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Being Strong is Hard

Thursday, April 17, 2014

I constantly try to look for the positive in everything, as I know there are many people in this world who have life much worse than I do. I am just finding myself overwhelmed with the every day task of being an adult. It sucks, and I hate it.

My 35 year old cousin just had a bilateral mastectomy and will be going through chemo. THIRTY FIVE. (She is my cousin by marriage so we're not blood related but she's so YOUNG.) We are not even close, but I am not coping with it well.

My mom is not having a good time with work. She works about 90 hours a week on salary and she hates it. I hardly ever talk to her because she's so busy. She's coming to visit for my birthday but only for 3 days because of work, and HER mother is giving her crap for it because my birthday is the week after Mother's Day and she's not going to visit her.

My husband and I have been basically living paycheck to paycheck since we got married in 2008. We manage, and are slowly digging out of the hole from when we were both unemployed. We had a picnic this weekend that cost us $10 total and I spent $13 at the thrift store for new pants because most of mine are too big and I feel so incredibly guilty for spending that money on myself.

Work for me is not going well. We're pretty close to bankruptcy and the bossman is talking about letting people go. Some of these people should have been let go months ago, but he hates letting people go so badly he's put it off too long. People just aren't buying jewelry like they used to. I left work in tears yesterday, and had a sobbing fit with my husband last night. I can't seem to get my coworkers to understand they need to work harder. There are only 7 of us, and so many of them just don't get it. I want to punch them all in their faces and tell them to grow the eff up.

My husband hates his position at work, but after three years and what feels like hundreds of tries he has not found another job and they haven't promoted him at work. I honestly do not know what's going on there. Maybe he's a bad interview, many the company is a jerk (I'm leaning toward this), but no matter what he tries he can't get promoted, and at this company they get punished for applying for too many in-house positions. Ridiculous, right?

I am only 32, and I'm TERRIFIED I'm going to come to retirement age and have NOTHING to show for it. Some days I feel like the only thing I'm successful at is weight loss, and I'm so stressed that I haven't lost any weight in 2 months AGAIN, despite following the plan. I'm pretty sure my anxiety and stress is preventing me from losing.

I seriously feel like I'm on a hamster wheel here. Running and not getting anywhere. I feel like crying all the time. Every little thing sets me off. I've been sick to my stomach all week from stress. I'm pretty sure on Monday I almost had an actual panic attack. I cannot afford therapy, and since money is one of my major stressors, I don't think it will actually help.

I'm not finding joy in life right now. I'm just slogging through it.

A LOT of people my age are struggling. I know it's not just me. And really, I am appreciative of what I do have. I just want to be thrown a bone here. I want to live a few years without agonizing over whether or not I can spend $2 on a cup of coffee if I really want it.

I miss my dad something fierce. I feel like I don't have an older person I can really talk to who will make me feel better, most of them are even bigger worriers than I am.

I told my boss this morning that if he sees us going south fast that he needs to tell me ASAP so I can start looking for another job. He promised he would.

I just don't want to see this business fail. I would feel like it was in part my failure, even though I'm pretty sure the economy has more to do with it than I do.

I'm just...

...tired.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 4/19/2014 1:50AM

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WEBEZE 4/18/2014 2:05AM

    Wow, that would stress any one out. I lost my best friend from breast cancer when she was only 44. I miss her all the time. Job stress is everywhere. I hope you find something that pays well and that you like if your current position goes belly up. I to work with slackers who just don't get it. Right now I am looking to improve my position or find a different one in the same company. I am getting to the point in my life that I really don't want to start over, but I might have to just so I can be happy. My hubby and I struggled with debt when we were younger and worked really hard to pay it off. It may not seem like it, but it will get better. Since you already know what is stressing you out I don't think paying a counselor would help. Your spark friends are here for you and we are free.
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LIVEDAILY 4/17/2014 10:50PM

    A little worry can be a good thing. it keeps us "sharp" and "on our toes". BUT, there is no sense in worrying about things that are beyond our control. Pick a worry. Can you do something, anything about it? Something concrete and tangible. Additional worrying does not count! Attack it. Make a plan for dealing with it. Put the plan into action. Much like our weight loss plans. We had to plan meals, plan fitness, make a strategy and stick with it. You can tackle anything in this manner. You looking for a new job. Start with a list of your skills and qualifications. Get your resume together and update it if necessary. Line up references. Start buying the Sunday papers and scouring the want ads. Join Linked In and see what they have. Put together a cover letter and start sending them out. Consider expanding your search into a different geographical area. PA and VA are close by, as is MD and DE. You can do this.

