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LAURIEANDBLUE2K SparkPoints: (56,278)
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8/3/13 8:15 A

Plan date nights like others said and leave each other little post it notes. It is a cute reminder when you have a rough day that you love and care about each other.

SPARKEDPERSON SparkPoints: (23,259)
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7/29/13 9:45 A

You may want to reject this notion: try the "Love Dare". When you read it, it looks like all you do is give give give, I thought pretty much "ooh I'm going to be a door mat/servant" but I gave it a try anyway. Without expecting him to, he started treating me kinder as well. A factor of contagious attitudes maybe? Did I get through it? No, but things did get better. It reinforces the maintenance of effort (and the little things!) required to keep the fire lit.

TEXASPCMAMA SparkPoints: (5,659)
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7/28/13 6:36 P

Kendilynn, I don't think you would get in trouble with anyone for feeling like "just" a mom and housewife. I think it's normal for SAHM's to go through this. It's lonely, nowadays, to be home with the kids - not like it was even as late as the '60's, when there were more SAHM's than working moms.

I agree: it's important to find an outlet to give yourself some "me" time, just to feel like a grown-up. Getting involved at your gym, church, kids' school(s), mom clubs or play groups can get you connected with other mamas that you can befriend.

I also agree that DATE NIGHT is really, really important. Hubby and I have been married for 22 years. When the kids were little and life was stressful - at one point we had 3 children aged 6 and under - those date nights were a huge blessing for me. If you have family nearby that can pitch in and babysit for you every once in awhile, so much the better. If not, hire a babysitter. And if that's not affordable, reach out to some mom friends and see who might like to participate in a babysitting co-op!

It can be fun to take a personality quiz or relationship quiz with your spouse, just don't take it too seriously. Playing games is a relationship builder.

You could also do a book study or Bible study together, with topics to discuss.

KENDILYNN SparkPoints: (22,924)
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7/22/13 10:22 P

Date nights are awesome, and it's not a bad idea to make kid/work talk off limits (or kept to a minimum) during your special nights out. Also, making sure you each have some semblance of "me time" helps tremendously. That might mean a quiet bath or grocery shopping without the kids once in a while (yes, I have a very sad definition of "me time" sometimes!), but even better would be a gym membership (with childcare!), the occasional pedicure and even dinner/drinks out with the girls. Sometimes that's all it takes to feel like a real grown-up person again, and not *just* a mom/wife/housekeeper.

I know that last statement might get me in trouble with some women who don't feel there's any "just" about it. BUT: I know I've gotten lost before in supporting my husband's career and raising my kids. I'm a SAHM and military wife, and I had no definition of myself outside of what I am to other people. I had no hobbies and never made any decisions based on what "I" wanted. It was hard to be an equal partner in our relationship when I didn't know who "I" was.

For me the fix was finding a great group of female friends (very low-drama and highly supportive military wives whose husbands are NOT connected to my husband through work) and working on my own fitness/nutrition goals. These things combined keep me mentally and physically balanced, and I'm a happier woman when he gets home at night. I'm more comfortable with my body, I'm not stress eating, I have more energy in and out of the bedroom, and I have an outlet for my daily stresses (my girlfriend gab time) so I don't unload on him the moment he walks through the door. It makes our together-time that much easier, and we've definitely grown closer as a couple. Hope it helps.

MKWELLS84 SparkPoints: (37,403)
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7/20/13 4:29 P

Thanks! This gives me some ideas! :)

7/19/13 10:46 P

Date nights are so important! Also remember to talk about the little things that happen in your daily life. I recently did a relationship quiz that was interesting, we learned stuff about each other that we haven't discussed in the past 10 years. Don't be too tired for Sexy lol. See breeds more sex. Sometimes you have to push yourself to get in the mood and the more you do that the more your body naturally becomes in the mood ;-) Don't forget to say I love you and kiss every day. And try new things together :-) these are things I try to work on in my home!

SUPERSYLPH Posts: 1,300
7/19/13 9:44 P

I believe that some kind of date night and/or setting aside some time to talk a day is very important for a healthy marriage.

LMRYAN2 Posts: 44
7/19/13 9:03 P

Been There at that exact place. Here's what we came to: Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud it is not self seeking, it keeps no record of wrongs, it does not alwasy delight in evil but rejoices in the truth, it always trusts, always perseveres.

Keep that in mind wehn you are interacting with your spouse. When our DS was that age, we instituted monthly date nights. We tried to make sure that we each got breaks because we were both working, and taking care of our son.

Sometimes when it was rough, I would think of all the reasonas why we fell in love in the first place. Hang in there! This too shall pass. :)

MKWELLS84 SparkPoints: (37,403)
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7/19/13 12:05 P

My husband and I have been married for 4+ years. We have a 15 month old son. Last night we sat down and told each other we want more love in our marriage. We love each other but feel like we need to work on bonding with each other. Life is busy and different after having a baby. I am looking for ideas of what other couples do to keep their marriage a life. We both work and spend our free time with our son. Once he goes to bed, we either clean or watch TV. I suggested getting rid of the tv and making a date nite somehow. But when we have a date, all we talk about is our son and work. Ideas please!

Edited by: MKWELLS84 at: 7/19/2013 (12:07)
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