IAMAGEMLOVER   202,737
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Refocusing on me

Ever since the last weekend of May I have been focused on getting out of the flea market and taking an inventory of what I hadn't sold. Not only that I decided to get rid of all of my baseball collection and collectibles. I have been doing spreadsheet after spreadsheet of years of baseball cards. If I knew how to make the spreadsheets public, I would so I could sell them faster.

During these months, I have taken the focus off of me. I have gained close to 10 pounds, but that is ...
Ever since the last weekend of May I have been focused on getting out of the flea market and taking an inventory of what I hadn't sold. Not only that I decided to get rid of all of my baseball collection and collectibles. I have been doing spreadsheet after spreadsheet of years of baseball cards. If I knew how to make the spreadsheets public, I would so I could sell them faster.

During these months, I have taken the focus off of me. I have gained close to 10 pounds, but that is not the worst of it. I have lost complete focus of my journey. I have not blogged, tracked my food. or posted on any of my teams. I am a leader of one team, and I haven't posted or welcomed any new members in over 2 months. I haven't exercised at all. I have sat in the chair at my computer and entered data for hours upon hours and counted baseball cards. I have ruined my eyes to where I need a magnifying glass to read the numbers and names on the cards now. That still isn't the worst of it. I have gone back to eating crap because I can't take the time to even put anything in the microwave. I have popcorn, oreos, yes oreo cookies for dinner. M&M's on the desk because they are easy to just pop in your mouth. About the only healthy habit I have kept is drinking at least 8 glasses of water a day. I have bought IBC Black Cherry soda on occasion though. That did come to a stop.

It really didn't sink in on how bad it has gotten until I went to the store the other day and spent $42.97 on groceries and bought nothing but ice cream and candy.

Things have to change. I am going to put the focus back on me and my journey. I will make sure my menu gets done once a week and follow it Once I see the neurologist, I will get an exercise program I can do, and do it.

I know the inventory has to get done and sold, especially if I do have to end up moving, but not at the expense of all the hard work I did to lose all the weight I did and to become healthier. After all, your health is the most important asset you have, if you don't have that, you really don't have anything.
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I took sometime off from sparkpeople and I put on about 4+ pounds. About the only healthy habit that I kept up with is drinking my 64 ounces of water. I have found M&M's again, gone through quite a few bags. I even started taking my morning medication with them. Easter candy is the hardest for me because I love Russell Stover Marshmallow Chocolate Eggs. I have eaten dozens and dozens. I can't wait until Easter is over. I am not too upset about gaining a little bit of weight because I have actually received compliments saying I don't look so gaunt. Go figure. I am concerned about they way I have been eating and not caring. I am in a funk, I guess you call it depression. I don't know if it is because of the winter we had, the life situations that have been thrown my way recently, or what. I do know I have to stop eating popcorn for dinner and ice cream for lunch. It is not healthy. A new kick is Grahm crackers with butter.

April was when I was going to get back on track. Now with Easter being Sunday, it will be Monday. My Mom had surgery on 4/1 so I don't know if she will be up to doing Easter dinner but I know I am spending Saturday night at her house. Will she cook or will I end up taking her out to eat?

All I know for sure is I have to get back on track. I didn't work my butt off literally, for almost 2 years to go back to eating unhealthy. I am half the woman I was and I am proud of it. I did it once and I will do it again. I don't need to lose any weight, praise the lord, but I need to start eating healthy and exercising again. OMG, did I say that.
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It is now 8/27 and we are almost into the season where food will take center stage again. I better wake up and smell the roses and fast. I have the eating pretty much under control. I just don't buy the crap. That is not easy. This week for instance, all the ice creams I have learned(yes, learned,) to love again are on sale with gas points. I think it is pretty safe to say it is a good thing I have no food stamps left and I am low on cash. Otherwise----I don't know. How's that for honesty. It's not 1 package of 3 that you are buying, it is 6 packages of 3 or how ever many are in a package. That is where the get you. That is a never mind, it is not happening.

