CALLIKIA   23,822
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20,000-24,999 SparkPoints
 
 
May 2014










September 2012 - I wish I knew how good I had it...I need to get back to this!



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When Life Hands You Lemons

I miss 2012. But we can't turn back time, can we?

The low down dirty truth: I'm a 30-something woman in a rocky marriage with a pre-teen, a teenager, and a teenage foreign exchange student living under one roof. I work a pretty mentally demanding job that is actually temporary seeing as it's funded by a federal grant which likely will not be continued or expanded under the next administration. In addition to that job, which often sends me to the six corners of the state of West ...
I miss 2012. But we can't turn back time, can we?

The low down dirty truth: I'm a 30-something woman in a rocky marriage with a pre-teen, a teenager, and a teenage foreign exchange student living under one roof. I work a pretty mentally demanding job that is actually temporary seeing as it's funded by a federal grant which likely will not be continued or expanded under the next administration. In addition to that job, which often sends me to the six corners of the state of West Virginia, I own and operate a portrait photography business evenings and weekends. The business is a year old and, like me, is also struggling.

Is it really any wonder I'm back where I started?

The "FitFat" journey runs thusly:
I've been big since the age of 5. Rocky family life. Lots of bad memories. I still have a mom, though, so that's good. Was not a fan of school but was mentally able to skip a little and still get by with As and Bs. Had children super young. Got married. Hated life a bit. Ended up tipping the scales at 466.6 while looking into gastric bypass surgery.

Surgery was a no-go. That was about the time insurance companies started to get all paniky about it and mine dropped my pursuit just as I was nearing the finish line. I set out on my own and dropped myself down to 300 on the nose and found myself unable to break that barrier into the 200s no matter how hard I worked, how little I ate, how dedicated I was.

I tried to refocus on fitness instead of the scale. I was running. Hitting the gym hard 6 days a week for at least 40 minutes each day. Lifting heavy. Running 5ks every weekend. A friend mentioned training together for a half-marathon. I blew out my foot with PF and could barely manage a walk. My hips ached from a tilted pelvis. I saw the chiro regularly and just kept going - determined. I backed off Zumba (which I loved), and the elliptical and finally had to give up running. The PF and my hips were in too much pain. I started lifting more. Low impact, high gains, right? I carb cycled and ate right and lifted and inched my way to that little 300 mark. When that hurt too much, I got in the pool. I worked my way to swimming a mile. Somehow my feet and hips were severely pained by those motions as well.

What have I been left with? It's been 2 years since I hit the gym hard. Two years of hip pain and foot pain. The PF switched from my right foot to my left foot last year. I still get muscle cramping and spasms in both legs. My weight is back up to 444 or so. It's not looking good.

So, here I am. Facing the fact that I failed. That, once again, right there at the finish line I got dropped on my @$$ pretty hard. My headspace is a mess. My life is a mess. And all I want is to one day be able to walk a mile without having to spend the next 3 days recovering. I want to get back to my "fat" 300 pounds. I want to see the 200s some day before I shuffle off this mortal coil. I have ZERO clue how I'm going to get there...with little money or time to devote to my efforts...but trying feels better in the heart than not trying.
Read More About CALLIKIA (Updated October 22)




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 current weight: 438.2 
 
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Member Since: 4/18/2010

SparkPoints: 23,822

Fitness Minutes: 25,546

My Goals:
Log.
Move.
Breathe.
Smile.
Don't Give Up.

My Program:
See above.

Personal Information:
Esther. 33. In WV. Wife. Two beautiful boys - Logan (15) and Ethan (12). Two dogs (Joey and Champ) and one cat ("Tiggy"). And one shy 17 year old from Japan.

Other Information:
Love to read, write, take photographs and watch great films. Love music I can sing to and that fits my mood. And I *LOVE* the outdoors!

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Member Comments:
WALLAHALLA
12/31/2013 8:09:42 PM

New year comes to give us a fresh hope,
For a better future and success
New Year gives us dream for that
We will face challenges with confidence
On this new year may your dreams and hopes
Succeed with the blessings of God
Happy New Year and Seasons greetings
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon




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WALLAHALLA
12/25/2013 11:07:13 PM

emoticon Jumping Jack Ginger says "Your health will surely be blessed by your choice to keep your Spark lit during the holiday season!" emoticon



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COMPASSLOST1
12/8/2013 12:06:43 AM

Hey girly! I haven't been around in years, and I'm not sure if you remember me, but you were one of the first SPers I looked up when I logged back on! I, too, am starting over again... I've gained a considerable amount of weight back since I lost it, and I'm beyond frustrated. I'm sorry to see you going through the same thing, but at least you aren't alone. I'm coming back here, to spark people, for the support and community that I need to get me back on track, and back to the healthy me.

Hope you're doing well! I look forward to reading your blogs again!

xoxo,
Lea



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CHANGEOLA
12/5/2013 4:13:39 AM

I love your story, page and blogs. I can definitely relate to having to start over. I will be cheering you on emoticon



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WALLAHALLA
11/30/2013 9:57:49 PM

emoticon The Fat to Fit Weight Club (FWC) team is thankful for your Spark-ticipation and your efforts to achieve a healthier lifestyle. emoticon



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