AAAACK   54,334
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Trying to Remember: I Matter

2015
I Matter. Yep, that's my theme this year. I even created a Spark Team for it (let's hope others find it and we can support each other). But I am seriously trying to find ways to remember me. To make time for me. To realize that if my loved ones need me so much, then I should take care of this resource for them, which means I need to value me as much as they do! And that means...yes, being nice to me. Tending to my own health. Making time for things I like, want, need.

...
2015
I Matter. Yep, that's my theme this year. I even created a Spark Team for it (let's hope others find it and we can support each other). But I am seriously trying to find ways to remember me. To make time for me. To realize that if my loved ones need me so much, then I should take care of this resource for them, which means I need to value me as much as they do! And that means...yes, being nice to me. Tending to my own health. Making time for things I like, want, need.




(older profiles - in case you want to see my nutty journey)
2014
I put all my weight back on and then some. An all-time non-pregnant high weight... tested for glucose intolerance and thyroid. While I didn't know if I had metabolic syndrome or diabetes (results are in: I don't), I did know that if my thyroid was out of whack, it couldn't be blamed for my weight. I've been doing this a long time now, this whole watching my health and weight, and I know when I'm eating too much and not moving enough. I also know that I'm doing it now. Regularly. I do need to find a path out of this large cave I have steered myself into.

This cave is lined with treats, and is cozy, and has a lot of places to sit. There's a TV. Movies. And a sense of coziness. But for some reason, I can't see all the unpleasant stuff underneath the enticing indulgent stuff. I DO know it's there, I'm a pretty smart girl. But I seem to be really good at looking at the surface stuff, what I want today, rather than the ick and goo underneath the indulgent habits.

So, I need to take a step out of the cave today. And every day. Some days I'll need to rest, but I can't stop or I'll just stay in the cave. And I do want out, I really do. I must find my path out!

2013
I hurt my shoulder (rotator cuff) March of 2012, finally saw a doctor in Nov 2012, and had therapy then surgery in Feb 2013, then more therapy. So...I gained about 25 lb and wasn't even at goal at that point.

My new goal is to lose 50lb by the end of 2014. Not fast, right? You got it. Trying to go all out crazy backfires on me every time and I end up gaining again.

But now I have my 50-year-old body in mostly good working order (despite plantar faciitis, sciatica, a pinched nerve in my neck that acts up periodically, migraines, and a still weird shoulder), and despite the time I spend homeschooling and doing therapy with my special needs son, I have a plan.

The plan is to just not binge at night (it's the only time I do). By doing that, I save around 3500 calories a week. But just in case, and in order to stave off the binges which are triggered by depression and feeling inadequate to the tasks I set before me each day (read: not enough time in the day to what my ambition seems to think I can do! ha ha), I will move at least 20 minutes 5 days a week, and hopefully about 3 of those days it will be more.

I will NOT strive to be perfect. I don't believe you have to be perfect to be awesome. My special needs son has taught me that. So with that lesson under my belt, I march on. And I hope this year's plan works out better than all those before. And that as we are celebrating the end of 2014 (next year), that I get to report having made some great progress on my goal, if not meeting it early!

Oh, and I will be recording my weight nearly every day during this process (that's part of the plan) so that I will learn my body's natural rhythms and not be freaked out when they happen (which has derailed me in the past).

Off to do it!
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2012 updates:

Feels Good strategy - if it feels good, the mind will tell me to keep doing it, be it a binge or getting to-do list stuff done. Remember to feel it and say it when something feels good so at night the mind doesn't seek that feeling through food. Exercising at least 10 min/day
2 days/week 30-60 min w/trainer

August - still seeking balance, maybe it's more of a journey than a destination. Because life isn't constant, maybe balance is an ongoing act. So I'm trying out Spark Coach to see if it can contribute to my balance. And I'm adopting a new mantra - consistent action not constant action. And I'm also thieving one from a Sparkfriend's blog (Cannie50) - the opposite of messy is not perfect.

I know I'll get tired of being on the balance beam, and I know I'll fall off it from time to time. The question is, will I get back up quickly, or lie there and wallow in self-indulgence?

January - man, this is hard. Balance is tough to find. Thank all of you for continuing to share your victories and struggles, it helps so much in my own journey. I'm still trying. Still trying...
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Update: The struggle continues. I started strong, but now the school year has presented new challenges - like time. So my visits to my favorite teams are sporadic, but I will try to do at least one Spark thing a day. So if you comment on a blog or here on my page - please know that I adore you and your support, even if I can't always answer right away.

I have been forced to manage my time a little tighter this school year because homeschooling is much more challenging for my Autistic son and I than ever before. It helps him so much, and he is learning more than ever, but it also takes more time to get through each in-depth lesson.

So I adore you all, and will try and get to answer each of you regularly, it just may not be on the same day you leave your comment, but your comments are highly valued here! I need you more than ever. And you all remind me to stay positive and that I can do it, and I love that. You all Rock! This isn't just about me and MY path, it's about all of us. We all need this, and needing support is a strength, not a weakness.

Go us!

[earlier page blurb - circa July 2011]
Trying to find my own path to stop binge eating, find health, and have a life and body I can feel proud of.

I'm 48 years old, too much body fat, out of control eating, and need to connect my actions with my consequences (as far as eating goes).

I've hit my first goal as of July 26, of 21 days binge free. Emo-free eating, new concept for me, but it's actually working!

Question to myself for every single day: what am I WILLING to do TODAY to be healthy?
Read More About AAAACK (Updated January 16)




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Member Since: 7/6/2011

SparkPoints: 54,334

Fitness Minutes: 27,462

My Goals:
Take care of me along with my loved ones. Learn balance.
Learn to live binge free.
Lower my body fat into the healthy range.
Learn to feel good.

My Program:
Do a deliberate or random act of kindness for myself daily.

no evening binges (500 cal ok btw 5pm dinner and midnight bedtime)

move "extra" 10 min per day (over and above lifestyle movement)

trainer 2x/week when possible, for harder workout 30 or 60min

record weight nearly daily to get used to natural body fluctuations

lose roughly a pound a week for a year

at goal, continue to live healthy with what's right for me (the plan above)



Personal Information:
Through an interesting chain of events I am homeschooling my special needs child and always seeking balance.

Just started Sparkteam: I Matter

Other Information:
I have been pounding my head against this brick wall of poundage (and fat %age) for over 10 years now. When I finally break through it by 10lb, I will change my ticker background from a brick wall to something lovelier.

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Member Comments:
PJH2028
7/30/2015 1:44:10 PM

Hey Beautiful.
Please forgive my waywardness -- I've not been on my team boards in a while. I've been out of sight but you've been present in my thoughts. Congratulations on all those activity minutes! Wow. You're my hero. And YES yes yes like others have said, you are indeed an amazing leader and Spark friend. So... THANK YOU! emoticon emoticon emoticon

emoticon Paula



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BIGMAMAT
7/26/2015 5:32:31 PM

making those memories one day at a time! Lol. Might as well laugh. Makes them better. emoticon
Have a wonderful, awesome week! emoticon



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UP-2-ME
7/24/2015 4:34:11 PM

No negativity...just a lack of enjoyment! I'd rather do things or "be" places that make me smile! emoticon



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ONTHEPATH2
7/24/2015 11:03:00 AM

In case no one has told you... you are an awesome team leader!!! Have a great weekend!



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BIGMAMAT
7/13/2015 7:52:19 PM

"live as if i'm already healthy" LOVE IT! Its one of those sayings that i'm putting in my journal. Thanks for the sparkpeople friendship!! Have a great week. emoticon



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