FREYJA5  
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Her story, my story, could be your story...

Hi, I am a jewellery designer and graphic artist, therefore I am always sitting down for work. I don't get enough exercise and I am looking to lose weight, earn strenght in my body to be able to exercise and join normal every day activities with my fiance and prepare my body to conceive a child.
I am quite easy going and love chatting and meeting new people. So if you are in the same boat as me don't hesitate to message me.

My story in a nutshell...(I will only gives some ...
Hi, I am a jewellery designer and graphic artist, therefore I am always sitting down for work. I don't get enough exercise and I am looking to lose weight, earn strenght in my body to be able to exercise and join normal every day activities with my fiance and prepare my body to conceive a child.
I am quite easy going and love chatting and meeting new people. So if you are in the same boat as me don't hesitate to message me.

My story in a nutshell...(I will only gives some details is a bit hard to talk about it all at one shot)

Born in New York raised in Puerto Rico and Miami.

From an early age I had weight problems but nothing major. But life and its ups and downs led me to depression and eating the wrong foods and not exercising.

I lost my dad some years ago unexpectedly. He was murdered on Thanksgiving day when he was suppose to be with me having dinner. He had phoned me ask me if he could come to see me that day but since my parents were divorced mom had a problem with him been there that day and I didn't know who to please so I said to dad that I would see him after lunch and save him some food.

So he should of been with me, well I guilted myself in believing that it was my fault to why he was killed.

He was mugged on that day. I was told at 11pm by my cousin on the phone. So that was the start of it all.

After that I married a nice southern guy from Georgia and he was the love of my life. I lost him to a sad motorcycle crash. That left me even worse than I was. So more depression and more sadness came to me. I was left pregnant with his child which I lost do to heartache.
My body just rejected it and I had a miscarriage.
I was then 127 lbs.

After that life started to turn and I was getting things right but I met MR.Wrong. I met someone that i thought was the prince of my dreams boy was I wrong. I moved to England to be with him, leaving my family and friends behind to come to a strange and cold place. He took advantage of that and molded me to his liking. He pretended to be so very nice and so loving. He would buy me things I wanted and treated me like a princess.
Once I was really in love with him he changed and manipulated my mind, he even locked me in the house for a week while he went to America to a conference.

*first year of the relationship weight was 189 lbs*

Then the beatings started. He would hurt me in places nobody could see. Then i was not allowed to bring any wholesome foods to the home and I was almost pushed to eat everything on my plate. Every day. So he depressed me so badly that I sat like a doughnut watching tv and playing games on the computer without any hope of getting out.
I had no money, no family and no friends. He took my sim card and destroyed it. All i have on my phone was his family and his friends.

*weight 208 lbs*

I was only allow to dress how he wanted. Like a professional business woman. NO jeans no other clothing. His way or no way.

This continued for 3 more years. But I got smart and gained his trust made him believe that I was ok with him and his behavior. So he allowed me to have a key and leave the house to go shopping and go to church.

I was still very uncertain and scared as I didn't know what to do. But I got courage and he was going to a conference in America once again. So I decided to make my escape while he wass gone for 9 days. I stayed in the house trying to box things to take to church, people i met on the net.
And left with nothing but 20 pounds in my wallet.
He had my passport so going to America was not an option.

*weight 294 lbs*

I packed what i could and left. Leaving all my belongings and travelling with just 1 bag that would fit in a train or car.

I slept in park benches. church benches for a week.
I collapse at the church i was sleeping in one day. I was taken to hospital and woke up a week after with no idea to what happened to me. I had hypoglycemia and had a seizure because of my diet.

Finally the church found a place that took me in. A shelter for battered women. I come from a family that gave me everything i needed within their means. I never had to struggle for anything, SO this was an eye opener. I was broke, homeless and had no friends to turn to. Left my belongings with people I didn't even know. I was skeptical go in a women shelter because I didn't know if I could trust them. But my Vicar promised me that I was safe.

I had an education but was useless without a passport and papers to help me get a proper job.

I lost a lot of weight because I had no money to eat.
I went down to 176lbs.
I was eating ramen noodles and what I could afford on the 20 pounds I was given per week. That was to buy me food, detergent to do my laundry, bus transport etc.
I use to walk 2 miles a day to get to the library to log on for an hour which was all you are allowed in a library.

