Fitness Minutes: (1,276)
17 12/19/11 11:34 P
All men do not hate all women. True. The vast majority of the world's cultures are misogynistic to varying extents, though. They are biased against women and it could be argued that such cultures "hate" women and/or treat them badly.
Men - no matter what your feelings are toward us women, you have certain privileges that we don't. You didn't choose them, but you have them. You can prove that you don't hate us or treat us badly by identifying these privileges, choosing not to exercise them, and opting for equality instead.
Fitness Minutes: (135,151)
3,544 12/1/11 4:40 P
maybe there scared to treat women as equals
Fitness Minutes: (6,255)
1,055 11/8/11 2:40 P
Just wanted to add that I agree with JIMIPAGE29. Weak women anger me. I don't understand why men go after stupid or weak women who are needy or indulgent. Relationships should be 50/50. I have had relationships end but never badly.
Fitness Minutes: (6,255)
1,055 11/8/11 2:33 P
I am a woman but I thought you just might like to know that not all relationships end badly. I am divorced and my ex and I amiably sought divorce together. We got the papers. He filled them out and brought them to us. We had a friend witness them and filed. He took his stuff and I took mine. Our kids stayed with me because I was working and making more money then he did. We are friends still after 13 years of marriage. We have been divorced since 2001. We have a house with an out building (apartment) that he lives in. Our 30-something kids came home so they could go back to college. He and I take care of my 87 y/o mother. She loves him more, I swear. We couldn't be married any more but we get along fine. We are JUST friends. I have had several S.O.'s and so has he. We save money by all living together, but we are 5 independent adults and all do our own thing.
Every individual is different. I have seen it go both ways.
I firmly believe that the absolute worse thing that can happen to a relationship is marriage.
Call me jaded or whatever. Now before you folks go postal on me. I have been married once... for the past 14 years we have been trying to repair the damage of the first 15 years of the marriage caused... yep I have been married 29 years and if I had to do it all over. I would do it with with the same woman without the wedding.
I am all for a constitutional amendment to ban marriage.
I think the real question would be why would a woman allow herself to be treated badly. I know if I were to start treating my wife badly after 32 years together I'd wake up to the smell of gasoline and my wife standing over me trying to get the bic to ignite.
Fitness Minutes: (313,417)
87,627 8/29/11 5:39 P
false assumption. Impossible gto defend a negative! Try again with a more positive effort loser!!
Fitness Minutes: (16,520)
1,222 8/28/11 3:44 P
All Men? Ok so here is the oh so very wronged woman coming to the defense of all men. My ex had an affair and decided he no longer wanted to be responsible for our lives. After 24 years and 2 kids he walked away. Now I had every reason and incentive to be mean, angry and vindictive. But I think you get back what you put out. I decided for my sons' sake and to reduce the upheaval they were going through, and to let go of my anger. It didn't do anyone, most of all me, any good. My ex was very grateful and relieved that I held my head up high and was very reasonable about the whole thing. Yes he felt guilty but he did not have to be as generous with me as he was. He has never said NO to me when I have asked for extra $$s and he has never complained. He comes up to the house and helps when I need him. He always keeps me informed of his where abouts (he travels a lot) in case of an emergency. He has been as accommodating and nice as possible. It has now been 5 years and we are still good friends and comfortable with each other,( yes there is that "with benefits" once in awhile, that department was never an issue!!) I see him a few times a month and on occasion we will go out to dinner or a movie together, he will always be there if I need him. His current girlfriend (he cheated on the woman he left me for so i felt much better about that.) is aware of our friendship and I don't think she is upset by it. She treats my sons well and I have no reason to dislike her or be jealous of her. I have no desire to get back together with him but I do still love him and care for him as he does me. His behavior that led to the divorce was appalling, but I forgave him and his behavior since has been wonderful. To TESLUS. Not letting a man be friends with his ex is a huge mistake. It just shows that you don't trust them and are insecure in your relationship. Most people are ex's for a reason and if they do decide to get back together banning that friendship will make no difference, he will just lie to you about it. Jealousy is a very unattractive trait.
I'm interested: Why would any of your girlfriends be jolted if you spoke with your ex's?
