to Spark .. not sure how long you have been here.. but try to get involved in a challenge or on a Spark Team with people who have like interest..
You can do this. Know you can.. but you have to do the work.. everyday .. choice by choice.. forget your past it is over can't be undone.. YOU CAN CHANGE RIGHT NOW !! That is all we can really ever change ..
I will send you good vibes.. work on thinking positive thoughts , doing positive self affirmations.