The red flag for me was "has his stuff together he just drinks too much". Personally I don't see an issue with putting the father's name on the birth certificate, it's the truth, and it'll not only make things easier but your son was bound to be curious about "where he came from". Two women cannot make a baby; the sperm has to come from somewhere.
Perhaps your gf is insecure and afraid you'll choose to go back to your son's father. Or perhaps she is genuinely concerned about your son.
Because a person can be the nicest, smartest, most caring individual on the face of the earth-- until they start drinking. Then they can turn into the most obnoxious, hateful, dangerous, scary, stupid people on earth. They can drive drunk with kids in the car. They can be emotionally and physically abusive. They can make really poor decisions that put their kids' health and well-being at risk. So I'd be very cautious about how much exposure your son has, to his father, and under what circumstances (I would never allow unsupervised visitation with anyone who has a drinking problem).
Ruth in Cookeville, TN Central Time Zone
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think - Christopher Robin to Pooh
4/20/12 7:50 A
It's usually a very good idea for a father to be on the birth certificate. It makes for fewer problems later.
Sorry you're going through such a tough time. Hang in there.
I would agree that your son HAS to come first. If the gf is the problem, kick her to the curb. As for his father, if the father is determental to the son, I'd re-think that too. If he's causing problems and stress for you and your son then he needs to go buhbye and just send the check every month. I have two good friends, both of whom were married before, who are (idk how to put this right) now lesbians. They are in a committed loving relationship and their kids are doing wonderfully (and one is speciald needs.) Point is, there are women out there who long to have a family. Perhaps your gf is not one of them. Perhaps she is jealous that you used to be straight/were in denial of your lesbianness/however your situation was. Perhaps she just doesn't like to share you with anyone else. IDK. There are plenty of fish in the sea, sounds like its time to get out your fishing pole. ALSO, I'd suggest talking to a preacher if you have a church you go to. They usually have LOTS more experience with complicated relationships and stuff. :) Good luck! Peace and love to you and your son!
I agree with Archimedes; your son needs to come first--he's a responsibility you took on with his birth! Sounds like the gf may have had little experience in family life (other than having been someone's daughter, which is the receiving end of caring and responsibility). She has to learn--and it's tough!--that the parenting end always takes priority over all other relationships, even when that means dealing with old issues, like your son's father (for whom I imagine she has some jealousy, as well as any anger based on things you might have told her about your relationship with him). I can see that might be very hard for her, particularly if she's at all insecure. It's harder to build trust with adults sometimes.
I wish you good success with this; ride it as lightly as you can.
Every moment is unique, unknown, completely fresh. ~~ Pema Chodron
Fitness Minutes: (230,065)
4/14/12 2:31 P
Hello, Jen !
It does sound like you have many difficult issues that are complicating your life. You do the best you can. You're not Wonder Woman. there is only so much a person can handle at any given time. If your gf doesn't trust you, that's going to cause relationship problems later. There should always be trust in a relationship and if there isn't, that's no good. but that's a whole separate issue from your son.
To me, your most important relationship is with your son first. The gf is just going to have to deal with the fact that they come second. You do what you think is best for your son. that's what matters most.
As far as losing weight, if you've lost 15 pounds in a month, that's fantastic ! Don't beat yourself up because the weight isn't coming off as fast as you'd like it. slow and easy really does win this race. You didn't gain the weight overnight, it's not coming off overnight. That's why you need to be patient with yourself and your body.
Change takes time.
Fitness Minutes: (540)
4/14/12 11:13 A
well i started my weight loss journey a month agao and so far its gone good im down 15 pds. my issue is life its self im in the process of losing it all i have troubles with my gf and sons father she hates him he has drinking issues my son is 11 and just met him last yr that was my fault not his fathers my gf expects perfection from him i ecpect improvment and and seen it he is overall a good guy has his stuff together he just drinks to much he asked about being on his birth certifcate and my gf feels like i stabbed her in the nback bc i gave it thought she dontbelieve my reasoning behind wanting to do it i dont know how to handle this situation bc there so many issues with us and him anybody ever got threw this any help would be helpful i can explain in more detail if need be thanks
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