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I am working on making small positive changes to improve my health and life. I want to learn to take care of myself and trust myself to make good choices.

In 2014, I managed to lose over 90 pounds and finally was at a normal weight. It felt too good to be true, and I was constantly terrified of going back to my old ways and gaining it all back.

Well, that's exactly what happened. One by one, all my healthy habits fell by the wayside. My self-esteem crept back to a level of self-hatred. I didn't fight it. I just gave up for years. I abandoned all the friends I'd found here as well as friends I'd found where I lived. I hid from the world and tried unsuccessfully to hide from myself.

The pounds piled back on so quickly that a coworker became convinced I was pregnant. Nope, just fat again. Everything hurts again. I don't ever feel like I have the energy to do anything other than survive.

I'm trying to convince myself that all the time I had spent bettering myself isn't just wasted and lost. I learned valuable lessons. Obviously I didn't learn them as fully as I should have. But it's incredibly difficult to look back on entries from 4 years ago and remember what life was like. To imagine what life could be like now, if I'd only stuck with it. I'm so angry at myself, full of regret and resentment.

So here I am, trying to overcome all this doubt, fear, self-loathing, issues with food, laziness, so many things that undid all the progress I'd made. It's comforting to have proof that I can succeed, but terrifying to have slipped back so far.

Member Since: 11/14/2012

Fitness Minutes: 294

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"What you do today can improve all your tomorrows." - Ralph Marston

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss

Read More About RACHELLAUREENE - Profile Information moved here. (Updated December 9)

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  • v WHITE-2
    PS when reading the 'Simplicity-now' blogs, be sure to also read the most recent post... I mean it will be good if you read what guidelines there are, but realize that they may not be 'THE' cure.. Though indeed they do help to get more of a grip.
    9 hours ago
  • v CHARLEYW929
    Good Evening. Thank you much for the Spark Goodie. Have a wonderful week....Onward!!
    ~~Charley~~ emoticon emoticon
    17 hours ago

    Comment edited on: 12/10/2017 6:44:19 PM
    “You've been given the innate power to shape your life...but you cannot just speak change, you have to LIVE change. Intent paired with action builds the bridge to success. You can't just want it; you have to do it, live it...BE it! Success isn't something you have, it's something you DO.” ― Steve Maraboli

    Have a great day! emoticon
    1 day ago
  • v -POOKIE-
    Added you as a friend. I have previously loads of weight, then gained a lot back after post natal depression hit me hard.
    3 days ago
    Stop by my page and let me know u r back...

    ( ¯`♥ ´¯) ♥'
    .`•.¸.•´ ♥ Spread the SPARK!!! *`*•.¸¸.•♥
    ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•*¨).•*´. ♥¸¸.•¨ •♥
    (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .• •♥¸¸.•¨¯`•.♥.¸¸.•¨¯`•¸. •♥

    1408 days ago
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