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STEPH-KNEE 4/17/2014 8:33PM

    I am about to read your comments, and I am betting there is a lot of good, kind words and advice. I am not so good with the advice on this one, I felt overwhelmed just reading it and got that anxiety feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am just so sorry for all you are dealing with... even if others "have it worse", that is still a lot for you to be dealing with and worrying about. I just wanted to send hugs your way, and I'm sorry I don't have any wise words for you. emoticon emoticon

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GRACEOMALLEY 4/17/2014 4:18PM

    Like so many others, I understand your frustrations. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make things more acceptable and more reasonable, but I can't. do that.

As much as I know you won't like the idea, I have to suggest you start putting feelers out for a new job now. I believe it is true that it is easier to get a new job when you already have a job than when you are unemployed. I understand that you fel some loyalty to your current employer, but you've already said there is no potential to move and now they're warning you it may be over soon. You really need to protect yourself, my friend. You need to get out there and network.

Things are so different now from when I was in my early 30s and job hunting - using ads in the newspaper because there was NO INTERNET! I've been at my current job for 15 years and got here by coming in as a temp through an agency specializing in placing parlegals. You might consider trying for part-time accounting work (if I recall correctly, that's what you do) through some temp agency. They do all the checking out of the potential employers, so it is way better than the hope-and-a-prayer-this is a real business stuff on Craigs List and such. Are there trade shows or conferences you could attend to network? Maybe a FaceBook group? LinkedIn?

I can't promise it will get vastly better, but it can get better and you and your hubby being pro-active won't hurt. Also - don't be afraid to venture a little outside your comfort zone. Talk to people and get yourselves out there as much as you can. If you need to vent, we are here and we support you.
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TALULAX- 4/17/2014 1:59PM

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I absolutely get where you are coming from as I am in a huge pickle myself that I am trying to get out of. Dealing with stress and anxiety is very hard and doing it alone...well, I have done it completely alone my whole life. All the steps and leaps I have done to become "normal" is because I worked at it with no professional help- so it can be done! Just try not to take on everyone else's problems. I know it's hard!

Take care of you, focus on your goals, and remember to breathe!

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NIKKICOLE83 4/17/2014 1:38PM

    I feel for you. My husband is in the exact same position as yours. He has been there nearly four years, they treat him like crap, and he makes no money there. While it is a RELIABLE job, it does not fit our family's needs. Perhaps he should apply for something completely different with a new company. As for you, perhaps getting a part-time job with flexible hours and little to no responsibility will help. Find a place that you would actually like. SInce you love to cook so much, I think getting a job at a place like Whole Foods would be perfect for you. It doesn't have to be longterm but it will definitely help.

I am sorry about your cousin. You have every right to feel sad about it.

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KENSHO 4/17/2014 1:01PM

    I can relate to so much of this post. I felt the exact same way at your age. Speaking from experience I will offer you this advice....if it wont matter a year from now don't let it consume you today. OF course you need to be smart about money....but a year from now will the 10 dollars you spent on a picnic or the 13 you spent on pants matter? Will you even remember the money...or just a happy memory of a picnic with your husband.

I think you sound incredibly responsible and you should take major pride in that. Just allow a smidge of guilt free spending. Try with all your might to live in the moment. Just soak it all up. Crying is healing too! Let it out. There has to be some release for the physical part of carrying around stress. You need to get it out.

I also completely understand missing your Dad. My Dad had this way of helping me see through the crap and worry. He helped me figure things out without doing them for me. He had an extremely calming effect on me. I miss him terribly. He passed away 10 years ago when I was just about your age.

I hope my post does not come across pushy or like I am making less of your stress than it is. I just want you to know, from someone that has lived through a similar time that it will get better....not perfect.....but better. HUGS!

Comment edited on: 4/17/2014 1:02:45 PM

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MELISSIMAUS 4/17/2014 12:51PM

    Oh, honey, I'm sorry that you're struggling under the weight of so much stress. That's too much! Take it from someone who knows.

