Saturday, October 12, 2013
If you look VERY closely you will see me high up in the trees. I am at Club Getaway, in Kent, CT. This is an adventure camp for kids and adults- it is awesome. I was there with my 7th grade class (90 of them!) and ready to take on all the activities availed to us! I was ready, I am about 40 pounds lighter and not feeling as self conscious as I have about my body and its abilities as I have in the past 20 years.
It took about fifteen 12 years olds to get me up- I am the highest the pulley will take you. They are strong and I am lighter- so it all worked! Once you get to the height you want, you pull the lever that keeps you carabeened to the pulley rope and release yourself. And then you literally SWING through the trees. It was amazing, fun and cathartic for me!! The kids thought it was a hoot and were nothing but encouraging and supportive. They have NO idea what that meant for me, that they could get me up there and that I would let them without fear of what difficulties my body would or would not allow them to do. Needless to say, I would have NEVER done this 40 pounds ago, I would have been on the sidelines! The confidence they provided me with- priceless. And they will never know- what an impact this made for me and my outlook of my journey. This was a great moment, a great day!
As the title of my blog reports... I have finally made it into the 100s. I am hoping by Oct 21st (my three month follow up from surgery) that I will solidly be in the 100s. I am 199.8 now and NOT looking back! I wanted to be in the 100s by this follow up appointment- I hope to lose a bit more to secure the possibility. I am hopeful!
In about 5-7 more pounds (depends on the day) I will be at my half way point. I have decided to lose 90 pounds. 147 seems like a good number to me! I didn't really know what I wanted until recently. It becomes clearer as time goes on. So soon I will be blogging about being halfway there, and it will be a good day!
Life is Good!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
For those of you fortunate to never had to diet for long periods of time or numerous amounts of times an NSV stands for Non-Scale Victory. For us chronic dieters, lifestyle changers NSVs keep our sanity! The scale, while revered, can be a cruel way to measure victories for many of us. The scale is just plain wrong when measuring a person's weight loss/life style change efforts, except when it is right! So NSVs are the victories that will ground you and remind you each day that you spend working on bettering yourself is a good day!
SO I am going to list off some of my NSVs, I do this for you and I do this for me:
Being able to wrap by hand using middle finger and thumb around my wrist- and my fingers touch. Well it has been a LONG time for that! And my pointer finger to thumb wrap is getting close!!
Being able to put on my wedge sandals and buckling them with out holding my breathe and hurting my abs and without leaning in funny contortions on my bed to get the job done. I just slide my feet in and bend down and buckle and sweep back up feeling great!
Taking clothes out of the attic that got stored because they are too tight and unwearable- attempting to wear them only to find out two hours in your day that you can not wear them again-- because they are TOO BIG!
Having very little to wear in your closet because every thing is too big!!
Wearing your school spirit t-shirt from last year -- and it hangs to your knees because your belly has shrunk.... and to find you fit in one that is two sizes smaller!
Measuring your arms, chest, waist, hips, thighs and calves... and learning you have LOST 12.5 inches... who cares if the scale is not moving-- the measuring tape is moving! AND no one has time to measure every day, all these body parts with a tape so you only do it once a month-- way less of a head game comes from this then the daily scale test!
OH-- this is a HUGE one... trying on calf high leather boots-- AND THE ZIPPER ZIPS UP THE ENTIRE CALF... like I could BUY them (but I didn't, I was just checking to see if I could do this at Kohl's the other day). IT HAS BEEN YEARS SINCE I COULD DO THIS!
Realizing that soon- sometime soon- YOU HAVE TO BUY NEW BRAS! My bras look ridiculous... like all bunching up under my shirts and soon it will just be unacceptable and unhidable. As much as I HATE buying bras (becauuse the cost so friggin much), I know I am going to have to soon. This brings me to the fact that my breasts NO LONGER bulge over- looking ridiculous and uncomfortable.
Being able to walk up my mountain-- and it doesn't terrify me or leave me dreading as I walk down, knowing I have to walk back up. I actually "take it on" and can walk up without stopping once!
Having NO leather coats to wear--- because they are all too huge! Thinking next year I can go leather coat shopping- that is exciting!
Actually-- having NO coats to wear at all... I have nothing that fits!
Going out in public with no make up on... and getting compliments- I am truly considering no more make up! People telling me my face looks so great-- and I am NOT wearing any make up- is so weird and wonderful!