I needed my passport but had no money to get to London.
Woman's aid had relocated me to another part of the country which he would not find me. Life went on and my time to leave the house came.

I had met a nice guy and was falling in love with him as he was with me. So he invited me to his house and ever since we have been together.
But because of all the trauma I had gone through I could not give myself totally to him so it has been a rollercoaster for us.

I lost our baby he was born still born. After that I gained a lot more weight and was very depressed. Putting damp on our relationship and personal growth. I have gained all the weight back and more with everything that has happened lately.

I know I am a survivor and I know I will eventually see the light some day. But it gets sad and lonely sometimes because I have not allowed myself to open up to him or anyone because of all that happened in my past.
I am even afraid of making friends with new people because I am not sure I can trust anyone.

I need to move on, lose the weight and get healthy for myself and my future family. We both want a healthy baby and that is my goal at the moment. Althought our relationship has deteriorated and is hanging by a string. We hope that something will change.

Although I would like a happy family. If it doesn't happen. At least I will be a healthy woman. And love will have to be put in the back burner until it happens again.

I have survived my father been killed, death of a husband, grandparents losses and close cousins losses. My own babies. I had enough grief to last me a lifetime.

I need to do this and live a normal life. I am DONE been the martir and victim. I need to become the person I once was.

Thank you for reading. I never have told my story in so many details to anyone. AS the psycho still out there.

But I need to live....






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Member Since: 1/19/2009

SparkPoints: 0

Fitness Minutes: 1,087

My Goals:
Eat proportioned meals prepared by me.
Acomplish a healthy weight and stay there.
Have a healthy life style with the love of my life.
Have a baby and enjoy a fit healthy family lifestyle.

Other Information:
I create New Age jewellery combining my reiki and crystal healing knowledge.

I have helped many people acomplish their dreams of having a healthy pregnancy and baby.
Although all these. My gifts don't seem to work on myself. So here I am :)

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Member Comments:
WOLFKITTY
9/21/2012 10:47:59 PM

I miss you, my friend!!

Hey chickadee!
Let me know when you come back to Spark!!
All the best,
Jocelyn

I'll try not to cry until then.



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BRANDI1809
12/8/2011 7:47:33 AM

Hi,
Just wondering if you are still on Sparkpeople and how you are keeping.
Why not pop back & see what we are up to.
All the very best for the coming festive season.

Much love
Jude x
UK Midlands Team Leader



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TX.PATRICIA
3/14/2011 7:57:27 AM

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Happy Birthday to You!!

Born March 13, you prize family above all else, and you are always willing to consider a close friend to be a member of your family if he or she has displayed the kind of care, loyalty and emotional fortitude that you so value. You will never turn your back on someone who has earned your friendship, and you have been known to sacrifice much simply to help a friend in need -- even in the most routine or trivial of situations. You can be rather emotional -- quick to anger, quick to love, quick to laugh and quick to cry -- but you are not choosy or selective when it comes to your feelings; you let it all hang out so freely that everyone is privy to your emotional ups and downs.

You crave knowledge of all kinds, and fortunately your ability to absorb information is not adversely affected by your overall emotional nature. Indeed, you have the edge over many who are far more intellectual than you are, if only because you are able to assign an emotional value to the lessons you learn, and thus derive more meaning from them.

Hope your day was wonderful!

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.•*´`•.¸ .•*´`•.¸ .•*´Show Your•*´`•.¸ .•*´•.¸ .•*´`•.¸
.•*´`•.¸Determination & Accountability•.¸ .•*´`•.¸
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WOLFKITTY
12/25/2010 1:27:55 PM

Happy holidays, Merry Christmas, and peace for 2011!
2011 looks like two legs standing tall and strong (that could be you!)
2011 has double #1s, for personal victory and private focus for yourself!
2011 has all the promise of a bright and shining new year!

Life is what you make of it, right, my SparkFriend?!
All the best for you!
Jocelyn



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BRANDI1809
12/16/2010 12:56:40 PM

Hi,
Just checking to see if you are still around & still Sparking as we haven't heard from you for a long time. We are still here and the UK Midlands Team is bigger & better than ever, so why not come back and take a look.
Wishing you & yours all the very best for Christmas.
Hugs
Jude x
UK Midlands Team Leader
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