and as bad as it sounds i hope all the junk he eats coupled by the lack of exercise makes him gain a good few pounds. it might help him gain much needed perspective.



AMANDA_AGAIN
Posts: 246
2/3/12 4:44 P

And I am so sorry, YDANISON, about your situation. I'm not sure I could stay sane with a father like that. Hopefully Spark will help you to stay healthier regardless of your father's inappropriate and unwanted remarks.



AMANDA_AGAIN
Posts: 246
2/3/12 4:42 P

I'm totally there. My husband "forgets" that I would rather not eat junk food several times a week. But what drives me crazy is how lazy him and my teen daughter are. They are at home ALL DAY just watching TV, playing on the computer, playing video games, etc. They handle some of the chores, but I still end up doing some of then, even though I work 40 hours a week. (Husband is looking for a job, kid is doing an independent study option where she takes all of her classes online).

I've had to accept that I can't change them. If I want a specific chore done, then I need to plan on doing it myself. If I chose not to eat crap, I have to have an active role in meal preparation and planning. And for a long time that made me really mad. Like why can't they do this stuff? They're home ALL DAY! But I just have to realize that that doesn't matter. I need to do what I need to do, with or without the support of anyone else.



SUECHRIS50
SparkPoints: (56,774)
Fitness Minutes: (56,190)
Posts: 3,203
1/31/12 11:04 A

My DH was the same when I started out.I took him with me to talk to my Doctor and he was more supportive.Old habits die hard!He still brings home donuts...grrr!



YDANISON
SparkPoints: (3,402)
Fitness Minutes: (4,361)
Posts: 5
1/30/12 9:23 P

I am unmarried and currently live at home with my parents to save money to move to a new town. My Dad is the biggest challenge to my weight loss plan. He has always been hard on me about my weight. In middle/high school I had uncontrollable bulimia which I did seek treatment for. I know that approval from my father was not the ONLY reason for my eating disorder, but he has always had a skewed view of what is healthy. Bulimia TOTALLY ruined my metabolism so when I finally quit purging I put on almost 50 lbs in the course of 6 months. Getting control of my tendency to binge has been a HUGH struggle, but this time around I'm really getting serious about losing weight for my HEALTH. Quite frankly, I could care less about how I look, but I don't want the health problems that come along with obesity, and at 26 I'm ready to get this under control. I'm having a hard night because my dad just told me I shouldn't eat the pre-portioned AVOCADO I'm having for dinner. Its part of my diet plan for today, and I can't believe he told me that avocado's are fattening. I know he's wrong, but I wish he could just trust me to track my nutrition and fitness without his snide comments. Sorry, just had to vent.



ICEE2U
SparkPoints: (609)
Fitness Minutes: (166)
Posts: 7
8/5/11 9:12 A

For Dinner, I have a grilled split chicken breast and some mixed vegetables (by Alexia) and he had the nerve to say that "Why don't you eat some real food?? Are you on a diet or something?" I told him "This is real food?!?!" I think he sees me trying to eat right and lose weight and starting to get it in his head that my body is going to be changing... I love it!! I just started but already feel great. No more slugging in the bed



PREEMIE2RN
SparkPoints: (383)
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Posts: 1
8/4/11 10:09 A

Ok, so we know men just don't think sometimes. But put yourself in their shoes, they were taught to eat to grow strong and healthy, women were taught to be healthy means thin and fit. My husband I have been through this ourselves, he eats crap all day long then gets out and walks for 20 minutes and still loses weight! I eat healthy, workout 45-minutes to an hour 4 days a week and barely can maintain much less lose much! Men don't understand this either, they also think that if its easy for them it should be for you as well. It usually takes a LOT of explaining and education on nutrition before men figure this out (if they ever do)! Like everyone else has said try talking to him, letting him know what your goals are and let hime know that you need him to be supportive of you. Also you have to show him that you want to do it.

As for yourself, YOU have to want to lose it for YOU! Not him. In the long run, you are the beneficiary of fitness and health along with your daughter. Also try focusing on the fitness part of it, not the scale. Especially at your size (not sure how tall) you are not going to see dramatic weight loss if you are working out and eating right correctly. Muscle weighs more than fat, so most smaller (and yes-you are what is consider smaller) people will see an initial loss of water then a gain, then back to a slow methodic weight loss. It can be discouraging but if you stick with it (yourself-stick to your guns about food and fitness) you will eventually see the difference. Also you will have ups and downs through the month, so don't let that discourage either.

Has your husband said he will leave you? Just curious as to why you feel that way. Sometimes our emotions make us feel a certain way when it is so far from the truth!

