Wednesday, November 13, 2013
the spark coach lesson for the day has me imagining that i am dropping off my old larger clothes to a drop off spot. quite frankly, i am having trouble letting go of the bag - all the what ifs of the world are pounding at my brain....what if i need these clothes again, what if no one really cares that i have lost all this weight, what if no one even notices that i have lost all this weight and the biggest one - what if i can't maintain my new weight? what if i stop being diligent and start sliding again...
i hear the roar of super spark guy in my ear "then all you have to do is call spark busters".
i want to believe him and all my spark friends, but it is a very, very scary thought. this is a big, big change in my life. i am afraid.
in actual fact, i am still on my journey to even throwing out the first set of one size too big clothing, and the thought scares me. i am so afraid of failing and then not being able to get back on that wagon. i know that i have made some good friends here, and i know that they will rally around me...but what if i disappoint them????
ahh...small one. remember that i am here, and i am woman - here me roar. you can do anything - for you too are woman. fight back, don't let the demons of the past try to jump on your back. swim harder, run faster, bike longer...and eat well, treat yourself to enough sleep, enjoy your friends and family, laugh a lot...and LIVE. Live now, in the present, not in the dark past, or the foggy future...breathe, and live now.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
first i fell off the wagon, and now i am trying to get back on the wagon, but it seems to be headed uphill at the present moment. i am letting every little 'thing' along the way turn into a lie i tell myself for 'allowing' myself to 'eat better' and 'nourish my body' etc., etc., etc.,
yup, i am being hard on myself, but i am not being honest with myself right now about what i am eating and why i am eating so....
i guise it under 'i need more nutrition while i am healing' - heck - i've healed already...my incision is looking awesome
'i need extra protein because i am weight training more now' - heck, what a great way to see the pounds drop off versus pile on!
'i am just too tired to fix proper food' - but you have extra time to drive out of your way to get fast food when there is good food at home???? duh...that is a no-brainer
'i don't have enough money this month to eat properly' - and I can afford to eat poorly???
'i want to use up the nutritional shakes' - then do girl!
see...everywhere i turn there is an answer for everything...
now just to take those juicy lemons and make them into lemonade, and stop with the yo-yo.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
I went back to work - and fell off the spark wagon...it's hurts really, if anyone has ever done such a thing. I was scared to come back...sorry that I have disappointed people, afraid to face myself. I know that falling off the wagon hasn't hurt anyone else but me.
My knee is doing great - finally...it has been a long journey through physio and i have been getting back to my exercise, but not as fervently as I had previously, nor have I been as conscientious in my healthy eating.
I am excusing myself...otherwise known as making up excuses...none of which hold a lot of water when one sits back and plays the devil's advocate. I know that i am resigned to having OA and the troubles it causes, but it doesn't help to sit on the sidelines and watch it take your life away. I have always been a fighter, and while some of the fight has definitely gone out of me, I still, in my stubborn Scottish warrior way need to keep plodding on ahead.
I need to watch Mel Gibson in his movie that depicted the war between clans. I need to change up with stinkin' thinkin' and get myself back on the track of being healthy by making healthy rewarding choices for myself not self defeating ones. I need to be my own best keeper.
The fight has begun - I will NOT let OA rule me. I will NOT let depression and job stress win. I WILL MAKE HEALTHY AND WISE CHOICES - CUZ I ROCK!
Who will join me in the battle of healthiness and happiness?
Friday, March 08, 2013
SUCCESS - the Canadian oxford dictionary defines it as:
1) the accomplishment of an aim
2) the attainment of wealth, fame or position
3) a thing or person that turns out well
I believe I measure success not as much as the accomplishments or attainments in my life, but in the final outcome. While accomplishing that weight loss of 2lbs, or the loss of 2 inches on your waistline; and the attainment of Spark friends cheering you on every day in your journey - the joy and self satisfaction one gets from attaining and accomplishing these goals is the real success and outcome.
If you stop to think about why you cheer on a Spark friend - do you do it because they were able to reach that goal? or because you are truly happy for their achievement? and if you are truly happy for their achievement, doesn't that happiness just spread and flow out all over them, and whoever is in the path of that happiness. It is contagious.
Success is not always measured by numbers but sometimes in the smiles we see on our loved ones faces, and the smiles we see on our own; the joy and satisfaction we feel.
Happiness is dependent on our circumstances, but real joy comes from deep within ourselves and is always there, no matter what the circumstances.
Live joyfully and successfully.
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