I'm not good at meditating, so what I'm trying to do is take ten minutes (or more) every day to put on my music, do something physical, and shut my brain off. Right now, it's the best strategy I have. Saying out loud and/or writing the stuff that's good in your life is also helpful. Your triumph over weight loss is HUGE. Don't let it go. You're strong and fierce. Don't take your stress out on your body. Use health as your touchstone and weapon against that stress. (Also speaking from experience, here. You at 32 sound like me at 35.)

I also agree with BRAINBENTT—planning for the future doesn't cost money, and it can actually help with stress.

Sending good wishes and emoticon your way.

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MISSB8604 4/17/2014 12:19PM

    You are not alone in your struggles, your SparkFriends are here. You're taking on too much and you need to ease up on yourself. One thing at a time, one day at a time. Try taking a walk on your break if you can, I find it really helps me when I do it. Also, try journaling your feelings no matter how ridiculous they may seem (this has been a lifesaver).

You can do this.

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GSEATON 4/17/2014 11:52AM

    Honey, I just love your blog and I LOVE you too! YOU are my inspiration for losing this weight off of my fat ass each and every day cuz you were my first sparkie friend! Don't be hard on yourself, love yourself and take care of YOU. One day at a time and don't stress the small stuff and as they say, most stuff IS the small stuff. You and your hubby are alive, not sick, blah, blah, blah, but really, it's true! Hugs! Hang on! I can be your pseudo mama if ya need one. I'm old enough for sure, lol.

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ICEDEMETER 4/17/2014 11:29AM

    Wouldn't it be nice to be 3 again? When the biggest "stress" is that Mom wants you to have a nap and you're not done playing yet? Yeah - I go there in my head sometimes...

It does suck to be strong - but honestly, you don't have to be the "strong one" *all* of the time... You are allowed to take some breaks for *you* to cry, and sob, and laugh, and whatever - and let someone else take over running the world for a few hours. Tell your hubby that you are taking the weekend "off" from everything, and that he's in charge for a couple of days (of course - that goes both ways, and you get to return the favour some other time).

The picnic and the new pants were *necessities* - not luxuries. Even on an extremely tight budget you should always put aside a few dollars every week for *necessities* (like picnics, and an ice-cream in the park, and a candle-lit crab dinner at home just because crab was on sale). These are the little things that can save your sanity, and are definitely not frivolous.

Retirement is a loooong way off, so try to concentrate on the here and now, with some planning for the next few years only. Just to feel like you have some control of the work situation, make a point of taking an hour each week to apply for some other jobs - choosing ones that make you feel excited and challenged. Even if you never get called for an interview, the fact of actively *doing* something might help with your mood.

This weekend, take some time to curl up with a cup of tea and think about all of the wonderful things that you HAVE accomplished. Think about the success of your marriage, of how you've worked through a pile of debt, of how you've built a great relationship with your boss, of how you've lost a pile of weight and gotten healthier... and how you're strong enough to recognize when you need a break, and then *take* one!

Your Mom and your Grandmother are *not* your responsibility, so listen when they choose to vent, but don't try to take on their burdens. They're big kids - they can deal with their lives themselves.

I hear ya about missing your Dad (I miss mine, too) --- there's something special about that relationship that nothing else can fill. I have conversations in my head with my Dad, and can "hear" his voice and know what his advice would be...

You *will* get through this - and come out to happier, easier days. Have faith in yourself - in your strong moments and your not-so-strong ones - and be proud of who you are.

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UNSWEETMAMA 4/17/2014 11:10AM

    The money thing kicks my butt on a regular basis. I hope you get some relief.

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FINCHFEEDER80 4/17/2014 11:08AM

    emoticon Oh my gosh, I understand and feel SO much of this. I'm 33, so we're close in age too. This whole adult ride is not as advertised. We should get a refund! I don't have any sage advice, but I wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone. emoticon

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BRAINBENTT 4/17/2014 10:42AM

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Worry about the things you can control and get a long term plan to make those better.

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LOSE4LIFE47 4/17/2014 10:33AM

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Haven't Done This In A While!

Sunday, April 13, 2014

A menu blog!!!