As far as support, I do recommend the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, it is an excellent book for men and women to read to help be that supportive spouse. I know its tricky to get some men to read it but if you ever do, it truly helps men and women see things from each other's prospective.

We all say and do hurtful things, a lot of times men just don't realize that what they say has as much of an emotional impact that it does. They feel like they could let those comments and actions just roll off, but we don't and they hurt.

I hope that things change for you! Good luck!



ICEE2U
SparkPoints: (609)
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Posts: 7
8/2/11 11:46 P

Well ladies, it's seems like we are all in the same boat. My husband is not very supportive either. Whenever we have an argument, he'll make a crack about my weight, called me all these other names. And when he said them, of course I got mad and was trying to avoid speaking to him. I joined Sparkpeople to get motivation and advice when needed. Its kinda sad that we have to turn to a internet site to keep us motivated. I love my husband but I hate his heart! What I mean is that, I believe when somebody is mad and they start blurting stuff out..stuff they don't really say on a regular basis, it means that they meant what they said

So I'm starting my exercises including ZUMBA on Wii and eating better tomorrow morning. Even if I have to be cranky just to stay up. I'm going to get healthy for me and my kids. And we will see how my husband treats me when I lose the weight. If he treats me better than when I has heavy, somebody is going to be "taking care of his business" by himself for a minute. Let him suffer!! Hehe



K_MAUREEN_C
SparkPoints: (2,274)
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Posts: 23
7/15/11 1:34 P

I can totally relate! My husband "says" all the right things but his actions prove otherwise. He says he knows we have to eat better so when I suggest some meals, he finds excuses as to why he won't eat them. Fine. So I suggested that maybe we eat separatly and he got pissed at the idea because it would kill our budget - which I get but I need to do something!! He tells me he's supportive but if I ask him to watch the kids for 30 mins while I work out he finds "something" to do during that time so he doesn't have to watch the kids. Oh, it gets to me. It's just another obstacle I have to overcome.



TWINZMOM7
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Posts: 5,356
7/4/11 7:04 P

I'm sorry you are dealing with this...it's a very hard situation.



ELISAJANE57
Posts: 736
7/4/11 9:10 A

Men do struggle. I have been trying to explain my new eating habits to my husband and he doesn't get it. Now he drives me crazy because he thinks he has to check up on me, but I have been doing great with my own self-control lately. I still eat a little junk food because I plan for it. He'll see me eating chocolate and ask if I'm supposed to do that. It makes me crazy. I know more what I'm doing than him, I don't need his help. If I eat junk food, I only eat the serving size or even less anyway.



VANILLAMAMA
Posts: 416
7/4/11 8:43 A

Have another heart to heart with him. Men are dimwhitted sometimes. I have that problem with my man sometimes. He is a junk food junkie



DFREDRICK5
Posts: 13
6/22/11 1:11 P

I know I have the same problem, my husband says he supports me, but then goes and buys junk to have around the house, so my solution was: I gave him his own cupboard and said if he was going to buy junk to put it somewhere I won't look, so he knows where to go to get it, and it has helped me as I don't see it. Out of sight out of mind I say, but then the kids don't see it either and they see the fruits and veggies out instead of donuts and cookies. I just keep trying to ignore that he wants to eat unhealthy and he is so skinny it's hard! emoticon



MEANCARLEEN
SparkPoints: (43,601)
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Posts: 2,209
6/20/11 9:15 A

You can't make him support you the way you obviously need and want him to. I say you have to dig deeper within yourself to just say no and get your own meals and snacks....hopefully he will eventually get the picture and not offer you the bad foods; but if you give in to the bad foods...why would he stop offering?



ELISAJANE57
Posts: 736
6/20/11 8:44 A

This is an interesting topic. The thing I wish more than anything was that my husband would want to do what I am doing and we could lose weight together. Sometimes I feel like we never do anything together. He has a gym membership but he never goes with me. I want to eat and cook healthy, but like a little child he picks his veggies out of his food! I guess you could say that becoming fit and healthy has become an obsession/hobby for me. Eating and being healthier is something I think about many times throughout the day. For him, he would prefer not to know how many calories he is eating. I know I can't force him to want to take care of himself, but I also worry for his health. He doesn't have to do as much as me, but I would love to see him care just a little. Instead he just looks in the mirror, complains about his growing gut and does nothing about it. I want him to be around to be with me and to help raise our children, but I worry that he wont have a long life the way he is taking care of himself. I would love for us both to get healthy and be the fit couple together. I love him and we have been together for over 8 years but it is such a turn off that he wont care for himself. He is supportive of me though, or seems to be. He supports me that I just want the salad, and when I say I want to lose weight he wont go out and buy me candy. Although he did buy me my Raisinets the other day, but it's fine because I have found a way to eat them in moderation since I refuse to give them up!
I'm sorry your husband isn't helping you, but you just have to keep communicating to him that you have your goals and you want to be fit.



