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EPOOKIE SparkPoints: (16,670)
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7/21/09 11:42 P

*rolling eyes* he bought a gun, no more large purchases for a while.

PEAPUFN Posts: 557
7/21/09 2:56 P

The pic is blurry - but I can try to take another. It's very sweet.

ALMSTMORGAN Posts: 45
7/21/09 12:35 P

PEAPUFN,

I wanna see it!!! Do you have a pic?


MAGICMARIGOLD Posts: 417
7/21/09 11:09 A

My ring is sitting upstairs, still in the delivery package and I'm not allowed to go near it until my boyfriend (fiance!!! argh) comes home tomorrow evening (hes away with work at the mo). Its like torture.

Not a romantic proposal but I didnt want one, I would have just laughed so last Sunday, we just kind of decided to get engaged - only my sister and gran know so far. I'm not telling anyone else until I have the ring on my finger.

We've been together nearly 5 years so I can wait another night (I think). I'm so not going to sleep tonight, I'm already looking at dresses which is why I'm back on here! lol

AMUSEDEASILY Posts: 18
7/21/09 12:59 A

Congrats Peapufn and Jessica!!!
And thanks for the congrats elfitzpa! :)


JESSICA28NH Posts: 48
7/21/09 12:56 A

Hi ....I have been with my guy for just a little over 4 years, when clearly out of the blue yesterday late afternoon after a hour long hike up a very small mountain he competely surprised me. best moment of my life...

PEAPUFN Posts: 557
7/20/09 5:19 P

HEY!!!! I got the ring! and a big romatic proposal in a fancy resturaunt, and I had no clue! Loved it! I just had to share! It was the most wonderful weekend!

ELFITZPA Posts: 1,454
7/17/09 5:25 P

SAUMUREC2 - I'm kind of in the same boat as you! We're going to Italy at the end of September and I'm hoping and praying he finally comes through!! It would definitely make an already memorable vacation even more special. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!!

And congrats AMUSEDEASILY!!

MAWKIDS Posts: 77
7/17/09 1:30 P

I don't know what I want anymore. I think I would be happy married, but don't know if I can handle it again. Having done it before - makes you re-think everything. I know I want kids & want a family & am getting older. I pray God just puts me where I'm suppose to be & I have the patience to handle one day at a time.

AMUSEDEASILY Posts: 18
7/16/09 10:26 P

Ah! He finally did it! I wrote earlier how I was anxiouly waiting and 3 weeks ago I came home and turned on my bedroom light to find my room covered in rose petals and him sitting on my bed! He flew in from England to surprise me! It was so romantic. :)

FOREVERWHISPERS SparkPoints: (6,533)
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7/16/09 7:32 P

emoticon LOL, I love this...I'm so happy I'm not alone!!!! I started dating my BF my junior year of college...it will be five and a half years the end of august. AND I'M STILL WAITING! My patience is definately running out. I told him I wanted to be engaged by year #5, but that came and went....now me and everyone i know is holding their breath for august. I am hopeful, but I don't want to be disappointed, see...we are supposed to be going on our first cruise together then...so to be engaged on our cruise would be oh so romantic...so hopefully the magic day is around the corner! (I told him though that it's a carat for every year your together...so the longer he wants to push it, the bigger the ring...I was just kidding of course!)

So hold on, the day will come, don't lose all hope! I know it's hard...but it's working as a little motivation for me! I want to be a beautiful bride when the time comes! emoticon

WHITEJM11 Posts: 272
7/16/09 9:05 A

I know how you feel. My fiance and I dated for over 5 years before he proposed. I knew it was coming because he let it slip that he had gone to pick the ring up. So every time a big occasion came around I was expecting a ring and never got it. I kept getting disappointed. Finally I just let it go and figured when he was ready he would do it. He did it in the most special way. It wasn't a big occasion we just happened to be lying in bed together early in the morning when he asked. It was nice since I had expected it for so long to be a big to do and it was much more intimate.

PEAPUFN Posts: 557
7/13/09 1:27 P

So I told my man not to worry about the ring until the wedding day, that I could wrap a string around my finger and be happy. This weekend he made me go get my ring finger sized, and my birthday is almost here.....

