Wednesday, January 15, 2014
It's been a while since I wrote a blog...almost a year in fact...
I have struggled so much with my weight over the last couple of years. I went from about 145 lbs up to 200 lbs. I'm back down in the 190's but so upset since I was so happy when I was in the 140s. I need to tighten my belt, for lack of better words, and get back to watching my diet and really and truly get back to counting calories since I know that works for me.
What really is heart breaking for me is going up in size in clothing. I went from wearing a size 8 to a 14, now back down to 12. I hate buying new clothes when I ones I love just sitting in my closet now being worn.
The good thing this all is that I truly never gave up working out. I might have not been doing it at the intensity that I was in the past but that has change about 5 months ago. Five months ago I found CrossFit and fell in love. I have found through this program that it is very humbling and empowering. I have done more things that I have never thought I could do.
Right now I'm having to find the balance between what I doing in CrossFit and what I'm eating since its more weight lifting than cardio, in my opinion. So starting this past week I have added a little bit more cardio in the mornings to help supplement my workouts.
Like I said I'm back in a size 12 even though I have only lost between 5-10 lbs over the last 5 months...so I've lost inches and put on muscle. I really need to get back into the Bod Pod and I think that will give me a better idea of where my body is changing instead of looking at the scale alone because we all know a pound of fat weighs the same as a pound of muscle, muscle just takes up less space. I really need to get away from the scale and not putting so much emphasis on what I weigh and more what I look like and what I can do in the gym.
So here are my goals for 2014:
Drop 2-3 clothing sizes
Master Double Unders
Master Box Jumps
Up the weight on: Deadlift; Front,Back, & Overhead Squats, Power/Squat Cleans, Power/Squat Snatches, Push Press, Push/Split Jerk
Cut 2 or more minutes off my mile average
Update Photo of ME!
Monday, April 22, 2013
I feel like I'm just floating through life and not really living it. Every day it's the same thing, get the kids up and out the door for school, have lunch with the hubby, kids and hubby come home from school/work, have dinner, hit the gym (most days)....rinse and repeat. I don't have anything that I'm excited about anymore. I used to be excited about going to the gym since I knew that I would be seeing the results in my body but for the last six months I have been losing and gaining the same 6-7 lbs over and over. Though I'm not giving up...I will get back to where I was a year and half ago.
I need to find the happiness I had a year or so ago. Not that I don't have happy times, but on a regular basis I can't say that. Here's to looking more into myself and get past this floating feeling of life.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Funny how the past molds you into the person you are today...
So last night at dinner my son brought up fighting at school and during the conversation my husband asked me if I ever got into a fight at school, to which I told him yes; that when I was in middle school school some guy hit me and knocked me into a pole. Some how this led me to say that I end up having guys hitting me, which turned into a conversation of the person I was involved with before my husband and how he had so much control over me.
This guy was on constantly asking me where I was going, who I was going with, who I talking to; and at one point put his hands on me to the point of choking me out and pulling a gun on me and holding to me at gun point. Because of this guy I have major control issues, to the point where it has caused major problems in my marriage. I still have, not necessarily flashbacks, but when I hear certain songs or even catch a glimpse at someone I'm brought back to that time in my life. What I think threw me for a loop is that my husband asked me if I ever wanted to see this guy again. Why in the world would I ever want to see him, other to go up to him and tell him that my life is 100 times better now. Though I don't think I ever will do that, in fact if I ever do see him I would probably turn and go the other way. Though thankfully I don't think that I will ever see him again since I no longer live in my home town.
My point is that what happens to us in our past, wither we were the ones who cause it or it happened to us, molds us into the people we are today. And I whole heartily believe that I am who I am because of my past. I'm better with my control issues since I have gotten into therapy. And out of all that I keep a tight control on I've never did on my eating...it's the one place that has been completely out of control. Maybe I need to let go of control in some areas and focus it on my eating.
Sorry if this is a bunch of rambling, but its just the thoughts that have been running through my head over the last day....
Now I'm off to the gym....Later Dayz!!
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