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meeting a friend



 
 
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RUNNER12COM
Posts: 5,439
7/6/12 5:47 P

Please let us know how it goes when you see her!



NOTTINGHAMKATE
Posts: 190
7/6/12 5:31 P

Another thing you could try is letting her know about your weight gain before you meet up. You don't need to actually say that you've gained the weight and make a big deal out of it but you could try saying/texting/e-mailing something like "I'm trying really hard to stick to a healthier lifestyle, do you fancy meeting up for a walk?" This way even if she is surprised when she sees the gain she'll also know that you are doing something about it.

Or, if you're pretty good at sticking to your calorie limits and can fit a treat in say "Sod it" and go for (smallish) cake and coffee.



NOTTINGHAMKATE
Posts: 190
7/6/12 5:27 P

Hey there Dianas, I hope this message finds you in a more positive state of mind.
Can you think about this meeting from a slightly different point of view? I've got a question for you - What will annoy or upset you more - sitting at home and missing the chance to re-kindle a good friendship or letting a friend see that you've gained some weight?
Remember, she got in touch with you so it seems clear that she does value your friendship.




LILLIPUTIANNA
Posts: 1,036
7/5/12 2:39 P

A REAL friend won't care that you've gained weight. If they don't want to be your friend anymore because you've gained a few pounds (and are now trying to be healtheir, by the way), then they aren't the sort of friend you need to begin with.



RUNNER12COM
Posts: 5,439
7/4/12 11:32 P

Unless your friend has a portrait in her attic that is aging in her place, she will also have changed. And how would you feel if you found out that SHE was afraid to see you because of how she has changed?

When you see her, if you feel your weight gain is obvious and you want to address it, do it from a positive place. Start with something like, "well, there is something new with me... I've joined a health and fitness website called SparkPeople and I'm really enjoying the new changes already. Heck, I'm even enjoying walking (or jogging, or zumba, or whatever activity you are doing)!"

Find a reason to be positive about where you are. Why focus on last year's weight gain when you can talk about the good changes you are making NOW?





STARDUST2K4
Posts: 1,341
7/4/12 6:31 P

I had the same problem. A couple years after high school, a friend wanted to see me. It was after I had gained a ton of weight, and I was worried that something might be said. The thing is, she wanted to see ME and catch up-not see how much weight I had gained..

I'd go. Then, the next time you see your friend after that, you'll be able to say you've lost weight. :)



ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (131,225)
Fitness Minutes: (198,315)
Posts: 19,557
7/4/12 1:50 P

Diana, try not to stress out ! Meet your friend and enjoy yourself !! Don't worry about not looking like you did years ago. We really do all change. Your friend has probably changed too. That's why you shouldn't fret over how you'll look to them. What matters is renewing that friendship !!! When you see them, you're not even going to remember why you were worried about getting together. You'll just be having way too much fun.

And that's what you should be thinking about i.e. how much fun you're going to have with this person. No expectations. No judgments. No criticisms.

Just enjoy the moment. Have fun ! can't stress that enough.



emoticon



RADIOTIKSPARK1
SparkPoints: (7,841)
Fitness Minutes: (2,813)
Posts: 638
7/4/12 1:25 P

Everyone changes over time...and whose to say that they haven't changed a lot as well!

If the absolute only thing that was keeping me from meeting up with this old friend was my weight, I would meet up with the friend. I wonder what would feel worse, having your old friend see you a bit different or knowing that you passed up an opportunity to reconnect because of your own issues with your body right now?

And, really, that is the rub isnt it? These are YOUR issues, not your friend's issues. Why would they care how you look now? They liked you for you in the past, they should like you for you now.

Much of losing weight and getting over the things that got us to this point in the first place is a mental process. The more you allow your weight to interfere with your life and the things you want to do, the more it become a crutch and (worse) the more it becomes part of your identity. Part of taking back your life is living it!



DIANAS
SparkPoints: (13,482)
Fitness Minutes: (17,472)
Posts: 371
7/4/12 12:31 P

Help! An old friend of mine wants to meet up, but I am having such big problems with self-image that it is something i really don't want to do. I am huge compared to what I was then and it's so embarassing to show up :(. I'm sure it will do nothing for my self-esteem either. What would you do in my place? I feel so stressed now



 
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