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Inspire YOURSELF

Sunday, October 12, 2014

I don't know where to start. I always read all these amazing inspirational blog entries and think to myself, "I wish that were me." Well, I have come to the point that I am inspiring myself. And that's not terrible. My husband went and got a weight loss surgery. He has lost a whopping 100lbs in four months! What!? And here I am, proud to have lost almost 40 lbs in 6 months. But you know, I worked super hard to get from 304 to 264! So yay me!

It's been a very difficult few years for us. I know that I eat for comfort. That was a huge lesson for me. I have the boys and I constantly want to offer them food. "You passed a test! Here's a cake!" "You didn't have a good day? Candy!" "You are the greatest son in the world? Chips for all!!" "Your new braces are hurting? Ice cream shake." See what I mean? My mom is the same way. She totally shows love through food. Which is ok sometimes, but you know what it gets in the end? Emotional eaters. My brother is an alcoholic, my sister a recovering drug addict, me? Food addict. Yes, my name is Jaci and I am slowly recovering from food addiction.

I am doing much better. Last night I binged but instead of beating myself up I moved on. I evaluated what happened (kids and hubby having fun while I'm at work. Again.) and decided to let it go. One slip is just that, one. I have lost a good amount of weight for the first time in years and I don't really want them back. That feeling I get when people notice seems shallow but to me it's a nice reward and motivation. I am beginning to care about me again.

I get to buy new scrubs in an almost "normal" size. I will be down more by my bday. I am setting and obtaining goals. Am I perfect in what I am doing? Hell no! However, I am working so hard. The husband is getting better at supporting me. You would think it would be no big deal, what with his weight loss but he loves to spoil me. And I LOVE CHOCOLATE! But now I tell him no very firmly and to buy me a book or something instead.

I can't honestly say I will be more active here. I work full time now and unfortunately just can't seem to find the time. I do hope to try though. I start school again in the spring and am looking forward to exercising my mind and body. If you read this I hope you are finding your path easy. Don't give up! You just can't do it in one day and that's the biggest lesson I have learned. It takes time and effort.


  


Got on the scale for the first time in months...

Sunday, December 29, 2013

How many times have you said to yourself, "This time will be different. I will be successful."? I can't even tell you how many times I have. When I had my son (9 years ago), when I was getting married (5 years ago), when my son started school and then the second one came along, when I was turning 30, then when I started nursing school, now, well, I'm not saying it. I just can't. I have been on a long SP break which I feel now was a mistake. Because I lost not weight, but motivation.

This is a pretty common thing at the the beginning of a fresh year, people wanting to change, to lose weight, to quit the unhealthy thing holding them back. I don't want to be lumped in with the unsuccessful resolution makers. I want to succeed so badly. I am sick and tired (literally) of being in pain, always pissed off, and never having any energy to do what I want to. I just was out of breath unloading the dishwasher! I used to run five miles everyday and eat healthy and drink only water. Where did I go?! How do I keep up this motivation? I can make a million excuses but the mirror doesn't lie.

So what do I do? I must carve out time for the gym and somehow budget in healthier alternatives. I have very little support. My husband is amazing but thinks there is nothing at all wrong with me. He knows I love chocolates and Starbucks and indulges that. How do I go from only eating sugary carbs to being a health monster? Grrr!

I wish I could slap myself and wake up for good. I hope and pray I can make healthier choices especially since I am a nurse and should set an example but I need help. Lots of it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATHYJO56 12/30/2013 12:55AM

    First, I want to welcome you back to Spark People. This is the place to come for motivation. I use to think I was alone and when I came here, I quickly learned that is ar from the case. You don't have to be a health monster, just remember to do all things in moderation and work in those freggies anyway that you can. I have lots of faith in you and either myself or others, are always here for you. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DS9KIE 12/29/2013 9:49PM

    first off your not alone..I had to chuckle at your dishwasher, cause I just had that feeling with the laundry (and the clean clothes are still sitting on top of the dryer unfolded)

Instead of looking at all the stuff you shouldn't eat, look at all the food you can eat like all the fruits and veggies in the produce and start off by eating fruits and veggies at each meal know matter what your eating.

so just come by my page when you need some support.

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LIVE_AMAZINGLY 12/29/2013 9:49PM

    I hear the discouragement and hopelessness in your post. I am feeling the same way. But, we just have to keep trying until we succeed. Cause the alternatives are very unpleasant. We plainly can't get up by beating ourselves down, so we have to get up the inspiration to succeed by building ourselves up. It is hard enough to get to a healthy weight; it is even harder if we are feeling bad about ourselves.
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DJBTOO 12/29/2013 8:16PM

    Aloha ~ a lot of us have started over and over and none of our past efforts are total failures - if we think about we are learning from all those times! We are learning what doesn't work if nothing else. Now it's time to shoot for what does work!

Small changes daily can do that. And you can still have chocolate (maybe not the kind you like - but dark-good-for-you chocolate! ha!). And as far as husbands go - if you have one that is supportive at all he'll support you in a healthy habit/way if he can be made aware.

