Monday, July 01, 2013
Well, we're one minute into the day. I'm officially kicking off my 6 month weight-loss adventure.
Yesterday yielded no shortage of painful motivation as I walked into Applebee's with my best friend only to be blindsided by coming face to face with a guy that I was humiliatingly rejected by late last year with his arm around a girl who is apparently attractive enough to have made him forget that he's 'in no place for any kind of commitment'.
I wished that I'd been seated facing her so I could have painstakingly studied her every feature, trying to find each and every way I could compare myself to her and come up lacking.
In retrospect I consider it a small kindness we were seated slightly beyond them with my back facing their table. I don't think I'd have had the self-control not to do exactly that, and my doleful staring probably would have become obvious and uncomfortable for everyone.
At any rate, this isn't about her, or him. This is about me. I'm giving up my secreted away little obsession with finding a new love interest until I've followed through on the commitment I made to myself so long ago. If I'd done it already I wouldn't have to have walked by him knowing that I was just as big if not even slightly bigger than I was the last time I'd seen him. I could have confidently strolled by 50 lbs lighter with my head held high and just the tiniest hint of a smirk. If I'd just done it. No more false promises and wasted time.