Now onto exercise. What exercise? I use to get at least a 2000 minutes fitness award every month until recently. I just passed the 200 minutes fitness level the other day. I wear a fitbit and those are the minutes I count. I haven't strength trained since June or been to the pool. I have fallen back into the bad habit of no exercise. On the computer, reading, doing a jigsaw puzzle or watching the boob tube. I average about 9000 steps a WEEK not a day.

I get myself all psyched up for going to the pool the next day, and when it is time to go, find all kinds of things to do to keep me home. Laundry that has to get done and hung out to dry instead of using the dryer and wasting $$$$$, I forgot to shave my legs, my hair doesn't look right, or I think who the heck cares anyway, I am ugly I may as well be lumpy and dumpy. I have stomach trouble and what if I go and have to go to the bathroom and don't make it. It would be embarrassing. Oh the tricks my mind can play.

I got a few suggestions from my spark friends. I am done with August. GTH August, welcome September. I have a few tricks that I am going to play now. I got my eating under control, I can get my exercise back under control. I didn't lose all this weight to not stay fit and healthy. I am BACK I admit it I am cheap. If it comes down to $$$and Cents, I am sick of paying for the pool monthly, even if it is subsidized and not getting my moneys worth. That will get this cheap a$$ out the door.

Right around Easter I lost my spark. I ate what I wanted for Easter dinner. That started a less than diligent eating. I was in a major depression and couldn't find my way out of it. I did try, but was knocked back down each time. For Easter dessert we had Marie Callender Chocolate creme pie. Ahhh. When I went to the store, I'll be dipped, they make them in one serving sizes. Not only that heck they were on sale plus on top of that if you bought eight of the desserts you got an extra 4oo gas points. Hey man that is 40 cents of every gallon of gas. Who can resist that. I wasn't thinking that those 8 desserts would be sitting in my freezer. So what did I do, I bought 16. That is 800 gas points. WooHoo. Next, 8 different varieties of ice cream novelties, another 400 gas point, chaching. Hey, I did buy 12 dinners amd 4 Green Giant vegetables. That is 2000 gas points or $2.00 off every gallon of gas. Who wouldn't like to pay $1.82 for a gallon of gas?

Not anymore. I can't have ice cream in the house. I can't have those desserts in the house, though they aren't as dangerous as ice cream. I ate a package of 3 Magnum bars in one night. Yes, my stomach hurt afterwards, but boy was it good. Oh that chocolate and caramel......I came to my senses. I am paying for the gas because I don't need the ice cream. It's over Magnum, it was great while it lasted. We can still see each other once in awhile but not too often. Grapes found out about us and told me I had to choose and well, they are better for me and I can have more than one. Sorry.
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I have a year of maintenance behind me. That was harder than losing the 120+ pounds. Honestly, I am prouder of keeping the weight off this past year than I am of losing it. People think Oh you lost the weight now you can partake. You can go for pizza, you can have this that nd the other thing. NO I can't. Not if I don't wantto end up right back where I started. Yes, I went out for the occasional vey occasional pizza. It was planned for ahead of time and accounted for. Don'tcall me at 4pm and say let's go for a pizza because the answer will be no 99.89% of the time. No one is perfect.

There were lots of trials and errors with my eating and exercising. Oops lost too much, add calories, oh no gained too much take away calories. Up down, up down. This went on for a couple months. I finally figured out a balance, sort of. I eat between 1250-1375 calories. If I work out at the pool extra hard or I can have a few calories one day, I eat at the top of my range, all ranges. I also found that if I have around 70 grams of protein a day I am more satisfied. I stopped with the 50% carbs, 30%fat and 20 protein. That drove me nuts. As long as I am under 60% carbs, Ideally under 55% I am happy.

Now the Dr. tells me I am lactose intolerant. Well I am intolerant of that. I love milk, skim of course, and Greek yogurt. I would not get enough protein if it wasn't for those two things. I also love babybel cheese. Have it everday. I will go with a belly ache before giving up by yogurt and cheese. I cried when he told me that. He was shocked I think. He said it wasn't the end of the world and I told him, maybe not for him it wasn't. Just like peanut butter and peanuts, I wouldn't get the good fat without them. There has to be something I can do.