If I were one of your girlfriends (re: I'm getting close to being single), I would consider it a refreshing change from sleeping with other women...
Too bad I couldn't insert a sound clip here. In it's absence, I'll just add:
Fitness Minutes: (1,555)
48 8/25/11 1:11 P
Hello Amy & all,
I think that ultimately, it's just people trying to be happy and, when life turns upside down, not knowing how to act. It's not a male condition, female condition, or any other dichotomous grouping one would care to throw at it. It's about people, as several other members have pointed out. In my experience, people don't handle change or the stress that goes along with change all that skillfully.
I come from a broken home, and I was one of those kids that was run-off with. I've been the angry, vindictive partner in a very rough break-up. If not for a series of very fortuitous coincidences, who knows where or what I would be now. And I carried a very real and palpable anger around for years, even after I had left home and struck out on my own. One day, though, I realized that it was having a very detrimental effect on both myself and those around me, and even now it is constant work to not get swept up in the past.
Rather than anger, perhaps compassion is an appropriate response (easier said than done, I know); how could one feel otherwise when one considers that these people are being blinded by pain and anger, whipped around by an emotion raging out of control. People who are making choices that are to their detriment both now and in the future, like the poor woman mentioned above who drove herself to suicide. I don't condone rampant anger, and I constantly work to completely uproot it in myself. However, the difference between any one of us and that seemingly crazed individual is, I feel, not so much as we would like to believe. I've been on both sides of that chasm, and it's not very wide.
So, I suppose what all this boils down to is: please have compassion for the difficult people, the angry people, the ignorant people. It may be hard, but I assure you as one who works with these emotions within myself on a daily basis, even those people that it is so easy to vilify and hate are trying to be happy, just as everyone else is trying to be happy. Some people simply make terribly unskillful decisions, and that is to their detriment both now and later.
yeah, like when my husbands ex wife took off with the kids to another state when he caught her in the act committing adultery. He felt like killing himself. I can imagine how painful that must have been. But he doesn't take it out on ALL women, just her. There are good women, bad women, good men, and bad men. Unfortunately, sometimes we wind up with the wrong ones.
And to add to that: She's making him pay back child support because he gave money to the kids throughout the years, not to her, because the Beotch would spend it on herself, taken into the account she moved in with her mother and was on foodstamps and welfare so it's not like she needed it. But it's my husbands fault for letting her get away with it, I guess.
Edited by: TURTLESDOVE at: 8/25/2011 (11:54)
Fitness Minutes: (748)
103 8/25/11 9:20 A
It's not specific to a gender, I think that we've covered that. I think the reason it happens is because one member feels scorned. In any relationship that ends there's going to be one member that felt it could have been salvaged, and another member of the relationship that finally feels they've had enough. The one who feels theres still more that can be done can feel rejected and hurt. Sometimes when people are hurt by another they become vindictive, wanting nothing more than to cause the same level of pain (or more so) to that person that hurt them.
Fitness Minutes: (14,080)
564 8/25/11 5:55 A
It goes both ways. I really can't give advice about divorce. Sometimes one party wants a divorce and the other doesn't. So they get angry.
Fitness Minutes: (313,417)
87,627 7/22/11 6:43 P
That is a sad misnomer!
Fitness Minutes: (82,827)
3,096 7/21/11 4:06 P
Sometimes they just deserve it, and some of them like being treated badly.
Fitness Minutes: (4,999)
29 7/21/11 3:43 P
I agree, TL, when my wife and I got our divorce, we had the judge in stitches. We were laughing and joking, and were close friends until she died 2 yrs ago, but some people think that marriage license is ownership papers and demand more than they are willing to give AFTER the fact. Guess I have the theory that 'why screw up a great friendship with a piece of paper', LOL
Fitness Minutes: (22,220)
1,537 7/21/11 9:32 A
I think it has to do with what kind of behavior your parents displayed to you as a child. If your father was loving and respectful to your mom, there's a good chance that you will model this same behavior in your relationships.