Tonight: Baked Ziti w/ Meatballs and Tossed Salad

Monday: Ribeye, Baked Potatoes, Spinach Salad w/ Tangerines

Tuesday: Chicken Tacos, Veggie-Infused Black Beans, Rice

Weds: Pork Chops, Braised Fennel and White Beans, Crescent Rolls

Thursday: Keftedes (Greek Meatballs) in Pita w/ Tzatziki and Greek Salad

Friday: Teriyaki Chicken Thighs, Rice and Asian Veggie Medley

Sat: Fried Fish w/ 3-Bean Salad

Yum!

EDIT:
Keftedes recipe here:
recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detai
l.asp?recipe=2349514

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLUMBOY 4/17/2014 6:51AM

    great planning! it makes life so much simpler when you do it!
I thought of you at the cooking class--know how much you like that peanut sauce!

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SIMONEKP 4/16/2014 2:32PM

    I'm coming over on Saturday!

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THE_SHAKESHAFT 4/14/2014 2:57PM

    Oh my that's making me hungry!!

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ECCOVISION1 4/13/2014 10:01PM

  Looks delicious!

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FINCHFEEDER80 4/13/2014 8:13PM

    YUM!

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BOPPY_ 4/13/2014 7:15PM

    Recipe for "Keftedes (Greek Meatballs) in Pita w/ Tzatziki and Greek Salad "?

Lee emoticon

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NEELIXNKES 4/13/2014 5:18PM

    Sounds like a great menu. I may have to steal the greek meatball meal at some point :)


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LIVEDAILY 4/13/2014 3:47PM

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Everything sounds SO good!!

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RUNMOREMILE 4/13/2014 3:21PM

  Sounds tasty!

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WAY2GOCAT 4/13/2014 2:07PM

    emoticon menu!

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JAMBABY0 4/13/2014 1:45PM

    Ok, whens dinner I will be there

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Spice Up Your Weight Loss #5 - The Wonders of Fennel

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Pork. How I love thee, let me count the ways.

Many of you have probably never eaten fresh fennel. I hadn't until recently either, mostly because it's often described as having an anise-like licorice-y flavor, of which I am not a fan. I tried it in a beef stew once, and had a bit of trouble with the crockpot that day, and I don't think it came out all that well.

But the other day, my husband decided he wanted to make his version of his grandmother's fennel and bean soup. And my eyes... my eyes were OPENED.



From Wikipedia:
Fennel (Foeniculum vulgare) is a plant species in the genus Foeniculum (treated as the sole species in the genus by most botanists). It is a member of the family Apiaceae (formerly the Umbelliferae). It is a hardy, perennial, umbelliferous herb, with yellow flowers and feathery leaves. It is indigenous to the shores of the Mediterranean but has become widely naturalized in many parts of the world, especially on dry soils near the sea-coast and on riverbanks.
It is a highly aromatic and flavorful herb with culinary and medicinal. Florence fennel or finocchio is a selection with a swollen, bulb-like stem base that is used as a vegetable.

Now honestly... fennel is good. I have often used fennel seeds in breads, pickles and the like. But fennel mixed with pork is MAGIC.

Think about it: do you like Italian sausage? Well guess what makes Italian sausage taste like that? FENNEL SEEDS!

Here is my hubby's recipe:

recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detai
l.asp?recipe=2713400


So give fennel a shot, both the seeds and the vegetable!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLUMBOY 4/10/2014 4:57PM

    oh fennel is THE. BEST. here is an easy way to use it:
buy butter or boston lettuce--no other kind
get an orange and a fennel bulb
clean the lettuce and throw it in a bowl. dress lightly with olive oil, salt and pepper. clean and chop the fennel--save the stems and leaves if you grill--throw them on the fire. put the fennel in with the lettuce, toss a little more and spread it out on a platter.
cut the rind off the orange and slice into sections. arrange on top the lettuce. lightly dress with a little more olive oil salt and pepper.
top with kalamata olives.
gorgeous. EVER so yummy. take it to a carry in and everyone will think you are a genius.

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SIMONEKP 4/10/2014 1:54PM

    I love fennel and I love pork, how have I not put these two together before is mind boggling

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POMATOJUICE 4/10/2014 10:42AM

    My family has a lot of german roots, so when I think fennel, I think BRATWURST!! And some kinds of sauerkraut can also have fennel!

