Me and my future hubby bringing in the New Year 2013. Hope this is the year is beginning of my best
My name is Lauren. I have an addiction to food. Just like some people have an addiction to cigarettes or alcohol. Many people who only eat food to survive don't know what it is like to be addicted to food. Or people that can eat whatever they like and remain a healthy weight (Hate you guys lol) do not know what is like to be someone like me. I am not here to throw a pity party. I am here to work my butt off to be the healthiest person I can be. Yes I don't find myself attractive, even though my fiance, Matt finds me extremely attractive. I am lucky to have him in my life. However if I keep going to way I am going I won't be able to enjoy life.
All my life I have fought with food. We always had a love/hate relationship. I have been struggling since I was 10 years old. At 10 years old I weighed the healthy weight of a 9th grade boy at my height of 5'3''. I was 130 lbs. Girls around me were around 90 lbs. Yes I always struggled and having a broad build didn't help me much. By the time I reached 9th grade I was 195 lbs. I knew I had to do something. I was in karate for about a couple years now, but ate way more then I worked out. I tried out this low carb diet and by the time I hit senior year of high school I weighed 150 lbs, running 5 ks with my dad every sunday, playing on a softball team, and spending hours upon hours in karate. To me then losing 40 lbs was amazing and life changing. I was the healthiest I ever was and to this day probably will ever be.
Then college came and I had kept a secret to myself. I lost all this weight, not for me, not to be healthy. But to look hot and sexy so I'd be confident enough to date. And I did. I met my first boyfriend at 20. I thought he was the love of my life. I started losing interest in the sports I was doing and lost interest in eating right. I mean Aaron thought I was drop dead gorgeous, so who did I have to impress at this point. Unfortunately he moved away about a year later. I was up about 50 lbs. I don't blame him. I mean I stopped the low carb diet and we went out to eat constantly. Anyway after we broke up, I went on weigh watchers and lost 30 lbs.
i was down to about 170. Not my lightest, but I felt healthy, happy, and sexy. It was funny because I met Aaron at my friend's party just a 1 yr and half prior. Now almost 22, I went to the same friend's party. And what do you know I meet another man. This guy's name was mike. When I met mike I was still working out, running, doing karate, and even teaching a karate class. Again I was doing all this for men. I became extremely comfortable with Mike and definitely let myself go. We were together just about 2 years and he was the worse relationship of my life. He cheated on me in every way. And now I was also going to grad school, which was taking over my nights. I dropped out of karate. Disappointed in myself and the fact that the man that I loved was with many different women, including my best friend absolutely killed me. Again not blaming mike, but over the two years I went from 170 lbs to 225 lbs. Finally after holding on an extra year of not worth it me and Mike broke up.
During the next year of my life I joined match.com and worried about my studies. I worked out at the gym here and there, doing some classes but not like I use to. I ended up maintaining my weight. I went through several dates never forgetting about Mike, having a hard time trusting men in general. I had a short term boyfriend here and there, but nothing ever serious. Until August of 2009.
I met my soulmate August 2nd, 2009 and yes he was from match.com. He just recently lost 100 lbs on weight watchers and surprisingly found me attractive. Again biggest downfall of mine is me having low self esteem. We went on a couple dates together and then became inseparable.
We both became way too comfortable and by next year I had gained about 30 lbs. I was 250 when I started the human meal replacement diet with Matt. We both lost about 40 lbs that summer and just in time for a cruise. Was probably the worst diet of my life and it didn't take much to gain it all back.
In fact when we first started the diet, the nutritionist said it was such an extreme diet that we couldn't exercise at first. I then tried going back to karate. And let me tell you it is really hard to pick up where you left off over two years prior and about 80 lbs heavier. I could barely make it during the 90 minute beginner session let alone the after class. My main instructor was very understanding. My other instructor who always had been a skinny nothing and trained in Japan for years, well he wasn't as understanding. He wanted to push me hard, which I understand. But you need to work up to that, you know? So he made fun and said I was nothing but a quiter. And guess what I quit, proving to him that he was right. I am still angry at myself for giving up, but how can you grow when he would do nothing but run me into the ground. Plus the pop up of old instructors coming back and taking over, did not help very much either. Karate was to build your self-esteem, not destroy it. But the new (old) karate council destroyed that motto.
Again I don't blame my weight gain on anyone but myself. Well over the next two years with Matt, we did not diet or exercise. Don't get me wrong Matt has always tried to get us to work out. I started a veterinary technology program. This was because even though I had a bachelors in science from Stony Brook University and a Masters in Education from Dowling, there still were no jobs out there for a 5th-12 grade Biology teacher. I originally wanted to be a veterinarian. It changed over the years of my undergrad, especially when I taught karate and enjoyed it so much. I absolutely love the subject of science and so badly wanted to teach it. Well no such luck so I looked to go back into the veterinary field, but not as a doctor but as a nurse. I am now in my second year of the veterinary technology program and boy is it stressful. During the past two years I have made it up to 290 lbs. That is right folks. I am almost 300 lbs at 5'3'' and boy is it scary.
Being 290 lbs scares the poop out of me. Matt tells me every day I am beautiful the way I am, which I am so thankful to have him. He proposed to me June 18th, 2011 and we are to be wed on November 22nd, 2013. I don't want to be a huge bride. And most of all I want to lose not for him or anyone, but for me. I am not healthy and have back pains and breathe horribly just walking around. I am only 27 going on 28 years old and feel like an old lady. I know within the next year I will be getting married and want to start working toward children. This year 2013 I have so much planned. Hopefully passing my Vet tech national licensing exam in April (If I am lucky), graduated June 2013 (hopefully), and married November 22nd, 2013. And of course honeymooning and getting read for babies come Dec 26th, 2013 when we go on our honey moon to St. Lucia.
Even if all of these things weren't happening this year, I know I'd want to start the journey of losing weight anyway. I know it may seem like some silly little new year's resolution to some people, but to me its a matter of life or death.
This is probably the longest spark page introduction text anyone has ever seen, but if you are a food addict like myself, you know how I feel. And I am happy to have some support on my journey to healthier, happier, me!
Lose over 100 lbs, become a happier, healthier me for me, my future kids, and my family
Low calorie diet and walking (For now)
I am from Massapequa, New York. My e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org if you ever like to contact me.
You are successful the moment you start moving towards a worth-while goal.
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| current weight: 276.0
Wishing you a most blessed and prosperous weekend!
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"
1386 days ago
Wishing you a most wonderful and blessed Memorial Day Weekend!
"I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward"
1400 days ago
"HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND"
'Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement'
1407 days ago
Thanks Krystle. Yea it is definitely hard. Working with my fiance so we are trying to support each other. We are doing low calorie diet with one meal a week where we can eat whatever we want. Plus walking. Trying my hardest. Definitely hard with school, work, and all that nonsense stress. LOL. I want to lose so I can be healthy for me, Matt, and my future children.
1534 days ago
I wanted to stop by and say Im glad to see you on SP. I am also a food addict, and I cant be more thankful to have Sparkpeople to see me to a healthier me. Hope to see you on here often, we can do this!
1534 days ago