Edited by: PEAPUFN at: 7/13/2009 (13:28)
CHOCOLATECHIP69 SparkPoints: (5,994)
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7/8/09 5:01 P

Communication definitely is good. We had one just this past weekend. After being together for 4.5 years this was pretty much the first time we ever talked about marriage. Turns out there are many things that in my boyfriend's mind are wrong with the whole "concept" of marriage. The biggest concern for him is the fact that every single person he knows has been through a divorce at least once (including his parents) and he's afraid that no matter how strong our relationship is right now there's still a possibility of us growing apart in the future. Neither of us want to be another number in grueling statistics.
Even though we both are 100% committed to each other and love spending time together it seems like getting that paper just doesn't make much sense right now. Maybe a future child would change our opinion on that.

MARYKOWALS Posts: 344
7/8/09 4:51 P

I am waiting too -- we've been dating for four years and I think we will be together forever. I don't need a ring, really, but a proposal would be nice. :) I'm not gonna lie, though, part of the reason I would like to lose weight is to look good at me (hopefully in the near future) wedding! Ultimately, I want to be with only him, so even if we never get married I would rather be with him than have a ring form someone else. I don't understand ultimatums, but I think communication is good.

ALMSTMORGAN Posts: 45
7/8/09 1:04 P

I completely understand this delima because my fiancee asked me to marry him on our 3rd date (2006)-saying he couldn't live one more moment not being my husband (AWWW, right?) and I said...someday honey I promise. I didn't think he really meant it because it wasn't what I thought a "true" proposal should be and just passed it off as impulse but it hurt him so much that he was unwilling to even talk about the subject again until March 2009 (and believe me I hinted and pushed and pouted and asked a million times between that time), when he presented me with the most beautiful one of kind ring and asked if it was someday yet!!!
Man-I thought I had blown it and was sooo frustrated with the whole situation...but when I finally had that ring on my finger, it meant so much that he did it on his own terms and his own time.
I guess my point is, you don't want to be so pushy that he feels forced into it. It will mean so much more if he is in control--just this once!

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ALL!!!

EPOOKIE SparkPoints: (16,670)
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7/7/09 11:52 P

I think it's comming sooner than expected! He told me a few weeks ago he would like to be married before he goes into the CHP academy (which is about a year away). He's also been telling be the past couply weeks that he can't wait to marry me. He's also been deleting his history on the computer before he lets me on it. We don't have many secrets from each other so him deleting his history means that he is up to something.

PEAPUFN Posts: 557
7/7/09 7:04 P

Ah, the ring. This plagues my man. He so despertly wants to get me a huge rock that will be the envy of every woman. I could care less if he gave me an onion ring (except i'd dip it in suace and eat it.) I told him to wait - I don't need the ring until the wedding day - so he has more time to save up.....

Edited by: PEAPUFN at: 7/7/2009 (19:04)
CHILLON1 Posts: 15
7/3/09 11:32 A

We are just moving together but been dating for 1 yr, and a half. He talks about marriage all the time and has a great job and a1 credit. But I met him while in the middle of a ugly divorce. So now they are selling the home they shared. I fear that I've leaped out on faith but will be burned. I'm a divorced mother and I left my home to get a place with him. We both are on the lease but this is scary for me until things get finished on his end. I want to lose weight for many reasons. To be the sexy kitten older men dream of, and to be the beautiful bride he is proud of... We just came home from vegas and weddings were all the talk... emoticon

KATANA_X Posts: 2,557
7/2/09 5:28 A

My SO took me completely by surprise when he proposed. I'd thought about the possibility, but we had never even discussed it. I never planned for it and I certainly never expected it.

Now, we're waiting for the actual wedding. We've been engaged for a while now...but it's just so much work to actually get it done! Now THAT, my friends, is true laziness. ;)

SILVERSUREALISM Posts: 6
7/1/09 9:14 P

I'm not getting a ring until I'm done losing weight so it doesn't have to be resized. I can be engaged without a ring. He's promised to marry me as soon as I get under 200 pounds, but I want to wait until I'm at my goal weight of 180 so I can wear the dress I want. (It is not a good dress for people as fatty as I am.)

