CYBERCITYSHELL   4,208
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Shell and Princess 10.08.13





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This is me Feb 2013 at my heaviest-120 kilos..



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~*~Shell's Journey~*~

I am a 49 year old kiwi and my name is Shell. I love life, people, animals, the outdoors, music, the internet and more.
I am a great believer in human and animal rights.
I have been overweight since a was a small child. Although I started my first diet and then my life on continuous yo-yo-ing when I was 13. I am at the largest and heaviest I have ever been. I totally am not happy being this big!!
But, all is not lost,I am on a mission which I am going to achieve this time. ...
I am a 49 year old kiwi and my name is Shell. I love life, people, animals, the outdoors, music, the internet and more.
I am a great believer in human and animal rights.
I have been overweight since a was a small child. Although I started my first diet and then my life on continuous yo-yo-ing when I was 13. I am at the largest and heaviest I have ever been. I totally am not happy being this big!!
But, all is not lost,I am on a mission which I am going to achieve this time.
To achieve my weight loss goal I am rethinking what I am eating. Rather than eating something and then thinking, I am trying to think first. I have been overweight my whole life, so I know there is no quick fix. And I have attempted more weight loss ventures than I could possibly count. I am either being good, or not being good. Not being good is my usual state. And then I just don't restrict food. With the odd binge here and there of piggy food. Food, and what I eat, whether I am going to be "good" or not is never far from my mind. I start many days with this mindset. It sometimes gets late in the day, and I think what shall I have for breakfast. And that can depend whether there is good healthy stuff in the house or not. Also that there is not bad foods around, like chippies, ice cream, biscuits and similar things. If they are in the house I come to the conclussion that I can't lose weight with them in the house. I love fruit and veges, but piggy food taste so much better and seems to do more for my state of mind. Often I will get excited about planning to "get healthy" and I have all the good intentions in the world. Including "I will do it this time". I know I'm not a failure, coz I will never stop trying until I achieve what I want. Which of course is to get healthy, to slim down and to look good. To feel good, to look like I fit in, instead of feeling like the ugly fat woman in the crowd or walking down the street. I want to wear nice clothes and look good in what I wear. I want to be healthy, not a heart attack or stroke waiting to happen. I want people to look at me and not think "OMG" she'd be pretty if she wasn't fat. Why would she do that to herself. And people do discriminate against large people. But, they don't know my story, they don't know what I've gone through to make me live and behave this way. So, yeah I really do want to lose weight. And whether it's this year I begin the journey of losing weight for good, or next year-I will do it or die trying. I will be 50 next year. I want to look good and feel healthy by the time I hit fifty.
At the weight I am at I really feel very heavy. Walking has got harder, even though I've never driven and do walk. Standing still is not great on my body, I just feel so heavy.I want to show my daughter that it is worth the effort to lose weight. Because she suffers anxiety and depression and has really piled on the weight. I try to talk to her and encourage her, but she sees her super large mother. If I was to start losing then she might follow my footsteps. Food is my crutch and my daughter has learnt to use food in that way too. I have a compulsive personality and if I didn't overeat I would probably use some other drug. I most likely would be a heavy drinker. I used to smoke ciggerettes, and I smoked heavily. And that is me totally, I either do something or I don't. I do things to the excess. I know my weaknesses and flaws, so I can use them to my advantage. The only one stopping me from my goal-is me.
My first mini goal was to lose five kilos by my 49th birthday. I then decided ten would be better. My birthday has been and gone and I didn't lose ten, but I beat five so I am on my way . On my way for a long journey. I know it won't be all plain sailing. But that is what makes it a challenge-it won't be easy but the reward will make it worth the effort. I am going to do it. Why?? Because I've let life rule me, but now I am going to rule my life. I'm in charge, I'm the master of my own destiny. If I want to lose weight, then I must make it happen. And that is what I will do!!
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My first goal as of today 4.09.2013 is to get down 12 kilos. When I get there I will shout myself some hair dye. I could get it now, but I'd rather make myself work for it. Depending on how fast I do this will determine how grey my hair will get. And I'm cool with that.
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After reaching that first goal I will go for 16 kilos down. When I reach that I will get a haircut. Probably just a trim, as I am liking having my hair long. It is the first time in many years I have grown it long.
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After that I will go for 20 kilos down. Reaching that goal I will shout myself out for a few pokie games.
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When I get there I will add more goals. As this is enough to get me working.
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14th JANUARY 2014
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Okay what have I achieve so far From June 2013-November 2013 I lost twelve kilos. Somewhere after that date I went in the wrong direction-AGAIN!!
As of today I am back up to 114 kilos. So, I am still working on getting back on track. I am not going to alter my ticker. it is going down and down only. so, I am now working on getting back down to 107.9. I have known from way back that this is not a overnight journey or a short term one. And with every achievement comes the need to persevere and not fall back into "old habits". I will be fifty in August and that is when I am going to face the mirror and the scales and new smaller clothes and say "yep I am on my way to the way I want to feel and look". And I am going to do that beginning as well as continuing now. If the scales tell me that I am lower than 100 kilos I am on the right track, but a long way to go. If they say I am 90 kilos then I have achieved the goal of getting to a weight that I haven't been for longer than I even could remember. It is not all about the scales, it is about how I feel. However I know my body was not meant to be over 90 kilos. So this year I will be kissing the kilos goodbye.
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Member Since: 2/8/2012

