STARDUST2K4   45,462
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My fiance and I goofing off



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Don't EVER Let ANYONE Tell You Who You Can Be

I got to my highest weight of 330 pounds in 2008. This process has consisted of a lot of trial and error. My weight has been as low as 234 (20011, then again in 2013), and back up to 337 (fall 2014). I have struggled with my weight since I was about 14 years old. I have struggled with body issues since I was about 4. I remember being self conscious about the fact that my tummy went in and out when I took a breath. was worried about what people were going to think about my fat stomach when ...
I got to my highest weight of 330 pounds in 2008. This process has consisted of a lot of trial and error. My weight has been as low as 234 (20011, then again in 2013), and back up to 337 (fall 2014). I have struggled with my weight since I was about 14 years old. I have struggled with body issues since I was about 4. I remember being self conscious about the fact that my tummy went in and out when I took a breath. was worried about what people were going to think about my fat stomach when they saw it. In hindsight it's silly.

I remember feeling bigger than my peers when I was as young as 8 years old. To be honest, I'm not sure why I did. If anything, I was just taller, not fatter. The actual weight gain didn't begin until I was about 14 or so. I knew I was getting bigger. At the same time I felt it didn't matter. I had low self esteem and I figured that no one would like me more or less anyway, and I didn't want the extra attention. I just felt like I wasn't worth the time. I wanted to lose the weight 'some day', but I felt that I was still in the shadow of someone else. The negative self talk always took over.

As I grew older and gained weight, I was able to hide it with my height of 5'10". I also masked it with humor. I always make jokes-often self depreciating. I'm the 'funny quirky girl with an off beat sense of humor'.

I knew that being even over 200 pounds is unhealthy for my height. Still, I just ignored it because I tried to convince myself that I was just meant to be fat, and I didn't have the metabolism, willpower, or luck that my sister had.

One thing I've learned that this isn't about hating and bullying yourself until you are at a healthy weight. It's about loving yourself enough to even begin the process. It's about overcoming this self abuse and negative self talk. It's about feeling my feelings rather than eating them.

I have also learned that I cannot pause my fitness routine. The bad habits will return once you forget to keep them in check.
I have fallen many times. I know that this is not the last time I will get back up, dust myself off and look around to make sure no one saw it. I know that this will always be a challenge for me and I've accepted that.

Read More About STARDUST2K4 (Updated November 1)




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 Pounds lost: 7.0 
 
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Member Since: 1/27/2008

SparkPoints: 45,462

Fitness Minutes: 61,736

My Goals:
Weight loss related goals:

*To get get below 200 pounds by the end of 2015.

*tone up my arms!

*To maintain the weight loss for the rest of my life

Fitness goals:

*To try snowboaring (accomplished in 2012)

*To jog 10 miles non-stop (accomplished in 2013)

*learn how to rock climb

*Learn how to surf




My Program:

*Consistent exercise
*Count calories
*Try new things
*LIFT

Personal Information:
I grew up in Keizer Oregon. I graduated from McNary High School in 2004. I graduated from Chemeketa Community College in the fall of 2011. I graduated from Western Oregon University in 2014.

I currently work as a call center representative for a major cell phone carrier.

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Member Comments:
RASPBERRY56
9/7/2014 5:54:18 AM

Welcome back and best wishes!



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.DUSTY.
8/22/2014 10:08:41 AM

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Happy Birthday To You Ellie!

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NGCHILD
4/29/2014 8:42:51 AM

Hi and welcome back to Spark! Remember to drink your water!! Have fun!

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RASPBERRY56
4/29/2014 5:48:44 AM

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BJUMPINGFORJOY
4/28/2014 9:28:40 PM

Welcome back. Good attitude.



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