Edited by: SILVERSUREALISM at: 7/1/2009 (21:18)
FATHEADPRINCESS Posts: 103
6/30/09 11:52 P

I totally understand your pain. I was ready for him to ask a long time before he did. He insists he was just waiting until after he finished college... I still like to tease him that he was just scurred.

My point is it all worked out. I knew he wasn't goin' anywhere and neither was I. I think that's all that really matters in the end.

Also, I think I built the idea of getting engaged up in my mind so much that when he finally did it was almost anti-climatic because I knew he was going to eventually. In retrospect, if I had a chance to do it over I would relax more and enjoy it all more rather than fretting over when/if. If he's gonna ask you will know.

ELFITZPA Posts: 1,454
6/30/09 5:28 P

It's not always as simple as some people seem to be making it out to be. I'm 30 and I've been with my BF (31) for about 3 years. I want to get married (and yes, I've told him explicitly how I feel) but not until he's ready. And since he's not, there's not much I can do but wait and hope he deals with what's holding him back before my patience runs out.

He's been the most amazing boyfriend I could ever wish for - he treats me amazingly, is super supportive, and my friends and family all love him. Honestly we've ALL been surprised that he still has reservations given how wonderful he's been from the start. And he surely never came off as any sort of committment-phobe. But I don't want to wait a couple more years only to realize that I'm just not the girl for him, and perhaps have missed my chance to get married and have kids. I'm already finding myself feeling resentful on occasion, while more friends get married and have babies all around us. Plus I'm constantly fielding inquiries from friends and both of our families, which only makes it worse.

The phrase "waiting game" is such a misnomer because there's nothing fun about it!!

Edited by: ELFITZPA at: 6/30/2009 (17:29)
KAY-AICH Posts: 428
6/29/09 9:27 A

Totally waiting. We were at Tiffany's looking at rings on Friday and he had this look on his face...turns out he thought I was expecting one from Tiffany's, which are like 4 times as expensive! I know he is saving up for "the ring that I deserve". But it sucks waiting!

KDBEAR01 Posts: 11
6/24/09 11:33 P

I'm getting my ring July 1st! I hope he doesn't make me wait until our anniversary..July 9th.

SADLERFAN Posts: 232
6/24/09 2:37 P

Well, I kind of asked him if he had something in mind for popping the question - but asked for a yes or no only to gauge where his head was. He reluctantly said he did. I say reluctantly because he wants it to be special and doesn't want me to bug him and tip his hand. I can respect that. So long as it's coming, I will be content.

emoticon

CHOCOLATECHIP69 SparkPoints: (5,994)
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6/24/09 1:00 P

I'm also one of those "old-fashioned" girls, I guess. I should rephrase. I don't want to be that girl that pressures a guy into marriage. I feel like if one of the people is not ready, he might never be ready to take a relationship to that next step, and if you pressure or trick him into it, it will only end in resentment on both parts. I've seen it happen way to often and just this past weekend my best friend got married the same exact way. They are not very compatible with each other, but she set the ultimatum.
I feel torn because I know being married officially will not change much in our relationship as we've been together for 4 1/2 yrs and out of those years we've lived together for 4. In this entire time-span we only had the whole "marriage" conversation once, and it didn't go very well. He said that he's old-fashioned and only wants to get married once, but from what I understand the thought of being married is making him anxious because everyone he knows has been through a nasty divorce of a bitter break-up and it's usually the female who's at fault. I think he's afraid that years down the road the same will happen to him although he probably understands that I am no where like any of the girls he's ever known and I would never betray someone close to me like that.
I don't know how to approach this topic sensibly without making feeling very uncomfortable or misunderstood.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you overcome it?

BEE_FIT Posts: 281
6/19/09 11:27 A

I'm the one that made my finance wait. We have been together 4 years and engaged for 2.5 years. When he proposed he wanted to be married the next weekend but I told him I wasn't ready to be married but I was okay with being engaged so I wanted a long engagement. This didn't mean that I didn't love him any less or didn't want to be with him; I just wasn't rushing in to marriage. We have a great, loving, relationship and that's what counts... not a piece of paper or a ring. And yes, I told him that once we finished building our house we would get married (that never happened) then we got pregnant and I told him after the baby was born (that never happened). It was actually my mother that convinced me to marry me for our daughter. I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of our lives I just didn't see an importance in marraige until our daughter was born. Now I'll be married on July 11 and I still feel the same way.
You should feel blessed to love somebody enough to want to spend the rest of your life with. Some people never find that kind of love. Give him time but you might just have to accept that he isn't ready to say "i do" just yet.