Rely on your teams to support you and your spark friends - please feel free to add me as a friend and contact me anytime for an extra boost of support. I'm happy you joined the ETL team ... I hope we both have much success this year and all our other sparkpeople! ~dj

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CRYSALLIS1 12/29/2013 8:02PM

    All those times you tried and didn't get there were important too. They were practice to get it right. Believe in yourself. How did your boards go? Are you able to check that off your list? Does this give yiu a bit more time for your health goals?
Make small goals and small steps to get there. Your children are young. The time is now. You can do it. I bet they will enjoy the new food creations too. Fruit & veggie smooths. Humus & fresh veggies. Veggie pizza. Good for Mom. Good for kids. Dear hubby will come around too. Yes chocolate & Starbucks can be my Achilles too. Ask your husband to save his money for your new wardrobe. Come February 1 st you will be so proud of yourself that your still here & lost a few lbs. Hugs.

Comment edited on: 12/29/2013 8:04:12 PM

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So much pressure

Sunday, December 08, 2013

I need to vent. I am getting ready to take the Nursing Boards test this week and I am so overwhelmed. All I do is study and eat, eat and study. I am so scared of failing I just freak out on everyone constantly. I don't think of anything but the NCLEX and I have even started dreaming of it. I am trying to imagine passing but then I start to think I am jinxing myself. I passed my exit and got a predictor score of 98% on my ATI but that was months ago. What do I do? I feel like I can"t even tell people I'm testing b/c if I fail I will be humiliated. I don"t take time to take care of me right now b/c anything I do will be a distraction from this test. I am just terrified of letting my family down. I pray and pray and try to focus but the anxiety just attacks me. I need to relax but figure after I test I will do that. Either I will pass or fail and there isn't much I can do other than accept that but easier said than done. So, I will just keep venting until it's over.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRYSALLIS1 12/29/2013 7:47PM

    Did you get your results yet? I recall those feelings.

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MTNGRL 12/8/2013 7:37PM

    Even if you don't pass this time it will be a big help to when you take it again. I failed my credentialing test by two questions, studied really hard and passed the second time around. I think of the first time as just plain practice. Not sure about the test you are taking but mine had so many scenarios that I never came across and all the book reading didn't prepare me for it. I was disappointed but more determined than ever to get it right. And I did!
Fingers crossed that you do pass it this time.
Just take your time, read the questions completely and do the best you can.

Think positively and that will start you off in the right mindset!

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KITT52 12/8/2013 6:45PM

    sweetie if you fail, you will take it again...no one will think less of you, so stop doing this to yourself....remind your self that you are smart and you know your stuff.....think Positive....you know you are smart and you can ace the test.....

HUGS

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SLEEPERELLA 12/8/2013 5:03PM

    Ok take a deep cleansing breath. You can do this, I know I am a nurse and have been right where you are!! After the test you will just think for sure that you have failed it and you are going to have to take it again. Not to worry, everybody feels this way. Just keep taking those practice test on-line. You cannot learn all there is to know in nursing from a book. By taking the practice test you learn how to narrow it down to the best answer and weed out those distractors! Wishing you well,
Laura

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Wow has it been a while!!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

I feel like I have been gone from SP for a year or more. I log on but don't have time to do much more then track my weight on the droid app. I have been insanely busy. I started nursing school, my boys started their school year, and my hubby is still learning to live with one leg. We have been hectic in the last four months to say the least.

I love school and it is going well. I miss my family but I suppose that is a sacrifice I must make to provide for them. The best part is that I am not home enough to eat junk food anymore. I pack a really healthy lunch and snacks daily and drink tons of water. The weight started dropping more after I started paying attention. I feel better then I have in years!

I am glad to be back and will try to check in more. Happy Sunday!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAMER123 9/16/2012 11:24PM

    Great!! The nursing program does take a lot of time but I am sure you can do it. emoticon

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PINKNFITCARLA 9/16/2012 7:59PM

    That sounds great!

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 9/16/2012 6:43PM

    Glad you are doing so well on losing weight, and that you're feeling good! I miss seeing you around Sparks!
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MELLIE1030 9/16/2012 6:17PM

    Welcome back!

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USMAWIFE 9/16/2012 5:55PM

    emoticon

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My disco Kings and Queens

Monday, May 21, 2012

Robin Gibb passed yesterday. I love the Bee Gees, I work out to them, I smile when I hear their music, and I remember dancing to it with my mom. youtu.be/XBw25CrUS-o

Donna Summer had one of the greatest voices ever. She was the Queen of Disco. Also great to work out to. She passed last week. If you need some great get up and go music try this song youtu.be/7cPIT_T3mYU

I love music. No matter what is going on in my life it gets me through. Thank you Robin and Donna for making me smile.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MINDYJ1 5/24/2012 11:28AM

    I so agree! Especially the Bee Gees! I love the older Bee Gees music. To Love Somebody, How do you mend a broken heart and Nights on Broadway are a few of my favorites!

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MNABOY 5/21/2012 9:41PM

    Too many memories for them to be truly "gone".

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TINAJANE76 5/21/2012 5:22PM

    Definitely a sad week for disco emoticon

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GRANNYSUE9 5/21/2012 1:08PM

    My DH and I were just talking this morning about all the music makers that have passed recently. Very sad. They all had awesome music.

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 5/21/2012 11:29AM

    Rest in peace. I was a fan of the BeeGee's BIG TIME in the 70's, and I liked a lot of Donna Summer songs too.

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CEKNIGHT 5/21/2012 10:17AM

    RIP Donna and Robin.

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