Thursday, April 17, 2014
I constantly try to look for the positive in everything, as I know there are many people in this world who have life much worse than I do. I am just finding myself overwhelmed with the every day task of being an adult. It sucks, and I hate it.
My 35 year old cousin just had a bilateral mastectomy and will be going through chemo. THIRTY FIVE. (She is my cousin by marriage so we're not blood related but she's so YOUNG.) We are not even close, but I am not coping with it well.
My mom is not having a good time with work. She works about 90 hours a week on salary and she hates it. I hardly ever talk to her because she's so busy. She's coming to visit for my birthday but only for 3 days because of work, and HER mother is giving her crap for it because my birthday is the week after Mother's Day and she's not going to visit her.
My husband and I have been basically living paycheck to paycheck since we got married in 2008. We manage, and are slowly digging out of the hole from when we were both unemployed. We had a picnic this weekend that cost us $10 total and I spent $13 at the thrift store for new pants because most of mine are too big and I feel so incredibly guilty for spending that money on myself.
Work for me is not going well. We're pretty close to bankruptcy and the bossman is talking about letting people go. Some of these people should have been let go months ago, but he hates letting people go so badly he's put it off too long. People just aren't buying jewelry like they used to. I left work in tears yesterday, and had a sobbing fit with my husband last night. I can't seem to get my coworkers to understand they need to work harder. There are only 7 of us, and so many of them just don't get it. I want to punch them all in their faces and tell them to grow the eff up.
My husband hates his position at work, but after three years and what feels like hundreds of tries he has not found another job and they haven't promoted him at work. I honestly do not know what's going on there. Maybe he's a bad interview, many the company is a jerk (I'm leaning toward this), but no matter what he tries he can't get promoted, and at this company they get punished for applying for too many in-house positions. Ridiculous, right?
I am only 32, and I'm TERRIFIED I'm going to come to retirement age and have NOTHING to show for it. Some days I feel like the only thing I'm successful at is weight loss, and I'm so stressed that I haven't lost any weight in 2 months AGAIN, despite following the plan. I'm pretty sure my anxiety and stress is preventing me from losing.
I seriously feel like I'm on a hamster wheel here. Running and not getting anywhere. I feel like crying all the time. Every little thing sets me off. I've been sick to my stomach all week from stress. I'm pretty sure on Monday I almost had an actual panic attack. I cannot afford therapy, and since money is one of my major stressors, I don't think it will actually help.
I'm not finding joy in life right now. I'm just slogging through it.
A LOT of people my age are struggling. I know it's not just me. And really, I am appreciative of what I do have. I just want to be thrown a bone here. I want to live a few years without agonizing over whether or not I can spend $2 on a cup of coffee if I really want it.
I miss my dad something fierce. I feel like I don't have an older person I can really talk to who will make me feel better, most of them are even bigger worriers than I am.
I told my boss this morning that if he sees us going south fast that he needs to tell me ASAP so I can start looking for another job. He promised he would.
I just don't want to see this business fail. I would feel like it was in part my failure, even though I'm pretty sure the economy has more to do with it than I do.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
A menu blog!!!
Tonight: Baked Ziti w/ Meatballs and Tossed Salad
Monday: Ribeye, Baked Potatoes, Spinach Salad w/ Tangerines
Tuesday: Chicken Tacos, Veggie-Infused Black Beans, Rice
Weds: Pork Chops, Braised Fennel and White Beans, Crescent Rolls
Thursday: Keftedes (Greek Meatballs) in Pita w/ Tzatziki and Greek Salad
Friday: Teriyaki Chicken Thighs, Rice and Asian Veggie Medley
Sat: Fried Fish w/ 3-Bean Salad
Keftedes recipe here:
Tuesday, April 08, 2014
Pork. How I love thee, let me count the ways.
Many of you have probably never eaten fresh fennel. I hadn't until recently either, mostly because it's often described as having an anise-like licorice-y flavor, of which I am not a fan. I tried it in a beef stew once, and had a bit of trouble with the crockpot that day, and I don't think it came out all that well.
But the other day, my husband decided he wanted to make his version of his grandmother's fennel and bean soup. And my eyes... my eyes were OPENED.
Fennel (Foeniculum vulgare) is a plant species in the genus Foeniculum (treated as the sole species in the genus by most botanists). It is a member of the family Apiaceae (formerly the Umbelliferae). It is a hardy, perennial, umbelliferous herb, with yellow flowers and feathery leaves. It is indigenous to the shores of the Mediterranean but has become widely naturalized in many parts of the world, especially on dry soils near the sea-coast and on riverbanks.
It is a highly aromatic and flavorful herb with culinary and medicinal. Florence fennel or finocchio is a selection with a swollen, bulb-like stem base that is used as a vegetable.
Now honestly... fennel is good. I have often used fennel seeds in breads, pickles and the like. But fennel mixed with pork is MAGIC.
Think about it: do you like Italian sausage? Well guess what makes Italian sausage taste like that? FENNEL SEEDS!
Here is my hubby's recipe:
So give fennel a shot, both the seeds and the vegetable!
Friday, April 04, 2014
Ok, I'm supposed to get a visit from Aunt Flow starting this evening. My anxiety is *always* higher the few days before, and during ovulation is practically non-existent, so I *know* it's hormones, but why does ordering food at work give me such anxiety?
People ask me to take control of the situation, so when I do, and people aren't pleased with my decisions, I get serious anxiety, like it's my fault they didn't enjoy their food that much. (On top of this, the boss paid, so it was FREE FOOD.) WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!?
Thursday, April 03, 2014
2 years since becoming serious on Sparkpeople and I still love it here.
I've lost 84 lbs with SparkPeople and 106 total.
Get An Email Alert Each Time ADARKARA Posts