PETERSON22 Posts: 5
6/18/09 3:21 P

I had been witing for the "question" to be popped and it hadn't happened.. so I got smart and let him know my ring size. I was like "oh yea me and the girls went out on our lunch date today and while we were in the mall we decided it would be funny to get our ring fingers sized... I had no Idea I was a siz 8.5"... and i mentioned the.. I wanna be his wife and stuff.. we both want to get married... but now lol it seems I am still stuck waiting lol silly boys!!

LINZNOE Posts: 9
6/18/09 3:15 P

Ah, so many of us doing the same thing...just sitting around waiting! I am definitely not one to sit and wait for anything, so it drives me crazy. My BF and I have been together 3 years, and I started bugging him about a ring a few months ago. We've shopped and sized and all of that, but right now he says he's saving money so he can get me a "good" ring. I appreciate it, but I keep telling him that I don't care if it's a Cracker Jack box ring, I just want to know we're getting married!

JESSIE702 Posts: 4
6/16/09 6:17 P

Well personally, i am old-fashioned and want him to pick out the ring and when to ask. Yes, Yes, i know its the 21st century, but thats just me! We have spoken about it, i know it will be this year, i put it in his hands and now its his turn to run with it

TIPMAR Posts: 67
6/16/09 6:13 P

What is there to wait for? If you want to get married talk to him about it and take him to buy a ring.

Edited by: TIPMAR at: 6/16/2009 (18:14)
MKISSA SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 60
6/16/09 4:51 P

I am waiting. We have discussed the ring at great length. My BF told me that he would propose when I felt that I was ready to go dress shopping. I was so sad when he first told me that. But now it is motivation. I cannot wait to go dress shopping. 25 more pounds and it begins.

We have set a tenative date of late summer/early fall of next year.

JESSIE702 Posts: 4
6/16/09 3:57 P

Im waiting, i have been told that i wont have to wait past the fall. But im really hoping for August, which is my bday. So i can totally relate. HAha..im a lady in waiting

LICI79 Posts: 101
6/15/09 5:00 P

Wow...I had no idea there were so many people out there like me! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. He keeps saying.."Let's just get married," but I want a formal proposal and a ring. I don't want to tell my grandkids, "Oh, we just decided it was time." I want to be able to tell them the big story like my grandmother used to tell me. We have discussed a wedding, invitations, etc., but I am not planning anything until I have a ring on my finger and a real proposal under my belt. emoticon

SADLERFAN Posts: 232
6/15/09 1:59 P

Wow! Here I thought I was the only one!! Just after we'd been dating a year, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring when we were on vacation at the Outer Banks.

We both agreed that it would be a long way off before we actually got married and agreed to April 2011. I suggested we wed in the Outer Banks as it is such a special place to him (and now me since the sunset on the beach ring presentation). I have already started planning and he had no idea how much work goes into it.

When I first started talking minor details (like whether April would be okay, and his favourite colour); he asked if it was still going to be a small wedding as that's what we had decided on. I replied that even a small wedding takes planning.

He is starting to understand better after a few clarifying conversations and has even thought about things like the music in the ceremony that I hadn't even considered yet. There are going to be things that he will enjoy looking after and I am leaving them for him.

One of my co-workers joked to me while I was sharing my plans with her, "but he hasn't actually proposed yet, right?". I told him about the conversation and he explained that the promise ring was meant to start the conversation about marriage and that the proposal would be forthcoming.

Oh, did I mention we're in a long distance relationship across two countries? I am Canadian and he is American living in Virginia. I plan on moving down there with him after the wedding. Since I want to work as long as I can to save up for a house and only want to move once, I will be moving down when the house is bought and closed. With all the changes I will be encountering (new country, new job, new friends) in 2011, I figure planning a fun wedding is a great escape from the everyday stress until then.