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I am finding maintenance more challenging than losing the weight. It seems every week my weight is different. One week I gain 1/2 pound so I adjust my eating. I end up losing 2 pounds so I increase my calories. I end up gaining weight 2 or 3 weeks down the road. It is forever adjusting.

I also found it very difficult to deal with the reactions from different people. My Mom on one hand is very proud of the weight I have lost. When I went shopping and finally fit into the size 8 Jorache skinny jeans that I have been wanting to wear for years, she couldn't tell enough people. My daughter lost............. The next time I saw her, I get the remark that so and so asked if I had cancer because I looked sick. It kind of floored me. Then you get the people who didn't think you could do it and are actually angry that you did. Now of course, they are saying that you will put it all back on. I heard there was even a $100.00 bet that I will have put on at least 20 pounds by Christmas between my darling sister and her husband. Her husband thinks I will keep it off. My sister thinks I will put it back on, of course she rides a broom and Halloween is her favorite holiday. We don't like each other.

Every single time I leave the house and I see my landlord he tells me to stop losing weight. He says the wind will pick me up and blow me away. I asked him if he was afraid the rent wouldn't get paid then and he actually said yes.

I am 61.25" tall and as of today, June 29 I weigh 126.5 pounds. According to the BMI scale I am at the high end of a healthy weight. I am going to stay right here until I see my Dr. in August for my yearly physical. I have seen my pulmonologist and he said my weight is just fine.

For all the newbies that are just starting and feel overwhelmed, hang in there. I felt the same way. Reach out to the spark community for support. You will receive tons of it if you reach out. I am on spark quite a bit of the day, message me, I don't mind. Set small goals, with your larger goal in mind. This will stop you from feeling so overwhelmed. Change only a few things at a time, when they become a habit, add a couple more. You didn't put the weight on over night, don't expect to take it off overnight. Patience is a virtue and a must. Life my title says If I did it, you can too. I am basically a lazy person, sure I exercise, but sit the rest of the day in front of the computer. I don't move as much as I should. I was a terrible eater, hated fruit and vegetables. I am still not the best eater, I eat frozen dinners, Lean Cuisine etc, but a far cry from what I was. i like fruits and some vegetables, and tolerate others. I even eat spinach and asparagus. When my Mom saw me eat asparagus, she almost passed out.
Read More About IAMAGEMLOVER (Updated September 4)


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Member Since: 12/11/2011

SparkPoints: 202,737

Fitness Minutes: 59,926

My Goals:
I want to lose 12 pounds.

I want to get back into shape.



My Program:
Measure & weigh my food and drinks.

Track my food.

Strength training 3x a week.

Cardio 3x a week.



Personal Information:
Live in CT

I was born 12/31/1954 I was not a New Year's baby I was born at 8:27am by C-section.

I am the middle child with 1 older sister, 1 older brother and 2 younger brothers. I do have middle child syndrome.

Other Information:
I love to read. Right now I am reading the In Death series by J.D. Robb. When I have to wait for one of her books, I read James Patterson. They are my favorite authors. I am caught up on the Alex Cross series and Women's Murder Club and almost caught up on the Michael Bennett series.

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Member Comments:
1CRAZYDOG
9/2/2015 9:06:37 AM

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“Beam love to the unkind for they need it the most.” Gail Lynne Goodwin
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1CRAZYDOG
9/1/2015 3:25:49 PM

I hope he's taking care of himself. He's had a couple of wake up calls . . . UGH.

I know how you worry, understandably about your son. Hope he "gets it together!"

HUGS and prayers Bonnie.



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1CRAZYDOG
9/1/2015 3:24:00 PM

OH boy . . . . .he's had a few wake up calls. Hope he takes care of himself.

HUGS and prayers . . . I know you worry about your DS . . . . understandably!



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1CRAZYDOG
9/1/2015 10:26:37 AM

OHHhhhhhh. Wishing you all the best, Bonnie. How is Gary doing?

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Power is who you are, not what you have. Hank Wasiak
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1CRAZYDOG
8/31/2015 7:09:18 AM

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Challenge is nothing more than the seed of opportunity Gail Lynne Goodwin
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