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My Beloved Is Back!

Thursday, August 21, 2014



Four cups in already!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FINCHFEEDER80 8/21/2014 10:08AM

    YAY!!!!!!!

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TERRIMMIX 8/21/2014 10:01AM

    Is that a Renaissance Faire cup I see?

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STEVENK87 8/21/2014 9:57AM

    emoticon

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Feeling the Music - Question for my Spark Friends!

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Hey guys!

I love music, and I am a HUGE lyrics person. I may not always know what the lyrics MEAN, but I love how some people can write imagery so intense you can *FEEL* it.

For example, my favorite line in any song of all time is from "Read My Mind" by The Killers"

"The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun"

Just. Love. It.

If I love a song, and I mean LOVE it, I will know all the words. Oftentimes I will come up with my own meanings and avoid looking up the "true" meanings.

Tonight I'm back in the 80s listening to some Duran Duran. My favorite Duran Duran song of ALL TIME is The Chauffeur. It's completely different from any other Duran Duran song I've ever heard, and I just love it. It's lyrics are... well... confusing! Here's the chorus:

"And the sun drips down bedding heavy behind
The front of your dress, all shadowy lined
And the droning engine throbs in time
With your beating heart"

Certainly puts me in a moment in time.

And then there's the chorus of "Cosmic Love" by Florence and the Machine:

"The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart"

Who hasn't felt that feeling at one point or another?

So tell me YOUR favorite song lyrics in the comments please!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FOR_THE_DUDES 8/21/2014 10:14AM

    A song that always, always gets me is Bright Eyes' First Day of My Life. It's such a beautiful song. I was listening to music in the hospital the day my first son was born and it came on. The song took on a completely different meaning to me. I know it's not actually about the birth of a child, but I always associate it with the day my first son was born, and how it seemed like the first day of my life also. If you don't know the song, you should definitely check it out. Here are the lyrics:

This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours was the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go

So I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever, I especially am slow
But I realized how I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

I remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
You felt as if you just woke up

And you said
"This is the first day of my life
Glad I didn't die before I met you
Now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy"

So if you want to be with me
With these things there's no telling
We'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides, maybe this time is different
I mean, I really think you like me

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FINCHFEEDER80 8/21/2014 9:30AM

    So much music to choose from.....

I love The Killers, too. One of my favorite songs of theirs is Dustland Fairytale. The first time I heard it, it just struck this huge chord with me. I'll repeat it a few times whenever it pops up.


Saw Cinderella in a party dress
But she was looking for a nightgown
I saw the devil wrapping up his hands
He's getting ready for the showdown

I saw the ending when they turned the page
I took my money and I ran away
Straight to the valley of the great divide

Butch Walker has a ton of great songs, too. "Take Tomorrow" was one of those songs that came out during a time in my life where it was like he wrote that song for me.

You just stare into space,
you found love but it got erased,
you're on the road with all the stoplights,
and you're too afraid to turn the wrong from right.
You ate your soul and it made ya fat,
starve yourself from everything else that makes you completely full.
So give me all your fear, throw it all away.
Think about the good things, no matter what they say.
We'll take tomorrow baby, yeah,
one day at a time.

I could do this all day. Thirty Seconds to Mars writes amazing to me songs. "Closer to the Edge" is a favorite of mine, and "King and Queens". I'll leave you with the song that got in into alternative rock: "Tonight, Tonight" by The Smashing Pumpkins. Who are still my hands down favorite band.

We'll crucify the insincere tonight
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight

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I_CAN_AMY 8/20/2014 11:48PM

    The Postal Service:

All of them :-)

One is a break up song and the first verse is so graphic and pathetic :-) It's just a great song! It's actually a duet between the couple and he starts off with this verse:

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

http://postalservice
music.net

That's the first that comes to mind :-)

Best,

Amy

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Deborah Sussman - 1931 -2014

Wednesday, August 20, 2014



en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deborah_Sussma
n


I only learned about my connection to famous LA graphic designer Deborah Sussman on Friday. It turns out her husband and business partner, Paul Prejza, is my great uncle on my mother's side.