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My Goals:
I started this journey at 120 kilos at the beginning of June this year. It is the heaviest I have ever been and it is time to point the scales in the right direction. I am not new to dieting and weight loss ventures. I have been yo-yoing since I was thirteen . And overweight since I began school at five. This time I am not excepting failure as an option. Although I have always been a person who may not reach my goal immediately (that is an understatement) but I have always got back onto my next adventure of battling the battle of the "load". And carrying around so much weight sure is a load. I have lost 8.5 kilos so far and this is good. I have not done it as quickly as I wanted. But that is okay, slowly gives me time to let my body adjust to it first before losing more. And hopefully making it more permanent. I know there will be ups and downs and the trip won't be all plain sailing. But it is achievable.

My Program:
I am 49 now, and I lost 8.5 kilos so far.
My weight loss program is basically just healthier options. Less meat,minimal sugar and fats. More fruit and vegetables, mixed nuts for protein. Aiming for at least six glasses of water a day. More exercise. So far the exercise is walking more, treadmill,dancing/exercising to music. I have added one and two kilo dumbells into my dancing/exercising routine.Although it sure isn't a routine, it is just me going with the flow and the music. I will change the foods to get the correct nuitrition. And I will change the exercise as my body gets gets more into shape.

Personal Information:
I have been overweight since I was a small child.But I first started dieting when I was thirteen. I have been yo yo-ing ever since.
Like so many overweight people I have a history of abuse,and I also had truama and as a child I blocked feelings and situations out that I wasn't ready to handle.Being a compulsive eater to me is a side effect of my emotional state. Writing helps me in the form of therapy. Although I do really need to look into counselling. I have been working on my emotional development for many years now.

Other Information:
I love people, animals,the outdoors,
the computer,
writing,human and animal rights,music,honesty etc. I look forward to catching up on doing so many things that being overweight has held me up from doing-mostly due to my low self esteem.And embarrassment. I know that being overweight does add discrimination. And that is one reason I have avoided some situations. But most my fear is due to childhood abuse and traumatic circumstances.Life's had it's ups and downs for me, but I enjoy the mundane as well as the unexpected.Life was never meant to be about plain sailing-well for some maybe.But reaching goals is a great strength builder. I have tried and failed so many times. But I keep going because I know that I will get there in the end. And I am going to make that goal happen instead of letting it fail.So determination is very important to me.

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Member Comments:
STRONG_SARAH
4/3/2014 10:23:53 AM

Hi there, you've been quiet, how're things going? Just wanted to stop and say hi!



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IMLOCOLINDA
3/30/2014 6:54:50 AM

Everything you need to be successful on your weight loss journey is inside of you......so dig deep, if necessary, and push forward to meet your goal. Whether your goal is for the next hour, day, week or month you can meet it if you stay focused, positive and determined.
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YOU ARE WORTHY!!! emoticon

And you are beautiful
inside and out!!!
emoticon Have a wonderful week!



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CIROHIO
3/28/2014 7:22:11 AM

Just dropping by with a quick emoticon Wishing you a Fabulous weekend emoticon Stay focus, stay on track and keep your eye on the prize! emoticon emoticon



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IMLOCOLINDA
3/23/2014 3:38:39 AM

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. - Anna Quindlen.
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You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. You must do the thing you think you cannot do. - Eleanor Roosevelt
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No road is too long for him who advances slowly and does not hurry, and no attainment is beyond his reach who equips himself with patience to achieve it. ~ Jean de La Bruyere
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WALLAHALLA
3/21/2014 11:13:39 PM

emoticon I hope Spring has sprung in your neck of the woods.
Wishing you a lovely Spring day! emoticon




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