CHUBBEEBUNNEE   113
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The Inner Struggle

I've always struggled with weight but when I got to middle school... things got just that much worse. I grew an enormous chest, I was so embarrassed, I wouldn't wholeheartedly join in any sports in school... I wouldn't even run. I was only slightly overweight and wasn't really fat at that point.... but I just couldn't see it. I thought I was MUCH bigger than I was. When I was 19, a turning point for the worse happened. I met a guy who became my boyfriend for 4 years. I was never skinny enough ...
I've always struggled with weight but when I got to middle school... things got just that much worse. I grew an enormous chest, I was so embarrassed, I wouldn't wholeheartedly join in any sports in school... I wouldn't even run. I was only slightly overweight and wasn't really fat at that point.... but I just couldn't see it. I thought I was MUCH bigger than I was. When I was 19, a turning point for the worse happened. I met a guy who became my boyfriend for 4 years. I was never skinny enough and never could lose enough weight in his eyes... but he told me all the time that if I lost my chest.. I wouldn't be attractive. How can you lose weight and not lose it in your chest? No one has control over that... if you do it naturally. Anyway, I went through mental and physical abuse the entire time we were together.... it's true about most girls... we never walk away when we should! A mental breakdown (his) and a car chase later... I was single. And I started to eat. and eat. and eat. I didn't care what I looked like and I still don't.

But now I'm just unhealthy. I need to get over the fact that I am going to lose my butt and chest if I lose weight. It is like I am clinging on to my ex's words, like if I lose weight I will find out that he was right... no one will want me. Right now, I have men chasing me around like crazy... I don't know how... but it's happening. If I lose weight, and get healthy, will they still like me?

I'm afraid. But I need to take care of myself! I'm starting with a smaller goal of 20 pounds.. wish me luck!

I love the outdoors and anything adventure-y! I hope to participate in Tough Mudder some day :)
Read More About CHUBBEEBUNNEE (Updated August 22)




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Member Since: 8/22/2012

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Member Comments:
XMASMOUSE
8/24/2012 6:12:18 PM

Just wanted to say thanks for stopping by my blog and for the encouragement. It was very much appreciated.
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DAVEINSEOUL
8/23/2012 8:57:44 PM

Hi - thanks for stopping by my blog. You mentioned that you like to ride also - I can not think of a better way to lose weight - so GO FOR IT! And have fun.

When I started on the bike I was over 320 pounds. In April, 2010, I went on my first ride in over 35 years - the rest, as they say, is history.

At one point I was down 80 pounds. While I've gained some of it back, it's only because I was forced off the bike for 4 months because of an injury.
But now I'm back, and I love it! Every ride is different, and they are all enjoyable.

My biggest advice? Find a sport or fitness activity that insprires your passion. That way you won't quit. I've tried running, weightlifting, swimming, hiking, etc.... nothing fit me. But cycling? Another story altogether. As I approach my 3rd year of cycling, I'm as passionate about cycling as I was when I first started in 2010.

Go for it!



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