Cheers,
Laura

GEIGE00-03 Posts: 16
6/11/09 10:14 A

I've been together with my boyfriend for over 5 years. We have lived together for over a year now. I'm glad to know that I am not alone in this wait. We started dating in college when we were freshman. So now all of my friends have started dating and gotten married in less time than we have been together and he wonders why I'm so depressed about it. Because everyone else is married before us! Waiting, waiting, waiting......

RASP.BERRY Posts: 60
6/8/09 10:49 A

i hear all of your frustrations. my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 1/2 years, and we dated on and off for a year and a half before that. we've got 2 children together who are 2 and 8 months and im so anxious to finally get married. its something thats very important to me. he knows this, we've talked about it plenty of times. ive also dropped comments about how long it takes to plan a wedding and make deposits etc. and we know we want to get married in june for an outdoor wedding. money is tight with us though with 2 children and he says that when we get married, he wants to do it right and we just cant afford the extra expense right now. i kind of want to just say screw it, it doesnt need to be extravagant but then my girly side comes out and i DO want all the flowers, the dress and tons of guests... so im thinking i still have another couple of years to wait... i dont think it'll be until at least june 2011.... which kind of sucks, but in a way at least our youngest will be old enough to participate in the ceremony. *sigh*

AMUSEDEASILY Posts: 18
6/8/09 2:26 A

So I am anticipating a ring soon but am going crazy waiting, well because I live in a different country than my boyfriend! I last saw him at the end of April/beginning of May and we talked a lot more about it than usual. Because of our lack of money and international situation it was a topic floating up in the air if it would be soon or not. He was accepted into a school in NY for the fall and our plan was to both move out there together. Funds for the school fell through and we were down to nothing because there was no way to live in the same country (trying to get work visas in this economy is insane). So basically, about two weeks after I left he started talking about marriage in a serious tone which took me by surprise. He basically proposed informally and told me his real proposal will be amazing. So now I am just anxiously waiting for him! He says he will be coming here next since I have been there the last two times and keeps saying "I can't wait to see you soon". Soo I am crossing my fingers it will be a surprise trip to see me!

LEXEY626 Posts: 111
6/6/09 4:30 A

It's great that you had all of those discussions so he knows he has to give you enough time to plan everything. I would now suggest to try not to think of it anymore because it will drive you crazy!

I regret telling my fiance that I was hoping to wear my ring before our vacation in May, because that didn't give him much of a window to do it in. We picked out the ring together, but when it was ready, they gave it to him.

I was expecting him to propose soon, so the surprise element wasn't there. But I couldn't blame him because it was I who pushed the issue. You have to try not to think of it and just let it happen naturally. It will all turn out in the end!

ONEWOMANUSO SparkPoints: (3,647)
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Posts: 78
6/4/09 6:13 P

I actually have been engaged twice by the same man. He asked me after only six months of dating, then called everything off, then two years later he finally asked me again! Geesh.... I felt like it was never going to come. He had issues to work out first I guess. emoticon

SPLENDIDKATE Posts: 9
6/4/09 2:15 P

Thanks everyone! :) We've had many of the talks you suggested -- we've talked about how important it is, how much time it will take to plan, etc. He was clueless at the outset -- he had no idea how long it could potentially take to order/size a ring, especially if it's custom made. I've been doing better now that I have a window of time, and a week-long business trip coming up in two weeks that will help the time go by faster.

Even if he does wait until the very last possible second, I think we'll still be in the clear with planning. I'm shooting for October of 2010, so I'll have more than a year to plan.

And besides, the whole experience has been a much-needed lesson in patience for me!


SPECKJOY Posts: 171
6/3/09 2:17 P

This is so true what PinkUnicorn said! Many guys have no idea how much planning is required! I told my boyfriend that I had to have six months at MINIMUM to get everything booked and planned (we were getting married in a smaller town, but summer weddings are huge since it's a college town and all the college students get married at the same couple of locations). Anywho, I told the boy that I had to have six months to plan the wedding and since we had already planned to get married in August of '08 that meant that February was the last month he could propose. Sure enough, February 7th, he popped the question. In a way it was kinda sad because I pretty much knew exactly when the proposal was coming so there was no shock or surprise. I really like the idea of going ahead and starting to plan things even without a ring once you know he's just waiting for a special date to propose (for my boy, he was waiting until the Chinese New Year - February 7th - to ask me to start a new life with him). Okay, I'm done again. :P