OH-- this is a good one... a couple months before my surgery I bought several pairs of underwear-- got home and realized I bought sizes too small for me--I never ever took them back because I just didn't.... AND NOW BEING ABLE TO WEAR THEM! Be rid of all bigger girl panties!!! This is very awesome- cause I thought I just wasted all that money-- NOPE!
Playing golf and YOU KNOW your swing is better- and YOU KNOW it is the 30 less and 12.5 less of you.
Going to the hairdresser and having people tell you you look great- BEFORE YOUR HAIR CUT! Asking to hug you to tell you that they are proud and finding out they are following your posts/blogs! That was just awesome!
SO MANY NSVs!!!! I think everyone that is working hard at becoming healthier needs to stay away from scale (if that becomes your tool of torture) and needs to make a list of NSVs, once a month like they measure their body parts-- it is very cathartic and eye opening and way less of a head game! AND SHARE- share your successes with others!
Saturday, September 14, 2013
So my last couple of blogs have been about frustration- to the "I think I might have regrets" level. And today I am hear to say that I am working (and succeeding) at coming to peace with the fact that I am a very slow loser- even with WLS. I am realizing that I have the rest of my life to lose the weight, there is no race, no specific occasion or deadline for this weight to come off-- it is just what I am currently working on at this time in my life. My mother (a WLS patient down 100 pounds and maintaining) keeps telling me to put no stock in the success of this decision until I hit my one year mark. She assures me that come July 16, 2014 I will be satisfied and happy with my body and my decision. She even tells me that I am probably the only person that is losing this slow BUT that I will serve as a role model to others that may follow and learn they are slow losers too. She always feels there is a bigger reason for why things happen. Apparently it has been decided by the weight loss gods that I will struggle so I can help others. And actually this does make sense to me.... why not? So I am afflicted so I can be helpful and if that is the reason than I will embrace the honor.
So I will work very hard on taking my trickling weight loss in stride and remember this is my life time journey- so if it takes its time so be it.
Some bizarre things have happened to my body and I do look forward to my next set of measurements (Sept 16)-- while the scale isn't really budging my clothes are definitely starting to swim on me. I have gone from a 2XL in t-shirts to an XL and some of my pants that I couldn't fit into pre surgery (sitting in my attic taunting me for 2 years) are starting to get loose. So I do know something is occurring.
And again, I swear my golf swing has improved- and it just feels easier now that I am down almost 30 pounds and several inches. My body change has affected my swing, and POSITIVELY-- and those that play with me, I am sure are like, "thank goodness!"
I am going up and down the stairs at my school with SO much more ease-- no embarrassing huffing and puffing (last year was a nightmare!). I walked some hills recently with a friend and I could talk AND walk... that is new for me.
So, for now I have put my big girl panties on (well, this may be TMI but I have gone down two sizes in big girl panty sizes) and I am forging ahead with positive thoughts and actions.
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
I haven't blogged regularly because I have no idea what the hell is going on! And I have been unable to reach my dietician, but I will keep trying.
It is like my nightmare is coming true- and I know this is irrational but what else am I to think?
So what is going on?? Since I weighed in last 8/27, eight days ago- I have gained 3.8 pounds- who the hell eats 2 oz of food per meal, counts calories (under 1000), drinks a lot of fluids and GAINS weight. ME! It is a nightmare! Ahhhhhh!!!
Since my dietician is not getting back to me, I am left to do some research on my own and here is what I am finding. It is possible that I am not eating enough. I have consulted with other post op patients and it could be that I am not eating enough food and putting my body into starvation mode- so my body is freaking out and storing fat. That does make sense, so I have been trying to eat more-- and it just leaves me feeling ill and at times I have tossed my cookies because it is just too much. I just can't seem to get into a rhythm of this new life style. But I will.
I also am struggling with the fluid intake. I can't drink for 30 minutes after I eat, and I can't drink when I eat-- so for 3-4 hours out of my day I can not sip. This makes it all difficult BUT I have to do better at this. I have to get in all 64 oz. I thought it would be easier by now, but it is not. I will keep at it!
I don't want to be negative with all my blogs... so I have been holding off hoping for a drop. But it isn't happening. The weight is just not coming off, and the recent gain (and maintain) is just so discouragingly UNREAL.
I will not say I regret having the surgery because it is too early to make such a judgement and I am not going to give up only 7 weeks into this. I am going to just keep at it- I have to! I hope to get in touch with the dietician soon, my group meeting is in a couple of week so I will get help then.