Deborah was a pioneer in the field of environmental graphic design, and is perhaps most well known for her work on the architectural landscape of the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles, California, as shown here:



Another example of her work are these gift bags from the LA County Museum:



Deborah lost her long battle with cancer early this morning. I never got to meet her, and heck, I didn't even know she existed at ALL until Friday, despite her working with Charles and Ray Eames in the late 50s and early 60s. The Eameses were a pair of designers I studied in architecture school, even designing a personal project after one of their designs. It is obvious she was incredibly talented, and that she will be missed by the design community, as well as her family.

(Edited for a horrendously bad run-on sentence.)

  
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GRACEOMALLEY 8/20/2014 1:42PM

    RIP Deborah. Oh, to have worked with someone as creative as Charles or Ray Eames! (Love Eames chairs!) The world IS so much smaller than we think or know - isn't it. So sad you (and I) will never get the chance to sit and chat with her about her experiences and life.

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MINEA999 8/20/2014 12:32PM

    What an interesting family connection find you have!

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MELISSIMAUS 8/20/2014 12:20PM

    Wow, neat. I've never heard of her, but what a talent. Thank you for sharing this.

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First World Problems

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I am attempting to drink my standard 12-16 cups of "work water" out of this:



Because I took home my 32 oz cup to wash it and forgot to bring it back with me. *Facepalm*

I've got 6 down, 10 to go!

Also, here is hubby's new car!

  
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LADYFROMTHEWOOD 8/20/2014 7:52AM

    I guess you could think of it as getting in extra steps each time your cup needs a refill.

Pretty car. I hope to get a car soon too. I really want an old 70's station wagon I can put hippie bumper stickers on and throw a mattress in the back for camping.
emoticon ~ Teresa

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EVRLNGFOO 8/19/2014 5:19PM

    i hate when i forget my bottle! luckily we have bottled water here, but i hate using bottled water. i do refil the dang thing 7 times though so i feel a bit better about being wasteful. it's sucks trying to track that many cups of water. good luck!

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WIFE48 8/19/2014 1:58PM

    Nice car. Sorry you forgot your glass.

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TALULAX- 8/19/2014 1:35PM

    So essentially you are taking shots of water all day? emoticon I cannot even imagine how annoying that is! Love the new car! Congrats! The color is beautiful!

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FINCHFEEDER80 8/19/2014 1:35PM

    oooo...... shiny!

I left my big 32oz bottle at my friend's house the Friday before last. But I have a 24oz bottle I brought in till I get back over to her place to get my good bottle back. I do not envy your cup. Good luck- looks like a good way to get some steps in, though!

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ICEDEMETER 8/19/2014 1:19PM

    Great car! I'm more of jeeper, but have seen some great reviews on those. Hope you and the hubs have nothing but great times with it!

Serious boooo on the cup situation, though - those waxy cardboardy things just set my teeth on edge, so I'm majorly impressed that you are still getting through the water with that thing! There's a reason why my vehicle always has a stash of steel travel mugs...

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CATTUTT 8/19/2014 1:09PM

    Oh man, drinking your water out of that little cup must suck!

Love the new car!

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LIVEDAILY 8/19/2014 12:48PM

    emoticon
Get that water in!

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Love the new car, but then I'm a loyal Toyota owner. Started with a 1997 Rav4 - loved that one. Then went to a newer model. Still loved it, but not the car payment and gas mileage. I now have a 2012 Toyota Prius, and I doubt I'll ever go back to a regular car again. Yes, the hybrid is initially more expensive, but you recoup that within a year with the amount of money you save on gas. I fill up my tank maybe once every 3 weeks, and that's with driving every day.

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Brain Overload

Monday, August 18, 2014

If I had a word to describe my last few days, it would be pensive.