Fitness Minutes: (6,275)
1,169 7/15/11 5:22 P
It goes both ways, but I think a huge part is the circumstances that preceded the decision to divorce. In many cases, one of the parties has an elicit relationship that's discovered by the other, leading to anger, resentment, and revengeful thoughts. Being betrayed by a spouse can be, (and usually is), devastating emotionally. On the other hand, if a couple realises they've "gown apart", and no longer feel in love, it's much easier to have an amicable parting of ways.
Fitness Minutes: (60)
15 7/14/11 10:01 A
Depends on your perspective i guess.
How do you define treating women badly?
Sometimes women (or men) define being treated badly when their other half stands up for themselves.
Much of what i have read so far means that many (men and women) are insecure and have a control problem. Sometimes they want to dominate the other.
I was divorced after 30 years of marriage and we are still friends. Just could not live together any longer.
A person needs to be secure in themselves before they can be secure in a relationship.
Fitness Minutes: (4,308)
91 7/13/11 9:04 P
Wow, Teslus, you're a horrible person. Like, all the way down to your core. I really mean that. What kind of sociopath demands that their significant other, whom they claim to love, abandon all his friendships just because you say so? I don't think you have to wait until a divorce to turn into a monster, because honey, you're already there.
I'm friends with all my exes, because I practice open and healthy communication that lets both parties part on equitable terms. I've never had a breakup turn into the kind of ugly, screaming fight that seems to be the norm where Teslus is concerned. I have all of their numbers in my phone, they're all friends on facebook, I talk to them all at parties, remember all their birthdays, and *none* of them ever share my bed.
Anyway, as to the OP's question, women treat men worse than we treat women. The difference is that men receive such poor treatment from women on such a constant basis that we develop thicker skin and just soldier on through it. Women, on the other hand, receive constant positive attention from men 90% of the time, usually because we want to sleep with them. This constant pampering leads to an incredibly low threshold for pain, physical or emotional, so women are much more likely to complain about a man treating them poorly since it doesn't happen as often.
Self-righteous female hysteria slash internet white knight in 3...2...1...
I think people of both genders turn into monsters when there's a divorce or break-up. It's unreal that people try to control what was already in place when the relationship started. I think it's fair for people to say, "I really don't want my boyfriend to be friends with women" going into a relationship; and it's fair for the other person to say, "Well, my friends are women, and I am not giving them up," and both can move on peacefully without each other.
I will never again tolerate a man being friends with an ex (unless, of course, there are children involved - imho, the only legitimate reason to keep the contact going when you're moving into a new relationship). Not only was I lied to about it from the get-go, but he yammered on about her CONSTANTLY - told me about how I would've loved his ex, then decided it would be a good idea to inform me out of the blue that he wanted to get a book autographed and sent to the ex he was supposedly not in contact with and hadn't been in contact with in years. That was our first anniversary surprise: not only was she his buddy on Facebook, where they exchanged comments (she was under a different name), but he still had her phone number programmed into his phone. This was a long-distance, one-year relationship.
I just prefer men to be open with me about that sort of thing. I find it's very rare that men are *just* friends with their exes - and no doubt, some legitimately are and it's truly dead and over with. But it raises a lot of trust issues going into the whole thing that I'd rather not wade through when we're still getting to know each other. It may well be "She's my friend!" or it could be, "She's my bed buddy!" It's just easier to avoid any possibility.
But deciding on friendships based on gender? That's too much.
Joe, I know what your saying my ex was the same way, it's funny how was a big tough guys can cower down to the the little woman. But when I drew the line in the sand we were done. I was not to talk to any of my old friends male or female then my family.
I am remarried today most of on friends are women most of my wife friend are men. We have no issue with trust or faith in our marriage. Good luck to you and keep the faith it all works out in the end.
Some people are "blinded" by love. Sometimes the instigator doesn't show their TRUE colors until the wedding vows. Sometimes your self esteem is so low you don't think you deserve any better... and then you finally wake up. This list could go on and on and on.
if he is that bad why did you even get married to him.
Fitness Minutes: (25,247)
734 12/8/10 1:35 P
Like everyone else in here, this goes both ways and can't be painted as a "man" or "woman" issue. It's a human issue to be selfish, unfortunately its how we are wired - to get as much stuff as possible.
