Sunday, December 22, 2013
So I am thinking healthy and strong. I have spent some time on interest to see what healthy strong bodies look like and am using them in my daily journaling to keep my minds eye on the prize. Healthy, strong me.
I have learned over the past couple of days that being obsessed about being obsessed with food has not been helpful for me. It is better for me to keep my eyes on the road ahead. I thought about how I used to run and too often it was with my eyes down looking at each step I took. My times were bad and I had more trouble breathing. On the days that I trusted my legs and feet to do their jobs I made better mileage and didn't have so much trouble breathing. I think there is an analogy here....I need to look up and enjoy the life around me.
I am just so glad that it is never too late.
I am glad that I have my spark friends to cheer me on.
(and help pick me up when I trip and fall)
Thursday, December 19, 2013
wow,,,how amazing is that? I came to my page and looked at my blog and the very same challenge came up this morning - imagining that I am throwing away my clothes that are too big. I have a whole different visual about it this morning. it is easy to toss those clothes aside and get on with my life. I see myself walking away with a spring in my step on a warm sunny day, happy and content in my life.
it is also a big scary because I am, once again working on my food addictions. I struggled with them about a year ago and am back - working on my recovery. but this time, I am good with it. I know how I got where I got and I know that I did make big strides last time and I am committed to being well. Dr. Pedro Lazaro and Debbie Danowski have come alongside this time with their book "Why Can't I Stop Eating?". it is a well written, caring book about how to gently take a look at your food addictions and how you can help haul yourself out of the hole.
it continues to be difficult to admit that I am a food addict, but by being honest with myself I will reach my goals here on Spark and I will be well.
I suppose my "I can't believe it" title is about being amazed that I am back here working on my addictions and also that I have grown because I see this challenge differently than I did even a month ago. I am dealing with the fears in my life and winning.
Spark on people! IT works.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
the spark coach lesson for the day has me imagining that i am dropping off my old larger clothes to a drop off spot. quite frankly, i am having trouble letting go of the bag - all the what ifs of the world are pounding at my brain....what if i need these clothes again, what if no one really cares that i have lost all this weight, what if no one even notices that i have lost all this weight and the biggest one - what if i can't maintain my new weight? what if i stop being diligent and start sliding again...
i hear the roar of super spark guy in my ear "then all you have to do is call spark busters".
i want to believe him and all my spark friends, but it is a very, very scary thought. this is a big, big change in my life. i am afraid.
in actual fact, i am still on my journey to even throwing out the first set of one size too big clothing, and the thought scares me. i am so afraid of failing and then not being able to get back on that wagon. i know that i have made some good friends here, and i know that they will rally around me...but what if i disappoint them????
ahh...small one. remember that i am here, and i am woman - here me roar. you can do anything - for you too are woman. fight back, don't let the demons of the past try to jump on your back. swim harder, run faster, bike longer...and eat well, treat yourself to enough sleep, enjoy your friends and family, laugh a lot...and LIVE. Live now, in the present, not in the dark past, or the foggy future...breathe, and live now.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
first i fell off the wagon, and now i am trying to get back on the wagon, but it seems to be headed uphill at the present moment. i am letting every little 'thing' along the way turn into a lie i tell myself for 'allowing' myself to 'eat better' and 'nourish my body' etc., etc., etc.,
yup, i am being hard on myself, but i am not being honest with myself right now about what i am eating and why i am eating so....
i guise it under 'i need more nutrition while i am healing' - heck - i've healed already...my incision is looking awesome
'i need extra protein because i am weight training more now' - heck, what a great way to see the pounds drop off versus pile on!
'i am just too tired to fix proper food' - but you have extra time to drive out of your way to get fast food when there is good food at home???? duh...that is a no-brainer
'i don't have enough money this month to eat properly' - and I can afford to eat poorly???
'i want to use up the nutritional shakes' - then do girl!
see...everywhere i turn there is an answer for everything...
now just to take those juicy lemons and make them into lemonade, and stop with the yo-yo.
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