JEPPER
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6/19/11 10:44 A

I believe my husband is truly clueless, not deliberately cruel. When I point out to him that the Quarter Pounder Meal he brought home for me is not something I would have picked for myself, he is mystified because he thought he was doing something nice. I end up patting him on the head, quietly tossing the burger (while wincing at the wasted money) and eating something a bit healthier.



MBAILEY35
Posts: 10
6/14/11 10:33 P

Laugh, I know this isn't supportive to you, but when we first got married he used to complain about my cooking. This or that, NOTHING was ever good enough. One day I lost it. Got up, grabbed his plate, threw it in the garbage, and sat back down and finished mine as he sat there with his mouth hanging open. "Hey, you complained about almost everything on your plate, if it taste like garbage to you, that is where I will put it". He has never again complained. Sometimes he will not eat it or he just eats at it but he keeps his critiques to himself. ( I am not a bad cook, I don't think, know one had ever complained before, he used to always do it at resturants till I suggested that we never eat out again, no use in over paying if you aren't happy with your meals)

He now complains that I don't give him enough calories. He says he needs at least 3000 to survive. Did I mention he is getting heavier and heavier since I meet him. :D He is still skinny by most standards and does have a high metablosim, but come on, 3000 a day.


Edited by: MBAILEY35 at: 6/14/2011 (22:36)


CATSANDGARDENS
Posts: 717
6/14/11 1:29 P

Part of me is so happy to read that I'm not the only one that feels like they are battling healthier habits with their spouse. We used to share meal preparation; however, after discussing things a couple times but still having french fries, hot dogs and other items that are not on my food plan served; I've taken over meal planning and preparation. You might be thinking this was his goal all along; however, as we had been sharing for over 10 years I'm doubtful.

My current nemesis is the 'feedback' from my teens and DH after the meal. Let's say it has not been positive. At present I listen to the comments from my teens as it is more along with line of this would be better with fewer noodles and more broth --- constructive. DH just gives it a thumbs down and then snacks all evening. DH is obese by definition.

I am finding courage and support with SparkPeople as virtual appears to be the only type that is actually supportive. I've started an aerobics class and am ultimately hoping to connect. My current thought is that it has taken a number of years for taste preferences to form and therefore it will be necessary for new taste preferences to be established. Tonight we are having hot dogs and brats. I'm having healthy made chicken salad. With the hot dogs will be cole slaw and salsa made with recipes from SparkPeople. Progress made slowly.



ALICIAINBOSTON
SparkPoints: (22,177)
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Posts: 628
6/10/11 2:39 P

That is really challenging and I agree that it is often a sign of other underlying issues. Part of it may be subconscious for him but he also may be able to recognize reasons for sabotage (ie his own insecurity of what might happen when you lose the weight). I agree that it's good to be strong and that it's probably ok to have a bite of something if it doesn't start you on some kind of binge because that would be frustrating for you. I also agree that it is important to sit down with your hubby (when neither one of you is tired or frustrated with each other) to talk about your plans and what you would like him to do in order to support you. Give him the opportunity to tell you if anything about this process bothers him and let him know the reasons you are choosing to do what you are doing as far as making lifestyle changes. Good luck! Hang in there and keep turning to this community for support. It helps!



OHYESS_IMALOSER
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Posts: 6
6/10/11 9:32 A

I thought i was the only one .. but with me the thing is that my husband tells me i need to lose weight but hes the one that always brings unhealthy things to the house.. then when i tell him its not healthy he just basically gets mad and tells me to look for something else to eat . he tells me that he wants me to be a like when i first met him and i was weighing 160 (im 190 now) but then theres times where i catch him speaking to other females and they are all bigger than me so its like why do u want me to look smaller if u like bigger girls ? i know this is too much info and none of your buissness but i just dont understand .. but i am losing weight for ME and so i can feel good about my self .



WOLFKISA
SparkPoints: (964)
Fitness Minutes: (1,720)
Posts: 2
6/9/11 9:46 P

LOL mine wants me to stay chubbie. he's worried that when i do lose weight i wont stop. so he cooks and feeds me when it looks like i've started to lose weight. i don't want to be skinny i just want to be healthier. but some how he think i'm going for supermodel skinny. i just want to be a size 16 not a size 22



SPARKEDPERSON
SparkPoints: (11,351)
Fitness Minutes: (1,665)
Posts: 139
5/27/11 8:01 P

I've just learned that nothing happens that needs his involvement unless it is his decision for it to happen in the first place. This time he brought it up, I asked if he'd help with the food thing and he agreed and it's already going so much better than it ever has before.