Broudbrush's man, unfortunately, sounds like a real jerk (although we are getting one side). I guess one thing that I would keep in mind is that usually when people act like this its because they are miserable and they want you to be as miserable as they are while they can still affect you.
Ignore this tool, always try to be fair but stand up for yourself when/if he tries to take advantage of you, and forget about anything he says about your sex life. That isn't any of his business anymore.
Some people never really do get past the age of 6... (mentally)
well i was not trying to be a man basher - to all gentlemen who have tried to deal with their partner in a civil manner - i commend you and wish i was trying to negotiate with some one like you. i am dealing with a fearful, controlling, pessimist who has never felt any respect for me. i WOULD NEVER TRY TO TAKE anything from him - he has worked hard all of his life - but he does not enjoy life. he complains incessantly - about every possible thing. i e i cannot buy anything properly, i cannot cook anything to his liking, i steal his money - which i never have done. he calls everything i have every bought for the children, the house, or myself - as 'unnecessary'. we have both worked all this time together - i believe in equality - as far as material things. actually i have told him - he can keep whatever he wants. i worked for my own car, i pay for my own internet and cable (he would not have it otherwise). i make no demands on him other than to let me have my half of what is rightfully mine - it is control. my mistake was staying and trying to make 'marriage' work - but never too late to learn. boy am i learning. thanks for all your comments. to the gentleman who suffered through the suicide etc - i compliment you on trying to make a bad situation more civilized and i am glad you have moved on. BB
Fitness Minutes: (31,721)
367 12/8/10 12:42 A
Broadbrush, that's a question that's painting men with a really broad brush, if I might commandeer your name for a moment. I agree with others in the thread; this could be said about anyone in a divorce situation, no matter their gender.
If you want to talk about larger systemic issues, there may be something there.
When I got divorced I talked to my ex wife and told her I would pay the house, her car including the insurance, and her health insurance for one year. She said that she did not want the house that I could keep it but it I would pay her the equivalent of the house payment for one year. We talked about how all of our property would be divided. Everything was perfect, until I came home from work that night. My safe was empty, guns were gone, 75 corvette gone, and the house trashed. When we went to court the Judge said, she got all she was going to get from me and she was to pay me for the damages for the house. Which I never got saw a dime. To this day I still think it was the best $200,000.00 loss I could have ever had. I was trying to be civil she was not. She ended up killing her on my birthday 8 years later completely alone and broke. I have rebounded and very happy with my life.
KJ the utube was funny - harsh but funny. when i married we were both fresh face kids - we started with nothing and worked hard together. i tell him now the money was a means to a better ending in our lives. that is all money really is - otherwise you hoard and die and let someone else spend your hard work.
Going through one now. Currently we are on a good vibe with each other. But we both know we still have many bumps ahead. It also helps to have a great support network with logical people in your corner & are ready to call you on the carpeting over a decision. One fact that we can all agree on though - at the end of the day, there are no winners in a divorce. Everyone losses which I guess can be looked at as fair.
It's not just the men. I've witnessed more women in divorces turn into psychotic money grabbing beotches. It's all about them. My current husband's ex is still a pain in the A&& because he like a dummy managed to get her pregnant (well I think he did, I"m still wanting to get DNA on the child).
yes of course you are right golfpro - i realize it can go either way. but my experience really and truly of all the first hand divorce situations i have witnessed, the women come out quite badly in the end. i just wondered how a person can turn so horribly on the other person they once shared a life with. and if both are being fair to one another in a split why they just can;t take care of their affairs, move on and leave out all the rankor?
Fitness Minutes: (66,845)
5,628 12/2/10 7:12 P
The same question could be asked of women. My brother has been going through a nasty divorce where his wife is the one guilty of all the things you question. It's human nature, not male nature.
during a divorce. if the marriage is broken and unfixable, why can't they just be decent logical persons. they turn into vendictive, neanderthal idiots and do the most stupid , insulting, demeaning, unnecessary things. attacking the sex life or lack there of seems to be a real theme. those things lay waste to anything that might have been built together during the marriage. instead of mutually agreeing to share the assets, raise any children that may still be needing them, they would rather squander to the lawyers, anything to make sure nothing is left. it is so ridiculous.
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.