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I just wanna live. I have kids, fur-babies, and life to live.
I'm really struggling right now.... having trouble with the "grey areas".
Growing up I was a normal sized kid with a distorted view of myself. Think of how you look in one of those fun-house mirrors. Well that's what I saw of myself. My oldest daughter is my high school weight. I see her and I recognize now, that there was nothing wrong with me and I wasn't as disgusting as I thot I was.
My father didn't help with my self-image problem, if anything he contributed to it. He demanded I get up at 4 am and do extreme exercises everyday. For a 5'8" girl, he felt that if I weighed over 129 lbs, I weighed too much. There was no room for my voice and there was no escape. I remember being grabbed under the chin, shoved up against the wall, and being told "this is disgusting, when are you going to lose this weight?".
By the time I escaped their home, I was forced into a marriage with someone I didn't love. He was my parents choice, and again, I had no voice. I spent 10 years with this guy, and while I have 2 wonderful children from this marriage, I was miserable. I ate ate ate to fill the void and "because I could". There was no restrictions on what I could eat, as long as I could afford it, there was all kinds of food out there for me.
I remember eating days where I would get 2 foot long subs from subway for lunch, and then for dinner, order 2 med or lg pizzas from either PizzaHut or Dominoes. I would eat both subs or pizzas, in one sitting. I alternated pizza joints so ppl at the pizza place wouldn't know I was ordering pizzas every day. Chinese food was also a favorite addiction to alternate in this destructive pattern, 2 large entrees, of course.
My extreme dislike of throwing up has kept me from purging. I've done the binging, that's for sure. I'm not sure what you call a person who binges but doesn't purge. I hate exercising, it's like reliving those years of when it wasn't an option.
I really just want to live and be happy. I have shared all this so you can understand where I'm coming from. I am not able to "quit food" as our bodies need fuel to keep us going. So how do I find that "grey area" that I spoke of toward the top of this post? How do you conquer a food addiction?
Thanks for taking the time to read.
"I am what i am because of the experiences and influences that have shaped my life. Take me as I am or just leave me the heck alone."
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i''M oRiGiNaLLy FRoM CeNTRaL iLLiNoiS, & i''M aN aRMy WiFe & MoTHeR oF 6, CuRReNTLy LiViNG iN ViRGiNia. FeeL FRee To eMaiL Me aNYTiMe aT: email@example.com
I am who I am because of the experiences and influences that have shaped my life. Take me as I am or just leave me the heck alone!
Secrets of Success
This user doesn't have any secrets of success.
| Pounds lost: 18.0