PINKUNICORN81 Posts: 86
6/3/09 2:09 P

I was in this exact situation this year! My now-fiancee and I had agreed that we wanted to be married in 2009, preferably in September all the way back in like July 2008. We even went ring shopping, I got sized and he knew what I wanted. So I assumed the ring would be soon and didn't stress...and the months went by. There was one particular weekend at the end of August when we were going away to the mountains and I was SURE that was going to be the weekend I would get the ring. I even went so far as to go buy a VERY expensive bottle of champagne to celebrate. Surprise, surprise, it didn't happen. I continued to wait and wait and wait (all the while getting more and more panicked as in my city you generally need to book a year or more in advance to get the venues and vendors you want). Finally at the end of October I just came right out and told him that if he was serious about wanting to marry me in September 2009 that ring or no ring I had to start booking stuff and putting down deposits. He had no idea that you had to book stuff so far in advance and said that of course I could but that he had a special time in mind to propose. So I flew into action booking the cathedral and the reception venue and musicians and then he proposed at the end of November when we were going to Costa Rica, so the trip was extra special.

I guess the point of my novel is that men don't always understand that it takes time to plan a wedding, so he may have some date in mind to give you the ring which is special or romantic. I say just talk to him and explain the stress and anxiety of waiting and get a firm commitment from him so that you can start planning. You will feel better right away!

Edited by: PINKUNICORN81 at: 6/3/2009 (14:11)
SPECKJOY Posts: 171
6/3/09 12:45 P

Haha, I'm like the poster child for waiting! We dated four years before we got married! We started dating my freshman year of college (he was a sophomore). The next year, all of our friends started dating... and then getting engaged... and then getting married! I just remember thinking, "but we've been together longer than all of you! What the heck is he waiting on??" But FINALLY, senior year, after all our friends had been married two years (lol), he proposed and we got married in August after graduation.

Looking back, though, I'm glad we waited. In our case, we were young. Really, really young. See, I wasn't just an 18-year-old freshman when we started dating - I was as barely 17-year-old freshman (I had been 17 for two weeks when I started college). And he started college a year early too so he was an 18-year-old sophomore. We did a LOT of growing in college. We never broke up, but we had some pretty rough times that would have been horrific had we already been married.

So for us, it worked out. But then that's easy for me to say since I'm 21 and married. :P

But like MandieTerrier said, honesty is important! That's one thing that I have always lived by in my relationships. It was painful to wait, but it helped knowing that he DID want to marry me, he just felt that he needed to wait until he was graduated and had a job to support us.

Alrighty, done with my mini-novel now, lol.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,646
6/2/09 9:56 P

Since marriage is very important to you. Then you should have an honest and frank discussion with your significant others.

Guys are very one dimensional they can't read our minds. They might be thinking everything is gravy and they can propose in five years.

So tell them your feelings and how important this is to you. You have the right to be engaged and soon married!



ECHO81 Posts: 637
6/2/09 5:34 P

I have been in that boat, my fiance asked me to marry him two weeks after dating in Nov of 2007 and we were supposed to be married by may of 2008. I had an engagement ring by December 2007, but had to return it due to financial reasons in February. Finally in January of this year I got another ring after looking for one since December.

Edited by: ECHO81 at: 7/24/2009 (14:17)
ELFITZPA Posts: 1,454
6/2/09 5:18 P

I'd say I'm "hoping" for it more than waiting. We haven't talked timeframes or anything like that, just idea locations/time of year/etc. And he knows I'm ready and just hoping he doesn't outlast my patience!

SIMPLYSMALTZY Posts: 366
6/2/09 2:59 P

im waiting too...unfortunately!
he says he wants to get married august 2010 and says he wants me to have a year to plan...so im anxious...very anxious! im so ready to start making definite plans already and have a sparkly ring on my finger!!

SPLENDIDKATE Posts: 9
6/2/09 2:01 P

I've been told it will happen "this summer" (though I've also been told we'll be engaged before we close on our house -- July 15th). Is anyone else out there waiting? I'm starting to feel like I'm going crazy, I just want to be engaged to this person and start planning our happily ever after! Or if you *were* waiting, but are now engaged, how did you keep from bouncing off the walls?

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