My husband and me on our honeymoon in Cancun, Mexico (January 2011). It was amazing!
Holding Colby, the oldest of our three kitties. He's my lovebug, and I adore him!
Hanging with my sweet husband in 2011. This man is my rock and I love him to pieces! :)
Iím completely fed up with myself. I have been a big girl my entire life, but never as big as Iíve become over the past year. I have always turned to food for comfort in times of sadness, anger, boredom, and stress; since the past year or so has brought such significant change to my life (as never before), itís no wonder to me that I have put on so many pounds.
My confession to you is this: I am starting today at 242 pounds and some change. I have no properly fitting clothes Ė no, not a single article Ė and I recently stuffed two garbage bags full of apparel for Goodwill. My stomach bulges out so far that I canít see my feet, and I am in constant pain every single day. Bad circulation runs in my family, and my legs have become repulsive proof of this; I have ever-growing spider veins, and I recently found my first varicose. When I stand or walk for even just a little while, my feet are always swollen from holding up my weight. My friend, I am in agony. Not just the physical pain of my obesity, but the look and the feel and the emotional suffering of it. Obesity itself runs in my family, too.
I am broken over what I have become. Yes, I want to LOOK better, but health is of the utmost importance. I know if I donít get my weight and health under control now, I may never find where I need to be. My number one dream, above all else, is to become a mother. Every doctor Iíve consulted, every book Iíve read, and every bit of research Iíve found tells me that my excess weight and poor health could render me incapable of conceiving children. Additionally, even if I AM able to conceive, my pregnancy and childbirth (assuming the baby makes it that far) could have complications. I already have polycystic ovarian syndrome, and thatís bad enough for planning a family; weight has a direct correlation to PCOS, though, and my doctors have told me that there is hope in alleviating the symptoms of PCOS if I commit to getting my body back to its healthiest. Sadly, though, I donít even know what my healthiest might look like. Iíve never really been in fantastic shape. My weight has always been a struggle.
There are so many things I want to do and see in life. I donít want to cheat myself out of them because Iím too lazy or broken. Let the journey begin, because I AM going to find my health, and I WILL learn what it feels like to be happy with myself!
- Lose weight
- Improve the symptoms of PCOS
- Regain my health
- Do small tasks without feeling winded
- Learn to enjoy working out
- Overcome depression
- Tone my muscles
- Feel better!
| current weight: 230.2