My mom called me on Friday afternoon with some interesting information. She was bored (we both do crazy things when we're bored) and she decided to google all of her family members (she must have been REALLY bored). When she googled me, she found my adoption.com profile saying I'm looking for my birth dad.

To be fair, I'm not ACTIVELY looking. I've made myself available in case HE wants to find ME.

Well, she decided to google HIM. She gave me his first name (Les) when I'd only previously known his last name. I could have asked anytime, I was just hesitant to drag up 33 year old emotions. She told me he's married and has a daughter. She told me where he lives, where he works, what he does. She has a phone number if I want it. I told her no.

See the thing is... I don't want to put myself into a situation where I can be disappointed. I want him to come to me. And if he never does, well, then that's how it's going to be. My adoptive dad was a wonderful man, and I loved him so much. I don't have daddy issues. I don't NEED a dad. I am, however, an intensely curious human being. I found his daughter on Facebook. I can't see much about her other than she is a PHD student (*feeling dumb*) and the few photos she does have up show we have the same coloring, but I wouldn't say we look alike feature wise. If the math works out, she's about 9 years younger than me.

Unfortunately though, googling my birth dad came up without photo evidence. I just want to see a recent photo! I've only even seen the photo of him when my mom was pregnant with me, and he isn't looking at the camera.

I don't want to make contact. Not because I'm not intensely curious, but because I don't think it's fair to just pop into somebody's life like that if you don't know if they're open to it. I don't know if he told his wife or his daughter about me. Maybe it's his little secret. I don't want to just jump in and say "HI I'M YOUR DAUGHTER" and throw a wrench in his life, ya know?

So I'm just going to make myself available on the internet, in my adoption.com profile.

The good news is my mom finally decided to tell me more about him. She said he was sweet, super likeable, everyone loved him, gentle, handsome. The only "negative" she could say was he wasn't very ambitious. I put negative in quotes because lack of ambition does not indicate laziness or anything like that. Hell, I'm not ambitious. Not at all. That doesn't mean I'm not a hard worker or not willing to work for what I have. Earning what I have gives me fulfillment. I WORKED for it. So I'm definitely not taking that as a negative. I said to her "Does that description sound like anyone you know?" and she said "You married your father!" LOL. It's so true, you could apply that description directly to my husband without changing a word.

It's really funny what you realize comes from genetics. They say men marry someone like their mother and women marry someone like their father, but I always assumed it was because you GREW UP LIKE THAT. But I've never met this man. And yet I married someone apparently JUST LIKE HIM!

So weird. (And... knowing my biological grandfather's personality of sweetness, gentleness and love, I can see how my mom fell for my birth dad.)

So you can see how it's been on my mind the last few days.

On a side note, we women always talk about hormones and what a pain in the ass they are (which if often true). But this week I've been experiencing the good side of female hormones: I have been feeling SERIOUSLY like a woman, if you catch my drift. (Ladies, you know what I'm talking about.) Thus the leg photo on my main page. I'm just *feelin' it* this week. I suppose if I just wait it out a week or two I'll be crabby again and cursing my second X chromosome.

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LIVEDAILY 8/18/2014 7:41PM

    I think you are doing what is best for you. I can understand how you don't want to "throw a wrench in the works" - that's very thoughtful of you. And you shouldn't "feel dumb" just because your step sister is a PhD candidate. Everyone has their own talents and gifts.

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CATTUTT 8/18/2014 6:01PM

    I think your approach with your birth father is just right. If he wants to find you, he will. I'm seeing my father for the first time in 10 years, and only the 2nd time in the last 18 years, this coming weekend and I"m feeling pretty weird about it.

Horray for feeling like a woman. Your legs look fab!

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ICEDEMETER 8/18/2014 4:19PM

    Hawt red corsets, and sexy gams on display - yup, you're definitely rockin' the whole "feel like a woman" thing!

The whole "contact a birth parent" thing has so many individual twists and turns, that I'm sure "pensive" is just the wee tiny tip of the iceberg. Kudos on handling it in the way that you know is best for *you*.

