AAAACK   50,383
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints

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Trying to Remember: I Matter

I Matter. Yep, that's my theme this year. I even created a Spark Team for it (let's hope others find it and we can support each other). But I am seriously trying to find ways to remember me. To make time for me. To realize that if my loved ones need me so much, then I should take care of this resource for them, which means I need to value me as much as they do! And that means...yes, being nice to me. Tending to my own health. Making time for things I like, want, need.

I Matter. Yep, that's my theme this year. I even created a Spark Team for it (let's hope others find it and we can support each other). But I am seriously trying to find ways to remember me. To make time for me. To realize that if my loved ones need me so much, then I should take care of this resource for them, which means I need to value me as much as they do! And that means...yes, being nice to me. Tending to my own health. Making time for things I like, want, need.

(older profiles - in case you want to see my nutty journey)
I put all my weight back on and then some. An all-time non-pregnant high weight... tested for glucose intolerance and thyroid. While I didn't know if I had metabolic syndrome or diabetes (results are in: I don't), I did know that if my thyroid was out of whack, it couldn't be blamed for my weight. I've been doing this a long time now, this whole watching my health and weight, and I know when I'm eating too much and not moving enough. I also know that I'm doing it now. Regularly. I do need to find a path out of this large cave I have steered myself into.

This cave is lined with treats, and is cozy, and has a lot of places to sit. There's a TV. Movies. And a sense of coziness. But for some reason, I can't see all the unpleasant stuff underneath the enticing indulgent stuff. I DO know it's there, I'm a pretty smart girl. But I seem to be really good at looking at the surface stuff, what I want today, rather than the ick and goo underneath the indulgent habits.

So, I need to take a step out of the cave today. And every day. Some days I'll need to rest, but I can't stop or I'll just stay in the cave. And I do want out, I really do. I must find my path out!

I hurt my shoulder (rotator cuff) March of 2012, finally saw a doctor in Nov 2012, and had therapy then surgery in Feb 2013, then more therapy. So...I gained about 25 lb and wasn't even at goal at that point.

My new goal is to lose 50lb by the end of 2014. Not fast, right? You got it. Trying to go all out crazy backfires on me every time and I end up gaining again.

But now I have my 50-year-old body in mostly good working order (despite plantar faciitis, sciatica, a pinched nerve in my neck that acts up periodically, migraines, and a still weird shoulder), and despite the time I spend homeschooling and doing therapy with my special needs son, I have a plan.

The plan is to just not binge at night (it's the only time I do). By doing that, I save around 3500 calories a week. But just in case, and in order to stave off the binges which are triggered by depression and feeling inadequate to the tasks I set before me each day (read: not enough time in the day to what my ambition seems to think I can do! ha ha), I will move at least 20 minutes 5 days a week, and hopefully about 3 of those days it will be more.

I will NOT strive to be perfect. I don't believe you have to be perfect to be awesome. My special needs son has taught me that. So with that lesson under my belt, I march on. And I hope this year's plan works out better than all those before. And that as we are celebrating the end of 2014 (next year), that I get to report having made some great progress on my goal, if not meeting it early!

Oh, and I will be recording my weight nearly every day during this process (that's part of the plan) so that I will learn my body's natural rhythms and not be freaked out when they happen (which has derailed me in the past).

Off to do it!
2012 updates:

Feels Good strategy - if it feels good, the mind will tell me to keep doing it, be it a binge or getting to-do list stuff done. Remember to feel it and say it when something feels good so at night the mind doesn't seek that feeling through food. Exercising at least 10 min/day
2 days/week 30-60 min w/trainer

August - still seeking balance, maybe it's more of a journey than a destination. Because life isn't constant, maybe balance is an ongoing act. So I'm trying out Spark Coach to see if it can contribute to my balance. And I'm adopting a new mantra - consistent action not constant action. And I'm also thieving one from a Sparkfriend's blog (Cannie50) - the opposite of messy is not perfect.

I know I'll get tired of being on the balance beam, and I know I'll fall off it from time to time. The question is, will I get back up quickly, or lie there and wallow in self-indulgence?

January - man, this is hard. Balance is tough to find. Thank all of you for continuing to share your victories and struggles, it helps so much in my own journey. I'm still trying. Still trying...

Update: The struggle continues. I started strong, but now the school year has presented new challenges - like time. So my visits to my favorite teams are sporadic, but I will try to do at least one Spark thing a day. So if you comment on a blog or here on my page - please know that I adore you and your support, even if I can't always answer right away.

