SHINING_ON   13,354
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Artist's Rendition of an Innerer Schweinehund!



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Mein Innerer Schweinehund

Ich werde meinen innerer Schweinehund zu zähmen.

I am working to tame mein innerer Schweinehund ("my inner pig-dog"): Self-loathing. This is my inner demon, and necessitates that I learn to nurture myself rather than punish myself for my mistakes. I am treating this as a road to recovery from my unhealthy self - physically and emotionally - and an opportunity to make over my life so that I can make consistently positive choices. Rather than beating myself up for past mistakes, ...
Ich werde meinen innerer Schweinehund zu zähmen.

I am working to tame mein innerer Schweinehund ("my inner pig-dog"): Self-loathing. This is my inner demon, and necessitates that I learn to nurture myself rather than punish myself for my mistakes. I am treating this as a road to recovery from my unhealthy self - physically and emotionally - and an opportunity to make over my life so that I can make consistently positive choices. Rather than beating myself up for past mistakes, instead I will exorcise (and exercise!) mein innerer Schweinehund. My mantra is: I am tougher than this, and I deserve to treat myself better. The one person who can best show me the love I deserve is ME.

I was anorexic for 12 years in my teens and early 20s, which never really ended - I just became a fat anorexic. Over the course of just a few years, I went from 92 pounds to 312 pounds due to a combination of medications, undiagnosed endocrine issues, a metabolism very finely tuned by years of starvation, and - of course - many, many mistakes on my part. I have struggled with my weight for almost a decade now, and I have had a lot of learning to do about my body and how to care for myself. I'm not there yet, but I have made significant strides toward being a healthier, fitter, wiser me. I now know that I must fight incredibly hard for every pound - but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to reclaim myself and my health.

I re-committed to myself and my health on May 14, 2012. As of that time, I weighed 312 pounds, which meant my weight had climbed back up to its highest ever. Never again! My goal weight is 130 lbs, give or take, because I do not know what my body should be like at a healthy weight. With ~182 pounds to lose, I have almost 60% of my starting weight to lose. That feels like a daunting challenge, but by approaching my loss one day, one pound at a time, I'm getting there, slowly but surely!

5% lost (296.4) - Met! 6/20/2012
10% lost (280.8) - Met! 11/18/2012
15% lost (265.2)
20% lost (249.6)
25% lost (234.0)
30% lost (218.4)
40% lost (187.2)
50% lost (156.0)
58.33% lost (130.0 - GOAL)
Read More About SHINING_ON (Updated August 26)




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Member Since: 7/29/2010

SparkPoints: 13,354

Fitness Minutes: 15,673

My Goals:
To enjoy life to the fullest as a healthier, fitter, wiser me.

My Program:
* Striving for daily cardio and strength training 3-4x per week
* Experimenting with my diet to find what combination of food my metabolism responds to best!
* Working to change the dynamic with my husband: going from co-enablers to co-motivators

Personal Information:
As a biologist, I am approaching my weight loss from an objective, experimental point of view. Check out my other blog to read about my experiment in regaining health: http://mythriftygenotype.wordpress.com/

Other Information:
I love science & research, reading classic literature, photography, writing short stories and poems, hiking, gardening, and last, but not least, spending time with my husband and our two jack russells.

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Member Comments:
CHUBBEGONE28
8/16/2013 12:31:20 PM

Ha! I don't know if pig-dog starving is a good thing? :) Hope the chaos will die down a bit for you this weekend and that you are able to do something nice and relaxing for yourself. I will be thinking of you!



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ABYGAILSMOM06
8/15/2013 4:24:51 PM

Hey, the same thing happened to me , my biggest loser link is also not there. Any suggestions? Hope you have a wonderful day!



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CHUBBEGONE28
8/15/2013 3:15:26 PM

Hi there. Something strange has happened. The BLC Sparkteam link/icon on my page disappeared and when I went to your welcome email with the link, it wouldn't let me join, as it is a private group. :( Weird!

Can you please re-invite me when you have a moment?



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CHUBBEGONE28
8/14/2013 3:54:32 PM

Hey there! How's everything going on your end? And how is the pig-dog? :)



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BAKERGIRL84
8/13/2013 4:37:19 PM

Yes I know schnecken. I make cinnamon(zimt) schnecken. The good thing is that I also know how to make healthy breads like Vollkornbrot (whole grain rye bread). Its just if you have a bad day the last place you should be is a bakery emoticon . Ohh well I have to learn to control myself a bit more. I have done the whole weight loss thing before (I was only 10lbs away from my goal weight) and I just know I can do it again and this time I'm not doing the extreme diet were I cut out everything. I want to make it a permanent thing this time around emoticon



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