I keep seeing fennel salad recipes online, but I can't get the fresh bulbs around here. I'm also not a fan of that licorice taste, so I've been a little wary about trying it, but I think if I had access to the bulbs, I'd buy one and give it a shot! My grocery store doesn't carry them, though, and it's not something I've ever seen at the farmer's market T..T

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THE_SHAKESHAFT 4/9/2014 3:58AM

    Love fennel. LOOOOOVE it!! :D

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IN_TUNE 4/8/2014 9:34PM

    It's worth checking out.

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LIVEDAILY 4/8/2014 5:49PM

    I've had thinly sliced raw fennel in salads and also roasted fennel along with other roasted veggies. Both ways is delicious!

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ICEDEMETER 4/8/2014 5:38PM

    Ummmm - this looks good!

I use fennel seed all the time - with pork, beef, or chicken, and it's part of all of the stir-fry sauces that I make. I still haven't tried it fresh, but will definitely be on the lookout for it now!

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KENSHO 4/8/2014 5:10PM

    ok....if you say so I will give it a try. emoticon

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FOR_THE_DUDES 4/8/2014 4:36PM

    Not crazy about fennel in its natural state, but pickled I love it.

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FINCHFEEDER80 4/8/2014 4:24PM

    So going to have to try that! Thanks for the enlightenment! And happy eating!

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Question About Anxiety

Friday, April 04, 2014

Ok, I'm supposed to get a visit from Aunt Flow starting this evening. My anxiety is *always* higher the few days before, and during ovulation is practically non-existent, so I *know* it's hormones, but why does ordering food at work give me such anxiety?

People ask me to take control of the situation, so when I do, and people aren't pleased with my decisions, I get serious anxiety, like it's my fault they didn't enjoy their food that much. (On top of this, the boss paid, so it was FREE FOOD.) WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVEDAILY 4/4/2014 9:58PM

    Easy answer: it isn't your problem, it's theirs. I agree with what another poster said. If ordering out is a regular "thing", then select 5 places, choose the top 3 and rotate them. If each person is ordering their own food, how in the world could it possibly be your"fault" if something isn't good? Duh! Relax....go soak in the tub....have a glass of wine.....blow something up in one of your games!!

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RUNMOREMILE 4/4/2014 6:39PM

  I agree that you won't please everyone and it would be a good idea to check on any special diets, allergies/restrictions. But, those that have issues or who are incredibly picky should be used to bringing with them what they need.

It is a difficult situation and the best thing is to come up with a plan, get the bosses approval, let people know what the deal is, and implement the plan. They always have the option of bringing something themselves. As far as the anxiety...people want to do a good job and make people happy (like u) and when others are overly critical it is hurtful, unkind, and uncalled for -- life is way too short. When you add to that hormones (I know this doesn't apply to everyone), someone just telling you to take care of it and not providing any more direction (or support in your decision making?), and possibly being tired (this is a big one for me -- and you didn't say you were tired, but I'm just throwing it in) it could increase anxiety. Be kind to yourself, put your feet up, and be reassured that no one probably went hungry. :)

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KENSHO 4/4/2014 2:50PM

    It's one of those situation where you are not going to please everyone, no matter how hard you try...those situation stink. See I have a big mouth and if people were complaining I would ask them if they would like to take over the ordering?
Hugs!!

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ICEDEMETER 4/4/2014 1:35PM

    It's one of those situations where you just *know* that you're setting yourself up for judgment - and that there are going to be people unhappy no matter what you do. It's a whole lot harder to dismiss that when the hormones are driving the anxiety level.

If this is going to be something frequent for you, then you might want to try what I did when that was a regular part of my job: I chose 5 different possible suppliers and then sent a questionnaire to everyone asking them to rank the 5 in order of their preference, and also asking for allergy information, food restrictions, or dietary preference (vegan, vegetarian, low carb, etc). I advised them that in future we would only be ordering from the top 3 chosen, and that they would be used in rotation so that they wouldn't be getting the same thing every time.