I have been forced to manage my time a little tighter this school year because homeschooling is much more challenging for my Autistic son and I than ever before. It helps him so much, and he is learning more than ever, but it also takes more time to get through each in-depth lesson.

So I adore you all, and will try and get to answer each of you regularly, it just may not be on the same day you leave your comment, but your comments are highly valued here! I need you more than ever. And you all remind me to stay positive and that I can do it, and I love that. You all Rock! This isn't just about me and MY path, it's about all of us. We all need this, and needing support is a strength, not a weakness.

Go us!

[earlier page blurb - circa July 2011]
Trying to find my own path to stop binge eating, find health, and have a life and body I can feel proud of.

I'm 48 years old, too much body fat, out of control eating, and need to connect my actions with my consequences (as far as eating goes).

I've hit my first goal as of July 26, of 21 days binge free. Emo-free eating, new concept for me, but it's actually working!

Question to myself for every single day: what am I WILLING to do TODAY to be healthy?
Read More About AAAACK (Updated January 16)



My Ticker:

 Pounds lost: 4.8 

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Member Since: 7/6/2011

SparkPoints: 50,383

Fitness Minutes: 26,346

My Goals:
Take care of me along with my loved ones. Learn balance.
Learn to live binge free.
Lower my body fat into the healthy range.
Learn to feel good.

My Program:
Do a deliberate or random act of kindness for myself daily.

no evening binges (500 cal ok btw 5pm dinner and midnight bedtime)

move "extra" 10 min per day (over and above lifestyle movement)

trainer 2x/week when possible, for harder workout 30 or 60min

record weight nearly daily to get used to natural body fluctuations

lose roughly a pound a week for a year

at goal, continue to live healthy with what's right for me (the plan above)

Personal Information:
Through an interesting chain of events I am homeschooling my special needs child and always seeking balance.

Just started Sparkteam: I Matter

Other Information:
I have been pounding my head against this brick wall of poundage (and fat %age) for over 10 years now. When I finally break through it by 10lb, I will change my ticker background from a brick wall to something lovelier.

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Member Comments:
5/26/2015 4:46:55 PM

Thinking of my sparkfriends today. Hope all is well with you. Sending warm wishes across the miles. emoticon

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5/26/2015 9:07:41 AM

Water workouts:
1. Walk in chest high water. I sometimes read a book, lol.
2. Run using pool weights
3. "Biking", "Cross country skiing", Jumping Jacks, Sumo wrestler, rowing, twists.

You know... somewhere I have a set of suggestions for guests. Some are using pool dumbells (foam) for weights and others use just body movements... I'll find it and send you a copy. A few more details than this. It is a super workout. Normal to feel like jello legs or arms when you get out... or like you weight twice what you did when you got in. You "sweat" in the water but don't notice. I'm out of the house a lot of today but if you don't get anything from me by tomorrow give me a nudge.

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5/23/2015 2:58:02 PM

I was reading your intro and the idea of taking ME time and putting MY care in the forefront, not as a selfish act, but in order to make sure that I can continue to care for others really resonated! Reading it caused me to flash back to 'old me' standing at the counter, devouring [enter super-sugary or fatty food item here] quickly before anyone sees.

I would suddenly think 'what would my Grandma think if she could see me now?'. Then, I would realise that she CAN see me now, and I would feel terribly guilty! So I began to think, 'what would I think if this were my daughter doing this'. That changed my outlook on binge eating! We shouldn't put ourselves through something that we wouldn't want our loved ones to suffer with!

I like that you have kept your old info up so that we can see your progress - you've come a long way! Keep up the good work!!

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5/17/2015 10:34:14 AM

emoticon emoticon Glad to see you have joined the: You're An Overcomer Spark-Team! Don't forget to stop by the introduction: greet and allow us to meet ya tab so everyone can find out how emoticon I already know you are. Can't wait to see you there! emoticon ~ S

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5/15/2015 6:38:59 PM

Happy to help, Lisa! Thanks for the comment on my: Be Thankful blog! Great minds think alike - or so they say! emoticon I can definitely be a dweller! But you're right, it's up to you to choose what you focus on and put your attention to!

I've kinda had to make it a goal to focus on the positive and let God take care of the later - not that it's easy most days but I'm starting to have a little bit more faith. Hope you're having a wonderful day! ~ S

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