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Garden Gnome


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The North American Beldame (malificae veneficus sapiens)

Native to the chocolate regions of central Pennsylvania, the North American Beldame startles easily, and has been known to react violently to sudden and unnecessary intrusions. The Beldame has also been knows to slay its victims with its barbed tongue and rapier wit.
The Beldame responds well to 80's heavy metal, English confection, and information regarding the procurement of used books and period kitchen utensils. It also enjoys painfully dry humor and icy cold cans of Diet Coke. If you have none of these things to offer, please observe from a distance, and walk away quietly.

Member Since: 3/22/2009

Fitness Minutes: 53,745

My Goals:
I want buff arms. I want people to look at my arms and go, "Damn, lookit them guns!" I want a flat stomach. I also want a Koenigsegg because they go 250 MPH, have push-button start and shoot FLAMES when they accelerate. I would settle, however, for a Mercedes SLK...or a 1979 Fiat X-19.

My Program:
Counting calories, because caloric deficits are my friend. Half an hour of strength training and half an hour of cardio at the gym at least thrice weekly; recumbant bike for half an hour plus free weights on off days.

Personal Information:
I am a misogynistic misanthropic anglophile. I like gardening, flea markets, writing, reading, and waxing my car (her name is Brunhilde, and I love her.)
Someday I am planning to get around to teaching myself to play the banjo.

Other Information:
I read everything. I like British comedy, esp. Ab Fab and Monty Python. I have a crush on Eddie Izzard in spite of his politics. My favorite show used to be the British "Top Gear" until BBCAmerica played it to death. Now my television of choice is Hannibal, Mountain Monsters, Hoarding: Buried Alive, reruns of Barney Miller, The Addams Family, and Bewitched. My favorite movies are Mommie Dearest, Jaws, Better Off Dead, 16 Candles, Uncle Buck, The Devil's Backbone, reruns of MST3K, etc. I like to do subversive cross-stitch projects.

Read More About BELDAME - Profile Information moved here. (Updated March 4)

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