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Artist's Rendition of an Innerer Schweinehund!


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Ich werde meinen innerer Schweinehund zu zähmen.

I am working to tame mein innerer Schweinehund ("my inner pig-dog"): Self-loathing. This is my inner demon, and necessitates that I learn to nurture myself rather than punish myself for my mistakes. I am treating this as a road to recovery from my unhealthy self - physically and emotionally - and an opportunity to make over my life so that I can make consistently positive choices. Rather than beating myself up for past mistakes, instead I will exorcise (and exercise!) mein innerer Schweinehund. My mantra is: I am tougher than this, and I deserve to treat myself better. The one person who can best show me the love I deserve is ME.

I was anorexic for 12 years in my teens and early 20s, which never really ended - I just became a fat anorexic. Over the course of just a few years, I went from 92 pounds to 312 pounds due to a combination of medications, undiagnosed endocrine issues, a metabolism very finely tuned by years of starvation, and - of course - many, many mistakes on my part. I have struggled with my weight for almost a decade now, and I have had a lot of learning to do about my body and how to care for myself. I'm not there yet, but I have made significant strides toward being a healthier, fitter, wiser me. I now know that I must fight incredibly hard for every pound - but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to reclaim myself and my health.

I re-committed to myself and my health on May 14, 2012. As of that time, I weighed 312 pounds, which meant my weight had climbed back up to its highest ever. Never again! My goal weight is 130 lbs, give or take, because I do not know what my body should be like at a healthy weight. With ~182 pounds to lose, I have almost 60% of my starting weight to lose. That feels like a daunting challenge, but by approaching my loss one day, one pound at a time, I'm getting there, slowly but surely!

5% lost (296.4) - Met! 6/20/2012
10% lost (280.8) - Met! 11/18/2012
15% lost (265.2)
20% lost (249.6)
25% lost (234.0)
30% lost (218.4)
40% lost (187.2)
50% lost (156.0)
58.33% lost (130.0 - GOAL)

Member Since: 7/29/2010

Fitness Minutes: 15,870

My Goals:
To enjoy life to the fullest as a healthier, fitter, wiser me.

My Program:
* Striving for daily cardio and strength training 3-4x per week
* Experimenting with my diet to find what combination of food my metabolism responds to best!
* Working to change the dynamic with my husband: going from co-enablers to co-motivators

Personal Information:
As a biologist, I am approaching my weight loss from an objective, experimental point of view. Check out my other blog to read about my experiment in regaining health:

Other Information:
I love science & research, reading classic literature, photography, writing short stories and poems, hiking, gardening, and last, but not least, spending time with my husband and our two jack russells.

Read More About SHINING_ON - Profile Information moved here. (Updated August 26)

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    I may just have to be ok with falling short, but that just pushes me to do better next month! I'll do what I can to get there, but you're right - I don't want to hurt myself or over do it!

    Good luck with today! I've been close at the end of the month before... my trick was always to go to the gym, do strength training BEFORE cardio (because then I'm less tired and more likely to do it right), and then do 30-45 minutes of cardio. If I do a full body circuit on the machines, it takes me close to an hour!

    If I can't make it this month, I'll live vicariously through you! You CAN do it!
    1153 days ago
    Thank you for the positive feedback that you gave on my blog, it really does touch my heart and motivate me more. emoticon emoticon
    1158 days ago
    Thank you for being such a kind person and for your wonderful words which mean so much!
    1161 days ago
    Ha! I don't know if pig-dog starving is a good thing? :) Hope the chaos will die down a bit for you this weekend and that you are able to do something nice and relaxing for yourself. I will be thinking of you!
    1165 days ago
    Hey, the same thing happened to me , my biggest loser link is also not there. Any suggestions? Hope you have a wonderful day!
    1165 days ago
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