My name is Jessica, and the past 10 years of my life can be summed up as, “what a long, strange trip it’s been.”
I’m a veteran. I went to war. It sucked. And I had a really hard time adjusting when I got back home. I had a problem with alcohol for a while. I sunk into a really bad depression. I found out I had post-traumatic stress disorder (which is a barrel of laughs…not…), and lots of anxiety issues. Eventually I decided I didn’t want to be that 40 year old woman who hangs out in the bar every night, so I cut way, WAY down on the alcohol (today I drink once in a blue moon). Unfortunately, I replaced booze with food as my drug of choice.
I really feel like I am a food “addict.” I’ve had obsessive thoughts about food my entire life. It’s always, ALWAYS been a struggle for me. The first 20 years of my life, though, I was able to keep myself relatively in check. I’d yo-yo up and down, but my highest weight was 170 I think. Since I look pretty good anywhere between 140 and 160, this wasn’t anything too excessive (although at the time, I thought that was the worst weight possible…ha ha…little did I know…).
So, since I did the old swap-a-roo from alcohol to food, I’ve come to realize the meaning of the word “balloon.” Years of binges on cookies, chips, butter-with-popcorn, pizza, pizza, and more pizza have led me up, up, and up to a scale reading of 300 lbs.
So far I haven’t had health problems. But I know that’s just a ticking time bomb.
And frankly, I’m sick to death of my obsession with food.
Over the past couple of years I’ve managed to pull it together with the help of medicine and therapy for the ptsd. But while that has helped my war-related issues, it hasn’t done anything for my weight problem.
I’ve done the yo-yo dieting. The weight watchers. The Nutri-System. The fruit-only diet. Atkins. The Zone. You name it. I’ve had a little success with each of these methods…for a little while…and then the “willpower” ultimately fails me and pile all those pounds back on, plus some.
After giving it a lot of serious, honest thought, I came to the conclusion that there’s something “broken” inside of me when it comes to food. And it’s been there since day one. The obsession has been with me my whole life. I think the reason I haven’t been successful with my weight loss in the past is because, ultimately, I haven’t fixed the “problem”—that broken place inside of me that has an skewed view of food.
So I’ve been going to counseling for this issue, specifically. After 6 months of therapy, I feel like I’ve finally made some headway. I haven’t totally broken all of my bad habits yet, but I’ve been able to let go of a lot of the guilt associated with eating for me. And that in itself has been HUGE. Little by little I notice the food “obsession” diminishing. Throughout these past 6 months I haven’t really lost any weight. That hasn’t been my focus or my goal during this period. But I’ve come far enough now that I think I can start factoring weight loss into the process…while continuing to totally overhaul my mindset and relationship with food.
I’ve decided not to worry about how “fast” I can lose the weight. Instead, I’m going to focus on changing more and more of those bad habits I’ve accumulated over a lifetime, and replacing those habits with good ones—like picking foods that will nourish my body…eating them in reasonable portions, and doing some exercise most days of the week.
Let the games begin.
1. To reach a healthy weight for my gender and body type. 140 lbs would be ideal, but I'd be perfectly happy at 160.
2. To change my habits. Specifically, to not snack in the evening after supper, to not snack in front of the tv or while reading a book.
3. To make daily exercise a natural and cherised part of my life.
4. To hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back up again.
5. To go shopping and actually like the way clothes fit me once again.
Start Wt 325 - 2.01.13
Goal 315 -
Goal 305 -
Goal 295 -
Goal 285 -
Goal 275 -
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Goal 255 -
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Goal 235 -
Goal 225 -
Goal 215 -
Goal 205 -
Goal 195 -
Goal 185 -
Goal 175 -
Goal 165 -
Goal 155 -
To "Eat to Live." Not "Live to Eat."
My name is Jessica, and I'm from North Dakota. I'm a conservative, evangelical Christian. I'm a proud veteran of OIF.
I LOVE Josh Turner, Old Crow Medicine Show, Led Zeppelin, Shooter Jennings, and the Eagles(among others)!
I'm also slightly crazy about romance novels....and, well, reading in general...
Places I'd like to go when I'm in shape enough to do it:
1. The Boundary Waters
2. To the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back again
3. Chilkoot Trail
4. Banff & Jasper
| Pounds lost: 105.0