November 2012....weight 212...early morning...I hate my circles! Ugh..But I love this sweater!
I have 10 pics in my gallery
A new chapter in my life
Hi all! My name is Courtney. I'm a 37 year old female from Massachusetts. I've been overweight my entire life. This is not a new battle for me--the losing weight part anyway. Starting and maintaining a healthy lifestyle is a new thing for me but I'm ready to take on that challenge! I'm determined to do this the right way. Slow and steady is fine with me. It's the ONLY way I haven't tried. I had to wear "prettyplus" clothes (from Sears) in elementary school because I couldn't fit into ...
Hi all! My name is Courtney. I'm a 37 year old female from Massachusetts. I've been overweight my entire life. This is not a new battle for me--the losing weight part anyway. Starting and maintaining a healthy lifestyle is a new thing for me but I'm ready to take on that challenge! I'm determined to do this the right way. Slow and steady is fine with me. It's the ONLY way I haven't tried. I had to wear "prettyplus" clothes (from Sears) in elementary school because I couldn't fit into regular sizes. My weight yo yod all through my school years. I had friends and I had one boyfriend but self esteem was low so I gave my EVERYTHING to him and thought the world was ending when we broke up....yeah, that was a messy time. BUT, I snapped out of it. I got down to about 160lbs. in high school.
Fast forward to age 17. I was diagnosed as Bipolar I. This diagnosis changed my life. I had just graduated high school and was starting college. It was like once these words ("You are bipolar") were spoken, my life fell apart. My behavior became erratic and unpredictable. To the point of dangerous at times. I became involved with a man who preyed on my mental illness--the mania part of it where I would go on spending sprees and open up credit card accounts and just shop and shop. I never saw it. I didn't see it until years later. This man broke me financially.
I was left untreated for years. I refused treatment and began self-medicating with drugs and alcohol--NOT uncommon for bipolar people. Finally, I was exhausted. Defeated. I knew I needed help. I sought treatment and spent more time trying to find the right combonation of meds. Once I sought treatment, testing was done and I had several other diagnoses to treat, thus needing a combonation of meds.
During the time of being diagnosed ( my dark dark years) and finally getting help (the light years)---I developed a nasty drug habit, dropped down to 145lbs., became pregnant, had a daughter (don't worry I stayed drug free), worked 2 jobs, slipped into several dark depressions, flew into awful manic highs, gave my daughter to my mother because I just couldn't raise her properly with my working and being untreated (the right way at that time) and still dabbling with the drugs, finally kicked the drug habit once and for all, fell in love, became engaged, and finally got on the right meds.
Today, mentally, I'm doing really well. My daughter still lives with my mom. She will be 13 this month. I couldn't uproot her and make her move back to Mass. to be with me. She's so happy and well adjusted. I'm happy for her. I miss her every day of my life and wish things would have been different but I know in my heart I did the right thing at the time. I hope she understands that someday. As far as our relationship goes, well, its kind of a sister sister relationship. I take whatever she gives me.
I'm on the right meds. I am on disability. I worked until 2010 when I just couldn't do it anymore. I've been on disability since. I'm engaged to the love of my life. We've been together since 2004. We did break up in 2007 because of my drug abuse. He couldn't handle it and I don't blame him. He came back into my life as I was getting clean in 2008. He moved back in with his son and we've been back together strong since. I've been clean from drugs since 2008. Never going back. Because of the cocaine abuse, I have developed a paranoid psychosis diagnosis and will now have to take antipsychotics for the rest of my life. That's ok. I own up to that. There's nothing I can do to change that.
As for my weight. Before joining SP....I lost 30lbs. I was at my heaviest in 2007--252. Just before joining SP I got down to 220. I didn't really try until 2010. Since joining, I've lost 5lbs. That's ok. I was lax for a bit. But, I'm back on the losing side.
My strategy: I've done alot of research. For me, I'm going to do the old stand by. Counting calories, tracking, label reading. I'm not going low carb---thought about it--but I have a feeling if I did, that I would up my fats to compensate and that would be a downfall for me. I have found that up to 175g of carbs a day is healthy so that is my goal--no more than 175g a day. I'm upping my protein but NOT going over range because that too stores as fat. Bottom line, STAY in range! Slow and steady is for me this time. I've done the crash diet, the drug diet, the starvation diet. Yeah, they're right, they don't work. The results (if u achieve them) don't last. I'm ready to try this angle.
my exercise: my main form is walking. I walk atleast 5 days a week. Now I am going to walk a minimum of 2.5 miles a day and there is a hill where I live--I will also climb that hill everyday. I know I may look odd to other people going by climbing the hill leading in and out of our complex, but oh well, u do what u have to, right? Lol...I'm also adding crunches. My weight is in my gut, so I'm targetting that area right now. In Nov. or Jan. not sure which month yet, I'm joining a gym with my walking buddy. I didn't have the money when she did to join. But, I'm gonna do this!
My thinking; My #1 thing is: No More Negative Self Talk!!! I keep that in the fore front of my mind. I have stopped putting myself down and telling myself that I'm a failure if I don't exercise for a day or if I have ice cream. It's ok..I'm ok. Don't down yourself. You're fabulous!
The scale is not the end of the world. Yes, the scale and I have a love hate relationship. It's taken me a LONG time to say this, but I'm getting away from the weigh ins. I'm going to TRY to do it once a month. If I slip and weigh in in a week, that's ok. BUT, I'm gonna try. Yep, those numbers only tell u what u weigh AT THAT MOMENT...that's it! I'm on the look out for NSV (non scale victories) and I found one yesterday! I bought a size 18 pair of jeans. YES! My biggest I was a size 24-26. Even last month I was a 20. This time, 18-baby~they fit so good too! Yep, perfect NSV! The shirt to go with them was still a 2x but like I said--the gut. It was loose though--may have been able to wear 1x but didn't wanna push it and wanted to be comfy so stuck with that one. I looked and felt great! Look for those, they're everywhere!
So, my motto is this:
"Love your body--The weight will take care of itelf!"
| current weight: 215.0
Interact with COURTNEY055
Member Since: 7/13/2012
Fitness Minutes: 5,359
9/10:219lbs met!! nails done!
10/25:210lbs not yet!
11/1: still 215lbs. will be talking with psych!
11/25: 212! YAY! Finally broke the plateau and lost 3lbs!
12/29: 215~~way too much indulging over the holidays! UGH..back to basics! Diet and exercise..time to get back on track!
I will weigh in on these dates and see if I can meet the goal. I may weigh in more frequently but atleast on these dates. On the 3rd of every month, I will treat myself to one new thing if I have managed to meet a goal before that. (ex: mani, pedi, outfit, earrings) You know what I decided, I'm going to treat myself even if I only see a pound gone. Why? Because I know that I try hard. I know that the deck is stacked against with being on the meds I'm on. I know that I try hard and I'm careful. If I have a week where I DONT try and just go completely off, no tre
I am going to use my trackers everyday. I am going to log on everyday and try to post and huddle. I will try to blog every week. I am going to exercise at least 5 days a week. I am going to increase my water intake. I am going to decrease my soda intake. I am going to take my meds everyday and see my MDs every month to keep up with good mental and physical health.
Courtney, 37, Mass.