MNIKODEM
Posts: 421
5/27/11 11:30 A

Usually a lack of support (which I see as a lack of respect) is a syndrome of other issues/problems in the marriage.



CAFFEINE2
Posts: 6
5/25/11 7:37 A

Hi,today is my first day on sparks people my fiance didn't want me to get on the Computer. He said I can do it myself. He is also no, support. So, I know how you feel. He like's to offer me Ice cream when he knows I am trying to Lose Weight for the nice Warm Weather. So my advice for you is to just say, NO. Remember you are more Important than that Cake or Ice Cream or whatever the type of Food is. It is time for Us to Love Our Own self and finally Lose that Weight that is making us feel bad inside. I enjoy reading Success Stories to motivate me. So bye for now and good luck, and don't forget to do nice things for yourself. Enjoy your Day. Your Spark friend, Diana.



JCSMOM2
SparkPoints: (20,840)
Fitness Minutes: (18,301)
Posts: 78
5/23/11 8:13 A

First of all, you're doing the right thing. I know what he's doing is hurting your feelings, so you're right in coming to a safe place and ask for advice, support, etc.

A marriage is a complicated thing, just like the people in it. He may not even know why he is doing the sabotage, so when you talk about it, he may be unable to truly explore and understand why he is doing what he is doing.

If you feel like you can eat one bite or a small piece of cake after explaining, once again, that you're doing the Spark, then you do it and then stop. Another idea may be to have him help you put in the recipe into the calculator so you can both see how much of the cake you can have (or not have). It may also help your hubby see how many calories is in that cake so he will leave you alone. He may not want to have as much once he realizes what's in the cake either.



MJREIMERS
Posts: 3,184
5/22/11 12:44 P

Maybe he is worried about the attention you'll get when you lose the weight. I've met my goal and you think things would be a little more "spicy." My husband says he likes the way I look, but he'll make comments like, "I'll blow away" or "She's wasting away" when someone compliments me. My husband is pretty stocky and could afford to lose a little weight for better health, but I love him for who he is.

Buy yourself snacks that will satisfy your cravings, but not hurt your goal. Also, have another heart-to-heart about your weigh loss goals with your husband. If he still doesn't get it, then maybe find another person to support your efforts. Remember it's a life change and it's for YOU!



JFREDERICK11
Posts: 800
5/22/11 6:49 A

My husband is about the only person supportive, There are control freaks, jealous others and I want what she iss working for people, but other than my husband there is not much support.



GABBY2876
SparkPoints: (1,340)
Fitness Minutes: (608)
Posts: 77
5/22/11 12:21 A

I am lucky to be single so no one here that buys the groceries to push me in the wrong direction. BUT maybe you can talk to him about making the cakes a little healthier so you can eat it to. (the dt coke cake is great for this) I wish you all the best.
And do not forget to come here for the support and encouragement that you may feel that you are not always getting at home.
YOU CAN DO IT



NHTHMS
Posts: 87
5/20/11 8:42 P

I came home tonight to dinner.... Whoppers from Burger King.. and Taco's from Taco Bell... jeez thanks!... I honestly think that husbands just don't think....I would say it would be nice to maybe have just a small piece of cake ... but if you're anything like me you can't just have a little piece.. a little piece leads to a big piece... and the eventual downfall.... stick to your guns girl.. and good luck!



LMBR72108
Posts: 242
5/20/11 5:12 A

my husband and I had to have a long talk when I decided it was time to do something about my weight. He would constantly bring junk to my job or bring it home. During our talk he told me that he didnt want my to lose weight and "find a better man". LOL



MUMMYUK2
SparkPoints: (13,512)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 763
5/18/11 10:01 A

I'm sorry you spouse is not supportive, maybe try talking to him about why he is sabotaging your efforts he might not realize he is doing it or he may feel threatened by you losing weight or it could be myriad of other issue that you can't fix unless you are aware of them

emoticon



KATS6574
Posts: 3
5/18/11 9:55 A

Why is it whenever I try to start my weight lose journey my husband goes out and buys cookies and candy and all the crap I can't eat. Last night I came home to a baked cake, Oreos and chocolate. This happens every time. In the past I have had the nice conversations about trying to be supportive and not bringing the food into the house. Now I am pissed. Last night he was actually mad at me for not eating a slice of the cake he made. I donít understand because he is in great shape, Iíve had two babies I gained weight and I want to get healthy again. As much as he ďtellsĒ me he is supportive all his actions are the exact opposite.



 
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