The top 3 ended up being:

- a caterer that supplied 2 different soups (one vegan and one cream), mixed greens and salad fixings (a do-it-yourself salad bar), and a selection of breads, crackers, cheeses, sliced meats, and sliced veggies for do-it-yourself sandwiches (they also included a separately packaged selection of gluten-free, since we had a couple of folks with that issue)

- a local Vietnamese restaurant that supplied 4 different pho (one vegan, and the rest with meats), along with noodles, bean sprouts, and greens to add to them, and some spring rolls and salad rolls

- a local pizza joint that allowed us to put in all individual orders for pizzas, pastas, or salads (all of my folks had to give me their orders 2 days in advance for this one - no order in to me meant no food)

I decided that "desserts" weren't required, but included a fruit tray from each supplier.

It was a bit of a pain to get the info together at the beginning, but it sure made life a lot easier afterwards. It also minimized the complaining, since everyone knew in advance which supplier was going to be used (well - they did if they were paying attention to the rotation!) and could choose to bring their own in if they weren't happy with what was coming.

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HOPEFULHIPPO 4/4/2014 1:15PM

    it doesn't sound like your problem. sounds like theirs :o)

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FINCHFEEDER80 4/4/2014 1:08PM

    That's a big part of why I hate heading up anything. Or at least with certain groups of people who are known to be complainers. I was a team lead for a little while, and there were people in my team that were never happy regardless of what you did. It really takes the fun out of trying to plan anything.

I'm sorry you have that kind of drama over something as simple as a free lunch. I don't know that's there's anything you can do short of trying to ignore the negative nancys.
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GSEATON 4/4/2014 12:57PM

    Hey, they asked YOU to take control and you did. It's their problem if they wanna bitch about their own food choices, right? Next time, opt out from choosing the restaurant and give someone else a turn, right? You got this!

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UNSWEETMAMA 4/4/2014 12:57PM

    First, I can relate completely. Second, I have absolutely no advice for you.
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TEENY_BIKINI 4/4/2014 12:49PM

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DUDE - It's my Sparkversary!

Thursday, April 03, 2014

2 years since becoming serious on Sparkpeople and I still love it here. emoticon

I've lost 84 lbs with SparkPeople and 106 total.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 4/4/2014 12:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOLATURTLE 4/4/2014 9:36AM

    HAPPY!

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STEPH-KNEE 4/4/2014 1:33AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RUNMOREMILE 4/3/2014 10:41PM

  Fantastic! Making it the two years is certainly a milestone to be proud of :)

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LIVEDAILY 4/3/2014 10:10PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DUMBBELLE84 4/3/2014 8:47PM

    Because you're AWESOME! Way to go!

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ORCHIDLADY56 4/3/2014 8:41PM

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MADMANSMAMA87 4/3/2014 7:49PM

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KENSHO 4/3/2014 5:44PM

    AWESOME!!! Happy Anniversary!!

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LULUBELLE65 4/3/2014 2:37PM

    Dude.
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ADVENTURESEEKER 4/3/2014 2:32PM

    Way to go!!

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GSEATON 4/3/2014 1:37PM

    DUDE! You rock.

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SUE5007 4/3/2014 12:47PM

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LPRUNWALK 4/3/2014 11:54AM

    An amazing transformation. More power to you, and happy anniversary! emoticon


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FOR_THE_DUDES 4/3/2014 11:52AM

    Your weight loss is an inspiration and your blogs add a lot to my enjoyment of the site. Thanks for being here!

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POMATOJUICE 4/3/2014 11:48AM

    Whooohooo! You are awesome! Congrats!

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GRACEOMALLEY 4/3/2014 11:44AM

    I'm definitely not a Dude - but Happy Sparkversary and congratulations on your past and continued success!
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_MOBII_ 4/3/2014 11:41AM

    Happy Sparkversary!

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MUDGE4 4/3/2014 11:40AM

    Fabulous! So good to hear! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ECCOVISION1 4/3/2014 11:40AM

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UNSWEETMAMA 4/3/2014 11:33AM

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FINCHFEEDER80 4/3/2014 11:09AM

    emoticon Happy anniversary!

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ICEDEMETER 4/3/2014 11:08AM

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Kudos for all that you've accomplished - and thanks for sharing your journey!

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VERSESTHATHURT 4/3/2014 11:01AM

    Happy Sparkversary!

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PEZMOM1 4/3/2014 10:52AM

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