Every day I will try my best to do all the right things. I have decided to go back to the shakes and to stick with what I know works and not introduce anything new until I lose again. I am committed to drink MORE fluids and keep up with the walking. I have decided to BELIEVE that the scale WILL MOVE in the right direction soon!
Thursday, August 22, 2013
I am mid week blogging to tell you about the horror moment I created for myself!
I am a smart woman, a master's degree and another 30 credits.. people come to me for help and listen to what I say-- I am smart. But then, I am not.
I was a complete BONEHEAD yesterday- complete stupidity came out of an overwhelming desire to be "normal" Even when I know my old normal created a morbidly obese body, a potential health disaster.
When the bariatric specialists tell you to try ONE new thing a day as you enter the regular bariatric diet HEED THIS SUGGESTION! I am not sure what happened with my wits yesterday!
SO I was so excited that I made myself and egg and toast for my first "real breakfast" yesterday (my first day on bariatric regular diet). Did I read my notes from dietitian?? NO. The notes say scrambled egg- I made fried, and whole wheat toast and I had pumpernickel (all I had in house). As I am eating this- making sure I chew the hell out of it, I start to feel that feeling of UGH that one gets when the new stomach feels like enough is enough. I got in half a piece of a half a piece of toast and the yolk part of my egg. And for two hours I felt icky but then I felt better. In the mean time I read my menu and saw that I should have prepared my egg differently and thought maybe the pumpernickel bread was too dense a bread to start.
THEN... I was taking my son out for back to school shopping-- we do it every year and it always includes a lunch out. So I thought I would also eat out on this FIRST day of bariatric regular diet. HA HA HA...
But my next faux pas happened before lunch. My son wanted to hit Dunkin Donuts on the way to where we were going (an hour from my home). What did I do?? I think "OH, I will get myself an ice tea....." So I order it, and don't even pay attention to the DD worker asking me if I wanted sugar and lemon-- nor do I notice that I say, "yes." Now I know as a sleeve gastrectomy patient I can have sugar-- but have you seen the scoops of sugar DD puts in -- it is shovels full!!! Anyway I should have used a little sugar substitute but that is SO out of my habit-- I never used sustitute in the past and I have to change that. Anyway I also accept the straw that comes with the beverage (I do miss a straw!). SO I sip away about 2 oz of this and immediately feel the UGH.. so I stop and write this off as more money wasted- analyze what I did and all the wrongs about it. By the time my son and I get to the shops he likes to go to I feel better-- again-- my 2nd reprieve of the day. You'd think I would pay attention and stop my silliness but nooo.....
We have a wonderful time together- moments to cherish because at 17 I know I won't have too many more of these times with my son. It is 1pm now and I suggest we go get some lunch (we topped out the budget and were done with shopping). We pick Panera Bread (and there are good choices there, I just wasn't making good decisions yesterday). I think I am doing so great- I order the shrimp salad roll with Greek salad on the side and an apple. I think I will take the salad and left over shrimp home to my husband, discard the roll and give my son the apple. A good plan, I am thinking. So I eat only 2 oz of the Shrimp (a new food for my new tummy). I do feel UGH, AGAIN.... but it does pass. But I am not feeling super- I am mildly uncomfortable but keep it to myself.
SO about halfway home I have to make an emergency pull over-- jump out of the car and start vomiting... I vomited ALL the way home once I pulled it together from the first pull over. THANK GOD, my son can drive because he had to take over the wheel so I could take care of my business in the passenger's side. Poor kid... nothing like being with your mother while she repeatedly vomits. Not only was I tossing my cookies BUT I felt like I was having a heart attack -- my chest hurt incredibly- like I wanted it to burst to get relief. It was all horrible gas. It was painful and the whole experience was so damn scary.
By about 8pm that evening I felt OK. I ended up napping for 2-3 hours after we got home, as I was completely spent and exhausted. I spent the evening reflecting all my errors and how my body was trying to tell me enough was enough but I didn't want to listen. I will not make this mistake again- I can't even tell you enough how scary and awful it is.... so if you are looking into the surgery, or getting closer to your 6 week mark please listen to what your doctors/dietitians say!!!
I am so happy to have today to start over- I woke up feeling fine and had a shake for breakfast even though I want to be done with shakes (I hate milk! And just plan sick of protein shakes). I have a new respect for the protein shake!! My ONE new item today will be whole wheat crackers (I will have them with my 2oz of tuna that I know I can digest). I am proceeding with great caution today!
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