This may add to your "pensive" mood - but the situation of a good friend of mine might be something more to think about. He had the same approach as you with the idea of putting the opening out there, but letting his birth father make the first move. It was after many years that he finally heard from someone - not his father, but one of his half-brothers. It turned out that his father was a sweet, kind, and thoughtful man who didn't want to "intrude on his first son's life", or cause any kind of emotional issues with the adoptive father, or bring about any more pain than had already been caused... and so had never made contact. His other son (who had known about my friend all of his life, and knew how much his father wanted to know him) finally took matters in to his own hands and made contact. For them, it has turned out really well.

The point being - when you have a couple of people who are being so kind and thoughtful of each other, and don't want to intrude, it's entirely possible that both WANT to meet, but are both too nice to make the first move...

Strong thoughts...

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MISTY_MOUNTAINS 8/18/2014 3:54PM

    Very interesting. I also really respect the way you're approaching the whole matter... it shows how good a person you are, I think. For you to take a "stranger's" feelings into consideration is very kind of you.

The whole woman thing... I get those feelings, haha, but they're always too fleeting!!

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LADYFROMTHEWOOD 8/18/2014 12:13PM

    Wow, that was a lot to process, I'm sure.
Don't feel dumb though. I know a lot of PhD's that simply have it b/c that's what they fell into (that whole academia scene) yet aren't any smarter than your average Joe. Some, even less so. Or just added degrees b/c that's what everyone else wanted for them (pride) instead of standing up for what they wanted.
As the adult at the time, I can't help but wonder if guilt might keep him from contacting you. Maybe he is thinking the same thing. The whole "if she wants to find me" thing. I mean, after all, it seems he left plenty of information behind. If he wanted to NOT be found, would it be so easy?
Geez, I'm a sucker for happy endings so ignore my ramblings if they bring up ANY bad feelings. I just want you to continue to be happy with your life and your sexy legs.
Love to ya!
emoticon ~ Teresa

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JADED_CHICK19 8/18/2014 12:05PM

    You have a really good outlook on this birth father situation. My birth father gave up rights to me when I was 5 years old and even before then I barely remember him. He has tried to contact me in the past and so has his new wife (she invited me to the wedding.) It threw a wrench in my life each and every time because I was not and still am not open to knowing him or his story. I know I have half sisters/brothers but do not know names or ages or even gender just that they are out there. I think the fact that you think about him and his family like that is amazing and takes a lot of patience. It shows how genuinely caring you are. I'm sure whatever is meant to be will be. Good luck and keep being amazing!

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FINCHFEEDER80 8/18/2014 11:42AM

    I like your approach to your birth father. I've always wondered what adoptive parents felt when they find out their child is looking for their birth parents. I don't blame you for being curious, though. I would imagine that no matter how fulfilled you are with the parents you have, knowing there's someone out there must be an odd bit of knowledge to have about yourself.

I decided a couple of years ago, that I refused to be 30-something with daddy issues, so I apply your basic approach to my dad. If he wants to get together or whatever, I let him contact me, but I don't go out of my way to get with him. We usually just exchange a couple emails a week and if he's in town we'll get lunch. He's not a bad man, just not necessairly a great dad, plus he wasn't around much when we were growing up, so it's hard to have a meaningful relationship with someone who's not there. Which brings me the long way round to my husband is not much like my father! My dad is the quintessential business man/ man's man: outgoing, flirty with women, loves to tell stories, drinks more than I'm comfortable with, he fishes, boats, works whatever crowd he's in, etc. The hubs is a D&D nerd, quiet, could use a little more self-esteem, gentle, earnest, down to earth. Anyway, sorry to take over your comments section! We have apparently hit a topic that makes me chatty!

I'm glad you had some fun with your womanly feelings! I enjoyed seeing you revel in it. And you oughta show those gams off- you worked hard for them! I hope you have a good day today!

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