I'm sorry to hear you lost your job! That must be very stressful, so I can completely understand how other things have taken back burner. I hope I didn't seem too critical or negative. It's hard to convey tone in words. Good luck with the piece, whenever you get a chance to pick it up again! 1174 days ago
I’m sorry about the late reply! I no longer receive spark reminders when I have sparkmail, so I just found it in my inbox last week. And with the festivities I got to it as soon as I could. Sorry for the wait!
It’s rather surreal to me, and I can’t quite fully make sense of what’s going on. I assumed that was artistic choices and your intent. It’s a very different writing style than my own, so I’m not sure I’m the best one to give constructive criticism. Maybe someone more like-minded would be of more help. I would suggest improving the dialogue tags. They draw attention to themselves. Personally, I keep it simple with “said” and “asked” and only upgrade if the situation really calls for it. Maybe you could remove a few tags a la Hemingway if they’re not needed.
I like the idea of a one-man (or woman) adventure, like Alice in Wonderland. It might be hard to develop both main character and side kick equally. My only other advice is to add some clarity, unless it’s supposed to be surreal and not make perfect sense.
Good luck with your writing, and thank you for sharing with me!